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5 Tips on Dating a Guy Who’s Waiting Till Marriage (If You’re Not)

October 13th, 2013 by

Picture of Kelsey Hamilton, the author of this article.

Backstory: I am not waiting till marriage, but many years ago, I dated a guy who was waiting till marriage. We dated for 2 years. Here are a few things I learned from that experience…

1. Waiting made our relationship more fulfilling

Our relationship lasted longer and was in many ways more fulfilling than it would have been if we hadn’t waited. Limiting our physical relationship forced us to develop a stronger foundation. We got to know each other better, and didn’t hang the worth of the relationship on the physical side so much.

Another nice feature of abstaining is that we seemed to have a lot less issues with jealousy or insecurity hovering over our relationship than other couples who were “active”. I think working really hard to develop a solid foundation builds trust and is so important before taking a relationship to a sexual level.

It takes a very long time to get to know a person intimately and if you rush the physical intimacy you allow hormones to take the wheel of your relationship and, often, miss vital cues about a person you are still getting to know. When the “love” or “lust” drug wears off, you’ll look at the person soberly for the first time and you may not like what you see.

2. It was nice not being objectified for a change.

Women are treated as sex objects so often. So many guys think about sex first, and everything else last. In my relationship with the my waiter ex-boyfriend, everything else came first; the physical side was secondary. He respected me enough to want to wait.

3. The physical side, though limited, was actually pretty satisfying.

Excluding sex from the bedroom made us more inventive. It was a fun challenge we took together. Limiting our activities forced us to be more focused and giving; it wasn’t as selfish, quick, and cursory as full-on sex can be sometimes.

4. I didn’t have to worry about STDs and pregnancy

I had a terrible reaction to birth control recently, and I’ve heard so many horror stories about women catching STDs from infidelity or just plain old promiscuous behavior. Its amazing how many of these “common” anxieties can be relieved when you make the decision to not even entertain the risk. With my waiter ex-boyfriend, I never had to worry about any of that at all.

5. Waiting bothered me much less than he thought it did

I think my ex boyfriend worried that waiting frustrated me. Really, the waiting aspect of our relationship was kind of pleasant, and I was happy to wait with him. If it wasn’t for other factors that caused the relationship to end, I would have kept waiting with him all the way until marriage.

A final note to all the guys who are waiting…

If you’re a guy who’s waiting, and you’re dating a girl who’s not otherwise waiting till marriage, stop worrying that waiting is bothering her. If she entered into a relationship with you knowing that you’re waiting, then she’s alright with that part. Instead, worry about other sources of conflict besides waiting — because those are usually the things that will kill the relationship, not the waiting. For example, I broke up with my ex because he was a workaholic and took the relationship for granted, not because he was waiting till marriage to have sex.

So if you’re waiting, stop making a big thing out of it! Trust your girlfriend (or boyfriend) to be OK with it in her own way, and enjoy the rest of your relationship.

23 Responses to “5 Tips on Dating a Guy Who’s Waiting Till Marriage (If You’re Not)”

  1. markb4 says:

    Great article, Kelsey Hamilton! That’s actually quite reassuring to know!

  2. ian says:

    extremely well written and a very assuring point of view. having been the waiter boyfriend in your scenario i have to say – everything you wrote was what i experienced all those years ago… and never ONCE did my GF/wife ever make me feel anything but positive about her commitment to waiting with me. it really did – in the end – make us focus on being a couple and really getting that right… instead of us focusing on simply being lovers. :-)

  3. Karthik says:

    Great Article.

  4. Lord Voldemort says:

    Awesome. There are girls who wouldn’t mind it.

    Thank you, you honorable Muggle.

  5. RookiePilot says:

    Good read there

    Lots of good points, some I agreed with, others not so much!

  6. Anonymous says:

    But you can get STD’s without penetrative sex…

  7. Anonymous says:

    I’m just afraid that if I wait, what guarantee do I have that I will find a soul mate that is waiting as well. And what if she lies about being a virgin?

  8. tg says:

    She could be abstinent. Had sex before marriage before they got saved but now waiting.

  9. Anonymous says:

    I am a teenage girl waiting until marrige. I hope and pray that I find a guy who is waiting too. So if you are a guy waiting for marrige, please keep going. There are a lot of girls that want a guy like you! PLEASE KEEP WAITING!!! I love all of you.

  10. Anonymous says:

    OMG !!! Articles like this one, just show how hypocrite our society had become .. why i think so? Is simple !!, The waiter is just a beta who always put girls in a pedestal for no reason, because anyway the beatiful and magical relationship “without sex” end it up right , and after that i am sure the girl who wrote the article jump into some other relationships with an alpha guy and obviously they have plenty of sex to catch up the two year without it , and the beta waiter is traying the fantasy relationship without sex with some other girl .. Who are we trying to lie to ? . Those relationships with no sex don’t work. Sex is good is beautiful , sex is the foundation of life , the foundation of humanity .. Come on people !!!

  11. Non-anon says:

    To the one who comment above me, i must say that you’re a sad, pathetic excuse for a human. If you think that you want a relationship with sex, then that’s your choise. But to discourage others who wait is a very no-no to me. Relationship based on two PEOPLE, not two GENITALIAS. You said that those relationship with no sex don’t work? Ha, my friend just had a sex with his gf three weeks ago (first time on his part), aaand just yesterday they broke up because she cheated.

    Ps: your last sentence is creepy you know, are you a sex maniac?

  12. Anonymous says:

    You say i am creepy ?

    so that make you creepy too, or you maybe are alien and didnt born because of sexxxxxxxxxxxxxx. So stupid

  13. Anonymous says:

    guys we finally have a entity who didnt born because of sex OMG

  14. AThousandYears says:

    Anonymous, it’s statements like yours that ruin the relationships of those of us who are waiting? I had my first serious relationship at 24. This girl I dated and loved. She had a past sleeping around with other men. She always said she could wait and that everyone would wait if they could. She had her habits and always got a little more physical, but I always stopped it. It was challenging, especially being a guy. But I always believed in God, and in true love. I read this article while we were dating. I felt assured.

    Then one day an agnostic man had a conversation with me. My old high-school buddy’s dad was an extreme agnostic and he felt that men only date women for sex. He kept telling me that I needed to try it for once, and if I didn’t have sex with my girlfriend she would get bored of me. My girlfriend was so happy when I came back to see her after our two weeks apart. She said “she thought it was a miracle that a guy came into her life for the first time without the physical pressures”. We were happy. I was the happiest I’d ever been in along time. But his statement got in my head and so I started to feel insecure about it. We didn’t have sex, but I stepped up the physical side, and well, things changed. She got frustrated that I even did that, and said sex was now that was on my mind. She said she felt like she was being judged. And it was true, I figured, because of her past, she would want it. My insecurities eventually took over, and she broke up with me. It’s my fault, and I regret being so weak.

    Anonymous. You and my high school buddy’s Dad. Statements like that. It just makes me sad and heartbroken. I hope she doesn’t lose hope finding a good man or herself. I pray she finds God, because he would never fail her. But for a moment in time, I felt like I was somebody’s hero, and I failed her.

  15. Tina says:

    I’m dating this guy right now for 4 months and he wants to wait. We are both 27. I have had sex with one guy before, and before that, I told myself I would wait for marriage but went weak at the age of 23. Sometimes I do have my moments that I really want to do it with my bf especially because I am so attracted with him. There are times that he gets carried away and gets a little physical but I try to stop him because I don’t want him to regret doing it before marriage and I know he’s not ready. I don’t mention my need to want to do it but I respect his beliefs about it. As a result, he appreciates me more each time and that makes our relationship even more special. And this is exactly how I know I love him that much because I’m willing to wait even if it’s a little hard. Lol. He is worth it.

  16. Austine White says:

    Marrying before sex is the best thing to do, cause even the bible make us to understand that sex is originally made for married people,not for BF and GF. So if you read from 1Corinthians 6:15 – 20,you will see that dating and having sex whit your GF is sin,so it is better to wait till we get marry. And i have being waiting all my life,and i will continue to wait till i get marry,and for those of you who want to wait is the best choice. I pray that God give you the straight

  17. john proctor says:

    When a guy is saving himself for marriage, the best thing you can give him is a jar of penut butter and a dog.

  18. Jegsy Scarr says:

    @john proctor: That’s a shame, man. Most guys I know are capable of not having sex without resorting to bestiality. I’m sorry if you feel that you couldn’t. You might want to consider seeing a therapist, maybe. When you do get married, there may come a time when you have to go without sex for a little while, and it’s probably better for you and your pets if you develop the self-control to abstain a while.

    (Yes, that was tongue-in-cheek. Seriously, though, going without sex doesn’t turn people into sexual perverts.)


  19. anonymous says:

    Thank you so much for this article you wrote. I’m in this situation now and honestly I’m not bothered at waiting. He’s amazing and makes me feel so wanted without the physical stuff. Great article.

  20. Molly says:

    When you talk about the physical side of this relationship, what do you mean? How did you do all that much w/o sexual frustration. Is there a happy medium. I’m in a relationship that is the opposite of this. I’m a girl who’s waiting and my bf isn’t. This is my first relationship and I never know how far we can go w/o him becoming sexually frustrated or totally unsatisfied. And I’ve tried to ask and he says deciding how far we go is on me and I have to decide.

  21. Tim says:

    What a surprise that the woman who wrote this article ended up breaking up with the abstinent guy. And what a surprise that she claims that it had nothing to do with the fact that he was abstinent. This is what ALWAYS happens to waiting men! The women feed us all kinds of bs about how great they think it is and how much they respect us for it, then they break up with us. Of course they can’t say it is because of the abstinence. That would make them seem shallow. So they have to invent some other stupid reason. There are just no virtuous women anymore!

  22. Jose francis says:

    I have always seen women more often western one cry about the virtuous of her boyfriend and praise him , finally end up saying broke up with him… awestruck !

  23. John says:

    It’s actually best for men to wait until marriage. This completely removes the woman’s power over you. We all know women use to sex to manipulate men. She broke up with him because she couldn’t manipulate him. So now she’ll find some other chump without morals who will accept her BS. I say good for the guy; he dodged a bullet.

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