6 Signs That Your Friend Has Met Their SoulmateNovember 6th, 2009 by Mike
When you make it to your 20s, you start to see the people around you meet and fall in love with the boys and girls that they will eventually marry. It’s just that stage of life; the stage when most people meet that extra special someone that they will be with for the majority of their lives.
I knew that this phase would eventually come, but what I didn’t expect was how easy it would be to tell these permanent mates apart from my friends’ previous girlfriends and boyfriends.
When a future husband/wife first enters your friend group, it will be obvious to everyone that this one is different…that this one is going all the way.
As I watched several of my close friends meet their lifelong mates, I put together a short list of common traits…characteristics I noticed in every case where that person ended up being the one my friend would marry. Here they are. Apply them to your friends, and use them to help you know what to look for when it comes to yourself and your own relationships.
1. The word “Amazing”
Let’s say you haven’t seen your friend Bob in a while. You know he’s just started dating this new girl. You two are talking, catching up. “How’s the new girlfriend?”, you ask. It’s a normal question. The same question you’ve asked him about the slew of other girls he’s dated since you’ve known him. Usually the answer is “Oh she’s good, she’s good….just trying to figure out [whatever]”. Or maybe “Yeah she’s great…I like hanging out with her.” The point is, usually there’s some hesitation/conflict in is answer. Something less than perfect.
Now, here’s how the conversation goes when Bob has met his soul-mate…
“Hey Bob! Blah, blah, blah. So, how is this new girl….what was her name again?” you ask casually. And Bob says: “Susie. She’s amazing.”
There are two distinct elements in Bob’s reply: Susie’s name is important and sacred, and there is a noticeable sense of awe in his voice when he says the word “amazing.” He means it. He is so dumbfounded by how dizzyingly awesome this girl is that the only word in his vocabulary that fits is “amazing.”
2. You instantly like them for your friend
Guys and girls can be competitive and suspicious to other members of their same sex. If you are a girl and your close guy-buddy brings out some new chick, you’re going to size her up pretty ruthlessly, even if you’re not doing it consciously. You care about your guy friend. And, as a girl, you can spot a bitch from a mile away. But this girl is definitely not a bitch. She’s sweet and beautiful and nice and for some reason you feel no hostility towards her at all.
Likewise for guys. It can be weird for a guy to “like” another guy, but to the extent that they can…they will. They’ll usually describe him as “really nice, cool, great”….which is about as close as a guy is going to to get to telling his female friend “Oh my God! He’s wonderful! You’ve totally found yourself a winner here, girl!”
3. A different kind of smile on your friend’s face
I will always remember the moment when I knew for sure that my friend (who we’ll call “Lenny”) had met the girl he was going to marry. He was standing outside of the restaurant we were all meeting at, talking on his cell phone, and smiling like I had never seen him smile before. It was a different kind of smile. Broader, more deeply-felt, like he was constantly on the edge of laughter. It was like he was talking to a best friend after not seeing them for years. It was as if there was no place he would rather be than on that phone call with that person. I didn’t have to ask who was on the other end of the line.
4. Increased value-expressiveness
Most of us go through our life with a minor hint of hesitation. We hold a little of ourselves back from the world in our daily interactions with people. Maybe it’s because we’re not totally sure about our opinions, or maybe we feel like we’ll be overbearing if we share our full value…in any case, this goes away when you friend meets their soulmate.
When your friend suddenly acts like somebody reached into their heart and turned the volume up on their spirit, that friend has met their soulmate. Meeting your soulmate (apparently) makes you confident and certain about many things all of a sudden. But it’s not shallow confidence that you gain…not just an ego boost…this is real, deep confidence that can only come from one source: perspective. Your friend’s perspective on life will change when they meet their soulmate, and you will see this happen.
I call this behavior “increased value expressiveness” because that’s what it sounds like in conversation…your friend more readily expresses the highest value they can contribute. When I speak to a friend who has met the person they’re going to marry…it’s like I’m talking to a super-version of the friend I always knew…like suddenly they’re being all they can be and not afraid to express themselves with a level of conviction and clarity that I’ve never heard from them before. They are suddenly confident of their value and will express it and show it to the world freely and without hesitation.
It’s like your friend is the same old guy/gal you always knew…but better…amplified.
Note: This increased value-expressiveness also manifests itself as more pronounced gender roles. Guys will become more manly, and girls will become more womanly.
5. A deep sense of ownership when they introduce them
Usually, when your friend meets their soul-mate, they will introduce them to the group. You may not meet all of your friend’s boyfriends…she may keep some of them away, but you will meet this one. It’s important to her that he meets you and all of her other friends. If your friend doesn’t usually bring the guys/girls they date around and suddenly they start bringing a new guy to every outing….red flag…something special about this one.
There’s also more to it than just the “brings them out to meet everybody more than they did with other boyfriends” factor. When the first introduction occurs there’s a subtle sense of ceremony to it. And when your friend says her guy’s name, there’s a thick note of possession and deep familiarity in her voice, as if she’s introducing a family member.
6. A whole different league of girl/boy
You know, this going to sound silly, but after meeting several of my friend’s soulmates, I swear there’s got to be a farm someplace where they raise these people. It’s like they’re a different breed of companion…a super breed. It’s like my friend reached up and plucked a person out of a totally different league than the people they normally date. And that’s the key…these people are like super companions. A soulmate is smarter, more attractive, kinder, and more loving than all of the people your friend has ever dated combined. And strangely, you get the sense that your friend comes off similarly well when they are introduced to his/her friends.