5 Tips on Dating a Guy Who’s Waiting Till Marriage (If You’re Not)October 13th, 2013 by Kelsey
Backstory: I am not waiting till marriage, but many years ago, I dated a guy who was waiting till marriage. We dated for 2 years. Here are a few things I learned from that experience…
1. Waiting made our relationship more fulfilling
Our relationship lasted longer and was in many ways more fulfilling than it would have been if we hadn’t waited. Limiting our physical relationship forced us to develop a stronger foundation. We got to know each other better, and didn’t hang the worth of the relationship on the physical side so much.
Another nice feature of abstaining is that we seemed to have a lot less issues with jealousy or insecurity hovering over our relationship than other couples who were “active”. I think working really hard to develop a solid foundation builds trust and is so important before taking a relationship to a sexual level.
It takes a very long time to get to know a person intimately and if you rush the physical intimacy you allow hormones to take the wheel of your relationship and, often, miss vital cues about a person you are still getting to know. When the “love” or “lust” drug wears off, you’ll look at the person soberly for the first time and you may not like what you see.
2. It was nice not being objectified for a change.
Women are treated as sex objects so often. So many guys think about sex first, and everything else last. In my relationship with the my waiter ex-boyfriend, everything else came first; the physical side was secondary. He respected me enough to want to wait.
3. The physical side, though limited, was actually pretty satisfying.
Excluding sex from the bedroom made us more inventive. It was a fun challenge we took together. Limiting our activities forced us to be more focused and giving; it wasn’t as selfish, quick, and cursory as full-on sex can be sometimes.
4. I didn’t have to worry about STDs and pregnancy
I had a terrible reaction to birth control recently, and I’ve heard so many horror stories about women catching STDs from infidelity or just plain old promiscuous behavior. Its amazing how many of these “common” anxieties can be relieved when you make the decision to not even entertain the risk. With my waiter ex-boyfriend, I never had to worry about any of that at all.
5. Waiting bothered me much less than he thought it did
I think my ex boyfriend worried that waiting frustrated me. Really, the waiting aspect of our relationship was kind of pleasant, and I was happy to wait with him. If it wasn’t for other factors that caused the relationship to end, I would have kept waiting with him all the way until marriage.
A final note to all the guys who are waiting…
If you’re a guy who’s waiting, and you’re dating a girl who’s not otherwise waiting till marriage, stop worrying that waiting is bothering her. If she entered into a relationship with you knowing that you’re waiting, then she’s alright with that part. Instead, worry about other sources of conflict besides waiting — because those are usually the things that will kill the relationship, not the waiting. For example, I broke up with my ex because he was a workaholic and took the relationship for granted, not because he was waiting till marriage to have sex.
So if you’re waiting, stop making a big thing out of it! Trust your girlfriend (or boyfriend) to be OK with it in her own way, and enjoy the rest of your relationship.