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7 Reasons Why Catholics Wait Till Marriage

June 18th, 2014 by

Why Catholics wait until marriage

As a Catholic, I don’t think there’s any teaching of my faith that’s more misunderstood than the Catholic teaching on sex. It’s at the point where if I had a bead for every time I heard someone say “the Catholic Church hates sex,” I could outfit the whole of Vatican City with rosaries. I think it’s time for me to clear some of those misconceptions up.

If I had a bead for every time I heard someone say “the Catholic Church hates sex,” I could outfit the whole of Vatican City with rosaries.

It’s true, of course, that not all Catholics today will wait till marriage. But, since I’m one who is waiting, I decided to share some of the ways in which my faith influences my decision.

1. There’s a reason for all those rules.

When you tell someone that the Catholic Church doesn’t hate sex, and that it actually thinks that sex is a good thing, the first thing they usually argue is, “Then what’s with all the rules about sex?” Because, to be fair, we do seem to have a lot. Waiting till marriage is the obvious one: even engaged couples can’t have sex, let alone boyfriends and girlfriends. Sex must be so dirty and sinful that God wants us to avoid it at all costs, quarantine it inside a marital relationship, right?

The opposite is true, of course. The Church may have a lot of rules about sex, but they’re not indications of any negative opinion of sex. Another issue which the Church also has a lot of rules about is the Eucharist: You have to be Catholic to receive it, you can’t be in a state of mortal sin, and you’ve got to fast for at least an hour before receiving it. We’ve got dozens of these rules.

Those rules are not because the Church thinks the Eucharist is sinful and to be avoided at all costs, but rather because it’s such a beautiful and sacred thing that it has to be respected, at all costs. When I hear those rules as a Catholic, I can’t help but feel at awe at how important the Eucharist must be, how highly God must think it, and the same goes for sex. And there’s a good reason why sex is considered so beautiful and sacred.

2. Marriage and sex are like Heaven on Earth.

When a Catholic artist wants to depict a powerful spiritual experience, what do they do? You can’t see a spiritual experience, so how can you paint a picture or carve a sculpture or describe in words something that’s invisible and immaterial? The best thing to do is to pick something you can see and describe; that’s the closest equivalent. And one of the most common ways artists do that is by comparing a powerful spiritual experience to a marriage, and even comparing it to sex.

Bernini’s Ecstasy of Saint Teresa is an excellent example of this. The facial expression on this sculpture is like a bride’s in the marital embrace, fully one with her husband. And the entire biblical book, The Song of Solomon, is an extended metaphor, comparing God’s relationship with His people to a marriage, and a wedding night.

Neither spiritual experiences nor a relationship with God are sexual in any way, so why the comparison with sex? Because it’s believed by many theologians that the deep sexual communion between a husband and wife is the closest thing we have to what we’ll experience in Heaven. The Bible begins with the marriage of Adam and Eve in Genesis, and it ends in Revelations with the marriage of Heaven and Earth. God will be the Bridegroom, and humanity will be His Bride. There’ll be no sex in Heaven – it will pale in comparison to our relationship with God – but here on Earth, we have it as a foretaste.

Marital sex involves a husband and wife who have devoted their whole lives to each other, so that they are one flesh, physically and spiritually. You don’t get that outside of marriage: that exclusive, lifelong and fruitful union where you’ve totally dedicated yourself to each other. As soon as you realise that, sex outside of marriage becomes meaningless. It would be like searching for a deep spiritual communion with your boss instead of with God. There’s just no comparison. And that’s not the only reason sex before marriage is considered less than ideal in Catholicism.

3. Real love means real responsibility.

What is love, anyway? Sexual desire for someone? Feeling all fluttery inside when they walk into the room? Wanting to spend all day with them? Pope John Paul II argued in his book Love and Responsibility that although all of these things can exist in a loving relationship, they’re not love in and of themselves. Love is not just a feeling or desire, but an action. Love is a verb: the act of doing what is best for the one you love, even if it means sacrificing yourself, just as Christ died for every single one of us.

The Church has always known this, and some of her greatest saints have given their lives out of love for another person.

  1. St Gianna Molla was an Italian mother who in the 1960s refused an operation to remove her cancerous womb in order to save her unborn child. Despite knowing Church teaching allowed for a hysterectomy, she instead chose to give her life to save the daughter she had never met, dying seven days after she was born.
  2. St Maximilian Kolbe was a prisoner at Auschwitz when the Nazi soldiers decided to starve a group of ten men to death as a ‘lesson’ to the others. When one of the men cried out that he had a wife and children, Kolbe volunteered to take his place since, as a Catholic priest, he had no family of his own, and gave his life to save a complete stranger.

Romantic relationships should be no different. We love Hollywood movies like Titanic where the lover gives his life for his beloved, but most of us will never face such a situation in real life. However, we see the fallout of sex outside of marriage around us every day, with consequences beyond unplanned pregnancies and STIs. Psychologically, we bond with the people we have sex with, neurochemicals in our brain are released with every sexual act. For some married couples, premarital sex even leads to them comparing their spouses to previous partners.

True love means protecting your beloved, and I never want to put my future husband at risk. I won’t take the risk of contracting an STI and passing it onto him. I won’t risk jeopardising our marriage by having previous sexual relationships impact it. And frankly, when I picture my future husband sleeping with anyone else, it hurts. Whether he’d be hurt if I slept with someone else, I can’t say, but I won’t take that chance and put his heart at risk. Christ and the saints inspire me. If I would give up my life for my beloved, then giving up sex till marriage is nothing in comparison. And here’s another thing…

4. Sex involves the body and the soul.

From a Catholic perspective, human beings aren’t just bodies, but souls, too – two parts making up one whole. What we do with one, we have to do with the other, or we are in effect lying to ourselves, as well as to others. As Pope John Paul II said in Theology of the Body: “[The body is] the means of expressing the entire man, the person, which reveals itself by means of the language of the body.”

Here’s an example that may help explain things: When Judas betrays Jesus, he does so by giving the soldiers a signal to indicate that Jesus is the man they’re after. The signal he uses is a kiss. Jesus’ immediate reaction is: “You betray Me with a kiss?” And we realise why. It would be bad enough if the signal was to spit in His face, but a kiss seems so much worse. Judas isn’t just betraying Jesus: he’s lying to Him as well. We know that a kiss is an action that means something, namely love and friendship.

So what about sex? What meaning does that act have?

The Catholic Church assigns four, specific meanings to sex:

  1. Sex should be free: The couple give themselves freely to each other – there’s no coercion and no price tag.
  2. Sex should be total: They give themselves completely to each other, holding nothing back.
  3. Sex should be faithful: They intend to have no other partners as long as they both live.
  4. Sex should be fruitful: They are open to life, doing nothing to render the act infertile.

Outside of marriage, not all of those criteria are fulfilled, and in fact, in some cases, none of them are fulfilled.

Realising what sex actually means made me want to wait till marriage even more. I love the thought of absolute honesty with my future husband, everything I do expressing how I feel. Incidentally, during a Catholic wedding, those same four elements are present. Husband and wife promise to give themselves to each other freely and without reservation. They promise to honour each other for their whole lives. And they promise to accept children lovingly from God. Free, total, faithful, fruitful. And then husband and wife go on to their wedding night, and consummate those vows in the flesh.

5. The Catholic view of sex is pro-woman.

If you thought that last one sounded crazy, this one probably sounds like a box of frogs. My whole life I’ve been told that the Catholic Church hates women, usually by the mainstream media who present it matter-of-factly. And yet, I’ve never seen the evidence of it. In fact, I see the opposite. It’s the mainstream media that seem to objectify women, or present a twisted view of femininity. But I’ll get to that later.

First, let me answer some of the charges that generally get thrown at the Church:

  1. No, the Church does not think women are less important than men – the Church considering Mary the most important human person to have ever lived really should be a clue.
  2. No, the Church does not think all women have to get married or be nuns – staying single is just fine. No need to have fourteen kids, either, if you do marry.
  3. And no, the Church does not believe that women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex.

Some Catholic teachings on sex might actually surprise you. For example, in Love and Responsibility, Pope John Paul II exhorts husbands to learn to control themselves. Women generally take longer than men to climax during sex, therefore, the Pope says: “The man must take this difference […] into account, not for hedonistic, but for altruistic reasons.” In other words, if you’re a husband who doesn’t care about his wife’s sexual pleasure, then you’re not fulfilling a husband’s duty. It’s a far cry from the notion that women aren’t meant to get pleasure from sex at all.

As for the mainstream media, I’ve frankly had enough of how they present femininity. For example, the Pill is promoted as essential healthcare. Women are taught from an early age that to have equality with men, we have to sterilise our healthy reproductive cycles. And despite the Pill’s long list of dangerous side effects, somehow our bodies are ‘broken’ enough that it’s okay to risk our health to fix them. 4

Meanwhile, the Catholic Church insists that women’s bodies are perfect just the way they are. Natural Family Planning – as effective as the Pill with none of the side effects – is the only type of birth control the Church will promote, and it’s completely counter-cultural. The woman’s fertility isn’t manipulated and is left to work as it should. All you have to do then is recognise when she’s naturally fertile and infertile. 5

And here’s where the media really shows their double-standards. For a culture that boasts about being ‘open-minded’ about sex, the reality is that it’s a Hobson’s choice : “You can choose anything you want…as long as you want to do this.” In today’s society, you can engage in pretty much any sexual act you want and the media are fine with it. But choose to wait till marriage, and you’re on your own.

When I first decided to wait, I quickly realised that practically the only time waiting was mentioned in the media, it was being criticised or mocked.

When I first decided to wait, I quickly realised that practically the only time waiting was mentioned in the media, it was being criticised or mocked. People who wait till marriage are constantly portrayed as stupid and unreasonable, and I was worried. Maybe I was stupid to think any guy would love me enough to wait. It was only in the Church that I felt affirmed in my decision. Because in God’s eyes, every woman is worth waiting for.

6. The Church knows what she’s talking about.

I’m not waiting till marriage just because I’m Catholic. It’s true that a lot of the Church’s teachings have affirmed opinions I already held, like the desire not to have sex with multiple men besides my husband, but those opinions were always there. But for those with no desire to wait till marriage, it’s unlikely that they’ll wait just because some old man in the Vatican says so. Fair enough, since the world tells us from a very early age that sex outside of marriage is no big deal, or even that it’s a good thing. But I think there’s good reason to trust the Church on this.

In the sixties, when the Pill came on the market for all women, it was hailed as a huge step forward for society. There would be fewer unplanned pregnancies and fewer abortions. The divorce rate would decrease and marriages would be stronger, because people could ‘test’ a sexual partner in advance, and would have less reason to jump in to marriage before they were ready. Women would be liberated. But today, we see that none of these predictions have come true. Half of all women seeking an abortion were using contraception at the time they got pregnant. At least forty per cent of marriages end in divorce, and fewer people are getting married in the first place. And as I’ve already stated, the media seems to objectify women more than they empower them.

Meanwhile, in 1968, Pope Paul VI had also made some predictions about the effect widespread contraception would have on society. In Humanae Vitae, he suggested that it could lead to more adultery and “a general lowering of moral standards.” Men might be more willing to treat women as simply an end to their own desires. Finally, he predicted that governments would use contraception to resolve societal problems, or impose them on the public. If the last one sounds weird, the United Nations has declared contraception a “human right” which all member states should promote. And currently the US government wants contraception to be covered by all business healthcare plans – if you’re a Catholic business owner, that’s too bad! Regardless of your views on the subject, the Church’s predictions were spot-on.

What about in the case of waiting till marriage? Well, we have good evidence to suggest the Church is right about that, too. As I mentioned before, studies show that our brains are designed to ‘bond’ us to the people we have sex with, so sex with more than one partner could cause serious problems. Another study shows a link between divorce and premarital sex, and suggests that even one sexual partner besides your spouse could increase the chances of divorce. And yet another study suggested that couples who waited till marriage to have sex were more satisfied with their marriages and sex lives than those who didn’t wait. With evidence like that, and having been proved right in the past, I think that it’s wise to take the Church seriously on this one.

7. We have some great role models.

It’s one thing to hear all the reasons the Church gives for waiting and think they make sense. It’s another thing altogether to decide to actually wait till marriage.

It’s one thing to hear all the reasons the Church gives for waiting and think they make sense. It’s another thing altogether to decide to actually wait till marriage. Society is not your friend here. You’ll rarely find support in your decision in the media, and with a sexualised culture like ours, temptation will be everywhere.

If you’re not a virgin, but have decided to wait from now on, you have friends in the Catholic Church. Some of our greatest saints were non-virgins, too. St Augustine is considered one of the Church’s greatest philosophers, and was anything but a virgin. He not only had sex outside of marriage, but even fathered a son out of wedlock. But later in life, he was baptised a Christian, was ordained a priest, and then a bishop. St Mary of Egypt was a prostitute for seventeen years until she found God. She’s now commemorated with her own feast day, a chapel in Jerusalem dedicated to her, and even a Roman temple that was rededicated in her honour. No matter what you’ve done, it’s possible to move on and start again.

So you’re waiting till marriage, but the pressure’s getting to you. Everyone tells you it’s impossible to wait. As people who believe sex is important enough to wait for, we’re often accused of placing too much value on it. Ironically, in our culture I think the opposite happens. Sex is idolised, like a false god. It’s everywhere, used to promote and advertise almost everything. Sex is seen as so essential to life that virginity is stigmatised. A movie title like The 40-Year-Old Virgin only works if there’s something wrong with being a forty-year-old virgin.

Let’s face it: waiting till marriage is weird. If we’re in a culture that worships sex, then we’re the heretics.

Let’s face it: waiting till marriage is weird. If we’re in a culture that worships sex, then we’re the heretics. And in a society that tells us we need sex to have a fulfilling life, there’s something very weird about the Catholic Church. The celibate priesthood must freak a lot of people out. A life without sex? Why would anyone choose that? That’s probably why priests and nuns are stereotyped so much in the media. We see pregnant, nymphomaniac nuns and lonely, out-of-touch priests. You don’t see the priest who’s a loving son and brother, or the nun who goes bowling (and out for a drink) every week with her friends. You don’t see the ones who dedicate their lives to serving the poor, teaching in universities or developing ground-breaking scientific theories.

Contrary to what we’ve been told, sex is not the most important thing in life. Family, friendship, and actually doing something meaningful with your life are the things that really matter. A romantic relationship is not going to make your life fulfilling. Back when I first decided to wait, that was the only thing I could think of: “When I’m married, I’ll be happy. If I can just find a husband, then my life will be complete no matter what else happens.” And that’s no way to live, waiting for the future to come so your life can get started. My faith, and the lives of fellow Catholics and the great saints, made me realise that.

I wait till marriage for sex, but my life is not on hold till my wedding day. God has a plan for me, work for me to do, and that can’t wait. At the advice of my patron saint, St Catherine of Siena, I’m going out into the world to be who God meant me to be, and I am going to set the world ablaze.

Author: Jegsy Scarr

Jegsy is a long-time member of She contributes to the site in a number of important ways, such as by suggesting new material for articles, forgetting to complete articles she said she would write, and by sharing her dry Scottish humour with everyone. She is interested in fan-fiction, dystopian novels, singing, anything to do with the Phantom of the Opera, and learning French.

56 Responses to “7 Reasons Why Catholics Wait Till Marriage”

  1. samaye says:

    Great article!

  2. JesSea says:

    Great job, Jegsy! I’m going to use this article to help explain this to some of my own family members who don’t understand.

  3. Haitigirl9 says:

    Really great article!!!!

  4. Vince says:

    Awesome article, Jegs! It was very beautifully written and I actually agree with a lot of the rationale behind the teachings…even if they come from the EVIL Catholic Church lol.

    And I especially agree that the Catholic Church is pro-woman. I mean since you guys worship a woman and all 😛

  5. Raz says:

    Very informative. I’m not a Catholic but this is very insightful. Thanks.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Jegsy, this is AWESOME! you ROCK! : D keep up the good work!

  7. MaxQ says:

    I’m not Catholic, but great article on waiting.

  8. Gigi says:

    Great article allows for a deeper insight.

  9. Rick says:

    Awesome article. One question, is that Jegsy in the picture?

  10. Jegsy Scarr says:

    Thank you, guys! I’m glad everyone seems to have liked the article so far!

    @Rick: lol! No, that’s not me! As far as I know, that’s just a random stock-photo model that Mike picked out.

    Also, I can’t help but wonder if some random internet-goer will miss the lols and think Vince is some weird anti-Catholic dude… 🙂


  11. CB says:

    Thanks so much for this article, it was so encouraging and well-written! I am a Christian (but not Catholic) and these are all reasons I’m waiting, too. I really liked your point about the church’s perspective being pro-woman. This is something that no one seems to understand these days. Did you know that birth control was declared a class 1 carcinogen by the FDA? I would never want to mess with my reproductive cycle either. God declared it good, and for a reason!

  12. Jegsy Scarr says:

    @CB: I DID know that about the Pill! It was actually going to be a footnote, but the footnotes appear to have gotten lost as the article was uploaded. Actually, I noticed a few of the footnote numbers are still there. So I’m blaming Mike 🙂

    But yes, the combined oral contraceptive pill is a class one carcinogen, on the same level as tobacco smoke and asbestos. I’ve read one of the WHO statements about that, and they claim that while it is a carcinogen, the benefits of using it will outweigh the risks. Since Natural Family Planning works as well as the Pill and has no side effects, and using the Pill to ‘treat’ medical problems is really just masking them, I’m really not sure what those benefits are.

    There is a claim that even though the Pill increases your risk of breast cancer, it decreases the risk of getting other cancers like ovarian cancer. But the problem with that claim seems to be that you’re far more likely to get breast cancer (1 in 7 women) and ovarian cancer is relatively rare (1 in 58 women). It doesn’t even out.


  13. grace m says:

    im a catholic im only 13 but in school we have family life class also known as sex ed. My parents do not allow me to go to family life becuase they teach us to do whatever we want as long as we protect ourselves. My parents believe this is wrong and believe in WTM for many of the reasons you stated. My peers often say they will have sex when their 18 or something like that and say WTM is stupid. Because of the contradicting statemants I hadnt quite decided my views on WTM but now i have. You have helped me to strengthen my values and my faith as well as inspired me when you wrote god believes every woman is worth waiting for. You also wrote how our lives arent on hold untill marriage and that god has a plan for us and that its important to live meaningful lives. My dream is too become an actress and being very fond of media i know how sexual and provacative they can be. A big part of the dream is to show people that everything doesnt have to be sexual too be interesting and i have already pledged that if it is gods plan to be an actress i will not be one who involves herself in sexuality on screen. I am inspired by you and i will go forward with stronger faith, values, trust in gods plan for us. Thank you so much.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Love this article!

  15. Anonymus says:

    Thank you so much for this article! I really needed to read something like this, including all that I had thought about WTM but usually forgotten. My boyfriend is not a catholic; we have been together for 2 years now and we are both in college so we wouldn’t be able to get married until 4 years more. He trully loves me and never presure me, but still it is difficult to stay firm, I need to have arguments because he is making a bigger sacrifice than me (the only reason for waiting he has is to be able to be with me) and I can’t just say NO. So thank you for such a complete article!

  16. glorinha says:

    Really did enjoy the article …

  17. Julie says:

    Hi, im an attractive 42 year old woman who is waiting for marriage. For me it has been so hard especially at my age.. Men are continually breaking up with me and they tell me its because they want to have sex already. It seems catholics who do wait til marriage usually get married by the time they are in their thirties, so i dont have many men that are ok with waiting to choose from. Anyway, sometimes they say they will wait but after a few months or in once case after three years, they dump me because they tell me they need to have sex already. It is really depressing. I don’t know what to do. And everyone treats me like i am such a freak because i am in my forties and still a virgin. Even nurses at the doctors office treat me like a freak when i said i was still a virgin(and this was when i was 26). Anyway i find it really hard to get men to be ok with wfm at my age. Dating is therefore extrememly hard for me and the constant issue created in my relationships because of wfm is frustrating to me. People understand wfm when you are in 20s and 30s but noone seems to understand when you are in your forties. My boyfriends therapist told him I probably wont even like sex because i waited this long and that hes crazy not to be having sex at his age. If you dont mind me asking Jegsy,are you in your 20s, 30s or 40s? Ps i liked your article very much and wish these kinds of articles were publicized more. Any advice for dealing with my problem as an older wfm person?

  18. Jegsy Scarr says:

    @Julie: Hey! I’m 20 years old, so I’m probably not the best person to answer your question. We have a forum here on the site, with a section for older waiters (25+), so I recommend you create an account (we’re all great, honest! 🙂 )

    Other than that, I would just recommend you stay strong. Remember why you’re waiting, and don’t let anyone deter you. Take your problems to God, and know that He’s always there to give you grace.

    Anyway, hope to see you on the forums!


    P.S. My name’s Julie, too, by the way!

  19. Petanikita says:

    Great article and thank you for sharing this to everyone. 😉

    Hi. I have been in a relationship before and I am glad that I have not given up my innocence. Even though I am not in a relationship now and waiting for that someone, I am proud that I am staying pure and at 33 years old. Catholic faith has instilled me that teaching to wait and be patient.

  20. Kiwi says:

    This is a very good article, as A baptised Catholic myself, and more recent reawakening in the faith, it’s nice to see!. I think you have great faith for a girl my age, and I hope someday I can feel as positive as you!. But hey, baby steps first yeah!!

  21. Lightaqua says:

    I love how this came out on my birthday since I am Catholic myself and have been on this site for a while now. Thanks for the article I’m glad others can see why we do what we do and the values we have.

  22. Aaron says:

    Very well written article, thank you!
    I’m 28 and a waiter, and it’s refreshing to see people have similar views as me. Well done.

  23. Anonymous says:

    This was great! As a young man in college, this was a very good read.

  24. Lyngkhoi George B. says:

    What an outstanding article! I’m speechless but would like to share it. Thank U. God Bless U.

  25. Christiana says:

    Lovely article. Am catholic and very proud to be waiting.

  26. Greg says:

    Hi! Like the post. I am 28 and waiting till marriage. I was always looking for the perfect women. A absolute perfect 10 for me. Am i found her, I was making right turn and she was making left turn in a car when I was on my way for some coffee in the morning. When our eyes mat it was love at first sight but I was too shy to ask her to go with me for coffee. Till then I took drastic masers in my life you don’t want to know. Its getting better and my love for God, Jesus and her is absolutely in my heart and soul. Thanks for reading and work of advice is don’t listen to the media on the sex topic but your self-dignity. And I believe in the existence of Heaven and Hell. So, I am trying to do my best. But you never know what will happen.

  27. michelle says:

    So happy i found this article! Thank you for taking the time to write this out! May God bless!!

  28. Marina says:

    I’m a catholic from Brazil and reading this made me feel so much better.
    I’m 24 years old and neve even kissed anyone. If God puts a good and blessed man in my life i’ll be happy to give my virginity. But if does not happen, I’ll be glad to keep Gods word nonetheless.

  29. michelle says:

    this article help me understand more on why I should wait till marriage too. thank you.

  30. JarHead says:

    Hey man just wanted to say great read i enjoyed listening to this. I am 17 years old and have had sex 3 times it was great thanks mate

  31. Mina says:

    Woow! I’m a Coptic orthodox guy, 30 years old, living out of Egypt for many years , really proud to keep my promises with my God Jesus Christ, but I’m much more proud of you guys and girls and your strength that you’re that sincere to keep your faith unbroken specially in societies where we’re living now!! as much as we fill our hearts and minds with our faith, we’ll inspire all people around! I love the spirit behind writing that article, it feels real! Hold on to God, because he’ll never abandon you!

  32. Paul Strassel says:

    Waiting until marriage is a good decision; it is important to realize however that the decision needs to be dealt with with appropriate psychological attitudes.

  33. DIKE DANIEL says:

    Great article
    putting our body to subjection through prayers and the sacraments (confession and Eucharist)

  34. Gabriel says:

    Well written, am a Catholic and l appreciate you article so much, fellow Catholics let give him a hand, am also waiting for God’s time.

  35. Anonymous says:

    Wonderfully written I am a Catholic women and choose to be celibate! God bless you

  36. Ella says:

    I love your article our world needs to hear and reads more of this
    God bless you.

  37. Daisy says:

    I simply agree with you waiting is best we should not rush in sex before marriage it’s against God will.
    It takes time for every thing .
    Waiting resolved in a better relationship it shows faithfulness between both partner and real love.
    Now I’m waiting too and I asked God for the best from His package.
    Every thing belongs to God He knows the right person for us.So let’s wait in line on God.

  38. jane says:

    I have been divorced for 20 years and had been chaste for that time til 9 months when I met the man I am going to marry and when my annulment is finalized. I am going to be 70 years old in a few months. My partner is my age and lost his wife last year to death. He is not Catholic and I am (a revert). I am having such difficulty with sex before marriage, as we are old yet still in good shape. I received no counseling in 1972 when a priest married me the first time, but only civilly…there is not record of my marriage in the Church. I cannot find any help on elderly sex and trying to do the right thing before marriage. Your article helped me a lot and I am going to copy it to give to my partner. Abstinence has been extremely hard to do. Anyone in my elderly predicament?

  39. Mina says:

    Thank you so much! My eyes have been opened

  40. Anonimus says:

    Thank you, but you know, this is not easy, it’s fighting against the body, I , for example I live in an environment where nobody believes in God, and everyone has sex like if it was nothing, I’m the only virgin remaining ….I really hope one day , I meet an active catholic girl …or I’ll be in a big trouble, not many girls like the ideas in this article

  41. Vick Macky says:

    Can someone please help? I have been emailing and leaving messages and nobody is responding. people are not getting the confirmation emails! take a look at when the last new member signed up.

    I would love to join this site but it looks like you’re experiencing some major tech issues.

    Someone please email me back at

  42. John says:

    The Church’s teaching on Sex might be Pro-Woman, buts it’s not Pro-Man

  43. Jegsy Scarr says:

    @John: What is it about the Church’s teaching on sex that you think isn’t pro-man?

  44. okechukwu Abraham says:

    God will bless you for this wonderful message thanks

  45. Anonymus says:

    This is beautifully said. If the right person comes along, they will wait for marriage. And if they can’t or don’t…then they aren’t worth it. “Every woman is worth waiting for.” Love that part.

  46. Anonymus says:

    I am a big believer in waiting for marriage, but I have a SERIOUS issue about some things that need to be clarified here. EVERY man assumes that when a women says shes is waiting for marriage it means she is a VIRGIN. If a woman had sex with some guy but then tells her potential husband that she is going to hold out on him, that is the most fucking cruel thing ever. Good luck finding any man. You can’t just fuck around with people you don’t care about and then, when it’s with the person that counts, you hold out. Waiting only applies to virgins (it’s called saving your chastity for a reason). I don’t give a damn about a whore Egyptian saint.I could go on about the saints not being in the bible, but it’s not the point. People who saved themselves should be rewarded. If you did not, then it is too late. Don’t be a bitch. Anyway, i’m just here to let women know that there is 0% chance of a guy will wait till marriage unless the girl is a virgin or it defeats the purpose of not only of waiting but many points made in this article. So I’m not writing to get a response (I won’t even respond to those that don’t agree) because even if you don’t agree it’s still fact that no man will wait for a women when she already gave her”body and soul” cheaply to someone she doesn’t care about, but not for you. LOL

  47. Praise says:

    Very useful

  48. Person says:

    Y’all f*ckin crazy. Like I was just trying to find what fornication meant from some smut i was reading and now im reading an article about why you should wait till marriage. Like what if you don’t ever want to get married, are you supposed to die a virgin. Some people use that as an insult so…
    Anyway just let people go at it, maybe you’d be less uptight if you’d ever had a penis in you.

  49. Person again says:
    I think everybody should listen to this song

  50. Jegsy Scarr says:

    @Person: Yes, some people use “virgin” as an insult, just as some people use “slut” as an insult. Me, I don’t think your worth as a human being changes one iota whether you’ve had sex or not. You may be of a different opinion, and that’s fine.

  51. Geraldine Andrews says:

    I hope I can do it right when I finally marry! I just don’t know how to have sex.

  52. Steve S says:

    Am I right in thinking there is not a single mention of what Jesus thought about sex? Isn’t that what Catholicism is; the following of the teachings of Jesus?

  53. Steve S says:

    Am I right in thinking this seems in some way to be an exercise in denial (delayed gratification), which might equally be applied to other concepts. For example, saving up for something gives you a much greater appreciation for it than having loads of money and splurging. There is clearly more to it (sex) than that as you reference that the act of waiting, and thus experiencing some uniqueness with a person, can deepen love. That said, I think your views on jealousy (‘when I picture my future husband sleeping with someone else, it hurts’) don’t sound super healthy and shouldn’t be used as a reason to justify anything.

  54. Jegsy Scarr says:

    @Geraldine Andrews: Are you serious? If you really don’t know how to have sex, I’m sure there are plenty of resources out there. Ask a married couple, perhaps. If you are joking, I assure you that everyone I’ve met who is waiting till marriage knows perfectly well how to have sex, and those who waited and are now married have managed perfectly fine 🙂

  55. Jegsy Scarr says:

    @Steve S: Jesus addresses the issues of divorce and remarriage, adultery, and lust directly in the New Testament. Indirectly, He talks about how in marriage, husband and wife become one flesh, that marriage is for life, etc. Premarital sex specifically is addressed by St Paul in his letters, as well as elsewhere in the Bible.

    Delayed gratification is part of it. On this website in particular, where we have people of all faiths (and none) who are waiting till marriage, I think it will vary person to person how much their decision to wait comes down to delayed gratification. It’s a very personal decision, and in this article I aimed to discuss some of the different factors that influenced my own decision, and that of other Catholics on the site. The delayed gratification aspect ranks pretty low on my own list of reasons, along with “practical” reasons (avoiding pregnancy, STDs, etc.)

    Yes, I agree that jealousy isn’t a healthy justification, which is why I prefaced it by saying “Frankly…” (i.e. “this is not really a good reason to wait, but it’s how I feel”) and mentioned it only after other, more healthy, reasons. I wanted the article to be honest, and although it’s not a good attitude to have, it was an honest statement as to my feelings. I wrote this article four years ago, and in that time I’ve seen my feelings on this issue change and soften considerably. I’m still human, of course, so some feelings remain, but age and maturity have helped, as they do with most things.

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