Make it to your wedding night without dying of frustration first.

You’re waiting until marriage to have sex, but it's hard to find realistic support and advice about waiting.
What if there was a comprehensive guidebook for those who wait?



Download and read immediately after purchase.

It blew my mind. I wasn't expecting anything near what it is, especially on this subject matter. It really does provide unique how to/why do insights on waiting in a friendly and straight-up manner.
— Courtney

It was so good! I expected that I would like it, but I liked it even more than I expected! Each time that I sat down to read it for a few minutes, I ended up lost in the book, unable to put it down for long stretches of time, quite disappointed to have to stop reading when life demanded that I do so. You did an absolutely brilliant job, and I found the book both engaging and helpful.
— Danielle


Resolve common waiting dilemmas.

When should I tell new partners that I’m waiting? Can I have some physical intimacy and still wait? How do I get over my non-waiter partner’s sexual past? Get advice on these dilemmas (and many more) from people who’ve been there, and from psychology.


What does waiting say about you? There are psychological traits that most waiters-till-marriage share. Learn about personality and values that often underlie the decision to wait.

Understand yourself better.


Feel less alone about waiting.

Waiting can be a lonely path, with unique struggles that few people can understand. Learn how not alone you are, and how shared your struggles are.


Waiting has practical benefits. Read about scientific studies that suggest several benefits to waiting on sex, and hear success stories from married waiters.

Stop worrying if waiting is worth it.


Table of Contents

About this book

  • Who this book is for
  • What this book is not
  • Terms & slang
  • Who’s a real waiter?

Part I. Waiters

Ch 1: Nobody’s waiting but me.
  • Waiters: The hidden (but sizeable) minority group.
  • Men wait too
  • There are waiters of all faiths, including Atheists
  • There are waiters from all political perspectives
  • There are lots of single waiter adults
Ch 2: What kind of person waits?
  • Personality Type and waiting
  • All about the idealist temperament
  • How waiters are born from idealism
  • A final note on the Idealist temperament
  • Other values and qualities common to those who wait.
  • Scientific associations
Ch 3: Making the decision to wait
  • Quotes from those who wait
  • Common themes in the decision to wait
  • Dangerous reasons to wait
  • Most people wait for good reasons

Part II. Waiting and you

Ch 4: Single Life & Waiting
  • How idealists grow up
  • Overcoming Doubt
  • Don’t be a hermit!
Ch 5: Waiting and fear of abandonment
  • A major decision based on fear?
  • How psychology defines a fear of abandonment
  • What’s the fix?
  • What about waiting?
Ch 6: The Dark Side of Waiting Till Marriage
  • How to stop judging others for not waiting
  • Be careful about debating the merits of waiting with friends
  • Why you should avoid “going moral”
  • Purity shaming
  • Splitting hairs: Judging other waiters.
Ch 7: Waiting pains
  • Regretting your decision to wait
  • Entitlement and unrealistic expectations
  • When an ally gives up
Ch 8: The Porn Problem
  • Just the Facts: Scientific Findings About Porn Use
  • How to Reduce Porn Use (According to Science)
  • Now you have a new boundary

Part III. Dating and waiting

Ch 9: Setting Your Boundary Line
  • The consequences of not having a clear boundary.
  • Why setting a clear boundary line is awesome
  • How to set your boundary line
  • Talking to your partner about your boundary line
  • Moving your line
Ch 10: Why dating is harder for waiters
  • External factors working against you
  • Internal biases working against you
  • Overcoming your high standards
  • Ch 11: Finding people to date
  • Finding the right sea to look for fish in.
Ch 12: Telling new romantic partners that you’re waiting
  • When to tell them you’re waiting
  • How to tell them you’re waiting.
Ch 13: How to Buy a Car Without Test Driving It.
  • You’ve heard it a thousand times
  • What is sexual compatibility?
  • Sexual compatibility without sex
  • Think like a scientist!
  • Test as much of the waters as you can
  • Pay attention to doubts
  • Have an honest, vulgar conversation
  • Communication is the ultimate trump card
  • Red flags
  • Green lights (good signs)
  • What to do if you’re the problem
  • You can leave a little bit to chance
  • One last thing about test-driving cars
Ch 14: Dealing with Rejection
  • Here are a few tips on dealing with rejection
  • How to end post-rejection awkwardness
Ch 15: Relationships
  • Benefits of waiting in relationships
  • Challenges to waiting in relationships
  • Dating non-waiters
  • Dating another waiter
Ch 16: Tips for non-waiters
  • Are you a non-waiter dating a waiter?
  • What you’re entitled to
  • Your partner might equate “morality” and “waiting till marriage” too much
  • What to do when your partner throws moral accusations at you
  • Why you should avoid feeling overly ashamed of your history.
  • Don’t be afraid to talk about waiting.
  • The sexual jealousy phase
Ch 17: Getting over your partner’s ­sexual history
  • Analyze the emotions you’re feeling
  • Love fuels your pain, and desire fuels your jealousy.
  • How to get over your moral outrage and disgust
  • Your wounded pride
  • Your sense of betrayal
  • Jealous much?
  • Your insecurity
  • Your disillusionment
  • Why you shouldn’t ask for details.
  • Jealousy advice from Jenn, a happily-married waiter
  • Don’t let sexual history blind you
  • A final word on sexual history issues
Ch 18: Marriage: When waiting pays off
  • 22% Higher marital satisfaction, and better sex
  • How waiting enhances perceived superiority
  • How waiting increases commitment
  • Greater investment size
  • Similarity of values
  • You won’t take sex for granted
  • The power of novelty
  • Benefits of waiting for your children
  • In summary
  • What benefits did waiting have for your marriage?

Part IV. How other people see us

Ch 19: Pop culture hates us
  • The 3 types of virgins according to movies and TV shows
  • Why it matters that pop culture hates us
Ch 20: Strangers stereotype us
  • Stereotype #1: Only super-religious people wait until marriage
  • Stereotype #2: People who wait are prudish about sex
  • Stereotype #3: All people who wait are preachy hypocrites
  • Stereotype #4: Oh you’re waiting? You must not have a sex drive.
  • Stereotype #5: People who claim they’re waiting are actually just ugly losers who can’t get laid
  • We don’t get much sympathy from strangers
Ch 21: Friends don’t get it
  • What if you’re not sexually compatible with the person you marry?
  • Don’t you want to be good for your future spouse?
  • Virginity isn’t a big deal; you just have to get it out of the way.
  • Trust me, you’re going to want to experience sex with lots of different people
  • You’re taking your religion to seriously.
  • You’re limiting yourself in who you can date
Ch 22: Is there truth behind the stereotypes?
  • Are waiters naive?
  • Are waiters dumb?
  • Are waiters ugly?
  • Is religion the only reason why people wait?
  • Do waiters have low sex drives?
  • Are waiters prudish about sex?
  • Are all waiters preachy hypocrites?
Ch 23: Finding important lessons in your friends’ objections
  • Friendly Argument: You wouldn’t by a car without taking it for a test drive first!
  • Friendly Argument: Your first time isn’t going to be that great. You shouldn’t build it up so much.
  • Friendly Argument: Don’t you want to be good for your husband or wife? You’re going to suck at first.
  • Friendly Argument: Virginity isn’t a big deal. You just have to get it out of the way.
  • Friendly Argument: Trust me, you’re going to wonder what sex is like with other people.
  • Friendly Argument: You’re limiting yourself in who you can date.
  • Friendly Argument: You’re taking your religion to seriously.

Part V. How to be a cool waiter in a non-waiter’s world

Ch 24: Why we should care about improving our image
  • How you can make a difference
Ch 25: How to be more self aware about waiting
  • How do you come off?
  • Are you biased?
  • Never forget that we’re the freaks
Ch 26: How to communicate your ­decision to wait
  • How do you talk about waiting?
  • Example bad conversation
  • Why mention it all?
  • Your end goal (if you do talk about it)
  • Sizing up your listener
  • A few things to keep in mind…
  • Controlling your nonverbal behavior
  • Tactics that don’t work
  • Tactics that work
  • In summary: Be an independent vegetarian
  • Example good conversation
  • Holding ourselves to a higher standard

Part VI. A new way to look at waiting

Ch 27: How waiting is viewed right now
  • In some ways, taking a moral view of waiting is healthy
  • But sometimes, this moral view gets us into trouble
  • The moral attitude towards waiting can cause you pain too
  • Does waiting need to be a moral struggle?
  • Does waiting have to be unpleasant?
Ch 28: A new way to look at waiting
  • A new perspective
  • Viewing waiting as a moral issue hurts us more than it helps us
  • How to work this into your life
  • Epilogue: The Future of Waiting

Who is this book for?

This book is written primarily for people who have decided to wait until marriage to have sex, but it also includes sections written especially for non-waiters who are dating somebody who wants to wait. It focuses on the practical challenges of waiting, and how to cope with them (based on psychology and advice from other waiters).

Can I read it on my iPad, Kindle, or Galaxy?

Yes! After purchase, you will be emailed a download link to download a zip file containing two versions of the book: an .epub file for tablets (will open in iBooks on an iPad), and a PDF version for everywhere else. You shouldn't have any trouble, but if you do, send me an email:


About Mike Wyland

I'm a PhD student in psychology with a background in web development, and the founder of I'm also waiting until marriage to have sex. I am passionate about people who wait, and I've spoken to hundreds of waiters about their secret pains and struggles. I know that waiting can be hard, but it doesn’t have to be. I want to help you avoid the hard parts of waiting so that you can be happy with your decision, find love, keep it, and become a happily-married waiter-till-marriage. | Username: Mike