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Do any guys wait until marriage?

February 20th, 2010 by

Yes! Waiting-till-marriage guys are a hugely under-represented group because they can be so quiet and lonely about their decision. A girl virgin will go to church every Sunday and wonder where all the guy virgins are. A guy virgin will go to the bar Saturday night, drink a few too many beers, secretly wonder where all the girl virgins are, then sleep in on Sunday.

Ok, that’s a caricature, but in my experience it’s not that far from reality.

Still, guys who are waiting are significantly more rare than girls who are waiting, but they do exist in higher quantity than you’d expect. In fact, three of my close friends are guys who are waiting till marriage (ages 21, 24, and 29). Plus, you know, I am a guy who is waiting till marriage. So that’s four guy virgins that I could name in my immediate friend group. I know others too, but they’re just acquaintances.

My point is: if I can rattle off 6 guys who are waiting, then that means there are plenty more where that came from. The trick is to find one guy; that’ll give you access to others. We tend to gravitate towards eachother.

If you’re a girl who’s waiting and you’re set on finding a guy who’s waiting, they are out there. Don’t completely give up hope. Really, I think it feels hopeless sometimes on both sides. I can tell you that as a guy I’ve often become convinced that there are no girl waiters. And as a girl who’s waiting you could assure me that I’m totally wrong. Same deal with guys.

If you’re a guy who’s thinking about waiting till marriage, then know that you won’t be alone. Well, not totally alone anyway. Over the course of your life you tend to attract friends who are similar to you. Just let it happen. If you can’t find any, try a church. There are some really cool Christian guys out there who like to do all the other normal guy stuff like lifting weights, blowing things up, binge drinking, making stupidly-headstrong decisions, and talking about cars/video games/sports…they just have that little piece of faith at there core, which tends to make the a bit more philosophical and caring, which can be good for conversation.

Admittedly, guys who are waiting are significantly more rare than girls who are waiting, but they are out there.

Author: Mike

Mike handles all of the programming and design work for Although he still writes the occasional article, he spends most of his time these days creating new site features and keeping everything organized. Mike is web software developer by day, and is in school to become a psychologist. In his free time Mike enjoys running, biking, and movies.

263 Responses to “Do any guys wait until marriage?”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I definitely feel alone. The problem is that not only do you have a much smaller pool to fish from, but you still have to go through the standard dating sequence to find someone you’re compatible with. I’m 29 years old, and I still haven’t found the right girl…..

  2. Mike says:


    At least you’re a guy and can marry younger. 29 isn’t as old in guy years as it is in girl years. But I definitely feel your pain. I’m 27.

  3. Waiting (in Mind as well as in Body) says:

    Remember to wait until marriage in mind and heart, as well as in body.

    As a Jesus Freak, I am a virgin guy who is waiting until marriage for sex, but while a bachelor, I’m denying myself more than just sex.

    The first obvious thing that comes with waiting in mind/heart is abstaining from lustful thoughts and desires. Just as with physical sex out of wedlock, entertaining sex in your mind/heart with anyone is sinful, and therefore inexcusable (Matt. 5:28, 1 Cor. 6:9-10).

    The next obvious thing is to flee temptation (2 Tim. 2:22).

    But, there are other subtleties to remember. You become what you dwell on.

    I passionately long for a righteous woman with whom to imbibe of love in all its facets. But, the key to finding this woman is to stop looking and start waiting – in the mind as well as in the body. If I spend all my free hours thinking about how badly I want a wife, it becomes all too easy to lower my standards, to look past the not-so-small reasons I haven’t already married one of my female friends.

    It is too easy to let yourself become so thrilled with a girl’s personality, wit, caring, and physical beauty, that you forget entirely the state of her spirit – does this girl truly love Jesus, too? – 1 Cor. 7:39

    Have patience, focus on pleasing the Lord, not on finding that rare righteous girl; He knows your desires and blesses you in His own time (and He knows where all the righteous women are anyway, so He is better able to find the right person for you than you are).

  4. Leo says:

    Good tip about the ‘find one, find more’ trick. This works for girls as well. At least in my experience. Oftentimes guys might hide the fact that they’re waiting by lying about it to other guys for fear of ridicule. Girls tend to be very open about this though.

    I definitely know the feeling of assuming that everybody you meet is completely promiscuous. Makes it very tough to meet girls. I can never seem to find a way to bring up the issue of waiting either. I hate asking because if I like a girl I don’t want to hear that they didn’t wait and I don’t want to make them feel bad about their choice. It’s important to me though because I’m looking for somebody who is also waiting. It’s very tough to go on a few dates, develop feelings, and then find out that they aren’t what you’re looking for. I don’t write people off just based on that fact but I certainly no longer see them as a potential spouse.

    As an atheist it is nice to be able to relate to church friends but at the same time it’d be nice to find others that are non-believers as well. I feel like I belong to the rarest possible demographic.

    I’d like to point out that nontheists can be philosophical too! That happens to be my major!

  5. Mike says:

    Hey Leo!

    On the dating thing: I used to struggle with the whole “yeah she’s nice, but is she waiting?” thing. Now, after so many years, I’ve kind of developed a virgin radar (like gaydar but for virgins). I can usually make a very educated guess about a girl’s sexual preferences within ten minutes of meeting her (at least as far as waiting till marriage goes). I don’t really know how to describe it, but I kind of get a “virgin vibe” sometimes. I suspect that all of us waiters have this ability (since it’s basically just recognizing a part of yourself in somebody else), but we shove it down because we want to rationalize that X girl *might* be waiting despite our instincts.

    It’s funny, I’ve tried to hope/convince myself that lots of dates *could be* waiting, and I’ve bitterly expected others not to be waiting that were…but I don’t remember ever being surprised by their answer. To me, this speaks to the whole “it’s an instinct that I suppress sometimes” thing.

    Still though, I never know when to bring up the “I’m waiting” thing either. I used to do it on the first date, just to see the girl’s reaction and discover any commonalities (always hoping to be wrong and find out she’s actually waiting too, but sometimes I at least find out some good sexual balance factors). But nowadays, after I got a couple annoying reactions, I’ve started waiting a little longer. Plus like I said, I have an idea about her general stance within the first hour of conversation anyway, so I feel less anxious to bring up mine just to find out hers.

    As for the girl feeling bad: The only time I think I’ve girls feel bad about not waiting is when I declare my position as a condemnation, like “I am waiting until marriage. Humph. *nose up in righteousness*”. These days I try to say sheepishly as if I’m admitting a personality flaw and need reinforcement. Like, “Yeah…so I’m kinda waiting till marriage…I know, I’m a stupid hopeless romantic.” That seems to help keep them from feeling too convicted. I make it about my personal choice, not a declaration of the correct path.

    As an atheist man waiting till marriage, you pretty much are in the rarest possible demographic! haha. But you’re not alone. I’ve had other atheist guy waiters comment on this site already, so there must be lots of others out there.

    Plus, I’m not exactly a Bible-thumper myself. Most of my church friends think I’m atheist. I’m not, but I guess I come off that way, which I don’t necessarily have a problem with.

    And of course nontheists can be philosophical too! Philosophical nature is more related to personality type and intellect than religion/lack thereof, IMHO. By the way, if you’re a phil major: Have you seen Wonder Falls? That’s my favorite TV show about a philosophy major. It’s also the only TV show I’ve seen with a philosophy major as the main character, but it’s also awesome.

    Anyhow, thanks for the comment and glad to have you on the site! Now go join the forums. :-)

  6. Leo says:

    Hmm I still haven’t attained this radar ability but I know what you mean. There are very subtle clues. For the most part I just assume everyone has not until I am able to find out more. This helps curb my hope.

    I recently met two girls who were almost direct opposites. One was a total party girl and would make out with anybody, take them home and sleep with them but never actually have sex. She’s waiting until marriage. Recently she quit all the partying and has become deeply involved with church and related activities.

    The other girl is very soft spoken, almost shy, has probably been to no more than 3 small parties in the last year. She did not wait but does regret not waiting.

    The point is that sometimes appearances can be deceiving. You may be right that there is a level of suppression that we don’t like to acknowledge.

    It’s strange but I don’t think I’ve been surprised either. The party girl as aforementioned told me she was waiting within maybe 3 or 4 times of meeting her. I only learned about the party lifestyle later. I did know that she was religious so that tipped the scales in her favor.

    I’ve never tried it on the first date but I could imagine the adverse reactions. I’ve done it a few different ways. Sometimes I’ll just say that I am outright and gauge their reaction. Other times I’ll wait for a point in the conversation about exes to bring it up.

    I always approach it as a personal fault (which in reality it sort of absurd that we have to do this) but if the girl likes me or was hopeful with the direction we were heading she will usually feel bad that she did not. I hate making people feel bad so that doubly sucks.

    I think personally I have only met one other guy who was a waiting atheist! We were very close friends and he ended up happily marrying a girl who was waiting too. I think their marriage has been more of an inspiration to me than anything else.

    I agree with you. I think both a philosophical nature and waiting till marriage are part of personality type. I have not seen Wonder Falls but I’ll have to look into it. I did join the forums!

  7. Anonymous says:

    I’m a girl who’s waiting! And I know 2 other girls that are with me. In fact, they’re my best friends. I’m still in high school and oh my goodness, the guys there are such pigs!!! I honestly think there’s NO guy there that wants to wait!

  8. Leo says:

    Good for you three! Hang in there, not all guys are pigs. The ones who are waiting may be far and few but we do exist!

  9. Shawn says:

    Being in a church definitely helps as many (not all) in the church hold this as an ideal. I feel your pain Leo. When I didn’t have a like minded group of people I did feel very alone. Hang in there. While you may not believe in God I do believe God honours good moral choices, even of those who don’t believe.

  10. Lydia says:

    I feel alone…I am in college and my boyfriend and I have decided to wait…but it seems like all my friends have done it and now I’m the only one in the group who is still waiting…

  11. Mike says:

    Hi Lydia!

    You’re only alone in your immediate social group. Out here in the world, there are lots of us waiters!

  12. Nick says:

    I’m not someone who waited. I’m not at all bothered by that. I’ve begun dating a woman who has and is abstaining until marriage, and despite any position I may have made in the past, I am so willing to wait for HER, if she’ll have me. If I sound like I’ve got it bad, I do. But that isn’t the point of my comment.

    I went with her to her church group and was shocked that I was one of only three men (the others were married) in a room with about 15 women, 10 single, and at least 7 were beautiful, graceful, thin, warm, and friendly! Of course none compared with the apple of my eye. My point is that if you are a Christian guy who is waiting and you can’t find a similar girl you’re doing something wrong. Don’t confuse abstinence with being wimpy. There are lots of virtuous Christian women out there the odds are hugely in your favor. Act like a man, hell BE a man. Don’t be a push-over, be a challenge. Don’t wear your piety like a badge, get a hobby, be passionate about something in addition to your faith, be interesting, and be willing to change up. If there are no worthy candidates at church, stop going to church with your mom!

  13. Grace says:

    I’m a 17 year old girl who’s waiting!!! I’m sure my close friends haven’t had sex yet either but not because they’ve chose not to (they haven’t ever dated or “hooked up” with anyone). One of my close friends is a Christian like me and we are committed to waiting. But all you high school girls out there: I know how you feel! I wish I knew of others I know who were waiting too. I do feel alone sometimes and it’s difficult to keep from getting antsy and annoyed that I can’t have sex because of my religion. But then I realize that waiting until I’m 20-something or 30-something is nothing compared to eternity in heaven if I live a good Christian life!! I just look at my ring and remember my promise, then it’s not so hard :)

    It’s nice to see good guys on here who are waiting too! Gives me hope!!

  14. OneHappyGIrl says:

    I’m really glad I found this site. I’m about to be 22 and am a girl “waiter” and I”m so happy to know there are guy “waiters” too! Although I”m single and do not want marriage yet I”m just really happy to know that when I am ready I can met someone who has not trashed their body. I was really sad almost cus I thought I’d die one because I’ve never met an older guy “waiter”. I applaud you fellows for being able to keep yourselves when I know very few females make it easy for ya’ll with their mannerisms and physical bodies and seduction! Hang in there you guys! cus us girls are not giving up either!!! God Bless! Pray for me that I may keep myself until marriage and so may the man that I marry one day as this is my desire!

  15. Mike says:

    @OneHappyGirl – There are lots of us guy waiters. Actually, it’s kind of funny to me: I always assumed that there was a much higher percentage of girl waiters than guy waiters. But if the forums and comment threads on this website are any indication, it seems like it’s much closer to a 50/50 split than I ever expected. 😀

  16. Liz says:

    Well I am a waiting for marriage too :) my ex and I recently broke up and we were both waiting, we had been together for almost 3 years. Even though we were waiting i felt that he still had that side of him that couldnt get over lusting over women. And kind of turns out I was right.. he kinda left me for another girl which he met over zombies for black ops, because we were more like “friends” when in the beginning of the relationship that’s all he wanted, to wait and have a healthy relationship and I was kind of opposite. But yeah point is i have always wondered if there were any guys who knew how to respect a girl and actually have a healthy relationship, you know showing love but in different ways not just sexually or anything. And i guess im glad to know there are still guys out there… but it feels like the more you want to find one the farther they seem to be..

  17. Robyn says:

    Holding on at 27 (female), it’s becoming easier in the sense that I don’t care as much to what people think of it. It’s harder in the sense, that I wanted to start a family by now. God knows my heart. Just surprised to actually read that there are male V’s out there! Praise the Lord! That is an awesome testimony in itself. It’s weird that we are “hidden” – it shouldn’t be that way.

  18. Malena says:

    Wow, I must say this is pretty cool! I never thought there were really any guy waiters but believed in my heart there were. I honestly don’t know any guy who is waiting until now. I am 23 and am waiting. @ Robyn- Yes, it is a testimony in itself! God is awesome! I am encouraged! My whole family supports my decision and some people can’t really say that. I hear people say that its not fair to hold out on someone, but I think it is totally worth it if the person is the love of your life/spouse. Any guy who wouldn’t appreciate a woman who saves herself is obviously not worth the time of day.

  19. James says:

    I know 1 guy and 1 girl who are waiting, so I often get the ‘ho-bag’ feeling. I know there are a lot of girls who ARE waiting, but it’s so much easier to just assume that everyone I meet ISN’t waiting. It’s disheartening and cynical, but it cuts down on the disappointments. The most curious thing I’ve found is not that Waiters are few and far between (whether they are or not), but it’s that most people/(women in my experience) WON’T wait. The explanation I hear every time is that they NEED to have sex before they’ll consider marrying someone, in order to see if they’re ‘sexually compatible.’
    Anyway, I think I have to hang around church a little more often :)

  20. City Girl says:

    To Leo: “Oftentimes guys might hide the fact that they’re waiting by lying about it to other guys for fear of ridicule. Girls tend to be very open about this though.”

    I am a 26 year old female. I disagree that girls tend to be very open about the fact that they are waiting – especially the so-called attractive ones. I have been told that I am quite beautiful and that I should be a model. But I’m still waiting.
    To be honest, I am quite hesitant to tell people that I am waiting. Simply because of the way I look, people tend to be completely shocked. I have found that my best defense against untoward men is to let them think what they want- and it usually is that I have had experience. However, if the guy believes me, it turns into this conquest thing. They only want me for that reason and that alone. Or, they run away as fast as they can.
    But if the guy is also waiting, he tends not to make any moves whatsoever to make it into a possible relationship or show any interest in making that step.
    Looking for the guys in church doesn’t really help because they tend to be more zealous than I would like- female barefoot and pregnant types with major holier than though attitudes. I certainly don’t fit that bill, nor would like a guy like that. So, what’s a girl to do?

    To James: “(women in my experience) WON’T wait. The explanation I hear every time is that they NEED to have sex before they’ll consider marrying someone, in order to see if they’re ‘sexually compatible.’”

    This is also a concern of mine as well. How many people do you know of that are unhappy because their partners don’t have the same sex drive. I don’t want my marriage to go hay-wire because he doesn’t want it as much as I do. I mean I waited all this time to have it only 1x a month? Oh, hell NO!
    So, I understand where they’re coming from. But how to bridge my desire for a chaste guy with one who also will have a strong “drive”? I don’t know. All I can hope for is that God will provide the perfect person for me. Until then, I’ll continue to trust God. (sigh)

  21. Beth says:

    I’m glad I found this site. Lately, I’ve been on the fence with my choice to wait. Much of my doubt has to do with being 26 rapidly approaching 27 and wondering if it’s too late if there’s any worthwhile guys still out there, if all this waiting is worth it.
    I’d had always thought I would have found my Mister and be a mom by now, and in one way I’m glad things have taken a different path it’s allowed to really figure out myself and the kind of person I am and want to be married or not. In another way well simply put it’s lonely and frustrating to be the “odd girl out” among friends and family.
    I’ve always said that most of all I just want one guy in his right mind who matches me where it counts, and that it would be nice if he was waiting too, but I had started to doubt guys like that who weren’t overly religious existed. It’s nice to know that those guys do exist. 

  22. Mike says:

    @Beth – If it makes you feel any better, I’m 28, rapidly approaching 29, a guy, not particularly religious, waiting, and I know exactly what you mean about the pressure of age. We are out there. Actually, most of the people I’ve spoken to on this site so far have been less than uber-religious, somewhat surprisingly.

    Getting older makes waiting so much harder, and you described the pressures and conflicts perfectly. Good luck hanging in there! You should go join the forms!

  23. Lilly says:

    City Girl, I am in the same EXACT boat, I’m 21, and dated a guy who was waiting for 6 years now am single for the first time since i was 14. I just went out with a guy for 2 weeks and the topic finally came up, same thing you said “I would have to have sex before getting married to make sure it was good” and “your so gorgeous! I cant believe you’re a virgin”… thanks for the confidence booster buddy. haha so i suppose it wasnt meant to be, even though we were seemingly perfect in every area otherwise. Will there ever be a guy who’s not the awkward home schooled boy from church that is willing to look past the sex!? what is wrong with society that I have to be embarrassed and broken up with because I wont have sex with s guy? Shouldnt awesome chemistry and having everything in common be enough to make them say, “maybe I could go without sex for a while if it means marrying my true love?” Guys where the heck are you?

  24. Mike says:

    Shouldn’t awesome chemistry and having everything in common be enough to make them say, “maybe I could go without sex for a while if it means marrying my true love?”my true love?”

    Yes. A thousand times yes. Awesome chemistry and everything in common should be more than enough to make somebody (guy or girl) do without for a little bit. It’s a small price to pay for getting to be with the right person. And I promise you that the right guy — even if he’s accustomed to having sex in relationships — will see it that way. Obviously it won’t be an issue for a guy that’s also waiting, but I’ve seen several relationships where the girl waited and the guy didn’t…and the guy was more than happy to wait for her. But those weren’t casual things. All of those couples went all the way to marriage (so it wasn’t just finding a right person it was finding the right person).

  25. Dan says:

    Great topic. I’m 16 and waiting. Just one question? Why is binge drinking listed in “normal” behavior? It’s greedy, which is a sin.

  26. Mike says:

    Hi Dan!

    Wait 5-6 years until you’re 22 or so, and then that line about binge drinking will make a more sense. :-p

    Still, I was being a little facetious. Binge drinking is certainly not the healthiest of activities, but males in their early 20s don’t exactly do things for their health (typically). :-)

  27. Brendaly says:

    I find it a bit amazing to find guys who are waiting too. I’m only 15, but as a female “waiter”, I’ve already decided upon what I want to do with my future and my values. I’m not on the dating scene but I always felt bad whenever I would watch TV and and hear about how guys seem to only be interested in sex these days. I know that’s not the best way of judging men, but I haven’t been around very many guys my age, and it doesn’t help that my closest guy friend that I ever had was gay, so that wasn’t much help. Either way, it makes me happy to hear that they do have guys who wait.

  28. Sam says:

    This is a very encouraging website! I’m only 19 and in college, but it is still extremely difficult to wait when most everyone around is not a virgin or is, but it not waiting until marriage. They are just waiting to find the right one while they are dating. Recently I dated a girl, she knew I was waiting before we started dating, but I wasn’t sure about her stance on the issue. So when I brought up how I was waiting one day, she offered up that she wasn’t sure if she was waiting until marriage or not. She broke it off a while later, but there is a sense of relief in that I don’t have to worry anymore about what she wants to do. I know there is someone out there for me, whether she waits or not, but until then God will keep me straight on His paths.

    Just a side note: Since I love basketball, AC Green serves as the best example I can look to!

  29. Nikole says:

    I’m 17, almost 18, and just graduated high school as a virgin. One of my teachers, one that I am really close to, talked to me about abstinence. We talked and decided that, I too would want to wait. (My line of thinking is, no guy deserves to sleep with me if they aren’t in it for the long haul.) I do feel kind of alone, alot of my friends think I won’t be able to do it. Also, I am not religious. At all. So, you guys that wanna wait, but aren’t into the whole Cindy-Lou-church-going-every-Sunday thing, there are some of us who still fit the bill! I love this website :)

  30. Morgan says:

    I’m almost just like you Nikole. I’ll turn 18 in a few months and start my senior year of high school this year. I’m a virgin and have never had a boyfriend. I’m waiting till marriage for religious reasons though. I’ve actually been a little depressed about waiting and meeting the right guy recently, and what’s sad is that my mother brought on most of my sadness. We started talking one day and I told her that I wanted to wait till marriage to have sex, but she denounced my morals and called it stupid to wait because nobody in this day and age waits anymore. It really devastated me that she said that and I’ve been turning to the web to see if what she said was true. It’s how I found this website, and I’m hoping that someone can help me because this issue is really making me depressed.

  31. Mike says:

    Hi Morgan!

    Thanks for your comment! If it makes you feel any better, my dad was never thrilled about me waiting either. I don’t know your mom, but in my case there are plenty of special factors that contribute to my dad’s position, so I don’t hold it against him. I know he just wants me to be happy.

    If you think about it, you can probably identify a couple of the life factors that are causing your mom to so quickly disapprove of you trying to do this.

    It’s especially suspicious to me that she said things like “stupid” and “nobody waits”. Those are words that sound like they’re coming from her own ego defenses, not from a concern for you. Real parental concern doesn’t use the word “stupid”, especially when you’re trying to do something for noble reasons. I don’t know your situation, but I think you could probably figure out what’s going on in your mom’s head with very little effort. Start by looking at her attitude towards your dad.

    I would take your mothers opinion on this with a big grain of salt and not let it get to you. She may come down and give you a kinder, more motherly nudge against waiting (one that is actually out of concern for you) and that will help you understand where she’s coming from.

    Or maybe she just wants you to date and is trying to shoot down your objections. And if that’s the case, reassure you that just because you wait, doesn’t mean you can’t date!

    Even still, this is the kind of disapproval you’re going to have to face when you wait until marriage. Parents, bosses, friends…very few people will openly support your decision, because in their own lives they’ve decided differently (and that’s OK). The best you can hope for from your non-waiting friends is general respect for your decision and support for who you are as a person. If a good friend does try to talk you out of it, she’ll do it in a way that shows her care for you.

    But ultimately this battle is on you alone. You have to forge ahead for your own reasons. It has to be a personal decision that you choose for yourself.

    The spot of good news is that there are lots of us waiters out there! We’re just hard to find sometimes. The sooner you can make friends with other people who are waiting, the more sane you’ll feel.

    Speaking of which: Go join the forums and hang out with the rest of us!

  32. Tim says:

    I wish I waited until I was married. I had sex at the end of high school, because I felt pressured by my peers. I thought EVERYONE had done it at that point, so I wanted to “get it over with.” It makes me sad to think about now.

    Its easy to think that sexual attraction is what drives love, but it is not.

    Hang strong to your morals, Morgan!!

  33. Morgan says:

    Thank you Mike and Tim, I feel much better after reading your comments. My mom is a great parent and she and my dad love each other and are like soulmates. It just surprised me that she told me that waiting was stupid, but she did say that she hopes the best for me. I’m glad I found this website; I feel so much happier now :)

  34. Mike says:

    @Morgan — Okay cool. Sorry if I offended at all. Didn’t mean to mom-bash. I don’t know her at all, so it’s hard for me to ascertain her exact motivations from two words. I just saw that you were upset about it, so I made a quick interpretation based on that. Should have asked you more details first. :-)

    Plus I think sometimes kids forget that parents have issues too.

    If she said it was stupid but also hopes the best for you, then maybe it’s just a matter of it being a very foreign concept to her. That’s a very normal reaction, but I was surprised too the first time I heard it. Most people say “Oh wow”, “that’s really respectable”, “you must have so much willpower”, or even “well that’s really noble, but not for me”.

    But then one day a friend of mine was like “Oh God no don’t that! That’s awful!” and it really shocked me at first. But then I considered where she was coming from and her reaction made more sense. Really, that’s my standard for people: I don’t really care how harshly they come down against waiting…as long as they do it out of care for me, they’re still good in my book.

    It’s a crazy, atypical thing we’ve all chosen to do. I’d expect your mom to have a similar reaction if you told her you wanted to start dressing like a goth and wearing vampire fangs.

  35. Sally says:

    This is sooo encouraging! I feel like there aren’t any guys out there that wait–I dated a guy before that had sex before but was okay with me waiting and said that he actually wanted to wait until marriage before he has sex again. I don’t know how strong he was on it, but it seems like he’ll stick with it if that what the girl wants. Anyway, I feel lonely sometimes, like I’m never gonna find someone that fits my ‘criteria’.(like that guy) (I’m 21 and I’ve only had 1 relationship, but I’ve gone on dates with different people) I feel like there will be pressure after college, but I jsut need to ignore it because “the best is yet to come” 😉 I’m pretty religious, so I want a guy that woud go to church with me/can talk about those kinda of things too.

  36. Morgan says:

    I feel like that sometimes too….

    By the way- Mike, you didn’t offend me :)
    My mom considers herself a realist, so she looks at somethings pessimistically, but it’s ok. Hopefully I’ll meet someone in college who respects my beliefs and is a Christian too.
    Time can only tell, I suppose….

  37. Luke says:

    I think it’s all very cool what everyone has said on this topic. Mike, I like your term “waiter”… sounds more optimistic-hopeful than some sort of forever-pronouncement like “virgin”. LOL. I was a waiter. 26 when I got married. I married a woman who completely respected and upheld my wish to wait and so by our relationship she also became a waiter (although she had not before)… and that only made us stronger as a couple. I wish at the time I had known other guys who were waiters… felt very alone about that… but knew it was right for me and for us… and here we are. The only thing I would say is it is absolutely the right thing, stick with it, and the same faith – whether Christian-based or not – also is at work in your life to find that person who will wait with you – whether they waited before is irrelevant – whether they want to wait with you is what matters.

  38. Mike says:

    @Morgan – Ok cool. Just making sure. :-)

    @Luke – Thanks for sharing your story! That’s really hopeful. I’m glad you like “waiter”. I think it works, but the only problem with it is that it’s the same as “somebody who waits tables” so sometimes I feel weird writing it…like somebody’s going to misread it. But for now it’s the best term for ourselves we have! Congrats on finding a great girl.

  39. Caty says:

    im very happy to hear all of this! I live in Mexico but im just about to move to the US, by my self and going to live alost alone! and I was so scared because some people I met, actually ALL the people I met are not virgins anymore. I really want to wait, Im just 17 but anyway. I feel im gonna be left behind or something because of that, but oh well :) I dont drink or smoke either so ill just have fun having a hard time I guess! ahah LOVE to hear there are virgin men out there! please dont hide!

  40. Avarie says:

    I am so glad to have found this site. I feel like an outcast among everyone in my life because I am waiting. I am 21, which I feel is still really young, but even my younger sister has had sex. I have always been very big about waiting till marriage, but being around my friends it is sometimes hard to stay true to myself. Also, I have never met a guy a waiter before. It is just nice to know there are some out there.

  41. Mike says:

    Hey Avarie!

    There are plenty of us guy waiters out there. Much more than you think. If all of us waiters wore t-shirts or something to identify our status to others, I think we would find ourselves much less alone that we all seem to think. :-)

  42. Paul says:

    This is great! I’m a 23 year old guy waiter. I am very open about my choice and several guys have talked to me about it. I do go to church but I’m not fanatical about it. I’m also the guy who will go out on Saturday, but be in bed in time to get up the next morning!
    I saw too many people in college basing their relationships on sex. Turns out it didn’t work out.
    I’m totally fine where I am, the right girl will turn up eventually.

  43. Mike says:

    Right on, Paul! Now come join the forums. We need more guy voices!

  44. Keith says:

    Yes i’m a 29 year old male virgin here. I didn’t think I would end up like this back in high school however. For me, life tragedies has left me with responsibilities most young adults don’t ever get to experience or imagine. Being that I am so old (I feel like I’m 70), I feel that I might as well wait for the right girl, because by the time I have the opportunity to date I’ll be 33 or so and if I don’t get busy finding the one, I may never get married which is horrifying! I’m not a Christian however and would not date a hardcore Christian girl that puts God before “everything.” That would literally drive me nuts. So yeah, for the women that are out there. There are some real good non-Christian virgin men out there that is understanding, domestic, good conservative people that won’t cheat your heart. All I’m saying is give us a chance will you? We aren’t the devil.

  45. Angela says:

    I thought this topic was refreshing about guys who are virgins.I would love to be with a guy who is a virgin.I am a 25 year old virgin and still looking for that special someone.As I get older it is even harder to wait with the pressure of wanting kids.

  46. Chels says:

    I searched this topic because I was feeling really discouraged. Im 29 and I have had a really hard time with this topic along with my friends that are also in the waiting group. I had an ex who said he was but while we were ring shopping ended up hooking up with a friend of mine and then leaving me. Its just refreshing to know that there are guys that want to wait and aren’t just doing it as a front until they can get what they want. I am a “hard core” christian in the sense that I devote my life to Christ but I still have a beer with my pizza and go out on Saturday night. This is a refreshing forum and for those of you guys on here, you can’t possibly understand the amount of respect that comes to you when you tell a girl that you are strong enough to wait. Stay encouraged and stick to what you believe. :)

  47. Mike says:

    Thanks, Chels! Your comment made me feel better about being a guy waiter.

    Also, forget that guy who hooked up with your friend after going ring shopping with you. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but there are lots of better guys out there. On the bright side, he sounds like a big enough jackass that he shouldn’t be that hard to top. 😉

  48. Andrea says:

    This is such a good conversation, I’m also a ‘waiter’ 20 years old, and was in a relationship that ended last year for nearly 3 years with a Muslim guy so waiting was not so much an issue because we both believed it. But now I am in a relationship with this guy, he’s so lovely, hes a virgin too, but I get the impression that he will not want to wait until marriage. This puts me in a moral dilemma and I don’t know what to do becauase everything I have believed until now has been no sex before marriage. It doesn’t help that my group of friends have all had sex, I definitely feel alone in this and worry I am not strong enough to resist… I used to go to church regularly until I no longer felt accepted there either, although I still respect the morals of Christianity. I don’t know what to do I am confused :/

  49. SadFacedGirl says:

    So, I have been waiting (at first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to wait until marriage or just wait until I find a good guy who respects me and loves me but recently decided to wait until marriage)

    So I starting going out with my boyfriend in 2008 (when I was almost 19, Now I am 22) and I told him I wanted to wait a little longer and he was ok with it, however, after a while he would ask me constantly if I was ready, which made feel even more unready. He is NOT a virgin and has had sex with several girls in the past including some that were not in a relationship with him. So I think he expected sex from the beginning from me. After about a year of dating, I found out he was still talking to an ex, not only that he was flirting with girls using online websites. I confronted him and he said he’d stop, which I believed him. After 19 months of dating, we broke up because he was looking for sex elsewhere. I felt depressed because he is my first boyfriend. Even though we had broken up, he still called me and would send me messages saying he still loved me. So, over a year and a half went by and we starting dating AGAIN, he said he wasn’t gonna look for sex anywhere else because he realized that I am special and wants to marry me and be the mother of his children. Well, we’ve been going out again for 3 months now, last month I told him that I had made a decision of waiting until marriage to have sex…..Now, he says he is not waiting and it feels like we’re breaking up AGAIN! We have been arguing for the past 2 weeks, he says he is not that type of guy who will wait, but still wants to marry me. I feel so confused because I don’t know if I should do it before I’m married, but it’d be really beautiful if the first time I have sex is with my HUSBAND!

    I don’t necessarily want a virgin guy, just someone who is respectful, strong, loves me and is willing to wait until I am ready. But that feels like it will be impossible to find someone like that. I feel like I’m living a nightmare. Gave my boyfriend another chance, but seems like he still wants one thing :(

  50. Rapha says:

    hey everyone, I’ve recently turned 20, I’m a guy and i’ve been thinking quite alot about no sex before marriage of late. the issue was never forced upon me by my parents, i started thinking about it the more i talked with my best mate who’s had quite alot of encounters. reading the comments above gives me comfort knowing there are guys like msyelf. For me it’s not entirely religous why i’ve chosen to wait untill marriage but when i think about it i think this is why religon says so maybe. One of the reasons is I wouldn’t like the fact if my future wife had slept with previous partners. i know it would really bother me knowing my partner had sexual encounters before and i could be compared to but i wouldn’t want to shun someone because of it but i guess it depends on the situation. More importantly I believe that giving your virginity to someone is something special and only you and your partner could share the experience with each other, no one can take it away from you. when people say “you don’t want to be shit the first time”i’d rather be terrible and improve. i dont want to improve by sleeping with someones potential future wifes. i’m gonna bring my A- game anyway the first time so it wouldnt matter haha. i wouldn’t care if my partner was bad too , i wouldnt know what to expect and knowing that we’re the only ones experiencing it with each other would mean alot to me.

  51. SeaFlo says:

    Hi ladies am also, a 20 year old guy(waiter). just 2 weeks ago my gf of 2 1/2 cheated on me by having sex with a guy friend of hers….. Anywho what I relized was that theres a reason you should wait. Cause honestly we really liked each other and at times it was really difficult to stay tru to ourselves and well obviously she didnt but this site has shown me that theres still hope:P Hang on in there ladies… Not all of us are wierd or socially akward it is true that we can be hard to find, but good things due come to those who wait:)

  52. DarkAngel says:

    Please, please wait ladies (and guys). I did not wait and unfortunately decided to have sex with two boyfriends and then a guy that I barely even knew (long, messy story involving low self-esteem, being pressured and forced to have sex, etc.) But now I’ve met the guy I’m going to marry and I wish so, so much that I had waited for him like he has waited for me. The fact that I didn’t wait has caused him so much hurt and it is the most painful thing I have personally ever experienced. Here he is, the man that I love with my whole heart and I threw away the best gift I could give him on guys that I didn’t even care for. I can honestly say that he has my whole heart, but I didn’t wait for him physically, and that is causing unbelievable pain for both of us. I wish I had waited. All the stupid reasons I had for having sex seem so dumb and immature and absolutely pathetic now that I’ve met the man that I truly want to be with. Sex to save the relationship? Not worth it. Sex because “that’s what everyone else is doing?” Not worth it. The only reason to have sex is because you are absolutely, 110% in love and committed to that one, incredibly special and amazing person, and to do it as an expression of the love, trust, and commitment that you have to that one person. My bad experiences have only proven to me that you lucky people who are still waiting are doing the right thing. I actually envy every single one of you who still have that precious gift to give to your one true love. Please, don’t ever let anyone persuade you to give that up! Don’t give it up until you are married! I promise you, it is not worth it to give it away before marriage. I am engaged to this wonderful man, and we are waiting together for each other, and we are so excited to have shame-free, guilt-free, intimate, loving, married sex. I can’t imagine how much more exciting it must be to be looking forward to sex for the very first time with someone you know loves you and is committed to you. Kudos to ALL of you, and stay strong. I promise it’ll be worth it :)

  53. Andrea says:

    To darkangel – I know exactly what you are saying, the thought of giving in to temptation now and then meeting the actual perfect guy around the corner seems so scary and is another one of the main reasons I’m waiting. But then I remember that saying ‘live every day as if it was your last’ and think that we are given this precious gift of life and waiting ages for something that might not even happen seems so hard. I admire that you are waiting until marriage to have sex with the man of your dreams even though you are not a virgin, you can’t be too hard on yourself that’s a really admirable thing to do.

  54. DarkAngel says:

    Thanks, Andrea- I appreciate your kind words. You’re right to wait for the reason you mentioned- it’s the worst feeling in the world to know that you threw away your virginity once you meet your perfect man. At first it seemed pointless for me to wait with my fiance since I’d already given it up, but each day that goes by has made me more determined to continue waiting for him and with him(we’ve been together over 7 months and are getting married 6 months from now and we are completely pumped!) I’m waiting with him because he is so precious to me- I don’t want him to ever have to experience what I did in immediately wondering whether he should have had sex or wishing that he hadn’t- I want his every experience with sex to be wonderful and fulfilling and question-free, and I’m glad for you and everyone else on here who WILL have that experience if you just hold on!

  55. Andrea says:

    6 months should fly by for you guys then, that’s awesome! I really hope I can wait… there are so many confusing emotions going on in my head right now! How do you know if he’s the perfect guy? When did you feel your fiance was the perfect man? :)

  56. DarkAngel says:

    We just clicked… we are very compatible in most ways (but different enough to be interesting to each other). He makes me feel very comfortable in my own skin so to speak, he did not want me to change for him. He just accepted who I am and I accepted who he is. I don’t get bored of him, ever. We see each other every single day, and we still always have things to talk about. Everything just fits for us, which sounds lame, but you will get it once you meet your perfect man. Basically, he’s the person who loves me no matter what, and nothing he does ever makes me stop loving him. During his struggles with my past, he has said some hurtful things, but that has not made me stop loving him one bit, and he has put up with my problems with so much patience and love.

    What emotions are confusing you right now?

  57. Andrea says:

    That is so ideal, I really like that, and am glad you have found him! It sounds like you guys were made for each other and maybe your past demonstrates just how strong your relationship is, the fact that it hasn’t rocked your relationship and maybe made it stronger? I like to believe everything happens for a reason :) I think I am confused because I don’t know what I want, I have been with my new boyfriend nearly two months, it’s not long but there is definitely a conncection. He knows about how I wanted to wait till marriage because it was always part of my identity since I was old enough to know what sex was. I guess the influence of all my friends, the media, adverts everywhere are finally affecting the way I think about sex and it’s only sites like these that remind me of the way I used to think. I don’t know whether I want to wait or not, I think I do, I guess it would be easier if he was openly wanting to wait as well, but I’m waiting for the right time to talk about that with him… maybe I should just go for it and tell him what I’m thinking. I used to be so sure of what I wanted, and now everything seems different, I don’t know if any of that makes sense!

  58. DarkAngel says:

    I know it is super hard to resist the influence of culture, friends, family, etc. I failed in resisting that influence, but let me tell you- once you do it you will immediately regret it and wish you could go back and change your decision. Then, because you can’t, you’ll start making yourself believe that it was OK to have sex. Premarital sex really does undermine the other important aspects of the relationship, there is no doubt about it. Having sex ruined all of my relationships, no matter how hard I tried to make them work, and it could ruin your relationship that feels right for you right now. Ask yourself honestly, why would he want to get married to you if he can get all the benefits of marriage without the commitment? He may say he loves you, etc., but once you have sex with him, it’ll take away a big reason for him to want to fully commit to you. I’m kind of rambling right here, but I really want to just encourage you to stick it out because I want you to avoid the hurt and damage I caused myself by not waiting.

    As to wondering whether you should talk to him…. DO IT. The longer you wait, the harder it’ll be (I learned this from working through my thoughts and feelings with my fiance). Don’t wait, or he will feel like you’ve been hiding things and you will feel resentful or like a martyr in the relationship, which is not healthy. Once you have the talk with him, he will either accept your decision, or he will not. If he decides it’s not worth it, then HE isn’t worth it and you deserve better. P.S., when I say “accept” your decision, I mean no wheedling later or pressuring you to have sex or whatever, just complete respect for your decision.

  59. Andrea says:

    That’s a lot of good advice there, thanks. I know I must try and stick to it, and it’s a good point, why would he marry if he could get all the benefits without the commitment. But I also don’t want to rush into marriage and find out it was mistake because I didn’t take the time to get to know him properly. I hope he respects my decision, I like him so much that if he didn’t, I’d be heartbroken…

  60. Meghan says:

    I find all the stories on here really inspirational. I’m only 16 years old but a lot of my friends feel like they’re ready to have sex, which I don’t understand. I feel like it would be more important to wait until I’m married to someone I truly care about. I’ve never had a boyfriend so my friends tell me that my feelings will change once I’m in a relationship, but I really want to stay true to myself and wait.

  61. Andrea says:

    Sounds like you are in the exact place I was at that age too! In fact, the same place I’m in now! It’s not easy is it, I wish I had wise words… just know you are not alone!

  62. Hephzibah says:

    So happy I found this page. Dear Brothers and Sisters, let’s wait for the Glory of Our God, so that His Perfect will will be established in our lives. “He will make sure you have the best if you give Him your best” (That’s what my mom’s once told me.)

    Almost 22(female) still waiting until mariage. Getting busy in working with God in my church and our youth minitry takes me away from that lust and impatience.

    We are a chosen generation and let’s live by the Word because the expectations of the righteous shall never be cut off.

    Glory be to Elohim, Shalom everyone. Bisous :)

  63. Anonymous says:

    I’m almost 19 and I’m staying a virgin until marriage but is it wrong to do “other” things besides sex between your partner, especially if you’ve been going out forever !?

  64. Chris says:

    Just wanted to say I enjoyed reading through all the comments, especially those about bringing it up in a discussion. I’m a 19-year old guy who hasn’t had much dating experience, but who is still planning on waiting til I marry. That decision is somewhat based on religious morals, but also because I want my sexual experiences to be only with someone I very much love and who loves me in return. I wouldn’t care so much if my future wife was a virgin (although it would be awesome if she was), as long as she respects my decision. Anyway, it was just great to read some of your guys experiences. Now I’m off to join the forum… 😉

  65. Stephanie says:

    I think it’s important to not be too fixated on your partner’s virginity. It can be a nice characteristic in a partner, however I don’t think it should be worth breaking up with someone over, or not giving them a chance.

    I am waiting until marriage to have sex, and growing up I always thought I wanted to marry a virgin too. That was until I started dating someone who told me he wasn’t a virgin early on in our relationship. I seriously considered breaking up with him right away, but something stopped me…he was honestly the nicest guy I’d ever met. It bothered me for a little while but I got over it and continued seeing him. And I’m so glad I did– I’ve never been happier in my life. He treats me with so much love and respect, much more so than other guys I’ve dated who were technically virgins. It scares me to think that I could have stopped this awesome relationship from happening just by being judgmental about something from his past.

    I’m not saying that this is true of everyone, but it’s important to look at the whole person when making relationship decisions. He respects my choice, and respects me, and that’s what really matters.

  66. Michelle says:

    OMG! Wow im soo impressed that there is guys that actually are waiting!! Im head over hills when i saw this :) i dream each day and night with my husband to be cause where i live all men are pigs (honduras that is) and i’ve been prayin’ for years and here i stand waiting . I loved to hear each of you guys say how hard its to wait and each days is longer but keep the faith i know it will happen for each and everyone of you.

  67. Chad says:

    I’m 20 but I’m not a true virgin even though I have no experience and it only really happened once. I’m a guy and my question is; would you girls still consider marrying someone like me, who had sex for the best reasons anyone could ever have and was hoping for marriage? I’m waiting until marriage now because I understand how much it means. I’m not particularly religious but I do go to church once and awhile. I’ve more or less lost hope that there would ever be a girl that I would ever find a girl that was waiting until marriage and was very beautiful. It’s almost enough to crush a heart sometimes when you think about waiting your whole life for a girl that will never exist

  68. Chad says:

    Sorry about the typos

  69. Andrea says:

    Yes of course they would, I love the comment from Stephanie, there are girl virgins out there who are not just fixated on their partner having to be virgins. I have to admit I used to be like that, but then decided it was silly to worry about such things, although the guy I’m with now is a virgin, I’m worried I won’t be able to wait… I love him.

  70. Charles says:

    I’m 20 and it’s really not hard waiting for me. I’m honestly not social enough to have any trouble with it. On the other hand, porn is a big problem for me. Just feel depressed and disgusting all the time. God’s been dealing with me and is making it a bit easier, but man… it feels like my only defense against that crap is to continually tell myself “The Lord has someone for you”. Actually having someone to love, hold and care for is just something I want so much.

  71. Olivia says:

    I’m a 25 year old girl who is waiting. It has been refreshing to go on here and see there are actually some guys out there who are willing to wait. I have not been in any long term relationships (longest has been 3 months and I suspect he dumped me as he realised he wasn’t going to get anywhere as I found out later he was bringing lots of girls back to his place after we broke up). Others have ended because lots of guys seem to be just trying to get me into their apartment on the first date and obviously want to move way too fast so I end it. I’ve never had to bring it up in conversation yet as I’m hoping that when then realise i go to church it may be assumed but that is not the case as not everyone in the church waits. I wouldn’t be too concerned if he had had sex before as lets face it it is kinda the norm but it would be nice if my future husband had waited too.

    My other worry (on top of thinking I’ll never find anyone) is that I’ll find one of those guys who wants to propose after just a few months (or worse weeks) and I don’t want someone to marry me as fast as they can just so we can have sex. I would like to date for at least a year or two.

  72. Kerrie says:

    I am a 39 year old virgin…and it is great to hear about others who have made the choice to wait. Waiting for God to bring you a mate is not easy, but I know it is worth the wait!!! Maybe soon God will lead a man to find me, but for now I prayerfully wait on Him.

  73. Annabel says:

    Just came across this website while I was browsing, I’m struggling with a decision, which has been mentioned many times above, I am a Christian although I rarely go to church and I do want to follow God but with peer pressure and things like that I find myself re-thinking my decision. It’s like a battle against myself! One side of me thinks I’ve made the right decision, and the other side thinks that I’m never going to find a guy that is a ‘waiter’ (love that phrase too :-)) I hope I’ll be able to hang on until the right guy comes along xxx

    Congratulations to everyone who waited by the way :-) x

  74. Annabel says:

    Oh, by the way, the decision is whether to have sex before marriage or not…sorry, completely forgot to put it in x

  75. Alex says:

    I’m a guy and a waiter but I’ve started to second guess my choice. I’m already 24 and now I’m pretty sure I don’t want to get married. Going a whole lifetime with out sex doesn’t seem reasonable if I don’t plan on being a priest.

  76. Annabel says:

    Unlike one of my friends, I’m not comfortable with the idea of being a 40 year old virgin – I just don’t think that I could do that. I am human! Alex, I think you’re right in that sense :-). It is hard and sometimes I don’t think it’s worth all the rejections, but hopefully it will be in the end :-) xxx
    Positive thinking!

  77. Andrea says:

    It’s good I’m not the only one doubting my ability to wait… I keep trying to find reasons for it to be okay to just have sex, if you love each other and are committed to each other, shouldn’t it be okay?

  78. Heidi says:

    I’m a 20 year old girl. Unfortunately I always get stuck with the wrong guys who don’t believe me when I say I’m a virgin and waiting. Just because I dress, act normally, party and am not christian, they don’t believe me because they have a misconception about virgins that they don’t care how they look or take care of themselves or they’re not as fun. I’m so surprised there are guy waiters too but I’m so happy about it. I’m not christian either but I’m planning to wait because I don’t want to be physically involved with someone I don’t love.
    Stay strong everyone =)

  79. Lat says:

    26 year old gal here, and kind of starting to lose hope. I’ve never even managed to be in any sort of relationship, and the waiting is a big deal for me. The closest I got to being in a relationship was a guy who’s reaction to the whole “waiting” thing (blurted out in a panic on the second date when his hand started straying) was a “We can take this relationship as slow as you need” which…well, it reads nice, but it sounds more like “I can be patient until you finally give me sex.” I mean, I appreciate a guy who believes no means no and all that, but I don’t want to be the only one in a relationship who’s waiting, because that means:
    A) I’m holding out on him and depriving him of something he considers important in a relationship, which just isn’t fair to him.
    B) If for whatever reason I have a moment of weakness, or even just get to a point where I give the wrong signal (say: “go further” as opposed to “I am enjoying this right here.”), he’s got no reason to stop either. Either way, the vibe was more of a guy who will patiently and gently coax you to a point where you’re ready to have sex, and I know what that point is for me–after we’ve walked down the alter. It’s not so much a matter of “going slow until you’re comfortable” as it is that it’s nowhere I want to go as an unmarried woman.

    I dunno, that’s the problem I’ve had with dating attempts. They guy can be perfectly nice and willing to wait…for awhile, and it just winds up feeling unfair to everyone involved.

    But it’s such a norm now. Like everyone expects sex to happen after the third date or whatever. How do you even approach date #1 when you’re not going to be simpatico on that one?

    I dunno, I’m not doubting my ability to wait–I’m stubborn as hell, really. I’m just getting to the point where three of my friends are deliriously happy with their partners and I’m left looking at tumbleweeds and wondering if I’m ever going to meet someone that I’ll be able to have a relationship with.

  80. Alyssa says:

    I am in college, and most of the guys I see all want to have one night stands, or a “relationship” surrounded by sex, but I don’t think that is a very good way to get to know each other, and how do you really know he likes you and not your body and face. Any way, I have made out with a few guys and gotten a little frisky but I always stop it because I do want to wait till marrige! I think it is more romantic. Is it bad that I want to have sex? Because sometimes I seriously crave it.

  81. Justin says:

    I was with my girlfriend for four and a half years, and we were both waiting. We started when I was 19 and she was 21 and we were long distant the whole time. now I’m 23 Turning 24 in April she is 26 turning 27 in October. We just broke up and now no matter how much I read. Finding a girl who will wait till marriage is so hard. Men are ridiculed for it and left for it (just as women are). We broke up on valentines day and now I’m sitting here wondering why someone who waits and does what ever he can to make her happy and then her mom gets in her head and tells her what to think will change her opinion about everything. Sex is something that can ruin a relationship if it’s built upon it. I firmly believe in God and what he can do and so did she, but I wasn’t catholic… It doesn’t matter if your meant to be you will be together… We were all born with hormones that make us crave sex, and when you do it reality sets back in and you realize you made a mistake… God knows all of our hearts and I don’t think that you are Damed if you do… I may sound bitter, but I know that waiting will take one of the biggest obstacles in your marriage away. Everybody should wait, but society is losing this core value and regardless I feel more alone than ever cause while the numbers may be big here… Everyone here is from another part of the world, and locally speaking it’s hard to find someone… The truth is, to me, that God will put someone in our lives that will satisfy every thing we need… The hardest part is understanding that and believing in that cause we can’t see the future. I know that I will wait till marriage and will no matter what… I think it’s good that there is a site like this but over the years there is really not that many people on here speaking globally… Idk I’m sad right now and don’t know what to do, when even if everything is done right, it still can be taken away… And the pain is still there… This is not the easy road and if it was everybody would do it. keep going with it, and you will find that’s it not really romantic, but you did what God asked you to do. Putting him first so everything else can be built upon it.

  82. Justin says:

    Chad you should never ever worry bro. Your past should have nothing to do with the girl you want to marry. We all make mistakes and even they are not exempted from it. You slipped but it’s not the end of the world. God knew what you were feeling and if a girl won’t date you for something in the past, that your changing not for her ,but your own self… Well then she didn’t know what she had. being a senior in college and seeing what I’ve seen, you may have a hard tie finding a girl who wants to wait. Don’t let the past stop you from becoming better. no girl has a right to say she won’t marry you cause your not a virgin… Unless they are marrying your virginity. Who knows the girl who said no may have had sex six months later… She doesn’t know the future and her mistakes to come and yet she is not willing to give you a chance? God forgives and we are to do so too. You know the temptations and when faced in that situation you will know what to do! It shouldn’t matter people slip, but if you find someone who is willing to wait and so are you, there is your chance to do what you originally intended to do. Good luck bro

  83. Mia says:

    Hey guys,
    Like everyone has said, it’s very inspirational to read your stance on pre-marital sex. It really speaks volumes of your values and character.
    I’m 21, Christian and a virgin but unlike others it doesn’t seem to burden me.

    I guess i’m just too concerned with university and my career atm but when i get a chance to contemplate i realise it’s just the kind of person i am, i have never done things by halves and always do what’s right and it simply wouldn’t feel right unless we’ve pledged to God, our families and each other that we would love each other unconditionally until death do us part.

    I doubt i will ever get married as i’m very opinionated and set in my ways and although i pledge my life to helping others (med school student trying to become a doctor) i am aware that i’m very hard to love.
    If i do ever find that special someone i’ll say “Thank you God!” If not, well, my life won’t be any less valuable.

    Hang on guys, you will make some lucky women spectacular husbands one day.
    And girls….”Don’t do a thing if ain’t got that ring” 😉

  84. Jess says:

    I always knew I wanted to wait until marriage, but it never really hit me that I wanted my husband to be the same way until today. I found out that one of my parents had been with multiple partners before getting married and it made my heart break for my other parent. It had come up in a conversation between the two of us and I could tell it bothered them a lot still. My point being that all of you guys out there waiting until marriage still give me hope that I might not have to go through the same thing. You have my sincerest thanks and highest regard.

  85. shininggirl99 says:

    I found this site really interesting. I’m almost 30, a waiter, and I had my last boyfriend when I was 17. I’ve had very complicated codependent crushes (I’m working on those, they’re rough) but I’ve also been very independent, career-oriented and volunteer-oriented, and willing to be adventurous in life, which oddly seems to not attract many single men close to my age. I have a very personal & adventurous relationship with God but don’t label myself as religious due to my own unhealthy legalistic upbringing (working through this, too). I’m finally brave enough to go there with myself to figure out what healthy sexuality means in my relationship with myself, and it’s extremely hard at times. Part of my upbringing included me being guilted and/or scared into staying a virgin by church members and insecure family & friends who greatly impressed upon me that I would be “damaged goods”, no longer special or valuable, or a disappointment in God’s eyes and my future husband’s eyes if I didn’t wait until I was married. The most detrimental thing about that upbringing was I learned it was shameful to want a lot of sex, to want to feel beautiful sexually, and that it was wrong to hope a nice guy wanted that for me while me gladly wanting to give that to him. Simultaneously, I learned from non-church society I was a reject or a freak because I was the only girl in the room who wasn’t married, didn’t have a kid, or had not experimented with sex in high school or college. As I’ve gotten older, it’s very obvious that ALL these reasons, from a church AND non-church perspective, are blatantly lazy and they scream of double standards, especially in the church (I’m not shy to say this). They are both attempts at social institutions to pressure women into an identity so they will be so-called accepted and validated by church members or non-church members to uphold an image that is for the interest of the institution, not the individual woman. Even guys who aren’t super spiritual or super secular, in particular the ones mentioned in previous posts that are waiters using their “radar”, are still trying to protect their own interests (their possible disappointment)- quit sizing up a gal’s virginity and instead size up the wisdom she has gained from God through her life experiences! The only radar to use is one that picks up on how she has come to value herself through her life experiences. She has not lived her life thinking, “I’ve waited so long to save myself for you and I want you to pick up on it with your magic radar, then I will be validated”. She has not lived her life to value YOUR RADAR CAPABILITIES, even if you have the best intentions for using it. Last year my 36 year-old boss/friend, who is not religious but quite conservative & is married with kids, who I thought was someone I could trust, became the first guy I had clearly told I was a virgin and it was humiliating. The more I had worked with him, the more I thought his values seemed to match some of mine, and in a conversation about teen dating, I confided quite solidly that in high school I dated an 18-year old guy when I was 15 and nothing serious happened, we were high school sweethearts who were in love but broke up a year later. He turned on his “radar” and completely blatantly shunned my honesty and declared, “Yeah right! What 18-year old guy dates a 15-year old girl and nothing happens??” Shocked, I tried to save face and said casually (while trembling in anger & embarrassment), “No really, nothing happened” and he continued to shun my statements He prided himself on his radar figuring out what I was “not saying” and was completely blinded to the truth, and completely blinded to how broken my femininity felt after that conversation. Despite numerous past times he told me I was a person of integrity, he was convinced of his own perception of my sex life than my character influencing my sex life! He did not value what I had worked hard to value in myself. Guys, your radar is not going to find you good gal friends to have around you to keep you in check and it SURE as hell is not going to find you a valuable future wife. True masculinity is not getting really good at searching for non-existent hidden messages or meanings in girls (aka your future wives); rather, it is being the one in the dating scene or the relationship to initiate real, compassionate, and respectfully curious conversation that starts with you laying it all out there about yourself (with appropriate boundaries), on what you value, and on what you see as your own weaknesses, rather than the efficacy or accuracy of your opinions and secret evaluating tools. Come on nice guys, God’s genius-ness did not skip you, quit taking the self-preserving mode that many NOT-nice guys take! Use your mind tools to pick up on the ways she has learned to value herself, and then reflect those back to her in your behaviors and words. If she reacts to these with uncertainty or negativity, she may have some self-issues she needs God (NOT YOU) to heal, so back away from being a potential date and be an off-to-the-side QUIET brother in Christ. If she reacts positively to this, it is likely she is someone who respects herself and wants to be valued by you but is healthy enough to not need you. Nice guys, when this happens, don’t you dare stop purposely valuing her! Ramp up your expectations of YOURSELF to work through your fear of rejection (none of your fear is her responsibility, ever) and steadily continue to interact with her based on the positive values she says and acts out that are important to her. Risking your fragility will actually communicate you are willing to experience anything to know the real person she is. When a guy showcases real and honest fragility of his own self, he respects himself from a humble perspective, and this beats any radar tool, because a healthy girl will be not be able to resist being extremely attracted to this.
    It’s not only about waiting on a woman that’s a virgin or waiting to have sex, it’s about waiting on a woman with wisdom and humility (and perhaps waiting on more of these two things for yourself…)
    Come on nice guys, change your perspectives and get out there to find us nice girls!!

  86. lief says:

    My boyfriend wants to keep his virginity until marraige, he is 23. I am from Asia and he’s from Europe, so for me.. it was surprise actually, I thought most of guys just want to lose their virginity as soon as possible at teenage. Or.. wouldn’t mind do it when they meet a right girl. I am the person who thought about keeping a virginity for myself, I just thought women here don’t have sex before marraige.. I hadn’t have a bf before and I just haven’t, couldn’t even imagine my girlfriends also would have a sex with a bf before marraige. But I realized women, people do have a sex before marraige ! And sometimes they got pregrnant before marraige ! and also some celebrities.
    So, I changed my mind, I could have a sex before marraige, lose my virginity when I meet a right person.
    And I have my bf ! And we do not need a protection, because we don’t, but we..enjoy sexually in other ways.
    So, well, I just thought, there would be just only a few guys who wait till marraige, so I searched and then came to this post !
    So I see now, there are many other out there !!

  87. ChaChelleChi says:

    I’m a 28-turning-29 single woman/girl who is saving herself for a blessed and meaningful eternal partnership.I am quite on the fence between waiting and asexuality.I’m happy that I don’t have much of interest to engage in sex.I say that I am a woman/girl because some of my interests doesn’t mirror that of a 28-year old woman – anime,animated films,cartoons,collecting character toys.I am not ashamed to be seen eating Happy Meal to collect the toys packaged in them.I don’t act quite a lady – I laugh out loud with all my throat exposed,Miss Manners be damned.I am all in favor of a childfree lifestyle.Yet at the same time,I chose to save myself for that special person God has given me.I would really appreciate it also if that person is a “waiter”.If inevitably,God has given me a person who wants to have children,even if I don’t prefer not to,I will bear his children.

  88. Cass says:

    Chad- Speaking from a girls point of view, I would still marry a guy, even if he had a past. Because everyone makes mistakes and i think its awesome that your choosing to wait now, its admirable, because you think if your’ve done it once, whats the point, but to be a 20 year old guy and choosing to wait even though you have a past is really awesome. And on the Beautiful Girls who are waiting part, i have numerous friends who i consider to be stunning, and are all waiting till marriage. All of them desire so greatly to find their future spouse, more than anything. There actually are a lot of girls, so stay hopeful. :) Those girls do exist. :)

  89. nkoyo says:

    wao! Dis is so encouragng. Am 25yr and realy waiting becoz i don’t want the hurts that come with premarital sex. Thou, i had fears and lots of insecurities about waiting but after reading all coments,i tink i want 2 kep waiting. Love this post

  90. Beren says:

    YES, some men wait for marriage. Not many, but some.

    I’m a 26-year-old man. I’ve been in the faith and in the church my whole life. I’ve spent my whole life trying to become the kind of man a good Christian woman would want to find. I always assumed that the person I would find would wait for me. It wasn’t even an issue; I took it for granted. I delayed the dating scene because I wasn’t ready for marriage, and otherwise, what is the point of dating?

    When I finally got out there, I experienced so much shock, dismay and outright despair at the state of things. Here I thought my virtue would be rewarded, and instead, I found the virgin women even in the church were few and far between! I began having conversations with my friends, even the solid, committed ones, and most of them admitted they’d had an indiscretion or two.

    Now people are telling me it’s my problem if I can’t forgive.

    Ladies, I don’t mean to be condemning, but you’re hearing from the sorely discouraged heart of a very sorrowful man who waited his whole life and can’t find a woman who has. You don’t know what it does to a man’s mind to have him waiting and saving and eagerly awaiting the day he can present himself whole and complete to his wife, only to find that…she gave everything away to someone else. Everything. To some other man. I get the leftovers.

    God created sex to be the ultimate act of love, submission, vulnerability, oneness. As a plus, he also pretty much made it the pinnacle of human experiences. It’s mental torture to hear a girl you’re interested in casually gave it to someone else. It’s been the end of more than a couple of relationship opportunities. I have a very good friend who might have more potential, but she was in a very long-term relationship, including sex. Marriage would be nothing new to her — the honeymoon wouldn’t be the beginning of something new and exciting and wonderful — it would just be a resumption of the path she started on long ago.

    Oh, and don’t assume I’m just some kind of super Christian who can stay chaste. The same mortal appetite burns in me as in you. I just believed some things were worth waiting for.

    Ladies, if you want a man who will be true, you have to be true. Boys will pressure, but men will wait. If you give in, you’re just validating and encouraging their behavior, and hurting the man who will show up one day and be more interested in touching your mind and heart before ever touching your body.

    Incidentally, if you want to read the letters of a lonely heart to his future bride, google “Letters to Luthien”

  91. Elizabeth says:


    I am a 27 year old woman who is waiting and hasn’t engaged in fornication. I understand what you are saying, but you can’t judge people’s past mistakes. Just because a person isn’t a virgin doesn’t mean he or she is “damaged good.” If that is the case, we are all damaged goods, given that the same God who commanded us not to fornicate also commanded us not to lie. (I doubt a single person on the forum hasn’t lied.) I’m drawing from scripture here–the Book of James. Ultimately, my point is that if you are Christian, you should seek out a good Christian woman, regardless of sexual history or history of sin period. (There are several good people; there are several “Christian” people, but strangely, finding a good Christian person is not always easy.) If God has erased a person’s past, then you shouldn’t judge or view it. In fact, if a person is committed to waiting now, I don’t think it is appropriate to get into a discussion about sexual pasts early on in order to make a decision on whether you will date a person or not. I don’t mean any offense, but your comment came off a bit judgmental to me, as though you were saying that if YOU waited and a woman did not, then you’re gift (your body, in terms of sexual intimacy) is more valuable than hers. This is not so. We were all bought at the SAME price…purchased with the blood of Christ.

  92. Elizabeth says:


    I am a 27 year old woman who is waiting and hasn’t engaged in fornication. I understand what you are saying, but you can’t judge people’s past mistakes. Just because a person isn’t a virgin doesn’t mean you are receiving leftovers. If that is the case, we are all giving “leftovers,” given that the same God who commanded us not to fornicate also commanded us not to lie. (I doubt a single person on the forum hasn’t lied. I’m drawing from scripture here–the Book of James.) Ultimately, my point is that if you are Christian, you should seek out a good Christian woman, regardless of sexual history or history of sin period. (There are several good people; there are several “Christian” people, but strangely, finding a good Christian person is not always easy.) If God has erased a person’s past, then you shouldn’t judge or view it. In fact, if a person is committed to waiting now, I don’t think it is appropriate to get into a discussion about sexual pasts early on in order to make a decision on whether you will date a person or not. I don’t mean any offense, but your comment came off a bit judgmental to me, as though you were saying that if YOU waited and a woman did not, then you’re gift (your body, in terms of sexual intimacy) is more valuable than hers. This is not so. We were all bought at the SAME price…purchased with the blood of Christ.

  93. Beren says:


    Were you and I to sit down over coffee, you would understand whereof I speak. Forgiveness is foundational to Christianity, and I understand that under the law I am a sinner just as anyone else is. But some sins are different than others. One may be forgiven of a murder and yet still have to face the consequences, and live under the shadow of having taken a human life. Believe me when I say I have contemplated this issue, alone and before the Throne, from every possible angle. I have sought counsel from pastors and wise leaders, and sought solutions to resolve the mental agony of considering marriage to a nonvirgin. I have asked God to remove the stumbling block in my mind.

    It simply won’t do. I cannot abide the thought of my wife in bed surrendering herself to another man’s embrace. I believe that eternity goes backwards as well as forwards, and that so-called eternal love should too. If I, a young male in American culture have abstained for this long, it is not unreasonable to hold her to the same standard. Anything less breaks my heart from the beginning.

    I believe this could be a difference in genders. I have talked with female friends who believe it would be harder to accept a woman who gave herself away as opposed to a man. Without being too graphic, even the roles of the physical act are quite different. Women must open and surrender everything they have and invite. Men are, well, they can be in and out and less involved. I do not hold them to a lower standard, but I’ve heard even pagans discuss how men are territorial and have more difficulty accepting that in females.

  94. Elizabeth says:


    Indeed, some sins are different than others. I agree. But the forgiveness is the same. And I understand that there is a natural order that causes us to suffer consequences to sin. BUT natural order would refer more to the psychological or physical damage one has suffered because of the poor decision…ie depression, guilt, pregnancy, STD’s, ect. It should not refer to man’s judgment. The kind of consequence where a woman is publicly stoned is under the old law. The law at work now is greater, and it entitles everyone to the same forgiveness. Given that Paul even says to judge no man according to the flesh, I think the challenge is on you to see with a spiritual eye. If God has said any sin is removed, it is because he said it, not because you can see it or otherwise.

    In reference to the male/female differing ideas on purity, we must again look at it through God’s lens. The unbalanced judgment is something that has seeped through the cultural, but is not necessarily a God-centered idea. Yes, a woman is opening herself up and embracing, but a man is also giving and emptying himself. It goes both ways…big time. I say this because I used to feel the same way you did. But I KNOW for a fact that God does change the heart on these kinds of matters. It doesn’t happen over night, but I do believe that “light” will go off and you will understand it better.

    I don’t mean any offense…not at all. But I can honestly tell you that I have seen the light of Christ shine through some people who are not virgins more than those who are. And ultimately, that’s what I’m attracted to–the light of Christ. And if a person is in Christ, that light will shine bright and matters of the flesh are dimmed.

    As I’ve said before, I really don’t think it’s appropriate to get into sexual history so early on. You have to see people for who they are now. St. Paul was a murderer in essence. In order of sin, that is one of the biggest. But he is a saint nonetheless and the early apostles/disciples had to accept him. I think you (and me) are charged to do the same. When you accept someone (a repentant person), it means full acceptance, not acceptance with the caveat of “but you’re not marriage material for me anymore.” Given that fornication and idolatry are comparable, Christ would not accept any of us as his bride if it were based on past sin. This is my belief and although it’s easier to say I will only marry a male virgin, I have to take the higher road which is Christ’s way…that while we were yet sinners he died for us…and chose us as his bride.

  95. Beren says:

    Elizabeth, you are kind and mean well, and I take no offense at your attempts for gentle correction. Believe me when I say all this and more I have gone through in my mind many, many (many) times.

    I think it is difficult to explain until you are a man who has waited all his life (greater than a quarter century) and has difficulty accepting that someone he may one day marry welcomed another man’s genitals into her own. You will pardon the crudity, but that is the situation, and it creates a mentally intolerable oppression that no logic can surmount.

  96. Alex says:

    I am a 20 year old guy and I am also waiting for marriage. The thing is I havent gone to church yet and its been really hard to find the right moment to share my faith with my friends. I would love to get married one day but right now I am still immature with my faith in God. Although I strongly want to wait, I find myself watching porn and thinking alot about sex. I even lust after some of my close female friends and it makes me feel sick about myself. I pray to God everyday to change me I definately do not want to be the man I am now when I meet my next girlfriend. I wish I had more people like all of you in my life =/. None the less, I am happy to be a Christian and having Jesus in my life.

  97. Alex says:

    Elizabeth you have a great point. I honestly have a hard time thinking that I might marry someone who is not a virgin. Now that I am born new in Christ, I have the power to forgive. Even if I marry an ex-pornstar as long as she decided to leave her ways behind, has no STDs, and follows Christ teachings. Love is forgiving and it does not boast. It’s not fair to hold grudges on someone for their past mistakes, it completley contradicts God’s word.

  98. Ana says:

    Heyy I was reading many comments and its very helpful knowing that guys do actually wait. I’m about to be 18 I barely had my first boyfriend and its been more than a year now I wudnt have thought that sex wud be an issue as I always thot of myself to be a “waiter” but its an issue that is constantly coming up now. My boyfriend feels as if he has waited ling enough and says the maximum a person shud make them wait is two years. I don’t really agree with him as IV always wanted to wait til marriage. he says that everyone has done it and its not something bad because we truly love eachother. I do love him nd he says he loves me too but I can’t make him understand that its best to wait. I tell him “if you love me u shud be willing to wait ” but he always turns things around and says “if you love me u shud be willing to do it”…And it makes me feel bad as of makes me think that waiting shudnt matter :/ I’m in search for advice if anyone is willing to give me some.

  99. Alex says:

    Hey ana i just saw your comment and i hope im not too late to reply. Do not, and I mean, DO NOT give in. You are going to regret it. If you have sex with him it will feel great and you two will grow closer together, but just remember he is not your husband and he is not forced to stay with you. So if you have sex with him now It will hurt your relationship with him, your actual husband in the future (if he somehow doesn’t become your husband that is), and most importantly your relationship with God. If he is not willing to wait for you than he really does not love you or respect your body and faith. In fact he cares more for his fleshly desires instead of you. Do not give in trust me you will not regret it, there are plenty guys out there, if not him, who are willing to wait for you. Keep your heart to God and don’t give up. God Bless.

  100. Alex says: and Ana here is a link I think will be of great help

  101. Ana says:

    Thank you for your advise Alex I’m really going to take everything into consideration because your right. none of us know what’s going to happen in the future so I’m gonna keep my heart to God. Thank you very much it was very helpful and God bless you.

  102. Alex says:

    God bless you too. It was my pleasure to help.

  103. kelly says:

    Well this really does restore my faith in men! I was at the point where i hated all men and thought i’m better off on my own. I’m 21 and every guy i’ve ever dated has been sex mad! i’ve even tried to convert some of them tried to change them but it’s never worked! I believe in god but don’t necessarily go to church, i do go to night clubs and parties however I dont drink much if any alcohol, im also in an indie alternative rock band with 3 other non christian/non virgin guys (who i actually get on great with but would NEVER consider dating) so probably not many things you would associate with a christian/virgin girl. (maybe that’s where i’m going wrong!). A little tip for girls who aren’t sure if a guys a virgin or not – seek another guys opinion. for example, I have a close friend who is a guy and in a round about way i kind of ask him what his views are on the guy i’m dating and he usually will say ‘probably best to avoid his type’ or even ask a brother. least that way you aren’t wasting your time developing feeling for someone. Its hard when you like a guy a lot and i’ve often been in the position where a guy likes me a lot but ends the relationship because i’m waiting. I hate the thought of (might sound bad) but marrying a guy who has been with lots of girls…it actually gets me down but i’m not giving in now that i know use are out there! Also reading from previous posts…i would LOVE it if a guy was to say to me on a first date ‘i dont believe in sex before marriage’ clear and to the point! trust me the girl thats for you will be delighted when you tell her that =)

  104. Alexa says:

    I’m so glad I stumbled across this page. Recently I’ve been feeling so down about this topic and was coming to the conclusion that I’d wind up alone until I’m old and grey, if I chose to stay a “waiter”. I’m 17, turning 18 in a few months, Catholic, but I don’t go to church at all. Most of my friends and girls I know at school have had sex. People find me attractive physically and personality wise, and it’s been hard waiting, because it just feels so difficult to stand by your convictions, despite the pressures around you. All the guys I’ve ever been with have only wanted sex. “Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free”, right? But I’m still feeling that sense of doubt. That my waiting is futile and that I will never find that right guy who will not only share the same interests, but be compassionate and unconditionally loving, AND be willing to wait until marriage, WITHOUT being an over the top bible worshipper (no offense to those dedicated Catholics – I respect you). It just seems impossible sometimes, you know?

  105. Amy says:

    I’m so glad to have found this site!! I’m a 22 female virgin, who is waiting til marriage, and lately I’m not getting much support from any one on this manner, even my own mother! My mother thinks it’s silly im waiting! :( She thinks im too old, and the says “everyone does it”. I find that very hurtful! I also struggle with finding the right guy who will wait as well.

  106. A Woman says:

    “Ho Bags.” That’s really nice. Thanks for that. I was sold into prostitution at a young age after my virgin husband who I married in another country didn’t want to be sexual with me. I think some of y’all “wait” because you’re really just not into it. This article brought a whole new sense of hopelessness to finding a nice guy who will marry me and give me a new start after years of celibacy that has followed years of extreme physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. But I’m just a “ho bag.” Good to know.

  107. Mike says:

    @A Woman – Sorry about that. I was trying to illustrate a bitter mentality using colloquial terms. The tone of that sentence was actually supposed to be light and relatable, not judgemental. I have modified the offending sentence. Given what you went through, I think you’re understandably a little sensitive to those kinds of words. FWIW, I think there ARE guys out there who would marry you and give you a fresh start. Forgetting about guys who are already WTM for a sec, guys on the whole are more willing to wait on a girl than many girls expect.

  108. Kayla says:

    I’m glad I found this page, I was getting pretty hopeless. I’m 20 and it just seems like there is no guy that is waiting. (I know there are, but they’re hiding very well.) It’s hard enough finding a guy that’s waiting until marriage, but when I do find one, they watch porn, which I find a huge problem.

  109. Matt says:

    Pretty cool website! That’s great that there are so many people who are waiting. Regrettably I am not a virgin, but I decided a year ago that it’s never too late to start to try to be a better person, I think refraining from premaritial sex is a step in the right direction. It’s tough looking back in the past and realizing you’ve made immoral mistakes, but that’s part of life I guess.

  110. Matt says:

    Also, advice on matter is always appreciated. The temptation is always there, and so are the fantasies as well, this makes it all the more challenging, but hopefully worth it. :-)

  111. Laura says:

    I’m a 21-year-old virgin, waiting until marriage. What really gets frustrating to me is when you meet a *great* guy, develop a huge crush on him, and then find out he’s not waiting until marriage. And you tell yourself… alright, I can deal with that. So long as he respects my decision. But he won’t. He doesn’t. And there it goes out the window, yet another opportunity for a relationship thrown away because no one in our culture these days recognizes the value of waiting until marriage for sex. And yeah, you know you’ll find the right guy someday, but it’s really irritating watching all these people around you getting into relationships, because you want that really badly, but you’re not going to settle for some guy who isn’t going to respect you. So you keep turning guys away, and start to wonder if you’re too picky, or if there just aren’t any good guys anymore, and go through this whole cycle of misery and annoyance until finally you just say “screw it!” and decide to stop looking for a guy and deal with being lonely.

    So yeah… waiting until marriage is a good thing in the long run. But it SUCKS short term.

  112. Laura says:

    And also… am I going to have to settle on some wholly unattractive not-that-great person just because the pool of virgins to choose from to date is so small? The amount of male virgins is small enough, but the amount of male virgins I’m actually compatible with is even smaller. It’s ridiculous.

  113. Michelle says:

    I’m a 20 year old girl and I’m waiting. I’m also really glad to have come across this page because it gives me a little hope that not all guys follow the whole “theres no way I’m waiting that long!” thing. But I really love what one guy said in one of the previous comments: “Stop looking and start waiting. Focus on God and trust in his timing.” I think that’s the best advice I’ve ever heard.

  114. rainy says:


    I am a 32 yr old female who has saved herself for marriage. I made a decision a long time ago that I would hold out for a man who was not only pure physically, but who also refused to view pornography. However, after talking to many different guys, I am beginning to wonder if my standards are too high. It seems like I am always the one who has to say no to a potential relationship after finding out the guy is either not a virgin, or has/is struggling with porn. I guess I am just seeking some advice on wether or not I should lower my standard in these two areas. Any advice would be helpful as I am getting pretty discouraged.

  115. Anna says:

    Wow, I’m a girl waiting until marriage and I know plenty of other girls that are waiting too, but I never knew there were so many guys waiting, even non-religious guys (that kind of blew my mind!) I knew there are guys out there that are waiting, and I’m only 16 so don’t really have to worry about it just yet, but it was pretty cool to find out that more guys than i thought actually are waiting:) So to wrap this up, thank you to all the great guys out there who are waiting, you give us girls hope and are truly a blessing! And i know it will mean the world to all of your future wives that you are saving yourself for her:)

  116. Yup says:

    I am 34 years old and still a virgin. I chose to be a virgin due to my parents divorce… I have had chances to have sex but I have put them all down. does that make me the bad guy?

  117. Mike says:

    @Yup – It’s totally cool to wait until marriage for sex because you want a better relationship than your parents had. That doesn’t make you a bad guy. But make sure you’re not avoiding relationships and intimacy entirely, because THAT is not healthy.

    Waiting on sex = totally cool. Waiting on relationships/intimacy = attachment disorder (bad).

  118. Jinnie says:

    Im a 20 year old girl who is waiting :)Its nice to know that there are still some guys out there who are also waiting

  119. Kim says:

    I’m a 19 year old girl… waiting :) Thank you so much for this page.. it has definitely given me much hope :) I will trust in God to give me that virgin man (and keep him away from temptation for the time being).. if that’s His plan for me :) hopefully.

  120. Vavou says:

    I am a 23 year old woman waiting…but going through a period of fear and discouragement right now. I have never had boyfriend and for years I haven’t met or find myself really liking anybody. Recently I met this really nice guy but i am afraid. Afraid that he most likely will not be a waiter or that in the beginning he will put up a front and start asking for sex later. Needless to say i don’t even want to talk to him. Maybe I am wrong who knows…but this is really heartbreaking. I will continue to trust and believe God though. With God given strength I will endure.

  121. Roxanne E says:

    Everyone’s comments are so insightful and encouraging–just the honest sharing. There is an authentic sense of community here and it shows that there’s so much more depth to each of us than just what meets the eye. For the “waiters” who are 29 and 30…never lose hope. I am 37, but very youthful and mistaken by some for late 20s. For me life is still full, with travels, work, dancing, drawing, going to museums, surfing,(appreciating life). I am confident and comfortable in my own skin. These are qualities that some people who are having sex regularly don’t even have. Sometimes, life distractions(work, caring for ill loved ones, not meeting the right people)can occupy so much of our time and thoughts. Sexuality is a part of who we are and who God made us…I guess, in a Christian sense, He just want’s us to use it in the right context. I don’t get that yet. I just haven’t met the right person for me who I’d trust enough to have coitus/intercourse with. I like to keep healthy, risk-free, and disease free. I have had some very intimate experiences with very few guys, but not full intercourse because, despite all that life has brought me, I remember being taught at around 11 to wait until marriage. It’s hard when you don’t see any cool prospects in sight. The dudes in church don’t bother to approach for a date, I feel more comfortable with my own company, or I don’t know if I have the courage to marry since coming from a broken home. There are many factors to consider. To the non-Christians and honest seekers or people with intelligent, valid questions about faith, I’m saying: don’t lose hope. I’m telling you and myself:-). To be sexually aware and sexy doesn’t necessarily mean you’re actually sexually active with anyone. But know that you’re no “less than” anyone just because you’re waiting…we’re waiting.

  122. Roxanne E says:

    …Also: Props to YUP…30-something “waiters” in tha’ house!! Lol. But, Yup, sometimes we have to try to separate the decisions of our parents and their choices/consequences of their choices from our capacity to make choices in our own lives. It’s hard because I know that no matter how grown we adult children are, we’ve been influenced greatly and even unconsciously by our parents. Sometimes in something as simple as a figure of speech I use or a fashion accessory I choose, I think “Man, I sound like my Mom” or “Mom would have chosen this scarf.” It’s crazy.

  123. Roxanne E says:

    The question I face is: How can I be waiting for marriage if I’m not even sure I want to get married? Somewhere in this dilemma lies my doubts about the character of the guys I see around. Yet, if I look more deeply within, it also stems from unresolved inner conflicts about my parents’ divorce too. I know that as adults we have the power of choice and the responsibility/consequences for them. Yet, so much of who we are is still influenced by many of our early life experiences it seems. From going to church I think I’ve learned that one of the qualities about Jesus is that He can intervene and give people understanding and help our perpectives on life issues. If this is true, then, man…do I need that kind of intervention, pronto!

  124. Roxanne E says:

    @Mike…in your earlier comment to Yup, thanks for making the distinction between what attachment disorder is and what it is not. Insightful.

  125. Roxanne E says:

    @ Mia: “Don’t do a thing if it ain’t got that ring!” CLASSIC!! LOL.

  126. Roxanne E says:

    @ Laura…so honest…waiting SUCKS in the short-term. Also: it’s weird too when you have friends around you who’ve already had children and you still haven’t even had intercourse. I get it and I identify with the loneliness and sense of “screw it! why bother?”. Yet, when a new Saturday comes and sun’s shining bright…I’m up from my pining at home and off to the beach! It’s hard…but there’s something about watching the waves that is soothing and very comforting for me. I don’t know if you write, but keeping a journal also helps.

  127. Brooke says:

    What an amazing thread! I was truly convinced that people just didn’t wait anymore. I’m 19 and planing on waiting for marriage, I don’t mind if I find a guy that’s a virgin, as long as he understands why I am. I feel like sex has become so casual that I tend to be a little embarrassed when the time comes to tell someone, even another girl, that I’m a virgin. People just don’t get it, but maybe I’m just hanging out with he wrong people. My question is, how do I meet a guy that will be okay with this? Church isn’t great for meeting guys in my experience. I go in, I listen to the sermon, I leave. Great for me spiritually, but not exactly a hot spot for meeting guys.
    Also, it’s really hard for me to not think about having sex, I don’t want to, but it’s hard when every other show on television or movie in the theater has raunchy sex scenes. Curious, how do others cope with that?

  128. Zeke says:

    So……….I’m kind of new to this site. I found it doing a search for local support groups for guys wanting to wait… I’m so glad to know that there are both girls and other guys who are waiting; Mike, you’re right about us guys wondering where all the girls like us are (the ones who are also waiting), but add depression to the list of things that go through our minds. At least mine, anyway. There’s nothing more lonely than being laughed at when you say you’re 21 and still a virgin, or trying to find a nice moral girl to court and discovering that they don’t seem to exist in the general area, or being dumped, after 13 months, because all your girlfriend wanted was sex, and it took her that long to give up on cracking your resolve. So much for “I love you”. Those words don’t mean much to most people these days. But they do to me. I’m so tired of being alone, not only in terms of friends and female companionship, but also in my beliefs, my morals. I guess this little paragraph is the result of a desperate search to find people like me, just to talk to, so I can stand strong.

  129. Zeke says:

    @Brooke– I tried to find a young woman at church too, but got the same result as you. As for meeting a guy who’s okay with waiting, that’s hard to answer, as I am trying to find a girl who is the same. Probably if you got acquainted with another woman who is waiting, she might be in a circle of friends that contains guys who are at least respectful of your wishes.

    I completely understand what you mean about the TV nowadays. I’m trying to find an answer to the same question. How do you stand strong when literally everything around you is telling you that waiting is stupid? I think ultimately we have to find friends who share our morals and can support us in our decisions. In the meantime, I suggest finding a station that plays old TV shows, like The Andy Griffith Show, The Dick van Dyke Show, Bonanza, et cetera. Gotta love Dick van Dyke!

    I’ll pray for you to find someone.

  130. Jayna says:

    o.k. I have a question for you. I have known “k” since childhood. She is 29, 5ft9, master’s degree, crazy funny and quick, sings like a rock star, radiantly beautiful, trained dancer and very musical, everybody loves her, virgin, loves kids and dogs, and is just about perfect. She cannot get a date. Guys just don’t ask her. It has been that way all through high school, college and grad school. They all love her as a friend and love hanging out with her but no fireworks. She is so ready for that relationship, marriage and family. I don’t know how to help her. When my hubs and I try to fix her up the guys act awkward like the virgin thing is so scary. A guy who was her close friend in college and is still single said once he didn’t think anyone would be good enough for her even though she was and is head over heels for him. He admitted it was all him and that she never gave him any reason to think that and he thought she was the perfect girl. What is the matter with guys? Do you have to be a witchy HO to get a date? Why can’t they just accept the gift and go for it? I am so sad for her. This incredible, beautiful, talented, gem of a woman is just going to go to waste and die alone. She is not homely or backwards. So what is the problem? Help me here.

  131. Mike says:

    @Jayna – So your friend K is a 29-year-old, 5ft9, grad-degreed virgin who’s super hot? Well, speaking as a 29-year-old, 5ft9, grad-school-bound software developer virgin, I’d like you to send “K” this link for me.

    Seriously though, it sounds like she’s dating in the wrong circles. I’ve known several girl waiters who went on to marry non-virgin guys who were totally cool with the virgin thing — well, they learned to be totally cool with it because they loved her.

    Stupid question: she attends church groups and/or other religious-leaning events, right? That’s the best place to look for people who will be understanding of the v-card thing (still, I’ve seen girls find plenty of understanding way outside the church).

    If all else fails, you could always send her here! In this group, the thing that makes her repellent to other guys makes her a hundred times more attractive.

  132. Jayna says:

    Ok here’s the deal….she isn’t dating PERIOD! Nobody in high school, (except a prom date with a guy/friend)3guys in college, 0 in grad school. She has been active in church her whole life until after college when the “youth group” all were married and she had the lovely choice of the 50 year olds or the high schoolers. I know you must think this is crazy but the girl was the captain of the drill team, competed and won bug in the cattle and horse show circuit, won huge scholarships, homecoming gal in college, elected president of a state agriculture association, and the list goes on. My hub’s married friends think she is divine; most of them because they found out the “easy” girl they married has now lost her appeal and there is more to a relationship. The guys at church are either sadly “odd” or devout in an overly self righteous manner. She doesn’t drink so bar hopping not an option. She is on several boards and is surrounded by men so the male availability thing is not an issue. She has said that it is almost like she exudes “don’t get near me ’cause I don’t put out” pheromones! I think guys are intimidated by her but she is so sweet, considerate, and likeable. She has lots of friends both male and female. I have seen her for years in social situations and she is not weird or scary. If she knew I sent this in she would have a fit but I don’t want her to end up alone. Thanks for any input. What are we missing here?

  133. Marsh says:

    I am glad to hear about all the guys that are patiently waiting. I am 30 and still waiting. The girl that I am currently engaged to is the first ever in my life and will be my last. It has been by God’s grace!

  134. anonymous says:

    glad i found this, I’m almost 28 and still a waiting out of principle and not religious reasons. good luck to all!

  135. Raj says:

    I am 32. I am the son of a Christian pastor and I was a virgin till I got married at 30. I almost gave up hope of finding anyone who waited like me. I am Indian so most of my friends waited, but for Americans its a different story. I have not remotely met or heard of anyone who had only 1 partner for life. After reading these posts I can tell u guys that its the toughest thing to do. U are under pressure and feel miserable. At times I wonder if Christianity and other religions are about depriving people of pleasure. I personally still respect people who have been in relationships, but I totally hate guys or girls who’ve had casual sex.

  136. stefano levy says:

    Just a comment>>> many people ralate this with religious beliefs, and I have to say that I’m atheist and is a choice. I’m waiting to have sex just the right girl the one if who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
    Why? Not because of fuckings gods, I used as a WA o show my love how important is love in my life, love us the only magic think in my life.
    My lust for pussy is not greater for my desire for magic love… 22 goo lolling male and very proud :) and extremely liberal btw

  137. Wowgirl says:

    I am actually shocked. I am serious, I didn’t know there are guys who are waiting until after marriage. I am not from the US and I was raised as a catholic. I believe in my faith and I do attend church every Sunday. No offense, but living in this country scared me, every girl I’ve met has already gone all the way. Out of my 4 best friends 3 of them already done it. Even my first day at work, a lady talked about her sex life as a teenager and I was just shocked. Where I am from very few people have sex before marriage, and if they do have sex before marriage (girls) they end up having a surgery preformed to become virgins again! (very painful) yes that’s correct, because no man will accept a non-virgin girl.

    It is very hard for me to date, every guy that asks me out i get so uncomfortable, I want to say yes but so many things go through my mind, and believe it or not sex is one of the first things I think of, I just feel like that’s why they want to date me in the first place. My first boyfriend was the same nationality and religion as me so sex was never an issue knowing we are both on the same page. My second boyfriend was not my nationality but we had been friends for 2 years prior to him asking me out, I did say yes, thinking I actually know him. sadly, sex was a topic he opened right after we started dating, and I was open and honest about it. At the time he respected my decision but he started to shift away to a point where I didn’t know if he was still alive anymore. (The funny part was he wanted sex but wasn’t comfortable talking to me on the phone, someone please explain to me that part). Now when a guy asks me out I don’t even think twice about it, even if they are attractive I tell them I am sorry I am not interested.

    I will never change my mind about the whole sex before marriage but this generation is just a mess and sometimes it makes me think about it. It is not just part of my religion but I actually DO want to wait.

    So this page helped me a lot, made me feel like i am not alone.

  138. Mario says:

    I’m a 18 year old guy and I’m waiting for marriage too, I would really love to get married in the near future,but as one of the commentators here I’m still immature with my faith in God. Although I’m a Christian, I fail just like anyone and watch porn or think a lot of how I want to have sex or lusting women and I hate that as it makes me think I am not worth to be a Christian and makes me relapse every time. But I know I can change, I will keep praying to improve myself and when I do, it will only be thanks to God for helping me and for not giving up on me. I will also grow in my faith and pray for my future wife every day.

    Anyway, thank God I found this site it encourages me even more to wait until marriage.

    Also, I would have never thought of this, but as I was reading through the comments, a fellow Honduran wrote her comment here before me and I was shocked lol. Michelle if you read this, it’s true we Honduran men are pigs, but there is always the exception just keep your faith in God.

  139. Emily says:

    Wow this site is so encouraging! I am 24 and waiting and am so happy to hear of guys out there doing the same! I think I almost made the decision to wait for sex even before I knew what it was growing up in the church, so at the time as a child not understanding I didn’t fully know what I was getting myself into but I for sure want to wait as hard as it may turn into at times. I did go out with a guy and we were watching a movie and then started kissing and it turned very passionate, I really enjoyed it but a light kinda turned on in my head that we were moving too fast and I shouldn’t be doing that. I believe that light was God :)
    Now I’ve started dating a guy who is not a proclaimed Christian and I don’t fully know all his beliefs, we’ve been out twice now but other than a hug at the end of each date haven’t done anything physical which is great cause slow is imoortant when you’re waiting Now I do feel I should make my boundaries known to him the next time we go out ( if we do, its not set yet)and hopefully he’ll be ok with waiting too. We haven’t talked at all about this however, he knows I’m a Christian and go to church regularly as well as I mentioned going to a worship night so he must know I’m pretty serious about my faith but there are church goers who haven’t waited…anyways I don’t want to “lead him on” and also I don’t want my own feelings to get in the way…
    A word of advice to “guy waiters”, Christian ones in particular…there’s many “girl waiters” who attend church, Bible study, etc. not that you should go looking there lol but if you go just for your own reasons (learning more about God, building a stronger relationship with Him) you might end up meeting a girl with similar beliefs
    I wish there were more single guys at church! Haha :)

  140. AlexR says:

    At twenty, i feel that most of the girls (i bring them up seeing as i prefer girls) have had sex, a part of me has always wanted to share my first time with somebody who has also waited. My friends tell me that their are still girls, but i have come to find that most of them are in the church, and my feelings for the church right now are debatable. Its not that i dont have a faith, im a Seventh-day Adventist and im proud of it, but church has become nothing but a double standard and i nolonger feel a strong kinship to the church or most of its members (a long story thats way off topic).

    I wonder if its wrong to consider them having sex with somebody else a possible deal breaker. i dont want to say no just because of their past, my dad didnt wait and my parents love each other to no end.

    I didnt even think about them having sex until a friend of mine once said that he remembers his first time perfectly, but regrets that he dosnt remember the first time with his wife. It got me to worrying that my first time will only be remembered by me. So many different thought and opinions are in my mind just thinking about it i dont even think i could write them all down and make sense to anybody by the end.

    If anybody can tell me, is it wrong to consider the girl having sex a deal breaker? like i said, i dont want to tell her know and goodbye just over her past, but i dont like the idea that she will have been with an other guy.

  141. Sarah says:

    Hi all, I feel really encouraged by all your stories and wanted to share mine because I’m sure other people are in my position. I’m 22 years old and consider myself a waiter although I have already have sex. I live in Europe where abstinence is practically unheard of and even more rare than in the US. Although I have always believed in God and knew it’s best to wait until marriage to have sex, I started having sex at a young age due to peer pressure and bad choices. I had 2 serious relationships and then at the age of 19 I decided to recommit to purity. I believe God forgives all our sins and makes us pure again.

    So I have a question for the guys here: if you’re waiting, would you mind a girl who has now decided to wait but didn’t in the past?

    For me it’s mostly about the heart and forgiveness is key. I don’t expect anyone to be perfect but I know through Christ we can overcome temptations.

  142. AlexR says:

    Sarah, To reply to your question, that is one of the questions that led me here.

    To get to the point and skip the story, it would have some effect on me if she had been with another guy, but i wouldn’t hold it against her. If im marrying a girl, we are both saying we accept each other and what we have done, we may not like it, but we love each other.

  143. Lucy says:

    I’m so glad I found this, and I really hope it’s true. Me and two of my best friends want to wait until we’re married to have sex, and I feel like we’re the only ones. I’m sixteen, and it feels like everyday i hear about a new person who lost their virginity. I havn’t had a boyfriend since 8th grade, because I’m really shy and am too afraid to talk to most guys. Also, I feel like it would be pointless, because what guy would want to go out with me if I’m not willing to have sex with them. My best friend is so beautiful it doesn’t really matter that she’s not willing to have sex. She’s still had boyfriends and dates to homecoming. People tell me I’m pretty but, it can’t be true because guys never like me. This article does, however, give me hope that maybe someday I’ll meet somebody willing to wait.

  144. Brenda says:

    Hi All. Wow, this site is encouraging. It is incredibly refreshing to read all these comments. Like so many of the other ladies have commented, I am amazed at all the guy “waiters”. I am 23 yrs old, and am also a girl waiter. I guess my struggles with this issue are relatively recent, as in the past 3 years, because I grew up in a culture similar to that of the Amish or Mennonites where premarital sex was forbidden, so it wasn’t really an issue for me. But when my family moved away from this community, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Everywhere I looked there was this temptation. Movies, my former workplaces, talking with “friends” u name it. I started thinking why not?… Going from such a conservative environment to today’s culture where pretty much anything goes could have swept me up, and it almost did, but Thank God, I was able to see that this would only have led down a self-destructive path for me, and now my determination to remain a virgin till marriage is that much stronger. God Bless all you others out there that feel the same.

  145. RB says:

    I’m 23 and have never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl or had sex and live in London, England. It appears that the majority of people on here are American, where Christianity is quite big. Are there many other english girls out there that haven’t had a bf, kissed a guy or had sex too? It really feels as if there aren’t any it’s a bit depressing :( (and if so, where are you all hiding? lol) it seems like every girl i know isn’t waiting.

  146. Lost says:

    What about falling in love with someone who didn’t?

    We can’t control who we love, though I wish very much that we could. I am a girl in my early mid 20’s, and have kept myself to myself despite dating at least twenty different guys. The story is always the same: meet a nice guy, go on a few dates with him, he pressures for sex, I leave. But this time, it’s different. I love my current boyfriend very much. He is kind to me, and we’ve been dating for 1 year and says he is willing to wait until we get married. He offered to marry me in 2 years, after we get out of graduate school. The only downside of our relationship is his past. He is 27, has had 10 girlfriends before me and has slept with 6 of them. I don’t know what to think. He will be my first and only, and I shall be nowhere close to his first. Should I marry him? Should I wait for someone else? What do I do

  147. so lonely says:

    I feel so lonely. Where do I go to find virgin guy waiters? For some reason I can’t stand the fact of being with a guy who has done it before even if hes willing to wait. I just can’t get over it . I get jealous easily. I almost feel like giving up. So does anyone no where to go to find others like me? I would go to church but my families not religious and I don’t no how to get there. I’m scared to tell my parents. :(

  148. Amy says:

    (for contexts sake, 17 year old girl, London, England, one serious relationship with a non-christian in which i fought to the death for my virginity. not literally, no hard feelings there. well..)

    Owww I just want to give everyone on this page a cuddle! and say either
    1. well done, i give you a round of applause, standing ovation, upmost respect for waiting
    2. you’re so not alone, look at us all.. and we’re just the people that can be bothered to google it and then can be bothered to comment. even if you are physically alone right now… you’ve got ya self… cracking bants to myself is sometimes the highlight of my day.. and clinging like a leach to God can be a laugh if you’re in to that sort of thing 😉
    3. and if you didn’t wait… life goes on, you live and you learn, still upmost respect, it can be a hard world.

    To RB “I’m 23 and have never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl or had sex and live in London, England. It appears that the majority of people on here are American, where Christianity is quite big. Are there many other english girls out there that haven’t had a bf, kissed a guy or had sex too? It really feels as if there aren’t any it’s a bit depressing (and if so, where are you all hiding? lol) it seems like every girl i know isn’t waiting.”

    i hear you brotherrrrrrrr! i was being encouraged by all these comments but taking them with a pinch of salt because i thought they were all from America, when I live a world away in London. Literally feel like a circus attraction being a waiter in London…

    atleast i hope that’s the reason why i’m a circus attraction

  149. RB says:

    @lonely – Sorry I’m not sure what you should do. My initial reaction would be to say move on, but I’ve never been in your position before. I’d say that it’s up to you though. Whether you feel right about it, because you will be living with him. It seems like you are okay with it because you’ve been with him for a year knowing his past.

    @so lonely – I guess church is the best place to go for virgin guy waiters. But saying that, I am a virgin guy waiter and haven’t been to church for ages, again kind of because of my parents not being very religious and it being a bit awkward. I haven’t really therefore tried to find the right girl. Everyone I pretty much know is not a virgin waiter, so finding people that are similar is quite hard. Maybe googling christian youth groups or something in your local area is the best thing?

    @Amy – So glad there are people in London :) And you make a good point, that there must be lots of us out there and we’re the ones finding the website and commenting. Also, you shouldn’t feel like a circus attraction and well done for sticking up for yourself in that relationship you mentioned.

  150. VS says:

    Just wondering what are the scientific reasons behind this waiting? Anything ethical or just a man made concept?


  151. iraish says:

    I totally agree with you beren.Im a 25 year old virgin lady.I don’t understand why girls wont wait to have sex with there future husbands on there wedding night,especially the christian ones.If your a christian you should be stronger than other non believers.Sex to me is sacred,holy,pure and a covenant just like marriage and shouldn’t be taken lightly.Sex means im giving apart of myself to someone a piece of myself away,my mind,body and soul.The only person I want to give that to would be my future husband.On my wedding night I want my husband to no I waited for him.Every girls virginity should be a gift to her future husband.I was born in the U.S my dads american my mom was born and raised in mexico.I can say american culture needs a rude awakening fast.Im glad my mom taught me her mexican values and how women should act lady like.The women in my family waited till they were married my grandmother was 27 when she got married my mom 24.I love the U.S but if anyone wants to marry a virgin I suggest marry someone that’s not an american.

  152. Marry says:

    I’m a 21 year old girl living in the city. My question is short… do I meet these men that are respectful and waiting?

  153. Mike says:

    @Marry – Your best bet is church singles groups. Or, you know, join our community. :-)

  154. Gaybreal says:

    Sigh it most definitely is a challenge and what kills me is the sex thing is so big youll be amazed at what some guys settle for. Im 26 great career (personal in home chef) successful on my own God fearing, devoted myself to celibacy (the positive list train goes on and on) but stilll no luck…even the dating sites I was killed by overloaded messeges and interests…it was like every second a new interest would burn up my emails..I would wait a couple dates to tell men I was celibate and they would instantly shut down like a “on” computer thats electrical cord had been bulled from its socket..I got so tired of wasting valuable time so I decided to post on all my dating site profiles that I AM A CELIBATE GOD FEARING WOMAN..and your talking about silence and cootie awe like a atheist in a Christian Church…smh…even though I look at other marriages and wish that could be me even sooner if I just decided to drop it like its hot I have firmly. Stood cby my decision to remain celibate. .letGods will be done…and for all you out there who are getting the third degree about saving your self for marriage in the times of 2013

  155. Gaybreal says:

    No matter how tempting it may be stay strong and believe that God makes no errors…it meant how its said “wait until marriage” and you will be blessed..having sex before hand isnt worth the disease s that may come with it..and trust me it most definitely weeds the bad ones from the flower bin…sighh hes out there somewhere:/

  156. Also waiting says:

    Thankyou. So grateful to see so many ppl waiting. I am also and had recently had to say no to a guy I got along so well with and we had such a connection, yet because he wanted it and I wanted to wait he wasn’t willing to wait. I’m 33 and I am starting to wonder if I will ever find anyone likeminded but I now will keep on trusting in God to provide. And if He doesn’t, I hope I can stay pure for Him :)

  157. Gaybreal says:

    Go on Christian

  158. Riod Mave says:

    I am 18 year old virgin in 12th std. high school still not got the right girl ,i think that sleeping with a girl before marriage lowers your self esteem & confidence as most of the time either you fail to concentrate on your studies therefore your career is totally in darkness + you could only make women run around your back either if you have a good personality,good income,gr8 career ,looks comes at the end but sex before marriage ruins it all

  159. Caitlyn says:

    I am very encouraged by this site! Currently I am 20 years old and am waiting, but I still have so many questions and great excuses to give for all of them. What probability is there of me finding my future husband has waited? There are so many temptations now, especially for your first experience on your own in the ‘real world’. If my husband doesn’t wait for me, why should I wait for him? I would not want to be compared to past lovers but if he is, why shouldn’t I? If God even has a husband for me. This is a great website and I will definitely be joining the community.Thank you to everyone who has contributed and especially to Mike for this awesome resource!

  160. Leash says:

    It’s so refreshing to find a website that supports waiting until marriage. I’m 21 going on 22 in a couple of months. I get so discouraged when I talk to people and they look at me crazy for my choice to wait.I really fear not finding a guy to marry because of this. My bf is away for the military and I haven’t told him my decision yet and i’m so scared he will dump me. Any suggestions to help get over this fear?

  161. Moni says:

    I am 20 almost 21 and it never bothered me that I was a virgin because I never really cared. But of recent I have been feeling really depressed about it and also because I am still single. It just feels good to actually write what I am feeling down.

  162. Chelsea says:

    I am 19 years old and recently, my resolve to wait until marriage was tested. Thankfully, the Lord pulled me from that situation by ending that relationship before it got too serious. I was devastated at first, but then I realized that He had ended it for a reason. That guy was not the one I was meant to spend the rest of my life with and God removed me from that situation before I made a terrible mistake-one that I couldn’t undo. I regret that I ever had those feelings. It’s difficult for me, being a woman in the military, surrounded by men constantly thinking and talking about sex. It makes me think that there are no guys waiting until marriage. It’s nice to see that I am wrong and there are some out there, but I can’t help but wonder where you all are. I’ve only ever met one guy who is waiting until marriage and he has a wonderful relationship with his long-term girlfriend and plans on marrying her. Other than that, I’ve never met a guy willing to wait, not even so-called “Christians” who allegedly “read the Bible and pray everyday”. Needless to say, these people make me doubt the God and the Bible sometimes, but in the end I know I am right and they are not. Thank you for proving to me that there exist good men out there and if you know where I can find one….

  163. Hope!! says:

    Hi, I am a young girl.I am also waiting for marriage.yeess! It is amazing to know there are stil guys out there that is willing to wait.I am a christion! I do know that everyone makes mistakes.if I find a good man and he did sleep with another one time but regret there bad deed and make the choise to not do it ever again until marrage. I think with God’s help I can fogive him and love him for the better man who he is now. Thank you for all the guys who wait may you find that good person in this world.

  164. Hope!! says:

    Hi, I am a young girl.I am also waiting for marriage.yeess! It is amazing to know there are stil guys out there that is willing to wait.I am a christion! I do know that everyone makes mistakes.if I find a good man and he did sleep with another one time but regret there bad deed and make the choise to not do it ever again until marrage. I think with God’s help I can fogive him and love him for the better man who he is now. Thank you for all the guys who wait may you find that good person in this world.Sorry for the spelling!

  165. still waiting.... says:

    It’s no nice to find this forum. I’m 27 and also waiting for marriage. It’s becoming tough because I’m losing hope I’ll find a godly man who is also waiting. This might sound random, but if I can ask the guys here a question, if you find a godly girl who has also waited, is pretty, sweet, has everything you like, good personality, petite frame etc. but has A cup breasts, will this be a turn off? This is actually very personal for me, but I really need to know. Please be honest.

  166. Raj says:

    I just found this site. I have been pondering over this question for a long time as I waited till marriage and a long wait it had been. I married at 30 and my wife was a virgin too. Despite all the frustration on not getting laid, it is a very comforting feeling to know that you and your partner waited for each other. I haven’t met any American ( born here) boy or girl past 25 who is a virgin, so I summed that this was a very rare breed. I am a software guy like Mike and avid video gamer and drink socially maybe twice a year ;). I did a lot of speed dating but couldn’t settle for less, hence had to wait. This comment section has given me hope that I am not alone. I am not a church goer nowadays but my dad is a pastor!
    I really wish to counsel high school guys n girls on their decision to abstain. For those that don’t, the 99%, it will be tough to find meaningful long term relationships or marriage or kids. In most cases for guys, they want to exactly steer clear of this.

  167. God Is Love says:

    It’s nice to know how many of us are still out there. Chastity by Jason evert on youtube changed my life. I’ve always wanted to wait but this strengthened my conviction.

    Even if you aren’t religious it will apply to you.

    Guy virgins, I applaud you. When in today’s culture to be a man means sleeping with as many girls as you can, I commented you for not giving in. You are the true definition of a man and God has the perfect spouse for you, just be patient and trust in His timing.

    And people who have already lost their virginity it’s never too late to start over.

    But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

  168. God Is Love says:


    Stupid iPhone.

  169. Hope!! says:

    I would just like to say that I have a lot more respect for someone who wait for his\her right live partner than for eany player!!!
    May all of you find your perfect man\woman.

  170. Tamara says:


    I am athiest and waiting until marriage as well! We are rare, but I am here so you’re not alone! :)

  171. Breen says:

    lol, that question about the cup A breasts was a little amusing: it DEFINITELY(!!!) does not matter what “size” they are and the guys who make it a big deal probably ain’t going to be the ones waiting to have sex in marriage.

    For me, not having sex outside marriage is primarily a moral issue: is it true that sex outside marriage is not morally appropriate? Nowadays, it seems like people just invent their own sexual ethics based on their psychological preferences–incest is wrong because it makes me feel bad, premarital sex is good because it makes me feel good, etc. It seems to me that ethics is more than that, that there is an objective moral order whereby one becomes a virtuous and noble person. I don’t think sex outside marriage is part of a virtuous life. I have the higher desire of being virtuous. Therefore, I don’t have sex outside marriage. However, my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak!

  172. Hope!! says:

    Hi Breen, I am young but I read the bible to know what is right and what is not. Because nowdays there are so many rong”morals” that you can get so very lost.I understand that it is not easy but if you make a good choise then GOD will help you. Hold on and be strong and wait, it is hard now but the reword is worth it!!!!!! I love Raj’s idee of counseling girls/boys in school!! All you waiters out there give me hope!!

  173. Breen says:

    Yeah, but being not extremely attractive helps me since it’s not like there are women dying to get with me. lol, I guess handsome guys have it worse

  174. Hope!! says:

    Breen, if you think like that then it may be a good thing.Your protected from too much temptations. Maybe you will get more handsome before you get married or you will know that the girl that you married is the perfect one for you because she will love you for who you are.:). On a side note:you are perfect just the way you are because GOD made you and loves you. If you love him and do what he asks of you(try to follow his word, even if you fall down sometime, he will pic you up if you ask for forgiveness for your sin)he WILL bless you and help you with every problem you fase. For every temptation GOD gives you a way out before you do sin. I am very glad that you decided to wait, it gives me and others hope that there are more people like us that stil have the will to do what is right!

  175. Breen says:

    Thanks, it was good to hear that. I do think that it’s more liberating to be self-controlled in one’s sexual desires than to be a total slave to acting out on every sexual whim, no matter how “powerful” or “free” promiscuous people think sleeping around feels. But in the meantime, it does get mighty lonesome…but I think I’ll manage.

  176. Breen says:

    Thanks, It was good to read that. I do think there is more liberty in being sexually self-controlled than in living a promiscuous lifestyle that has to react to every sexual whim. But I can’t say that it doesn’t look like a little bit of fun and it does get mighty lonesome sometimes…but I think I’ll manage.

  177. Hope!! says:

    Well of course it looks like fun because if it was not then nobody would do it. The devil is everything BAD but he is not stupid. It has to look fun and great to tempt people to do the wrong thing and to try and keep them away from GOD. Just remember we are never alone,even if it feels that way. I try to keep positive about every situation I am in(not very easy), try to always do the right thing that you know would pleas GOD. Positive: see all the wonderful things that GOD made(nature). When you are for example have a lot of stress keep your mind on all the blessings GOD gives you. Everyone makes mistakes and can be forgiven if they are really
    Sorry about the bad deed. I talk to GOD about my problems(not necessarily in prayer) or with a good friend because if you may not see the right path your friend may. Do not bottle things up but talk to someone you trust and thy can help you: 1.if you do not bottle thing up you may see it in the right perspective and do the right thing. 2.You create a special friendship(deepens the friendship) and feel less lonely. 3.Your friend may see things you missed and you will understand more. 4. If you do not bottle things you will be happier and not have that stress with all the other. You will just be more able to see the things that is good. See all the animals,sun,moon-everything GOD created and let him be your joy! Maybe if you see all the positive things(do not ignore the bad, still be aware of it to not do it)you mite not even see a few temptations fly by because if you do not see the temptation your flesh will not have the desire to sin. And when you see the positive/right perspective you will know how to deal with difficult situations or see the escape root that GOD provided you. Read please. from the bible:Luke 10:27. 1Corinthians 10:31. Luke. 6:46. 2Corinthians 5:10. 1Jhon 5:3-5. Jhon14:15. 1Corinthians 10:13

  178. Kayla says:

    Thank you so much for the encouragement and hope that there are guy waiters still out there. I’ve been enjoying singleness, but also struggling with the “am I too picky” question as I consider what kind of person I’d be happy with. I always knew my heart would be broken if my husband hadn’t waited. Then recently a good friend with good intentions asked me “would you want someone to forgive you?” I love my friend, but I know for me it’s not about forgiveness or judgment, but about the desire of my heart. But, I’m not sure if it was her words, or my loneliness, but I’ve had thoughts of dating someone who had been adamantly against dating previously. I know there would be a grief, but I could trust. I hope… I’m just not sure how completely happy I would be- if the sadness would linger and negatively affect a relationship, considering it’s something I’ve always wanted. But as I get older, it feels like the chances of finding a waiter grow slim, let alone one who I am compatible with. I recently felt the freedom to not be afraid to date this guy. Though I am clinging to the hope that it is not futile to wait for someone who has also waited. God gave me this desire, He will provide. Or is God guiding my heart to being less heartbroken, and just – disappointed. But that doesn’t sound good either- to begin a marriage with disappointment. Not fair to either person. May God give me Hope that there is something worth waiting for.

  179. Kart says:

    Thank you for such a great article. I am 27 and waiting till marriage because it is a religious based. Hindus don’t usually have sex and waiting for the wedding night.

  180. still waiting.... says:

    Thanks Breen for your comment. With so much around telling us women what we’re supposed to look like, it can be hard and it can get to you if you let it.

    I’m happy to have found this site and to see that there are other waiters out there. Kayla, I feel the same way. I would be heartbroken if my husband hadn’t waited too. I don’t think its forgiveness as much as it is just a desire in my heart. I pray to God for a godly man who has waited. As I keep growing older though, I find myself having to fight discouragement as I don’t see what I’m looking for.

  181. Grace says:

    I made a promise to myself that I was going to wait and find a good husband one day. I was 12, I am now 22 and I couldn’t be happier with the choices l have made in life. I live in Australia, I’m Aboriginal and a Seventh Day Adventist. Even though it can be a bit of a struggle sometimes, I will hold that promise close to my heart and wait till marriage. God bless you all for your wonderful stories.

  182. Hope!! says:

    I want to thank Mike for creating this site so that a lot of people have hope,get answers and give hope and answers.It also help us feel a bit better so thank you.
    I know about 5 guys that I am pretty sure are waiting and also a few girls that are waiting.

  183. Hello says:

    It is very encouraging to become aware of the many others that are waiting!:) I also want to express gratitude for how respectful & honest everyone’s comments have been to each other on this site! Such a refreshing difference from online comment “fights”-LOL! Thank you to all the men who are choosing to be happy to wait for their beloved in marriage to have sex! Am I the only person who does not happen to be in a religion?

  184. Hope!! says:

    To Hello

    I am religious but No I do not think you are the only one.

  185. Maya says:

    Hi there! I’m so glad I found this site, for many of the reasons already mentioned. But I’m also very pleasantly surprised at the fact there are in fact some guy waiters 😀 I’m in my last year of high school and although I feel there are no guy waiters in any if the social groups there (I’m probably in the one that would be most probable to happen) I also struggle to see any girl waiters. Uncommon? Hmm. I know many girls that are Christian, smart, funny, and have principles about dating or just in general, but still find it ‘too much’ when it comes to waiting. But now I’m beginning to think that may be partly because they themselves don’t believe there are many guys willing to wait, and so they give up before they started.
    One problem for me though, out of the few guys I’ve met and thought they might be waiting, none were even close to compatible with myself :(

  186. Okuhle says:

    The world needs more sites like these…very inspirational indeed

    I’m a waiter from South Africa…jeah Africa…and thr are not nearly enough people talking about abstinence

  187. Okuhle says:

    Never thought there so many guy waiters out there…ever:)

  188. Alexandra says:

    It is good to know that there are others out there, both men and women, until marriage. Even thouh I am waiting until marriage, I don’t really care whether or not my future husband is a virgin, though I wouldn’t really like someone who’s “been around” too much. Personally, at the age of (almost) 32, I am more concerned about finding a man who is willing to be with me and wait until marriage, as I have a feeling that the older a man gets the less likely he is to be willing to wait with sex. I am losing hope that I will ever find someone, especially her in Scandinavia where everyone is so “liberated” and you’re almost considered a prude if you haven’t had a ONS.

  189. Mike says:

    @Alexandra – I think it’s an irrational fear among people who wait that the older you get, the LESS accepting people are about your waiting. People tend to value personality, humor, etc. more the older they get. Older people look at potential partners more deeply. A 17-year-old says “S/he’s hot.” A 70-year-old says “We get along very well and I care about who she is as a person.” I think that this may mean that people may be slightly MORE open to the waiting thing as you get older. But that’s just a theory at this point.

    On the other hand, people are also more in touch with their own preferences as they get older. So if they’re not OK with waiting, you’ll know it very quickly. This may create the illusion that people are less accepting, but really I think they’re just speaking up more directly, when really their directness just spiked your natural fear about that and made it seem more real and pervasive.

  190. mara says:

    I’ve read that you can generally find other virgins by finding one virgins friends. I am in college and waiting for marriage but my three best friends are not. we are all the same age but one has had over 80 sexual partners, one has had 5 and one has had 3 but done other stuff with guys. I love my friends but sometimes I feel completely alone in this.

  191. Megan says:

    To the guys who are waiting, THANK YOU SO MUCH for having enough respect and consideration for your future partner to go through the frustration that comes with being a virgin. As a 23 year old virgin female, I very much appreciate it.
    I am waiting for marriage because I want to have that sexual bond with only one person. It’s so hard to wait, people think virgins have a no sex drive…wrong, mine is crazy and has been for years, I am really looking forward to going wild all over my future husband so I want to keep all of that(positions, role-play, etc.) an exciting mystery until then.
    I have to say though, I’d like to think I can be the kind of person that could look past a potential partner’s sexual history, but I’m not sure I can. It would hurt too much to have that knowledge, and I have to admit I would not be able to respect a non-virgin as much as I would someone who made a real effort to push past all temptations. I’ve really struggled with waiting, there always seems to be things to “justify” having sex before marriage, and I want someone who hasn’t given in to that.
    So thanks again, virgin men, I hope you find the wonderful women you’re looking for :)

  192. Pierce says:

    Thank You Megan. You are right we do have a sex drive people mistake that when they think of a Virgin!
    I just want to find my woman Amen.

  193. Eric says:

    Oh man. Let me just say I’m a veteran male “waiter”. I decided to fully commit to waiting until marriage when I was 17 years old, even though it was my lifestyle before that too. I’m 27 now. Thus, my ring is 10 years old, and has tons of small nicks in it that to me signify the long and oftentimes difficult road traveled.

    I’ve never been shy about this decision, either. I’ve been very open with it the entire time, garnering both praise and scorn from various people. I’m a decent looking guy, so I’ve had chances to slip up, but remained strong. I’ve admittedly developed a few stubborn qualities as a means of defense from the vast number of attacks endured over the years, despite the fact that I rarely (almost never) proselytized or judged others who were different from me. You must kill it with kindness, just like Christ would have, and did. This has been the biggest struggle for me personally, since our first reactions as humans are to get angry and offensive at someone attacking such a personal choice, though I suppose that comes with the territory of being somewhat outspoken about your choice.

    I’ve sacrificed a few friends and potential girlfriends due to the decision, but I know that in the end it will be worth it. It has also let know who my true friends really are. I’ve tried dating girls who weren’t waiting, and it just did not work out. I still have hope for finding that one special person though.

    It’s a shame that society has such misconceptions about guy virgins: weak, no sex drive, beta, crazy, unattractive. This unawareness stems largely from society’s lack of familiarity with these kind of people. Truth is intellect and self-control are the new alpha traits (for women too), and proof can be found in some of the most successful people in the world today. It’s time society recognizes the paradigm shift in what constitutes a successful, righteous, and happy person.

    My reason for including that last part is this: Don’t ever feel marginalized for waiting until marriage. The world will beat you down for your decision, and do everything it can to ostracize you for doing what most people in the world cannot. Don’t fall for it. The truth is far more important. People will accuse you of being prideful, but those things which are rightly done in the name of Christ simply cannot be considered prideful, especially when they coincide with the Word.

    I plan to register on the forums later. I’d like to chat with some of you. Thanks for this site! :)

  194. Secely *modest girl* says:

    I read this and I have to say that I agree with “waiting until marriage” or as I like to say “true love waits”. I am still a virgin and I have always promised to God that I’d wait even if it could be forever. I am 23 going on 24 this August and trying to finish college. I am a Christian and hard-of-hearing but I can hear 70% of the time with my hearing aids on and my speech is very well. I thank God for that. Anyway, God promised me that one day I would marry a preacher. So since I was 7 years old, I believed in His promise. I was 13 when I decided to make my personal purity promise. Then by the age of 20, I got my purity ring at the youth camp. I am really excited for what God has in store for me. So yeah, I’ll wait and pray earnestly for my future husband. I’ll be a Proverbs 31 woman, a modest woman and a prayer warrior too. God bless you everyone (those who chose to remain virgins and pure).

  195. Sasha says:

    I had my heart broken by a guy like you because he would always try not to let the relation ship flow naturally. Since they don’t tell you they are virgins all the do is control themselves all the time making you feel like they don’t desire you. You end up feeling like there is something wrong with you and that he doesn’t really like you. A very painful experience as a girl. Maybe if I would have known I would have loved and adored the idea to wait for him despite I already had sex with one ex before in my life. I would have also entertain the same dream and fantasy but no…. He just made me feel insecure faking absolute control all the time, like a death fish. Girls want respect but we are not made of wood and we have needs, yes sexual needs as well. It is normal and natural. Waiting forever being virgin for the right person is very romantic but it is a dangerous decision as well. Intimacy like any other thing in the world requires maturity and if you don’t have other experiences with other partners you will never know who can be your best match in that area. You risk to not have enough knowledge to know how to learn to please your partner as well even if you grow with just her.

  196. LL says:

    Its really inspiring to see people who are willing to wait like me (23 yr). Even though i am not a religuous person, but i do believe theres a god i belong to, and mainly i truly believe our purity is only worthwhile contributing when we find the right mate who is willing to commit a long term relationship. sex to me is really not just for pleasure or for boosting ones power or having early experiment, it has much more capacity to it. It provides two commited people long term security, it lets two loved souls to explore each others can only be achieved when two people truly loves each other as friends and as well as a couple, not because of infatuation. I feel hopeful once again to see there are still virgin men out there. I am glad to come to this site and to find people who are like me.

  197. May says:

    I’ll be 33 this year, and I’m a virgin – I’m not particularly religious especially towards any abrahamic faith (mom is catholic, dad is muslim), but I consider myself very spiritual in the fact I value my family, honesty, hard work, empathy, not drinking or doing drugs (or eating meat) – etc…. I don’t believe in even casual intimacies (like holding hands), and I hope to only be close to my future husband…

    As for the “virgin radar” some people were referring to, it depends upon the person. I don’t know if I’d consider myself to be quiet or not, I prefer to stay home & I don’t party on my own time, but on-the-clock, I work as a consultant with mostly stodgy men who are either programmers or executives (the few women are either janitors or receptionists), am really outgoing and agreeable since they are my clients & one does have to network! I have a tendancy (if I’m working around the clock) to come on rush assignments in sports clothes (think oversized sweatshirts and jeans), but more often I’m dressed in short shorts/skirts w/ blazers and small dresses (thinking mainly of easy-to-dry and non bulky items to pack, travel & wash later on).

    I’ve also never dated, and didn’t quite expect to be at this stage now…but I want to be with someone whom I’m looking at as my partner – my spouse and not as someone just to pass time with. Before, I met a few guys who liked me, but at that point, I knew that I had things I wanted to complete myself, for myself – to build upon the person I want to be, and getting into a relationship at that time wouldn’t have worked…

    My parents worked in the entertainment business, and at a young age, I was around resorts and red carpet parties – seeing adults cavorting did not make me anticipate reaching my later teens, 20’s or 30’s if I was to become like that! For my teenage years, I worked as a fashion model and also had internships with entertainment companies (mainly modeling/film and music), and met a lot sleeze that way… I met some great girls who became my friends, but I also saw the way we were treated like desirable lumps of meat, devoid of brains. That nauseated me and prompted me to go school – so-called good schools. 3 and 1/2 degrees later, the hookup culture at the Ivy League schools I attended revolted me (especially being a group of friends considered desirable and they did not believe in waiting), and scared me to deal with any men around.

    I’ve met men who I’ve been attracted to for their drive, brains, looks, and personality, but hearing their past history has pretty much resolved me to just focus even more on work. Anyway, I have to say I’m encouraged by reading this site! So there are men out there who aren’t man-ho’s, and believe in waiting until marriage. Great to know.

  198. jacob says:

    I am too. But being almost 30 I’m regretting my descision. After reading your blog on dispellung myths and making the wait more bearable I am feeling better. I simply have to find some happiness. I only had two relationships in this time frame. One I wanted to marry and one I didn’t want but it kinda happened. I gotta find a way to make this one day at a time not an all or nothing decision.

  199. Cora Jay says:

    Thank you, for this hope and renewing of my strength. I’m waiting until marriage, but I am also saving my first kiss too. Being 21 turning 22 and keeping these small vowels to myself can be discouraging and difficult sometimes. Yet, knowing that there is more to life than just the physical is good too. Understaning, how to be alone just with myself and God is growing my spirit into amazing levels. If I am meant to be a Paul and live my life in abstinence with the powerful spirit of the Lord at my side then that’s d*mn good too.

  200. Elizabeth says:

    I’ve recently turned 24 yes. old and am proud of my virgin status, I know it may seem wrong but I don’t believe that I’d be willing to even date a man who wasn’t a virgin as well. The reason behind this is that I want to marry the man for me, and I believe that whoever he is feels the same way about me including saving his purity for me. I am not a religious person, however I am spiritual I believe in a higher power and I believe that each person on earth has one person they were made for. And that person should be worth waiting for. I have 5 brothers, 2 are married both waited as did their wives and they are all happy with the decision. My other three brothers are also waiting and I couldn’t be prouder. As far as men waiting goes my brother put it in the most amazing way, he is a US Marine and he once explained it to a group of friends as such ‘I am willing to go to war to protect this country because I love it, and to protect my family because I love them, so they way I see it is my virgin status is my own personal reminder that I fight to keep what I love safe and my future wife who will claim that is worth going to war for to protect because I will love her too.’ He said this to a group of teenage guys who he was mentoring in their hopes of joining the military. Now I’ll admit other than my brothers I know no men who are waiting and I was close to giving up and just staying single forever but seeing this makes me happy to know that they aren’t the only ones and also that everyone here men and women should be proud of yourselves for this honorable and incredible decision. I am proud to say I’m one of you.
    Thank you to all those serving in the military and to their families.

  201. Paula says:

    Where are you guys? I’m also waiting till marriage. I have had to break up with very nice guys because even though they are Christians they didn’t want to practice waiting and I’m not willing to settle…I’m not a virgin I just want to wait until I get married to give myself away again I’m 24.

  202. Muhammad Hassan says:

    In Pakistan, you will find almost everyone virgin till marriage. So those who are finding virgins to visit middle eastern countries and South Asian countries. Wives are loyal and most people have 1-2 sex partner in whole life.

  203. Anonymous says:

    I am a 30 years old guy and still virgin. It was not easy to me not having sex till this age despite my strong sexual desire but I’m still waiting and I hope to find a girl who is still virgin and acknowledges my virginity. One who understands how it was difficult to me to wait her till marriage.

  204. beaurie says:

    hi . am 20 rapidly approaching 21 still a virgin. almost lost it at 18 to a guy who was not even worth it but from then I made up my mind to wait till marriage.again its has nt been easy n I rarely tell my friends am waiting so I dont look weird since they consider me to be the know it all. am comforted to know there r guys who r waiting aswell cz I would not want to get married do a guy who slept with sluts when he was younger.

    av never known a virgin dude my agemate nt even the one who almost broke mine was one nkt!!!!!!! but am not giving up any time soon. I will wait patiently n hopefully for that virgin dude. so guys out there stay still u r the one’s we want not those so called experienced one’s either way we will teach each other how best to do it on our honeymoon night.

    until then I will wait.

  205. William says:

    I’m a 33 year old virgin but unfortunately I did not abstain in my mind and heart I have masturbated probably 2,000 times by now about sex since I was 19 or 20 and also I have pictured way too much mental images in my bed. I guess I am sinful. So since I lusted in my heart and mind should I go ahead and have premarital sex?

    This reminded me that I’m no where as closer to God than I thought.

  206. Anonymous says:

    Being a girl thats a virgin at 18 aint all that bad. When I tell people that im a virgin, they shrug then say something unkind underneithe their breath. I guess one main reason people dont believe me, is that girls around the town I live in, start having sex at the age of 13. I do want to wait till marriage, but people tell me that the guy I marry wont have fun with you (not about sex) but I dont drink, smoke weed, smoke cigarette, and I will never turn to drugs for comfort. I dont go to church as often as I should, I pray to God that I find the right man, but I dont think that will happen. They say theirs someone for everyone, even if they live millions of miles away, if its ment to be it will be. I dont see my self having sex anytime soon, atleast I hope not. My main goal in life is to get married and have a family, but I dont want to rush it, or even look for singles guys on the imternet. Right now my dream is to travel and see the world, feed the homless, and help those less fortunate than I am. I always thought of becoming a racecar driver, think about my career, get my mind off of the whole (will I ever find the one) thing. Their are men and women out their that are attractive and are still virgins. Im into men, I always wanted to marry a virgin, is that so much to ask.

  207. Waiting... says:

    I’m really grateful for this site….it gives me hope that male virgins are out there but I don’t know where they’re hiding. As a 28 yr old virgin waiting for marriage, it scares/hurts me to think that I may end up with someone who has had sexual partners. Sometimes I wonder if I should just accept a life of celibacy. I’m happy being single right now but sometimes it hits me that I’m in my late 20’s, not getting any younger and the prospect of finding a man who’s saving himself for marriage grows slimmer everyday. There are virgins out there but I think the chance of one virgin finding another is low. It can only be Providence so I continue to pray….

    William, just because you have lusted in your heart doesn’t mean you should go ahead and have premarital sex. I think everyone has lusted in their heart at one time or another.

  208. April says:

    I am a 23 year old female and it was interesting reading everyone’s comments. I always assumed, I suppose, there wasn’t a guy out there who waited. I didn’t wait, but often think about my past relationships and if they wouldn’t have dated me if I wouldn’t have had sex with them, which would probably been the best thing for me. My last relationship was with a guy who was a reborn Christian and he mentioned wanting to wait until marriage. I found that completely attractive, so different, I had decided before we dated that I would only sleep with someone if they were committed. I think that was my way of just not being sure, I mean how do you know someone is really committed before marriage anyways? Some things I noticed when we took out the physical part was it made things much more visible, compatibility, chemistry, nothing was clouded by lust or attachment due to being so vulnerable. With that being said, we didn’t last long, two months, and it had nothing to do with the sex or lack of. After that though, I have decided to wait. I’m not looking for anyone, could be a year, it could be six years, what I’m focused on is my walk with God and living a life that honors him. After all, I was created by my future husbands rib, I have nothing to chase after or actively seek, God will place us together when he finds the time is right. God bless!

  209. Annette says:

    This is such a good article and even somewhat reassuring. I say “somewhat” because, as a 36 year old woman, I find it really hard to imagine that I can still find a guy in my age range who is still waiting. I mean, at this point I’ll just settle for someone who respects my own decision to wait. Anyway, good luck to everyone out there who is still looking for that special someone.

  210. Jo says:

    24 year old virgin male chiming in. It is very encouraging to see their are so many of us waiting. In my own experience it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It has been frustrating both mentally and physically. It has been demoralizing from people who either tease you about it or they just don’t understand your choice. It is also sometimes depressing in that the need or want to hold and love on the opposite sex is so strong that it is very frustrating. I was raised as a conservative christian in a non denominational church.

    Most of my waiting is a result of religious conviction, the other part was career and goal oriented. A lot had to do with my demeanor growing up. I was pretty shy, always in the books, and loved learning. After graduating college last year and starting my career, I’ve decided it was time to start looking.

    I have to confess that I too, like many other waiters who have stated their concerns, am bothered or would be bothered by a potential mate who had not waited. I recently met up with a girl on Eharmony who I was very compatible with. We talked online, talked on the phone, and actually decided to meet in person at a park and walk and discuss our feelings. We were very honest with each other and she told me she had sex with a previous boyfriend before I even met her. I have to tell you that my heart sank deeply. We are very compatible, see things eye to eye, have the same beliefs and enjoy a lot of the same things. She’s leads worship,is very involved in church and wants to be a full time missionary. Which the main reason we didn’t pursue it further.

    However, she still seems to cling to her previous boyfriend who took her virginity and would even bring him up in conversations. That bothered me along with the fact she wasn’t a virgin. I asked her more deeply about it, and after all the disrespect he showed her, basically slept with her and disowned her after that, was a drug addict and a womanizer, still is, she said if he was to some how miraculously change she would want to be with him. I don’t understand that at all.

    This all leads me to believe and agree with others that sex does form some strong physical bonds. Having waited is long I realize that this is something I want in a potential wife. The struggle to stay pure is extremely hard and I have no doubt that a woman who has done the same would have my back completely, and I would have hers no matter what we faced. Waiting builds character, discipline, self control, and perseverance. It is something people who haven’t waiting will never understand or grasp. They will just never comprehend it. It takes a lot to keep your sex drive under control and it is the hardest single thing I’ve done in my life this far.

    I would sincerely love nothing more than to share my wedding night with my future wife knowing that we had both waited for each other. Knowing their was no one else, knowing that there is no one else to compare each other to. That we could completely learn and likely fail and laugh at each other having our first sexual experience together united as one before God and man.

    I think their is something beautiful about that. Knowing that she is my woman, and I’m her man. Having a perfect and wholesome love for each other. I would protector her honor her and cherish her with full commitment and love despite our imperfections.

    Where all you waiting girls at. I’m from Louisiana, if your from Louisiana or the Gulf coast let me know. I love be honored to take a wonderful self respecting woman out on a date. If not for a relationship but just to make a knew friend who understood the struggle of waiting. I wish you all the very best in life and hope you find the one waiting for you.

  211. Heartbroken Guy says:

    30 yrs old virgin male still waiting for his pure girl. I am relieved that there are guys like me and that I am not an old-fashioned type for stayingfirm on my beliefs. I myself have been through a very tough experience recently. I met a girl early this year via a friend, and it was love at first sight. I dated her for 9 months, it was magical. But I never popped the subject of having sex, because for me, this is a very deep spiritual bond that only a husband and wife should experience, and not something random people should engage in.

    Nevertheless, she told me she had a boyfriend before, and when I asked her how deep her relationship was, she told me nothing wrong happened between them. I never asked for more information, because I thought that she was waiting too. My love for her kept growing each day, but my heart kept telling me something was wrong. She kept making reference on how marvelous her ex was, and sometimes, tell me how a great kisser he was, and how he made her feel good. This was eating me inside. After 9 months of dating, I mustered the courage to ask her to tell me the truth. I can’t describe how much it hurt me when she finally told me the truth. I cried for days. She was sleeping with this guy for 2 years, and it was not just normal sex, they did things together that makes me sick.

    Believe it or not people, when you love a girl so deeply, you don’t want to picture them with another guy doing nasty things. I broke up with her, but this has left a deep scar in me.

    I have put my faith in God to heal me. If my girl is out there, God will put her in my path. And when that day comes, girl, you will own my heart for life.

    Keep believing people.

  212. Sandrivity says:

    I have been married before and all, but now am seeking a man of God that would wait until marriage. I found one , but he didn’t really wait. He said ” I fell”. I lost respect for him. I don;t know what to do or think. Should I completely dismiss him??

  213. Lee says:

    I am a 22 year old female waiting for marriage as well. This is so comforting to see that men do wait. I was beginning to loose hope that there were any still out there. Loosing my virginity is a huge deal to me and I want it to be just as important to who I lose it too. Something we can give to each-other. I guess there is still hope that I can have that with my husband someday

  214. southamerican virgin man still says:

    i´ve tried to find a virgin girl to marry and settle down BUT nowhere i met any at all.i´m still virgin yes.problems only minors and even so it´s not true . because most young little girls are always seeking kisses from any kind boy and they end giving their virginity. nevertheless, frustrating fact. so i see my life in loneliness i will never have no wife because most websites,,and others so fulled of african scammers, i recently got a message from a hellene maxwelll in zorpia. who asked me for money to come apparently from te USA but she has a profiles that says denmark and she lives suppossing in somewhere in the USA so., all the women there are mostly rubbish.most are divorced and they llok for another idiot to finance their lives.! when i said i´m virgin is because all the webistes are fulled of scammers there is not such decent woman in this planet so i will END ALONE.until i cannot find a simple clean pure woman for a life marriage with true love is because this planet is a CURSE

  215. Jenny Rose says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this, I’m a catholic girl who was wondering if I’m putting my standards to high cause I want to wait and to find a guy who wants to wait aswell :( but now I know those men are out there and once I find the right guy I know it will be worth it, cause on that wedding night we will both not have a clue what we are doing but learning together :) xD

  216. feels hopless says:

    I lost my virginity at 24 and out of pressure. I got tired of men walking away from me because I was not willing to have sex. I’m 27 now and six guys later, I find it doesnt matter if you do or don’t. I feel like I’ll be alone forever. Constantly getting hurt and giving up my body to men who want no commitment. I’m African american and its already hard to find a black man. AT THIS POINT I OFFICIALLY HAVE GIVEN UP ON ALL MEN.

  217. Mary June says:

    There are so many ladies who are virgins here in Asia. I know, because I’m one of them. I’m still a virgin from the Philippines.

  218. Krystal Larson says:

    I have only ever been with the man I was married to. I am 23 and would like to find another guy who was either only with his wife or is waiting for marriage as I am. Too bad there isn’t some forum we could all be on 😛

  219. Someone says:

    I’m 15 male and I’m saving my virginity for marriage mainly because I want it to be more special when I finally lose it and I want myself and my future wife to learn about sex together. I’m not religious in anyway

  220. bablyn says:

    wow am also waiting but that does not mean those having sex before marriage are sinners or bad. in my own understanding everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. i am 21. ive been in situtations that i really had to force myself to escape & not give in to pressures around & that really hurts me cos most ppl think is lame. i live a normal life like every other girl and am proud am still a virgin. i will try no matter how hard to keep myself for d right time i.e after marriage no matter how hard it is cos if he really loves me whether he is a virgin himself or not he will wait for me right?? tnks all of you have really encouraged me to keep myself until am married..

  221. tyearra(tiara) says:

    heyy guys , as you can see im 17 years old and still go to high school, im an virgin and want to wait till marriage and find the right guy who will wait too. I love god so much and hes my everything and he will always come first, im hoping to fall in love with someone and stay with that person forever,thats all I got to say so yehh comment if you want or reply thanks

  222. Kittyvonawesome says:

    I am a sixteen year old girl, and Ive been depressed lately, because of all of the pressure people seem to put on sex. It almost seems like some think its a necessity. I was raised as a Christian, and all of my fundamental beliefs and morals are based on that. And i have always been an old fashioned, hopeless romantic. I know im really young, and i dont have to worry so much about it. But its always been very hard on me to see how the media and regular people portray sex and love. I dont believe it is necessary to have sex to attain love. Love should be selfless, and about the other person. Sometimes, sex just seems like a selfish thing people take for granted. And i was beginning to lose hope that id ever fall in love, much less with someone who would wait for me. Then again, ive only had one crush my whole life, and ive never dated, or been kissed. But i do worry for my future, and in my probability of finding the one for me. Maybe im too much of a hopeless romantic. But this site has helped, and i wanted to thank you guys for showing me to not give up hope yet.

  223. Guy says:

    I am 23, male virgin. I am not a waiter but I will only have sex with my future wife. Not waiting because, difficult to explain but, it is something not on my mind right now. Like I’m not anticipating it, wishing it, etc. When you wait… it means you’re waiting for something. Well I’m not. I just put this natural,for me, rule to have sex with my future wife only and that’s it. And 95% of my life about other wonderful things in life such has following my dreams, making lots of friends, spending time with my family, and yes girlfriend. I am athletic, a rock band vocalist, engineering student, bussinesman, and will take law soon. It seems some people are hung up on sex… if not most, waiters/nonwaiters/virgins/nonvirgins/semivirgins/etc… Sex is wonderful, I don’t need to experience it to say it is fun, etc. Because it is. But I only have one life to live and want mine to be the way I want it to be, may it bring me sadness or happiness, important is I lived my life the way I want it, my own signature. Honestly, sex is not so much a big deal for me, important is the love, trust, understanding, financial security, loyalty and too much more to say. And for sex? I am confident about it, I myself very passionate person and a romantic, plus a basketball and football player, and a good looking guy from what girls say, but I am my spirit.. soul.. not my face or my bank account.

    Wow I made long comment 0_0
    There are virgin guys and girls. Just know where they go first. Not all can have sex in life, have family, have children, have love, even a 1 second look from a girl/guy,have a good health, a peaceful life, even have a lover even once.

    Be contented. Maybe you will have a nonvirgin husband/wife… as long as they truly loves you… it is okay. It will be painful but instead thinking about it as disgust or worse… think of it as your sacrifice everyday to show your true love for the person you married to. Life is never perfect, as soon as you fully accept that… the better it is for you.

  224. Rosie says:

    good afternoon ! I am so happy that there are guys who will wait too . I am a college freshman and i have never had a boyfriend . I fear the day that i will start to date someone because they guys i have met so far in college have not waited nor are they planning too . My closest frienda have not waited and i am yet to meet a couple that has waited . I am barely a freshman and i already feel alone in the sense of waiting until marriage . I am a christian and i pray that God place in my path a man of God too who also abides by his teachings and who will also share my wish to wait until marriage . Where can i find christian Guys in a non christian college ? Also will a non christian guy wait to have sex too ? I am pretty sure thay is really rare but im just curious . Lately i have been stressed out about this because there are some guys who are really nice and who seem to like me but they are not christians , i fear having feelings for them too because most guys will not want to wait .

  225. Marilyn says:

    I am a Born again Christian 47 year old woman in divorced and I have now been waiting for almost twenty years since the collapse of my marriage

  226. TheModerneMuslime says:

    I’m turning 30 this weekend, and waiting.

    And confident that there will be a man for me who’s waiting too… I like blonde guys – they are quite attractive. Happy to wait…

    There is delay, sometimes, in God’s house – but there is not darkness.

    To all those waiting – live and enjoy your life. Relish the scent of the flowers. Imagine you are soaring in the sky. Ruffle a child’s hair. Jump in a puddle. Enjoy every atom of what makes you – you.

    Don’t regret anything. You may be different – but who defines different anyway.

    Lots of love to you waiters.


  227. joy james says:

    Wow wow it’s amazing and wonderful to see men who respect and obey the creator of sex (God). It shows that you guys are men of virtue and honour, there’s more respect and admiration for guys. It shows that you guys want sex the way the creator planned and established it from the beginning (which is in marriage) ,you can trust that you are making him happy and he is going to reward all your efforts to obey him and give you a spouse who is also waiting . Just like the creator of sex says (God) whatsoever you sow you shall reap and because you have sown such a great seed of purity (which is not done by most men in this generation) you will definitely reap the fruit of your labour,and trust him the key to believing this is by knowing how the creator planned and intended things to be concerning sex, if you are aware of that and you set yourself in line with his plans and intentions for sex he will definitely reward you..

  228. Maka says:

    I am grateful for the insight.

  229. Alex says:

    I’m so so glad I found this site! I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately. I’m a 21 girl and in college right now. I’m Catholic and have grown up with the idea planted in my head to wait until marriage and I had lived this out because I wanted it. But once I got to college my views started to change after seeing those around me. I started to think “Well if I love him then it’s okay to have sex. I mean everyone is doing it on college.” But lately I have become more involved with the Catholic Church near my campus and have been surrounded by a lot of people that want to wait…and they talk about it like its a normal thing to do and it’s so reassuring. I’m still kind of on the borderline of my decision. I’ve never had a boyfriend before (I’ve been on dates though lol) and never have been “in love” so I never really had to deal with this issue, besides knowing how to play hard to get with the boys that want just one thing. I’ve also thought “well why am I gonna wait when I’m probably gonna marry someone who didn’t wait and I could’ve gotten some during that time. I missed out.” I kind of like this guy in a fraternity but I don’t know how things will play out and what he will think when I tell him I want to wait because I’m pretty sure he’s done it before, but we haven’t talked about it at all yet. A lot of my close friends are Virgins too but they’re just waiting until they get their first boyfriend. I’m just glad I found a lot of boy and girl waiters on this page that have the same thing going on in their lives. If anyone can pray for me to come to a solid decision and to hold out strong for my spouse, I’d greatly appreciatie it!!!:) I will pray for you guys too. Sorry for the long rant but I haven’t really gotten to express how I’ve felt about this lately.

    To guy virgins: girls are still out there who haven’t had sex yet!! I’m 21 and I have a good 3 or 4 friends who haven’t even been kissed yet plus I can tell you 5 who haven’t had sex. Sometimes you might just automatically assume a girl’s had sex because she’s gorgeous, how has she not. But us girls can be shy about waiting, especially talking in front of guys about it. I’m very open when i talk to girls and don’t mind saying “oh yeah I’ve never had a boyfriend or had sex before.” But if I’m around guys I don’t really like sharing this information bc I might get looked down upon and feel weird…maybe not caring about what others think is something i need to work on. But hold onto your hope!! If I ever meet a guy that I’m interested in that tells me he hasn’t had sex I would be relieved and actually really happy. Stay strong xx

  230. Betsy Williams says:

    I may be weird, but I waited until marriage. My husband I did not discuss it before we married, and I naively assumed he was because he was so very nice in every way. Unfortunately, I learned that he had been with LOTS of women, and I was crushed, and it destroyed my love for him, and I could only think of him as a friend. We’re still married – he’s great company but I will always be angry that he stole what was rightfully mine.

  231. Anonymous 2 says:

    Well I will be 35 years old next year and I have been waiting but I hear alot of people say that there are guy waiters. Where are they located(I know on this site as well but where I live I don’t meet any men like this and I would like to meet such a man since we share in the same belief. I am one of the those femalea that has alot to offer but no man who is willing to wait has approached me. It’s not hard to find guys who want to date you but its harder for the right man to find a good women and be equally yoked. Where yal hiding at?

  232. Becks says:

    Wow,it’s so encouraging to know guys also wait till marriage. Am a 26 years old virgin myself,who has also never kissed, because I only want to do all that with my future hubby. However guys who comes after me for a relationship, don’t want to wait. They all leave immediately they hear”ABSTINENCE”. I know God is in control.

  233. Bryan says:

    It’s funny because I’ve read online that more Christian women face the issue of finding the right man for themselves wen I’m a Christian man waiting for marriage and other than a few girls who are too old for me anyway, I’m yet to meet a Christian woman that shares my beliefs.

  234. nanaama says:

    Am i 21yr old lady and still waiting till marriage,bt am dating a guy who is 22 who is a student,he is tellin me to wait for him,am afraid maybe wen i wait fir him and later he tells me he wont marry me animore??plz help me kk,wat should i do ma frnds

  235. Ves says:

    Interesting to find this site. I have come to believe guy waiters don’t exist. I’m a waiter and I do feel alone. I don’t have any best friends who’ve waited. They’ve all gone ahead and done it outside marriage. But I’ve chosen the high road and I’m waiting. But sometimes I feel so alone because I’m 25 and I’d really to date and get married. But it’s as if there are no guys out there who think like me. I’m Christian and I am bent on keeping my resolve. So are there any guys out there please?

  236. Joshua says:

    Yes there are more of us. I’m just glad to know that. I’m 20 by the way but I’ve never dated or kissed a girl. I live for Jesus as well and it’s not just because I follow the teachings. I under stand the significance of it. Sex is a most pleasurable union and virginty is a promise to me as well as a kiss. That’s why my first kiss will be my wedding kiss. Nowadays it’a just another thing. To make you feel good and whatever reasons again they could possible come up with.
    Funny thing is even if I didn’t find people like me I’d continue. It’s just that great of a gift.

  237. russian lady says:

    I thought that only girls wait until marriage, I didn’t
    think that guys intentionally wait for their wives.I am sure that God and your future wives will be proud of you, guys.Wish you all to find your special ones!

  238. Elle says:

    Salut! My name is Elle, and I’m glad I came across this website, so I am only 16, but I have made the goal and path like road for myself. That I will wait until marriage and live a good Christian life.

  239. Marc says:

    How many women who are waiting for marriage would marry a guy who’s not a virgin because he had ONE serious long term relationship where he had sex? Since the break up I have realized how valuable a virgin woman is and really wish to find one now and until I do I would abstain from all sexual activities with other women to save the purity that’s still left in me after having one sex partner. And after meeting that virgin woman that I like I would, of course, want to wait for sex until marriage together with her. How do you feel about this girls?

  240. Emily says:

    Please keep waiting…

    And maybe we need to do some really eye catching things in the entertainment industry or social media soon…

    Seriously this isn’t funny. There are beautiful women inside and out who can’t stand this hook up culture.

    Some may have been forced into “conforming” out of being called crazy for remaining a virgin until marriage…others may have been taken advantage of… or even let their standards go for a brief time… but the stubborn in spirit will keep waiting because it feels wrong to do something so intimate (and now a days dangerous to your health and public life… hello smart phones).

    We need to be human again. Society needs a renewal… these teenagers are so lost and impressionable with very few role models.

    Religious, atheist or something in between… we need to be heard.

  241. Kelley says:

    If you study gender roles and feminism… the bar is set SUPER low right now, at least in the mainstream media.

    People copycat what they see and hear. If women refused to give it away out of a long term relationship (or ideally marriage) then we would not have men refusing to grow up. It’s common sense.

    It’s outrageous that our careers are seen as more important than our ovaries as women. F*** that I am sorry.

    Gloria Steinem didn’t help me or my generation. Women’s rights are something entirely different.

    Now the search for Mr. Right is harder than ever. I’m hoping likes attract likes… and who I am fundamentally is the same as the man I am supposed to be with. Hoping. Hoping I won’t be embarrassed. I’m not a cat lady.

  242. Geo says:

    As a guy, I’ve been celibate not due to inability to find someone to sleep with, since I’d imagine it’s pretty easy. Statistically, most people have had sex at my age. At the age of 25, I’ve learned that on average less than 10% of men are virgins and is in the ballpark of about 5%. Getting approached by women is not my problem. I’ve found women have been approaching me more and more in the last few years. However my standards as a Christian man tie in strongly to passages like Proverbs 5. Even before I stumbled upon scriptures that affirmed my values, it just seemed like common sense considering the inevitable vanity of relationships that can be observed whilst growing up.

    The thing that sucks is feeling alone. You don’t really have anyone to talk to about this stuff, and you can’t really relate to the views of how other people view relationships since it is almost always sex-centered. As a result I lose out on the luxury on relationship advise that most people get. Does this mean I have a low sex drive? Far from it. But I guess God has provided me grace for restraint and to understand that sex thrives only in marriage at a very early age.

    Sometimes I feel like my standards for women are too high in by themselves. Then throw in the fact that I am looking for a woman who is also a virgin by choice and it makes seem like the chances I have at finding this kind of woman could even be unrealistic. People always think I am lying when I say that I haven’t ever found a woman that I was in love with. It makes me feel that perhaps I should compromise or that I am a naive romantic of some sort.

    There is one woman I found who is nearly everything I want in a woman. Only issue is that she is 8 years older, which is discouraging considering the probabilities of finding a woman like this are already low. If we were the same age, I could say with confidence that marrying her would be inevitable. Could I force it? Most definitely, but Christian communities and families are very averse about older woman with younger men. So in this context I feel stuck. Thus I’m back to square one, which is difficult when you think you’ve found someone. Having a hard time whenever I think about the odds of me finding the right woman. Plus the one woman who met my standards is older and external pressure could make it uncomfortable for us for a while. At this rate it’s only God who can guess when it’s going to happen. I just get annoyed when women look at me like I’m crazy for saying I’m not actively looking for a woman at this point of my life. Biblically, according to 1 Corinthians 7:27, I’m not supposed to anyway, which has always been my approach.

  243. Jenifier says:

    I’m so glad I found this post! I’m 26 and I have never even had a boyfriend. I grew up in a pretty traditional Christian/Asian background so it was not really an option to have sex before marriage. I was blessed to never have been truly tempted altho i do want to get married to a guy who shares my same values and have mind blowing physical experiences together. I am a bit freaked out tho bcuz recently i found out my favorite cousin and my best friend since grade school arent virgins anymore and haven’t been for quite some time. When they told me I cried for them bcuz of the pain that they are experiencing. My cousin gave her virginity away to a guy who said he would marry her and my friend has stds from her dalliances. As a Christian, its important to realize that God created sex and it is with His blessing and timing that we are able to experience this gift. Sex is amazing and wonderful and when it is misused, it can give pain and shame in equal measure. The media is wrong about sex. Something so awesome cant b casual. I really hope i can find someone to have this gift with someday. Thanks for sharing ur experiences.

  244. Anonymous says:

    I’m 29 year old guy and I’m waiting for the right girl (by choice). People are usually shocked when they find out. Personally, I think casual sex devalues the act. Nowadays women are surprised that men don’t want to settle down and marry. Well, when casual sex is readily available it encourages men to hit the bar seen rather than the books and so universities are packed with women who can no longer find a respectable man. The men refuse to grow up and remain bachelors hunting for the next girl pretending that they want a “meaningful relationship” only to break it off when things get serious. In the end I think many girls suffer as a result. And I think guys like me end up suffering too because unfortunately I find it difficult to bond with someone who’s had a number of partners in the past. I feel like “just another guy”. Although I’m discouraged by the rarity of like minded people, I’m still holding on, though I’m worried it’ll eventually be over pride rather than principle! So long as I don’t become a bitter man I don’t think I would mind living alone but it sure would be nice to find someone to love because I’ve got a lot of love to give :)

  245. Jean says:

    Such an interesting website. I’m 22 and started seeing my ex boyfriend again almost two months ago. I am still a virgin, though he is not. When we broke up two years ago one of the reasons is he wanted me to give my virginity to someone that loved me, and didn’t just want to screw me. He said he wasn’t there right now and he didn’t really know what (or I’m guessing, whom) he wanted. We’ve gotten pretty close to having sex, and he’s never pressured me at all, or even prodded me as to why I’m not into intercourse, which is so nice to have a lover (his recent words not mine) that respects and supports me so much. Last week he and I spent the night together (that used to be something that was against the rules-we couldn’t spend the night together because he thought I would get too attached and he wasn’t there yet, it was his boundary and I was fine with it), but he and I fell asleep together, even after I woke him up and said it was against the rules. And that night he told me how much he liked that I had stayed true to my values and hadn’t had sex with him. He told me that he was becoming more spiritual and wanted to sort some things out in his life and that part of that meant that he was going to take a break from having sex.
    I’m not sure where that leaves me because I still like doing other things, and I still want him in my life. He used to be worried about a “serious” relationship between us two, so I’m thinking that if we are waiting together / practicing abstinence then we are bound to have a serious relationship. Part of me excited. It means that he isn’t just with me because he likes fooling around with me and thinks I’m hot.

    Anyways, I just wanted to see if there was any information online for people that have decided to wait, whether for faith reasons or not. Glad to find this site even though it seems a little dead?
    Are there any other online communities for people who have recently decided to abstain? I grew up in the church, with a sense of radical christians, where you wouldn’t even date someone if they weren’t waiting or didn’t wear a purity ring.

  246. Girly says:

    Good to know there are men who are waiting. I’d like to be with a man who has chosen the same path as I have.

  247. Roanne says:

    I’m 32 and waiting…i still can’t believe that there are also guys waiting

  248. Mel says:

    obviously it’s much more harder when you are from a country where having sex with 14 is totally normal (I’m from Germany…all people who want to go to the sex paradise: it’s here, guys. Really. It’s terrifying. And sorry, if I have grammar or vocabulary mistakes in my text). I’m almost 20 and I haven’t met ONE person who’s still a virgin. 80 percent are of my age and they already had sex!(!!!) I’m very religious and that’s not normal here. Most people think Germans are Christian but actually most of them are atheist and those who claim to be religious aren’t! I’m really desperate, because my brother (33) and sister (28)are still virgin (I’m 100 percent sure that they are!)They just couldn’t find someone.
    I’m actually a very pretty girl. Almost all men (from age 20 till 35(35 is little bit digusting, but I look older)) I’ve met, flirted with me, although I don’t wear those bitchy clothes like “hotpants” and I’ve NEVER (and never would) show my breasts. Short: I’m dressed like a girl who should be dressed like: decently. And on top: law student. The perfect vision of a man. Pretty and smart.
    But still they flirt and after they learn about my virginity and about that I’m religious they lost interests about me (and I loose interest about them. They tell such awkward stories…I always wonder why they tell me (!)). This is how Germany is. When you google “why are some people still virgin” they make fun about them! Can you believe it?! Or they make fun about believing in God! US people stil have manners and a sense of shame. I’m envious of you all. I really think I should settle to america. And hopefully I’ve found this website…It makes me feel happy again and I’ve got a little bit hope that I will not end up like my siblings did.
    Hope someone’s answering and is writing down, how he/she thinks about my situation that I’m from a foreign non religious or dissolute country, but really. It’s a relieve to read about you all. Shall I settle or do I just have that “american dream” in finding a relation…I mean, you also have “problems” so it means it can’t be good, but better?
    Thank you…

  249. Mel says:


    Please wait. Please! You found a person who loves you although you want to wait. You should be happy that you found such a good guy! I mean he respects you because of your values. That’s beautiful…you can be proud of yourself. Really. 😀


  250. Hope says:

    I love that new people get to read this site.

    I hope that everyone will get the perfect person to spend their lives with.

    For people that already step over the line but regret it and choose to wait: I am happy for you. At Least you can admit that you made a mistake and try not to do it again. It is wise not to repeat your mistakes and I believe you can also get the perfect life partner.

    I saw a comment about masturbation(not sure how to spel that) but anyway, no it does not mean you are past the point of no return. If you have done it then it does not mean you can go have sex because it is to late but it will mean you have to try and stop which can be difficult. It is your choice to keep your mind pure. And God will help you and forgive you because he loves you. :) IF you get a “relaps” don’t give up! Keep in mind that you have the perfet person waiting just for you and you want to be the perfect person for them in mind and in body.

    God will help everyone until you meet the perfect life partner because I believe he made someone special for everyone.

    Thanks for everyone giving hope and I know you will be rewarded. 😉

  251. Anonymous says:

    Dear Mel,
    I am waiting till marriage as well. I live in the United States and my experience may be different but I think you and your brother and sisters will find the one for each of them. Europe as a whole is much more sexually promiscuous and secular than America. Loose values creates many issues later on in life. It’s good you stand out from the crowd and say no to peer pressure. Don’t give it up to any man until he gives you a wedding ring. NOT an engagement ring but a WEDDING ring. You might want to pray and go to places where you can find a virgin guy waiting until marriage like a church. If 80% are not virgins that mean 20% are virgins. I’m wishing you good luck. Always know you are worth the wait.

  252. Mary Ann says:

    Wow I can’t believe i found this site. You guys are so inspiring. Hoping,waiting and praying for guys with mindset the same as ours. :)

  253. Katie says:

    I’m so glad I found this website. I’m 26 fixing to be 27 next month and I’ve been waiting till marriage. The reason I’m waiting is for religious reasons but also I’ve come to realize I can’t let that part of me go. I want to give it to some one who truly loves me and wants to spend their life with me. As of late it seems like I’m the only virgin still out here. It’s discouraging almost. I recently met a guy, he asked me out and we really clicked and had a lot in common. He had the same religious upbringing I did and every thing. I was beginning to really like him. He told me he really liked me then he wanted to ask me a personal question. In which I said sure, because I’m an open book. He asked how many relationships I’ve been celibate and I said all of mine. He told me he had only been celibate in a few of his. Anyways after that talk, he kissed me and has stopped pursuing me and talking to me. :( I hate that I feel like I missed out on getting to know him because of my choice. It’s discouraging to feel bad about your own choice. I’m glad I found this blog to help encourage me. I have to keep reminding myself, I’m worth the wait.

  254. Hope says:

    For those who want to, married or not, go and listen to these you tube videos :

    Jimmy Evans marriage today

    Mark Gungor laugh your way to a better marriage.

    Both of then have q few videos.

    They do not only talk about people in marriage but also about reasons to wait.

    And if your not married yet it is awesome to learn more about being a better partner for your wife or husband in the future. And hopefully avoid certain possible problems.
    And it is really interesting that they use some statistics and proof for their statement.

    I hope this helps in some degree.

  255. Caro says:

    Reading this thread makes me feel that I’m not alone anymore. I am 22 year old Christian virgin who is waiting til marriage. More than saving myself bc of a purity vow, I do it for myself. If I wanna have sex with a man I wanna do so knowing that He will be there for me and that I can be myself without any fears of him leaving or breaking up.
    I can’t really say I’ve had any official bf’s bc I havn’t, but I have talked to many guys and gone on a few dates.
    I had never felt ashamed of my virginity. In my small group of church single friends, I am the only that is still a virgin, but they have never made me felt like an outcast or a loser.
    However, I did go to my gyno for a check up. I told her I was a virgin and she almost laughed in my face. I felt so bad after the appnt and so disrespected by her lack of professionalism.
    That was the first time ever I felt shame about being a virgin. I literally thought I was the only one and that I would never find a guy who would be waiting like I am.
    Hopefully I will find a guy who would not only be compatible with me on our virginal statuses but also on morals and beliefs

  256. Noname says:

    This thread gives me hope. I’m 21 studying at university, and I’ve never had sex or even been in a relationship. It’s hard to find a guy shares the same values and beliefs. Nearly everyone I know has had sex, I just hope I find a guy who is still a virgin.

  257. Joshua says:

    The Lord knows that I have made some mistakes, but we fight on! For the glory of love 08 :)

  258. Jose francis says:

    I just wonder , why nobody look into India, were i am from ,There are more than 60% percent of youngster wait till ,marriage.May be some girls and boys not. maximum of 3 out of 10 goes to brothels. Lakhs of people wait and exclusively share it in marriage..

  259. Matthew Steel says:

    Yes, I am. 26 years of age and waiting until marriage before I pop the cherry so to speak.
    Course, the only trouble is whether it will ever happen. Will I one day get the chance to walk down that isle and say “I do”?

  260. Ben says:

    Virgin for 28 years. I masturbate. Watch porn. No drinking, No smoking, enjoy sitcoms and have few friends whom I meet on weekends. Work and sleep.

  261. Ben says:

    I sound so desperate. Sometimes I feel so bad after masturbation and watching porn.

  262. Ben says:

    I love my mummy and pappa. I cant think how things will end up after I get married. I almost like all girls, desperate but true. I am a little shy of girls. I also flirt a little bit to see what my chances are with some girls.

  263. Chantal says:

    Wow, finding this website and reading many of these comments have given me a lot of hope. I’m 26 and made the decision to wait until marriage when I was a young teenager. I thought it would be nearly impossible to find a guy who was also waiting, especially in the 20-30 age range. Seeing all of these guys writing in has been very encouraging. I love that there are still plenty of young men today who respect themselves, their bodies, their future spouses, God… who want to give all of themselves to only one person for the rest of their lives and knowing that it’s worth the wait. A strong moral compass really is the most attractive quality a person can have, in my opinion.

    Early this year I ended a relationship with a man I thought I was going to marry. I loved him deeply and passionately, but his past just ended up being too much for me to handle. He had dozens of one-night stands, as well as sex in most of his relationships, even ones in which he knew weren’t going anywhere. I couldn’t get past any of this, even after hours upon hours of discussions and hearing how much he regretted it all. I finally realized that I needed to be with someone more like myself, who truly values this kind of intimacy and finds it to be sacred.

    I used to think that I wouldn’t mind if my future husband has had sex with women before me, but since discovering this site, I’m hoping I’ll find a man who is also waiting for marriage. While that’s the dream, I would be understanding if he has been with only one or two women before. People can make mistakes and learn from them; as long as the values are there, that’s all I really care about.

    To the older guys who are still waiting: Please continue to wait, even when you feel frustrated and like you may never find the one who is waiting for you. There are so many of us out there; you are not alone. Your willingness to wait is incredibly appreciated and desired; your counterpart is dying to find you and spend a lifetime treasuring and loving you completely, in every way, giving of themselves all and only to you, and vice versa.

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