7 Reasons Why Atheists Wait Until Marriage
August 14th, 2011 by Leo
Why on earth would an atheist ever choose to wait until they were married to engage in the wonderfully pleasurable world of sex!? Well I happen to be an atheist and I happen to have decided to wait until I’m married. Does this make me crazy? Maybe. But here’s a list of 7 very sane, very logical reasons that suggest otherwise.
1. Logic
Logic might seem like a strange reason for a person to wait until they’re married but when we examine the statistics it makes much more sense. Couples that do wait have only a fraction of the divorce rate that others do. I personally think divorce would be a miserably unpleasant thing to experience and would like to increase my chances of a successful union wherever I can. Couples who wait also enjoy better communication, rank their relationships as more fulfilling, and even claim to enjoy BETTER SEX. If I’m being perfectly honest, anything that even slightly promises better sex in a lifelong partner seems worth pursuing. So looking at things objectively it does make sense to wait.
2. Setting an Example
Although sex is a private thing, your decision to wait doesn’t have to be. In fact you can use your decision to influence others you care about. According to the statistics mentioned above anyone who waits has a better chance at a successful marriage. I personally want my own children and even my siblings and friends to have the best shot at a happy marriage possible. I have a little sister and I don’t want her to grow up seeing her brothers sleep their way through the local population. Others that are inspired by you will hopefully go on to inspire their own children and friends. It feels good to set such a positive example!
3. Healthy Self Image
Does sex make you feel better about yourself? I have no idea. What I do know is that many people do look for sex for the self-esteem boost it can provide. Knowing what you want in life (such as a strong relationship) leads to higher self-awareness and in turn a higher self-esteem. If you know yourself then it’s highly unlikely that you’ll feel the need to seek out sexual relationships for a pick me up. Having control over your image is a powerful thing indeed. It gives you the razor sharp focus you need to pursue other goals like education, a career, and meaningful relationships.
4. Rebellion!
I personally love this reason. In a culture that is steeped in cheap sleazy dime-a-dozen sex I like to be the one that smirks at everyone else. I go to the same bars and clubs as everyone else does but when I see them all grinding like rabbits in heat I can take pride in the fact that I am not one of them. Nonreligious individuals are already rebelling against something so it’s only natural that they would withdraw even further from the majority.
5. Respect
Respect goes two ways. The first is the idea that I respect my future wife (even though we’ve probably never met) enough that I want her to take solace in the knowledge that I am all hers. I think most girls would agree that a guy who has waited for them is pretty cool. That goes both ways. Guys will think it’s pretty awesome too! The second reason I abstain out of respect is because most girls are going to be someone’s future wife! I respect those will-be unions enough to not interfere. Plus I don’t want guys pushing themselves on my wife to be!
6. Idealism
One definition of idealism states, “conforming to an ultimate standard of perfection of excellence; the idea of something that is perfect; something that one hopes to attain.” While idealism is a highly romantic notion, it is universally shared by people that are waiting, religious or otherwise. We all are seeking that perfect union, that ultimate standard of perfection. The idea of ‘the one,’ a single person that will compliment you better than anyone else is highly idealistic. While a person may experience love in many relationships throughout their lives reserving physical intimacy for only one of those loves places it above the rest.
Dedicating one’s life to an ideal — especially one that aims to make another person feel so special — is a very unique and selfless choice. It will make whoever chooses to follow this path feel like they are on a quest. While it will not be easy eventually the person they wind up with will love them all the more for it.
7. Poetry
While this may seem very similar to idealism it is really the essence of the ideal mind. Poetry is the heart and soul of waiting. It is the romance, the true love, the life partner; these things all sing poetry. Living a poetic life is to live for beauty itself. When we see elderly couples holding hands we can’t help but sigh. It is comforting to see two people, so in love, after so much time. Beauty is inspirational and for this reason more than any others on this list is why someone who is nonreligious might choose to wait. Without the ideal of heaven, and the everlasting love of an eternal father there isn’t a whole lot of beauty left in the world. Except for one thing. Love.
^^^^ symbol of the church of the flying spaghetti monster
X) lol
I love this, Leo! They are perfectly adequate reasons for one who is nonreligious and waiting. Even though I’m Catholic, God plays a very little role in my decision to wait. So, I really hate when people think the only reason people wait is because they’re ‘Bible freaks’. It’s annoying and a bit ignorant of them. They try to belittle us that way, have you noticed? It’s not about God, though. That’s one of the reasons why I love this site. People can get to finally realize that people from every single religion and non-religion are waiting. For the vast majority of us, it’s a personal decision. We have our own reasons. I wish those who are not waiting would be more mindful of that. They are making a choice to have sex. We are making a choice not to. It’s a choice. No one should have to have sex, just because the majority of the population is pressuring them to. Some of them probably wish they could have waited, so that’s why they pick on us so much. The whole ‘car’ analogy is stupid, because who wants a used car? lol I want a brand new car. One that doesn’t break down in the middle of the road…
I think my favorite reason you listed is number four! Rebelling feels liberating.
This is brilliant Leo! Really interesting and quite sentimental. You did a great job!
I agree with flowerbee with rebellion and the James Dean picture is perfect haha.
And also Flowerbee a lot of my guy friends make fun of me for my belief in God and say I’m part of the ‘God Squad’ just because I want to wait but religion only plays a small part in my choice to wait too but they just don’t realise it. In no way am I a bible basher I just enjoy having something to believe in and put my faith into.
Great job, Leo!
I agree with FlowerBee: it feels great to be a rebel! Does anyone else think it’s really ironic that people who don’t wait will often say that waiting till marriage is just “conforming to religion” or whatever? When, in actual fact, it’s often the case that people who don’t wait have sex before marriage do it just because everyone else is doing it?
FlowerBee: “used car” lol!
The poetry reason is really sweet! I often feel there’s not enough poetry or romance in the world…
xxx
This is beautiful. Very well done! I also love #4
I often go to the bars and clubs with my friends, order a ginger ale (people don’t give me a bad time because it looks like gin and tonic 
), and watch the same thing unfold. I find morals and virginity among atheists extremely encouraging for the sake of human nature– just the fact that it exists speaks wonders for the idea that our species does have some amount of ingrained virtue that doesn’t come solely from religious influence.
Such an incredibly powerful article. Really shattering the stereotype of the only people who wait are the “radical, religious” types. Numbers 4 and 6 really stand out!
Well I’m an atheist, waiting till marriage. Hasn’t turned out so good for me. The only other people I know who are waiting are all christian, and do not want an atheistic husband.
When I do find a girl I like, she turns out to be another one who sleeps around. Then I can’t bring myself to even kiss her.
I’m not going to lie and pretend I believe in the christian dogma, what kind of relationship could I possibly have, when it’s based on a lie.
I’m 27, have almost given up hope…. I don’t think there are many people like many.
Hey E.M, glad to hear from you. We’re definitely not in an easy position. Most of the people I know that are waiting are very religious. In my lifetime I’ve only known maybe 3 or 4 that weren’t religious and were waiting. I hope that someday there is an easier way for us to connect with like-minded people but for now we have the internet!
I know well the pain of finally finding someone that I like and then eventually learning of their previous sexual escapades. I have also learned that condemning someone on that fact alone can definitely be a mistake. I’m going to refer you to an excellent article by Mike: http://waitingtillmarriage.org/the-5-secrets-to-a-healthy-relationship-with-somebody-whos-had-sex-before/
He points out that dating someone is just that, you’re dating. It’s healthy to date and it should be fun. Don’t make it serious before it needs to be. Yes it can be hard but I don’t think people who are waiting should be completely opposed to dating someone who hasn’t. After all there are far more important factors in a relationship. Shutting yourself off from the majority can make things vastly more difficult even though it IS the ideal path in all of our eyes.
I definitely don’t recommend lying about religion. While I haven’t done this I have dated some incredible christian women albeit honestly. I think that rift between us made things that much more difficult. No matter how compatible we were we knew things would never work out in the end. : (
Definitely don’t give up hope! Yes it is an excruciatingly difficult and brutally unfair road to walk but the end will be so very rewarding.
E.M. and all future posters, do not give up hope
I’m a 21 year old, attractive, single, educated, socially intelligent woman who is an abstinent agnostic. I don’t need to be abstinent, but I chose to be. I told myself this at age 10 and again recently when I just turned 21.
We are out there
Where are you all hiding!?
I’m agnostic and in my first year of university. Waiting has never been so difficult, considering the majority of my friends find it entertaining to have sex with three different guys every weekend. I nearly lost my virginity during the second week of school, and since then, I’ve really re-committed myself to waiting. Guys, don’t give up hope. There are attractive and non-religious girls out there who are waiting for marriage.
Leo, being non-religious but still waiting is NOT something I advertise hahaha. I’m assuming most don’t advertise it either which is why we’re sort of a rare breed. Hell, my friends assume that I’m not a virgin, but they respect my privacy enough to not ask about that part of my life.
I have been debating about if I should wait or not but your post helped me to decide that I think I do want to wait. Thank you for being non-religious and still having morals. It gives me a little hope about the world.
I’m glad I could help! The world can be a strange place so I do what I can to make it a little friendlier.
Everyone, including the author of this link, has not given a single good reason to wait. For claiming that this is from an athiest it really only shows a one sided religious perspective. Good try though.
This makes no sense.
Actually skeptical, I’ve given 7. They’re even numbered to help you out. Not sure where religion comes in, I don’t mention church or god once.
And D, I’m not sure if you’re referring to the article or to skeptical’s comment.
I’m also an atheist, but the reason I’m here isn’t for me, it’s for my girlfriend.
She was raised by her devout Haitian mother, even though she may not be devout herself.
In short, she wishes to wait, whereas I don’t really care. She however does have strong sexual urges, whereas I don’t find it that overpowering. I’m thus trying to find my way through religious dogma, opinions, half-truths, guesstimates and approximations, personal anecdotes, to see what really is the advantage of waiting.
In order
#1 I have nothing to say about that, except that perhaps we are not the typical couple. I dunno if being university students (and intelligent ones too :p ) sets us apart with the statistics of waiting versus non-waiting wedding, but is that really something we wish to chance? I dunno.
#2 I am unclear on whether waiting or not is a ‘good’ example or merely a choice, though I understand the different values (and stereotypes) attached to easy sex versus religious abstinence. All in all, sex or no, to me the real issue is respect of both partners for each other and their bodies. This is sorta moot for me.
#3 I know what I am capable of and what I am not, even though I always try to discover more about myself. This is moot for me, because I know my worth has to do with who I am, not necessarily how often I used a certain appendage.
For my girlfriend though this could be a compelling point. I honestly do not know. She does not have a terribly high self-esteem, but I love her anyways just the way she is. Sex wouldn’t change how I feel towards her (I think), but it might change the way she thinks I think of her.
#4 Rebellion. While that does have it’s attracts, I consider myself my own person. I’ve always been sort of individualist anyways, so for me this is also moot.
For my GF, I do not know. On the one hand, not having sex would be conforming to her parent’s (and her culture’s) wishes, so for her rebellion would be to have sex.
#5 Respect. Respect is extremely important to me. On the one hand I respect another person’s choice enormously. If my wife were to have been a very ‘active’ young lady and had seen many people, I would either love her no matter how many people she had seen, or I would not and we would not marry. I personally find the analogy of ‘used car’ somewhat insulting to women, because that would be comparing them to something that’s been used and is broken/less functional/less attractive. I love a person based on who that person is, not what’s been going on with their privates. As for respecting future husbands, yes I would respect them, but do I respect these hypothetical future people more than I respect the wishes and desires of someone whom I love standing before me?
#6 Again, my definition of idealism deviates from yours here. To me, idealism would be more akin with being in touch with oneself and to be happy with oneself, no matter the amount or lack of sexual activity.
I don’t know what her definition of idealism would be, but I do think it would lean towards celibacy until marriage.
#7 Again, our definitions diverge. One can have sex and zero poetry, and one can have tons of poetry with zero sex. However, they are not mutually exclusive. To me, there is a difference between sex and love. When you have sex with someone, it is a carnal act of pleasure. I do not want sex, I want love. To love is to share your body with another person, to try to make the other one feel bliss through one’s body. Is there not some sense of romantic poetry in that?
I find it odd the way many people are obsessed with sex. Some are obsessed with having it, others are obsessed with abstinence, for whatever reason. I heard a saying, something to the effect of “In America, sex is an obsession. In Europe, it’s a fact of life”. Perhaps we should treat sexuality as less of a sacrosanct taboo act, and more like a preference. Some like to drink beer. Some like to drink wine. Some like to drink gin. Some don’t like to drink. It would be possible for an alcohol-lover to drink with a non-alcoholic, they don’t have to drink the same thing. Similarly, one may have sex with someone while remaining virgin. It would involve the creative use of sex toys, but hey, if that is what you wish, so what? To each their own.
All in all, I would say this hasn’t helped me decide very much. I do appreciate the attempt, and you have made me think, but I have reached no valid conclusion from what is here. I’ll have to search more. Thank you for your efforts anyways!
@ Alex — Thank you for taking the time to provide constructive criticism.
A.) Studies control for a variety of things, including education. So the fact that you’re “intelligent” or go to a university is controlled for in the research.
B.) I’m of Haitian decent. I’m unsure what you mean by devout Haitian. Haitian is not a religion.
C.) You missed the point of the article. This article, and the site for that matter, is not to make people “decide” to wait until marriage. The goal of this article was to invite you into the mind of an atheist who decided to wait until marriage, and the reason why it’s such a strong article is because an atheist practicing abstinence is an anomaly to many.
Check out the “About Us” page. We provide encouragement to those who have already decided. Sure, sometimes a “fringe benefit” may be that we present abstinence as a realistic choice, and inform people of its benefits, but that’s not the primary goal of this site.
D.) While I certainly respect your opinion concerning how Americans treat sex, I can’t help but view it as flawed. I agree that it is dangerous to be “obsessed” with anything, but look at what you’ve written.
Just think about it, you’ve compared sex to drinking alcohol. IMHO sex is more than that. It’s a physical, emotional, and spiritual union… where you give yourself to someone. Whether or not people wait till marriage, it might be a lot more beneficial to society/culture if people took sex a lot more seriously.
Thank you for your time.
@ Oliver
You’re very welcome
A) I know, and I am aware of that. I do not know the specifics of how the study chose their sample or how well their conclusions represent the population as a whole vs one of two extremes of very well educated (which I am not) versus not educated (which I am even less). Would the ratio shift in any significant direction if such a study were made exclusively for one of these groups? I do not know. If I were to rate this point, I’d say about 60/40 for me, so far from not being convinced at all, I’m not totally sold either.
B) Pardon me, what I meant to say is that her family is Haitian, while mine is of European descent, and her mother is devout (attending the Roman Catholic church from 2 to 4 times a week). I did not mean to imply anything between coming from Haiti and being religious.
C) I did not take this article as one purposefully trying to change my mind on whether or not to wait, but that is what I am trying to do. I am trying to see which way I should go. Is there any valid reason in waiting, and if not should we become as intimate as we both wish to be, or would such an intimacy degrade our relationship and ruin the love we feel for one another? I am trying to see what from your experience also applies to me in the hopes of helping me make a better decision.
D) I don’t make distinctions based on what nationality a person is and draw conclusions on how they view sex. However, it does seem to be a trend (especially in the very conservative south of the States) that some groups of people are more obsessed about sex than the rest of the world seems to be. I cannot apply this to any individual in particular without meeting them first and assessing if they follow the perceived trend or not.
I agree that sex is more than drinking alcohol. However, I disagree with the view that sex is ultimately a sacrosanct experience over which religion should have control. I do not believe in the soul, am I correct in assuming you don’t either and by spiritual experience, you mean something that is more than simply physical and emotional? If so, I would agree with you. However, I disagree that people should take sexuality more seriously than they already do. I disagree that what needs to be changes is the intensity with which we regard sex, instead of the way which we think about it.
Some people do take sex too lightly, and do it as often and with however many people they feel like it. Instead of taking sex more seriously, should we not teach them to have sex more respectfully, both of themselves and of others?
On the other hand, many are absolutely obsessed about remaining pure until wedding, and are unable to consider a non-virgin in any other way than a dirty person who’s been promiscuous with god knows how many people. That is not good either. Instead, should we not teach them to respect the choices the other person has made with his/her sexuality, just as that other person should respect the virgin’s choice?
No problem at all, and thank you for the quick reply!
Respectfully,
Alex
Rebellion! >=D
really awesome article — i agree with every single reason.
i just hope this works out…emotionally, it’s not a struggle for me. i’m not comfortable any other way, and i know this is what i want. i’m just a ridiculous, hopeless romantic who wants a true, pure love.
i just hope it all works out…i feel like a non-religious waiter guy is already too much to hope for, without adding a compatible personality to to his specs. but i know that if i marry a non-waiter it’s going to bloody my dreams, and i’ll always prefer my fantasies to that man. here’s to hoping that at 18, my chances are still somewhat real.
@ EM,
I’m 24 and I’m an atheist. I’ve recently decided to wait until marriage before I have sex again for personal reasons (I’m not a virgin). Don’t give up hope or give up and marry a religious girl if that is not what you want. There are atheist girls out there like myself who have decided to wait. And thank you for your post – I was worried that there were no atheist guys out there who would wait, but now at least I know there are some.
Hey M!
I’m really glad you decided to post. What made you decide to wait? I’m always interested in hearing from like-minded individuals.
#3 and #5 are more than enough reasons to make me wait for that one person I should give myself to…. good read!
I made this personal decision a few years ago, and out of curiousity, I Googled to wonder if other atheists did too. This page came up. I’m happy to know that I’m not alone in deciding this, haha!
I guess I decided to wait until marriage because I believe sex is meaningless if it’s not with a person that you love and care deeply about, and that a lot of young people my own age don’t place enough importance on meaningful relationships. (Not saying everybody, of course, but priorities are different for the majority of young people.)
So, I suppose I personally want to wait because I don’t want to give myself to somebody until I’m completely and utterly sure that I’ll (Probably) spend the rest of my life with him/her. (And even that is pretty unrealistic, with the increasing rates of divorce and all. I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic.)
I too made this decision without the thought of religion in my mind. But I didn’t know if anyone else made this decision without religion as a factor. When I made my decision, many of these reasons were the reasons I had. I’m glad I’m not the only one.
Nice article. I definitely would not lower your standards or be made to feel too specific or guilty for having a strong list of qualities than you want in your future life partner. You are marrying them or committing to them for many, many years. Why set yourself up for disappointment?
I truly believe if you are waiting then already you are a deep thinker and take relationships seriously, to a certain degree, so why not do something properly.
While some people fall in love with a man or woman with a past and learn to accept it, I do not share that moral or sentiment. To each their own… but you better believe that I have not spent my entire life waiting, preparing, and working hard to fall in love with someone who “messed up” or has a past.
If you are atheist and can’t stand religious people… open your mind and heart to marrying another atheist. Move to another continent if you have to. Do whatever it takes to make your life long dream come true. It all comes down to how much you want something. Do you want children? Do you ladies want a husband and father to your children that really didn’t have his stuff together from the get go? I don’t. I’m sure this may come off all or nothing but it’s really not too much to ask. The media has been shoving b.s. down our throats for far too long about what is normal and acceptable.
You can have it all. If you want someone who is totally pure and totally gorgeous (whatever your version of that may be), believe you will eventually receive that and you will.
The whole point is you wouldn’t want something so much if there wasn’t a good innate reason for it.
I have many friends who share none of my morals and that is fine, but there is a definite line drawn and a lack of intimacy. I can’t tell you how many people told me I’d never find what I want… they were wrong.
Love to you all!
p.s. I just want to add a little side note… the whole point of what I wrote is that we all have personal decisions to make… even if you believe in pre-destiny or fate, etc. it is still up to you to decide what you will and will not tolerate.
You do get what you settle for or are “okay” with. Many people are negatively influenced by the media and others. You have a right to be fulfilled and safe in the most powerful relationship of all (as an intimate couple).
Most people will tell you you are too specific or uptight because they don’t have integrity or the strength to wait. We are literally not all made for the same life path, and that is okay. But since when did it become okay for the weak ones (who are less evolved and intelligent in my book- call me self indulgent but I keep it real) to bring down the strong ones? Us virgins have to keep quiet way too much. It is a personal choice but there needs to be way more attention in the mainstream media about this. God willing the world will hear my true love’s and my story someday.
Hey Leo, thank you for this post.I am a person that does believe in God but when people say they wait because you will go to hell and the Bible says so I feel it is just ignorant because they are not using their own judgment to make their own choices. I have had sex before but I have recently made a guy friend that has inspired me to wait and this article basically gave me my answer..it is not easy, my old therapist was even against me waiting! But I feel that out isthe best voice.thank you again
Thank you so much for writing this. I’m 19, in college and I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’ve always figured I’d wait until marriage to have sex… not because of some religious thing people keep throwing at me (I still don’t get why Jesus would care if you drink or do it…) but because I think it’s just common sense! I don’t want to get intimate with someone and just have them leave, or feel like the entire dynamic of a relationship will change because of it. But there have always been so many questions… what if I never find the right guy? What if I find someone who’s really amazing, and he doesn’t understand? How much do I compromise? My parents were on the older side when they had me, and I’m their only child. I don’t want to end up like that, waiting until I’m in my late 30s or 40s to finally have a family, or have sex. And what if you’re so attracted to someone waiting seems impossible? I wouldn’t want to rush and get married too fast. And it’s so hard to find someone who has a similar ideology to you… non-religious, liberal, and respectfully waiting. I have such strong beliefs in other areas I don’t know which beliefs will win over if I find someone who only has half of the package. But anyways, thank you so much for writing this because it’s given me hope that some guys (who aren’t super religious) ARE waiting until they find the right girl. You’ve helped strengthen my resolve.
I’m an agnostic gi, 17. I want to wait until marriage. This World is getting crazier, most religious people are not waiting anymore, I’m glad I found people that think like me… It’s rare.
I’m 22, agnostic and waiting until marriage. I’m quite a liberal, “live and let live” sort of person, but personally I view sex as a sacred expression of love, desire and passion, something to share with someone you love, trust, respect and care about and feel totally comfortable with. I chose to wait mainly because I have no real desire to sleep with men I don’t know or care anything about. I can’t imagine doing something so intimate with someone I don’t view as good enough to be my husband. Sure I have fantasies about hot men I don’t know, but my sexual urges are more fueled by how I feel about a man’s personality rather than just looks. In my job (I’m an actor, model and dancer) I meet truck loads of really hot guys, but it’s only when I get to know a guy and really like him that it becomes harder to wait. I think the best sex would be with someone that I not only love and want to spend my life with, but someone who I know respects me and knows me as a person. That way I can feel truly comforable to express myself sexually with that person and not feel any need to hold back or surpress myself out of fear of being judged or thought of as ‘too freaky’, not to mention I won’t need to worry that the guy will lose interest after he gets what he wants and if I fall pregnant at least I’ll be in a stable position. A lot of people argue that if you don’t have sex first, how will you know you’re sexually compatible but the best way around that is to talk openly with your BF/GF about your likes and dislikes, what turns you on, what you would/wouldn’t be into, things you’d like to try, your fantasies etc. You can find out a lot that way. It’s up to the individual when they want to have sex and with whom, but I just wish people would respect my decision without deciding that just because I’m not religious, that must mean I’m keeping my virginity because I’m either a closet lesbian, afraid of men, not interest in sex, was abused as a child, repressed, pressured to stay pure by “Bible freak” parents, or my all time personal favourite: There’s something wrong with my vagina!
Great article. I’m thinking about becoming an agnostic or atheist sometime in the near future. I always wondered if atheists had their own set of morals. Now, I know that some do. Of course, it always depends on the person. I do feel that sex shouldn’t just happen between anyone. It should be with someone you really feel special about. I hope that if I do have it’s with someone I really care about and vice versa. And if I do get pregnant, I hope that the man will have enough courage to marry me.
Okay, well i am religious, but only mildly so, so do not mistake me as a “bible freak”. Howevr, I am dating a very atheist guy (the whole ‘sweetie, youre worshiping a zombie…’ Type). see, for me I want to wait for marriage, but he is not too keen on it. for me, the decision to wait for marriage is not based on my religion, I honestly just want to save myself for my husband, for many of the reasons you have mentioned above. we already do many physical actions, search us kissing, hugging, and oral. I suppose that by already doing these actions I might be considered a “goner” by some of you. for me I see these as a sign of love. however, my boyfriend believes that we are ready to have sex, even though I insist upon waiting. honestly, I do love him;however, he thinks waiting is a silly idea. he believes that we already love each other enough to be mature enough for sex. it is not that I do not love him, I would just prefer to wait until marriage. yet I cannot convince him that this is the right thing to do. I know, I know, I should not allow a boy to pressure me into having sex, and he is not. we love each other very much, but I am Not sure if I can continue to date a guy who does not respect my boundaries
Okay, well i am religious, but only mildly so, so do not mistake me as a “bible freak”. Howevr, I am dating a very atheist guy (the whole ‘sweetie, youre worshiping a zombie…’ Type). see, for me I want to wait for marriage, but he is not too keen on it. for me, the decision to wait for marriage is not based on my religion, I honestly just want to save myself for my husband, for many of the reasons you have mentioned above. we already do many physical actions, search us kissing, hugging, and oral. I suppose that by already doing these actions I might be considered a “goner” by some of you. for me I see these as a sign of love. however, my boyfriend believes that we are ready to have sex, even though I insist upon waiting. honestly, I do love him;however, he thinks waiting is a silly idea. he believes that we already love each other enough to be mature enough for sex. it is not that I do not love him, I would just prefer to wait until marriage. yet I cannot convince him that this is the right thing to do. I know, I know, I should not allow a boy to pressure me into having sex, and he is not. we love each other very much, but I am Not sure if I can continue to date a guy who does not respect my boundaries. please give me your opinion on what I should do :/
sorry for posting that twice. I suppose that is what happens when one tries to comment with a slow phone…
Torn, look at it from his opinion. Maybe he wants to marry you also. But what you are saying is that you do not trust him enough to be your husband. He is just a boyfriend to you. Is he someone you would marry? In his head he might think that you do not think so since you are unwilling to treat him like you are married. What is the most meaningful part of a marriage? Devoting yourself to someone you trust? Or the document and ring?
He may want to further the relationship and bond with you. But you are saying you do not trust him and he is not husband material. It must be painful for him.
Love the article and thread,I know about half dozen abstinence believers but their all overly religious. Its cool to see a few atheist abstinent believers all in one place. I’m with you on quite a bit there kelley, I haven’t spent so much of my youth waiting to be with someone who hasn’t. If both sides don’t wait it seems so pointless to me, thats what bothers me about a large portion of the religious community, most of them don’t care if their lover waits too. Though I’ve been more intimate than I should have with someone I’ve had no sex. It does become pretty tough after getting close to someone for close to a year. And Leo that linked article was ridiculous its basically instructing you on how to deal with yourself because your settling for less than you desire. Where is the logic of waiting if they don’t too? Best of Luck to all in their Aspirations
Thank you so much! So glad to find like-minded people out there.