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Do any normal people wait until marriage?

February 20th, 2010 by

It is sad that people – I have heard a lot of this – believe only ‘Jesus Freaks’ wait. It cheapens the idea both for devout Christians, people of other faiths and agnostics like myself. I am not a freak. Neither are my brothers and sisters from all faiths and those with none. We are just individuals that refuse to give up on our ideals.

-BK, from the comments

I see this question a lot in the search results for this site. I’m assuming by “normal people” you mean “people who won’t say the name ‘Jesus’ every five seconds”.

And the answer is: Absolutely! I know lots of virgins who are virtually undetectable. Looking at them you’d have no idea that underneath their seemingly-normal exterior they are actually a deeply thoughtful, ambitious person who assigns a lot of meaning to sex and relationships.

Many different types of people wait until marriage. You’ll have the in-your-face, hyper-Christian types (usually the younger ones), but there’s just as many quietly-faithful types, agnostics, and atheists that are equally as committed to waiting.

But even for those that are a little weird: You need to understand where some of that “wierdness” comes from. You’re talking about people who’ve made a very atypical decision. These are people that are in a large way going against the grain of everybody else around them. They’re standing still and holding onto their virginity when all of their friends and acquaintances are throwing theirs to the wind. In many ways, waiting till marriage creates a completely different mentality towards life.

You can feel very different, like an outsider. And because of this it can be reassuring to find others who are like you. Some people are OK surviving out in the sexual wild west. Some people amplify the importance they place on their difference and actively seek out others like them, find them, and thrive in like-minded communities.

Other people start to feel a little angry or overly-zealous about the righteousness of choice that they made but nobody else seems to make. This can make them kind of in-your-face, especially when they first decide to wait. This usually tappers off with time and age, as they learn to accept others.

50 Responses to “Do any normal people wait until marriage?”

  1. BK says:

    It is sad that people – I have heard a lot of this – believe only ‘Jesus Freaks’ wait. It cheapens the idea both for devout Christians, people of other faiths and agnostics like myself. One only needs to look at the global popularity of ‘Twilight’ to see that there are millions upon millions of people that love such ideas of purity and true – eternal love but for many reasons are limited by a current society that is bent on consumption both material, physical but not spiritual.

    I am not a freak. Neither are my brothers and sisters from all faiths and those with none. We are just individuals that refuse to give up on our ideals.

  2. Jamie says:

    Really well said, BK. I think I like your comment better than my original answer.

    And you can expect an Edward & Bella profile in the Celebrities section in the future. 😉

  3. Beth, Northern England says:

    I’m an atheist who is considering waiting until marriage, even if I don’t I’ll wait until there’s mutual love on both sides and probably have to say no a LOT! So I’m guessing 6 months plus after dating. A large part of this is because, while at school, as the only virgin over the age of 16 I was treated like I had some horrible disease and needed to be both pitied & ridiculed. They also flat out didn’t believe me the first time it came up in conversation. I think this is because I look like the top shelf of a magazine rack but without the boobs (sob). Oh & the belts masquerading as clothes.

    Ironically before all that I’d never even thought about my virginity, it was them pushing me to have sex that made me want to not have sex.

    Oh & on an unrelated topic how about a forum? I know forums have a tendency to become pretty big but it would be a really good way for everyone to support each other.

    Also I love your site. It’s the first one I’ve come across of a similar topic that hasn’t made me feel alienated just because I’m an atheist and for that I thank you. However I’m not saying it was intentional on the part of the other sites.

  4. Mike says:

    Hi Beth!

    Thanks for the comment! I started out waiting on mutual love too. Then after seeing how casually other people were throwing the word “love” around…I decided to just wait until marriage. After several long-term relationships, I kinda think that truly mutual love (the kind you have in mind when you decide to wait for it) occurs so rarely that when you find it, you’ll probably marry that person, so waiting on mutual love and waiting till marriage can often be the same journey.

    That’s kind of depressing that everybody gives you hell for waiting. I guess though, as an atheist, you’re probably not hanging out with many people who value stuff like that. I had the same problem to a certain extent (many of my friends at best just tolerate my waiting status), but I’ve also made new friends who are waiting too, and that makes it better. You can feel like such and outsider…like you’re doing such a weird thing. Having friends that are waiting too lessons that weird/outsider feeling…makes it feel more normal…and that’s enormously helpful.

    Ironically before all that I’d never even thought about my virginity, it was them pushing me to have sex that made me want to not have sex.

    That response you have in your brain — to immediately question your premises when you start feeling pushed into something — will serve you well in life. Some of the smartest people I know have that reflex.

    Oh & on an unrelated topic how about a forum?

    Good idea. Stay tuned. 😉

  5. Louise-amelia says:

    Hey, I’m also waiting for marriage but where I am in scotland it is uncommon for a girl to still have her virginity at 15 so I obviously stick out like a sore thumb and when I tell guys tht I am waiting for marriage they often laugh at me then say yeah right we will see… I’ve had this so much tht I actually ended up making a bey with one of my male friends… I just wish tht people here would understand tht I am not like every1 else… I pride myself on being unique

  6. Mike says:

    Hi Louise-amelia,

    Thanks for the comment. Waiting can be a really lonely battle at times. I can’t believe it’s uncommon for a girl to still have her virginity at 15 over there. That’s just insane. Over here in the US, the girls that lose it before 15 are usually the ones who end up well…on a self-destructive path. At least when I was in HS anyway…the reaction to a girl who lost it at 14 was “ew…that’s a little early” —and that’s from everyone, waiting or no.

    Some people do understand. And I don’t just mean other people who wait. You will eventually find friends who, even if they aren’t waiting themselves, will respect you for it….that’s how it should be.

    It’s funny, when A.C. Green — that basketball player profiled on the Celebrities page — told his teammates that he was waiting, they said stuff like “yeah right we will see” to him…and then they even threw lots of girls at him, trying to break his resolve. After a while, he wore them down, and they came to respect him…and eventually many of the other players asked A.C. to talk to their kids about it (ha!).

    Anyhow, hang in there! Thanks for posting. And hey, go join the new forums! I want to get as many people as I can on there, so we can all feel less alone in our plight. 🙂

  7. Allie Cruz says:

    i am an 18 year old girl, im tall, attractive, athletic body and love soccer, tennis, and formula 1 racing and i am waiting until marriage. a lot of guys that have shown interest in me have said that i’m the ideal woman and that he and i should just “smash”. i am catholic but the typical modern day catholic that only goes to church on christmas (if that. this year i completely forgot about easter..) i am saving myself because all my friends are slutting around and i see how hurt they get when they realize how the guy just used them. i do not ever want to be used and then thrown aside. one guy who really liked me commented on the fact that i was waiting and he said “for me, i think the greatest gift my future wife could give me would be herself. just completely giving yourself to that guy 100% is the greatest gift a guy could possible recieve” the guy who said that is a huge player, has slept with soo many girls, he gets around. he’s a typical good looking party boy who likes one night stands. and he said those words that just convinced me even more that i was doing the right thing.

  8. Laura says:

    My best friend recently had a pregnancy scare in her freshman year of college. We talked about what would happen if she was pregnant, and the future was bleak. I always have believed in only having one partner for life, so her situation inspired me to wait until marriage. God will put the right guy in my life who respects my decisions!

  9. Rica says:

    I find there are more girls than guys waiting for marriage until they have sex, it disappoints me because I really need a pure man. Guys don’t value purity as much as girls do and I lose hope more each day knowing that guys choose pleasure now rather than comfort, trust, respect, and love for the future.

    If I choose to wait I think it’s only fair I find someone who is waiting too at least we’d both be happy. for those who don’t I hope they marry people who aren’t virgins because isn’t that what they deserve and are meant for.

    virgin + virgin = happiness
    slut + slut = happiness

  10. Sarah Mae says:

    I’m an agnostic and this short article really summarizes everything I feel about waiting until marriage. For me, it’s not really about throwing it in anyone’s face, it’s just something I personally believe in.

    Rica, I would have to disagree with you that guys don’t value purity as much as girls. I know that we oftentimes see more examples of girls valuing this purity in comparison to guys, but at the same time, there are a lot of guys in the world who value it, respect the decision, and have the same ideals for themselves. I’m not sure if I agree on the ‘deserving’ perspective either, but I’m sure that you’ll find someone truly respectful of your decision, perhaps one who has decided the same thing for himself, and that you’ll be happy together.

  11. Meggy says:

    I’m so happy I came across this website. I’m a 22 year old girl who is constantly “fallen in love with”…yet have not had a boyfriend willing to stay very long after I tell him I am waiting for marriage. It’s gotten to the point lately that I stop myself from accepting dates because I don’t want to “force” a boy to abstain with me. For some reason I’ve been equating abstaining to being selfish. It probably doesn’t help that my friends are all very sexually active and this one single difference puts a huge barrier between us. I honestly think that, although they would never say it out loud, they look at me as less mature. I guess I’m starting to internalize it, and it’s nice to read that there are other “normal” people in America waiting.

  12. Meggy says:

    Sorry, to add on – I’m never been the type of girl who advertises my virginity. In fact, most people, unless they ask (in which case I am honest about it), assume that I’m not as the majority of kids my age aren’t. And I’ve always been slightly annoyed by kids who run around advertising their choice to everyone and their moms. But I think I’m starting to understand why. By putting it out there, there’s no awkward assuming. There’s no having to explain and justify my decision, or the lack of phone of call ever again. Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy I’m waiting because it definitely weeds out the people who want to just have sex with me, rather than truly be someone to me. But I’m starting to think I should tell boys when they ask for my number, “I’ll give it to you, but just so you know, I’m not gonna have sex with you unless we get married”. Might save some heart break!

  13. Mike says:

    Hi Meggy!

    I wouldn’t look at as “forcing” them to abstain. I know two guys (who didn’t wait) who fell in love with girls that were waiting, and after a year or so they had no more problems being “forced” to wait. They didn’t see it as being forced. They could leave at any time. But they wanted to stay. At different times, they have both said to me something to the effect of “The waiting thing is not a big deal, because I love her.”

    And later in the relationship they both said that not only did they not mind the waiting…they were glad she was waiting. As in, they were frustrated at first, but in time they grew to truly appreciate what she was deciding to do.

    So my point is: Don’t be too concerned about “forcing” a boy to abstain. He will stay if he has enough interest in you, and leave if he doesn’t. And if he stays, the one thing you should worry about is giving him a hell of a lot credit for caring about you enough to honor your decision.

    Also: Those people who advertise their choice annoy me to. Even though I used to be one. 🙂

    Nowadays I look at it as more a factor of age. Of those kids who run around advertising it, 75% will give up and have sex within 2 years, and the others will mature out of the advertising phase.

    I know when I was most adamant about shoving it in other people’s faces was when I had just decided to wait and I was still insecure about it. Then, later, I would just advertise in the hopes that other people might be like “me too!”. Now I keep it to myself until it’s absolutely necessary to tell. But it’s still hard to know when the right time is to divulge it to dates…especially when you have strong feeling that they’re going to run away when you tell them.

    Anyhow, thanks for the comment. I hope to hear more from you (go join the forums!).

  14. Barbara says:

    i’m an 18 year old girl that also chooses to wait. and i’m glad i’m not alone though sometimes it sure seems that way.
    i heard the stories many times of men just leaving girls after they gave it all to them (most of them from my brother and hos friends that laughed about it. it hurt to hear whole little they cared). i guess i got scared that i would be one of those girls that would get used and thrown aside. i think that if a guy truly loves me then he’ll wait for me. media makes sex into something twisted. i think it should be about a deep love with another person a love that appears when someone is ready to commit for ex in marriage.
    i also find it hard to keep my resolve sometime bc of society’s idea of it. i’m also scared to tell my friends about waiting. not bc i’m scared they will look at me differently (i know they would never, esp not over something so small) but that they will try and change it. they have this idea that after a certain age you shouldn’t be a virgin any more. but honestly i just want to find that someone who will love me unconditionally and then give him my whole self and if that means waiting than i’ll wait for eternity.
    it’s like the first post says: twilight is a great example about why people love the books/movies and i doubt it’s bc of the actors/actresses. people just love the idea that he waited for his soul mate for centuries. ppl want that passion; i think some are just scared to admit it and be ridiculed. so to all those who waited i solute you. it must have took a lot of courage to go against the current.

  15. Elaina says:

    Looking for a good Christian young man? Check out the LDS church. There are many fine young men with high standards who are also waiting for marriage. Don’t lose hope. They are out there, you just have to know where to look.

  16. MC says:

    Hi, I’m 18 and I have a boyfriend of over a year. He wants to wait and I don’t. Unfortunately its hard to change our ideals towards the subject. But don’t want to break up. Can anyone give me any reasons to wait with him?

  17. Mike says:

    @MC – If you had to choose between staying with him and waiting, or breaking up with him and ultimately having sex with somebody who you didn’t like as much…which would you choose?

  18. Aaron1988 says:

    I’m a 22 year old guy and I’m giving up sex (and all sexual contact – a peck on the lips at the very most) until I’m married because I want true love,(mutual) commitment and marriage which is more important to me than sex, ever has been. The only reason I have had sex is because I was pressured into it, and after I slept with my first gf I thought that I couldn’t say no to anyone else, although saying this I have only ever had sex or even kissed someone if i’m in a longterm relationship (my shortest relationship is 18 months) so because of this I have only ever kissed 2 people but unfortunatly this also means I have slept with 2 people, which I regret so, so much.


  19. Anonymous says:

    I am not someone people would call religious, but I do have strong ideals and believe in sticking to them. For that reason, I stayed a virgin until I was married at 25 years of age. I don’t know anyone personally who waited, but I don’t regret it at all. It makes my relationship with my husband all the more special. We were together for three years before getting married and he waited for me that whole time :0) Which I know wasn’t easy for him, especially since he was not a virgin!

  20. xanadux says:

    I’m a 21 year old, attractive, single, educated, socially intelligent (future financially independent) woman who is an abstinent agnostic. I don’t need to be abstinent, but I chose to be. I told myself this at age 10 and again recently when I just turned 21.

    We are out there

  21. xanadux says:

    * and I’m abstinent in the strictest sense of the word lol, never even had a kiss. lol. It makes me feel that much better to know that I’m a rarity lol.

  22. xanadux says:

    * i don’t like the term ‘slut’ though. I may be abstinent, but I don’t judge others who aren’t. Everyone is entitled to their choices. Who am I to judge how someone should live their life? THe only person I’m in control of is myself.

  23. Anonymous says:

    I feel like things are as special as you make them. If you put a higher value on something than it is more special. If you see sex like kissing “It’s something you do with your boyfriend to show affection.” you can still be happy once you decide to get married, but if you wait and put a higher value on sex then it will mean more once you do it with your partner. It’s like Christmas presents.If you open your Christmas presents before Christmas then you’ll still be happy because you like your presents, but if you wait until Christmas it makes opening your christmas presents a more magical and meaningful experience. What you put into it is what you’ll get out of it! Place value on sex, and you’ll receive something valuable.

  24. ThatGuy says:


    Very well said!

    Can I add one more thing? You said that when you wait till Christmas to open your presents, it makes your presents more magical and meaningful, but it also makes Christmas itself more meaningful as well. Similarly to sex, waiting till marriage makes not only the sex more meaningful but the wedding night and marriage more meaningful as well.

  25. Anonymous says:

    Ive decided to wait until marriage. Not in gods name but in my own will. I value my love life more than anything. I want it to be special even if its not till marriage I do plan to be monogamous. My reasoning? I can’t stand the fact of thinking about my wife sleeping with another guy. So if thats the kind of woman I’m looking for I’m not gonna be a hypocrite and sleep around.

  26. Cass says:

    Aaron1988- I know exactly where your coming from, like 120%, But the fact that your now choosing to say that your making that commitment to wait is so awesome. Im the same way, that i made mistakes in a previous serious relationship, but i learnt the hard way, and because of that reason, i am holding out for marriage, and like pretty much everything is off the table, except maybe a kiss, but even then it would have to be into a relationship. Its definitely worth it, even if it is a second chance 🙂

  27. Abby says:

    I’m a 26 year old turning 27 this year. I’m the only girl in my group of friends and acquaintances who has never had a boyfriend, never had sex, oral or even kissed anyone. I’ve been approached by many guys since my teens and even now men in their 30s have approached me, but after a date with them they expect a kiss and the thought of having sex lingers in the back of their minds. They find the idea of sleeping with a virgin so fascinating as though they’ve won something by being her first in bed. It becomes a pain sometimes to deal with. Like why they can’t talk to me as friends first and then see where things go. Why must they feel the need to kiss or get so touchy feely? I don’t mind holding hands or a slight peck on the cheek but I can’t get myself to give nor accept a French kiss when I don’t see a long term type click. And so far, I haven’t met a single guy who is a virgin or a waiter. It doesn’t matter if they’re Christian, Jewish or Muslim and claim themselves to be very religious, they have all wanted to get under my skirt and it makes me sad knowing that is all they want. I want a meaning relationship, a good connection, something stable, secure, loving and lasting. A relationship where morals/ ethics are valued. I have saved my self 100% for the guy I marry, but I can’t seem to find him…
    Currently, I’ve been seeing a guy who is in his 30s. He at first told me he was a waiter and he didn’t engage in sex at all. But then at one point he told me he was sexually active and even though he had 4 girlfriends in the past, he also had a number of one night stands. This took me by surprise and I was fairly disappointed. But I liked him enough to still see him again and I thought maybe his past was history now. Later, he questioned me about how many guys Id “really been with”. Once he learnt I hadn’t been with any, and never considered even sleeping with any of my guy friends, he completely changed his story and said that he didn’t do anything either. That since my story says I’m clean, he’s clean now too… As though we were competing. It upset me. Other things he’d say here and there, he would end up denying them too. I couldn’t tell and I still can’t tell which one of his stories is the truth. He tells me he loves me but I can never be sure. He’s created doubt in my mind and I can’t seem to let go. The other thing he does a lot is that he wants to sext and gets a little upset when I say not now. I honestly believe in sharing my mind and body with my husband. It’s something I want to remember and cherish for the rest of my life. He used to say he understands it but he still starts with the physically intimate conversations. There’s little romance but more sex talk. The qualities I liked about him in the beginning don’t seem to matter anymore. If anything, the only thing he has going for himself is that he goes to Harvard. He doesn’t seem to value what I say much, he doesn’t respect my stance, instead he keeps telling me to give in. Says he wants us to meet alone and have oral sex to know if we’re sexually compatible.
    I don’t know what to do sometimes. I feel like discussing my situation with my friends but, like someone here mentioned earlier, being a waiter just creates a barrier. They just can’t seem to comprehend why I’m waiting.
    Or maybe I’m just one of those rare crazy girls fantasizing about marrying a saint. I don’t know…

  28. Abby says:

    Thought id add, I’m signed with one of the top model agencies in the city where I live.

  29. Sham says:

    Hey Abby! I think it’s great that an attractive girl like you is waiting it out for the right person. I’m also a 21 year old woman who has made the decision to wait as well, not because of faith, but because of personal choice. I’ve been approached by plenty of guys, but as soon as they threw the “sex card,” and they learned about where I stand on sex, they would be long gone. It used to hurt me a lot, but now, I’ve learned to not care for such guys, since I’m weeding out the “bad” ones from good ones. I’m so glad that there are people out there who share the mentality of waiting until marriage. You all rock! =)

  30. firefighter96 says:

    interesting site, glad i found this and read through. tho in the comments i see a lot of complaints about guys trying to swindle their way into a girls bed. well i can say, from my experience there are girls who do just the same.
    its like because i am a guy they expect i have been in a ton of beds. and therefor, presume i am lying about waiting. and so then they feel ‘ok’ about lying to me.
    but they can go on as if they believe in me. but in their mind, its just part of a game they are playing. kind of like what Abby was saying… except, girls do this to me.

    then the result is, now i am in my 30’s and feel like no one will ever take me seriously. seems like i either am being ignored, or being treated like a player or sex object. while now i am basically afraid to go out in the world anymore because it hurts too much.

    like Sham says im so glad there are people out there who share the mentality of waiting until marriage. you all rock! xD but i still never leave the house anymore. and i will feel like i am to be alone forever. with no way to make new friends or find a date ever.

    good luck to you all! don’t give in.

  31. Danielle says:

    Hi everyone! I’m so glad I found this site. It gives me hope for the future! I’m 19 now and am definitely going to wait til marriage. I have no doubts about it at all. (I’ve never done any kind of sexual act either- not even a kiss yet, which I also deem to be a very special thing). I find the idea of waiting for my soul mate- the one man who will love me unconditionally and share a bond with me that no one else has had (and vice versa) to be so romantic. I give all of you so much credit for sticking to your beliefs!

    It makes me kinda sad though when someone asks about this particular belief and just automatically assumes it’s due to religion. (Is reigion the only moral thing people rely on these days?-.-)Thankfully I have two friends who have also decided to wait, so I’m not completely lonely in my beliefs, but I have yet to meet a man that is waiting. I know that they are out there, and that all men are not sex-crazed, but it would be great if they weren’t such a rarity. I believe a lifetime spent with your true love is far more rewarding then having a few years of lustful, short-lasting affairs. We must first establish a connection with our personality/soul/beliefs- physical love can come later. A true love is basically a best friend who you are attracted to imo. Someone you can seek comfort and advice in, and trust with your very life-someone you want to be intimate with in every way. And as a few have mentioned, physical love is chemical so it will make a marriage even stronger. If I could choose anyone to be chemically attached to, it would make most sense for it to be with my spouse rather than a random boyfriend.

    Oh and the whole “experience is needed before marriage” argument is bs. Who says you can’t gain experience together with your spouse? Does being a virgin before marriage automatically mean you cannot learn how to please each other? Of course not. Everyone started out as a virgin once! It is pretty dumb to think you need a “teacher” to start you off. I think it’s far more adorable to learn together- it’s also another way to spend more time together too.

    So don’t give up! Good luck to all of you. I truly hope you all find the man/woman you deserve! 🙂

  32. Anon says:

    Loads of guys are waiters. They work in bars, hotels and restaurants.

  33. Mike says:

    @Anon – Zing!

  34. Clare says:

    Hey Anon!

    Just out of curiosity, what makes you so sure that guy waiters are in bars, hotels and restaurants?

  35. sharie says:

    … it was you.

  36. anonymous says:

    The issue I see with waiting until marriage is that it is common knowledge that married couples don’t have sex, they get older and don’t want it as much, or *gasp* both wait (and this is one of my biggest fears), then the girl who has lived her entire life up to that point without being sexual, isn’t all that interest in sex after you are married.

    I am a deeply thoughtful, ambitious person who assigns a lot of meaning to sex and relationships. So much so that I believe sexuality is too complex, and too important to be added or removed from a relationship on a whim. I strongly believe it needs to grow with the relationship. It doesn’t mean the couple needs to indulge (or even have sex) but that physical intimacy should be attended to on a regular basis, alongside communication, love, and romance.

    I began my dating experience waiting until marriage to have sex. The mess that caused though in young, immature relationships produced toxic levels of guilt and shame which ended the relationship (without getting into details).

    I also don’t think the benefit of waiting until marriage is that it is “so romantic”. If that were the case, anyone who has had sex, like me, but re-commits to sexual purity later in life is wasting their time.
    Rather than “throwing my virginity to the wind” I tried, and failed, to navigate physical intimacy, partly because I place such a high value on sex, love and relationships. If physical intimacy is so important after marriage, how can it possibly be entirely repressed before marriage and expected to just be there when you need it?

    So this is where I am now, at 23, as a guy, learning to balance the important relational element of physical intimacy (which in my mind goes hand-in-hand with emotional intimacy, in romantic relationships) and sexual boundaries, without driving relationships into the ground.
    PS – This is partly in response to numerous comments from girls that sex is all guys want, or all guys are just trying to get into their pants, or skirt, or whatever. I find sexuality important which is why I want to enjoy it with my girlfriend. There is a difference between guys looking for flings and guys wanting to build solid relationships, which have a potentially sexual component. I think it is important to keep this in mind.

  37. Anonymous says:

    anonymous – Your question “If physical intimacy is so important after marriage, how can it possibly be entirely repressed before marriage and expected to just be there when you need it?” struck a chord with me. I don’t have an answer for you, but I am hoping someone else will comment there.

    You also commented that it is common knowledge that married couples “don’t have sex” – statistics indicate that married couples have sex almost twice a week:

    I am the first girlfriend of my husband, and I really love that. Well done, all of you who are waiting for marriage. Sexual activity is a bonding language of commitment which can become confusing/misleading/emotionally painful outside of marriage.

  38. mark says:

    im still a virgin at 40 I neeed to talk to some one about sex

  39. Anonymous says:

    Sex is normal behavior, if you’re not having it there is a underlying psychological issue, body issues or past sexual abuse etc. Society has always been obsessed with sex because we are biological sexual beings. It is not abnormal to want and like sex. In fact it’s healthy and normal compared to non-sexual relationships. Those that say we are obsessed with sex because we have it are mental loons! There’s nothing wrong with the act, and yet too many people consider it “spiritual” or something that they have to wait until the “perfect” moment before their first experience. For goodness sake, bang as many people as you can, it’s crazy fun! And so long as it’s done safety you won’t have any regrets and maybe a few interesting stories instead.

  40. Chris says:

    37 year old male virgin here. Society is just trying to categorize, marginalize and stereotype people as being deficient in some way. I know I could probably have sex any time I wanted, it’s just not something that I can be bothered with. Because society chooses to use this as another way of marginalizing me, doesn’t mean I feel marginalized by it. If I never meet a woman that I want to become involved with or marry, that’s entirely my business and no-one else s. The way I see it, I’m not risking STIs or unwanted pregnancy or any of the potential pitfalls associated with random sex.

  41. Anonymous says:

    Men(and ladies)…it is short sighted for people who are virgins in their later years to pass it off as some life choice they are comfortable with. Don’t attempt to justify it and trust me when I say, once you have it you will realize how much time you have wasted. Just pay for it if need be and don’t over think everything. Sex is awesome and fun. Plus we biologically driven by it. How can you know what the “big deal” is unless you try it? Also, virginity is not a “thing” to lose/keep or whatever, it’s a word so don’t get hung up on it.

  42. Mike says:

    @Chris – Why does it have to be random sex? Don’t you want to have relationships? Has no girl ever lived up to your standards?

  43. Mike says:

    @Anonymous – If you count “severely idealistic” as an underlying psychological issue, then yeah maybe, but you can’t generalize like that. Otherwise I agree with you that our sex drive is natural and shouldn’t be suppressed. It is for this reason that many people who wait end up fudging the line a little when they get in long-term relationships.

    The image of a person who waits until marriage as sitting alone, waiting on their prince/princess to show up, and dying alone with lots of cats — that’s not typical of most people who wait. Most of us date, have relationships, and have physical intimacy just like non-waiters do.

  44. Jennifer says:

    I waited until I was 21 and I am really glad I did. I was emotionally mature. I was with a very kind man who loved me very much. I was safe and felt loved and had one of the few good first time experiences I’ve ever heard of. I would not wait until marriage.

    I’ve never been married, but I have been in a similar situation as the interviewee. I was in a relationship with a religious man who I loved very much. We originally planned on waiting till marriage, but decided eventually to have a go at it. Neither of us were virgins, but I didn’t have very much experience before him. As soon as we started doing it, I realized he wasn’t the man for me…a thing I wouldn’t have known otherwise. Because it turns out A) we wanted vastly different things in the bedroom (I wanted to have sex; he wanted to ridicule me, laugh at me, and exercise control over the relationship by denying me sex) and B) while he was a very nice man outside the bedroom, he was a scary a-hole in the bedroom.

    If I found that out after I married him, I probably would have hurt myself.

  45. Sarah says:

    This is all just soooo true. (I’m 21 and defintely goig to wait till I get married).
    But I wish it wernt so hard, there seems to be sex everywhere, my friends are very sexually active and they think i’m very srange or worse. And of course boyfriends don’t last because they just refuse to wait.
    But this site shows me I’m not alone at all – thank you so much

  46. Hope says:

    I am a women waiting for marriage. And I do believe in Jesus. The reason I wrote this first is so people reading it has a better idea on my point of view. It is not because I look down at other people.

    Now with that said. Sex is a wonderful experience that God made that we can share with someone. But the consequences after is why it makes a difference if you do it before or after marriage.

    God created sex for marriage, but I will write it in a way so hopefully if you do not believe in God this can still help you.

    Someone commented that we are sexual beings and the drive is there so we should enjoy it.

    Oky so in his/her opinion we are just animals that must do as our Bodies and feelings tell us to do because it is there.

    We are not animals! We have the wonderful gift of will and choice. Just because you feel like you want to murder someone in a moment of anger doesn’t mean it is the right thing to do. So just because you want sex in a moment of passion does not make it the right thing to do. YOU CHOOSE.

    There was another comment on how you can’t oppress your sexual needs and it is just magically there when you get married.

    Your right it is not just magically there when you get married. It has always been there. But you must choose to control your deeds.

    Some people have fears about waiting:
    1) Not being sexually compatible (test the car before you buy it)
    2) that their partner would be so use to not getting sex they won’t want it.
    3) the statement that married people have less sex.

    1) are people not worth more than a car? And if you love a person would you just not want to be with them because you are not” sexually compatible) sad… Very sad. By the way people are also not magically great sex experts. So it takes practice to get it right with your partner.

    2) if you waited and your partner did too what are the chances that ony you would have all the sexual desire in the relationship? If it is men worried about their future wife ( yes men are overall more sexual than women) you must remember that women and men are wired differently. Most women don’t feel sexual until you persue her… And think of it this way you will need a lot of practice, practice and practice!!!!

    3) This is not necessarily true. Married people as far as I know don’t go around telling people they had sex the previous night or whenever, but single people do. So how do you know? For all you know the person complaining has sex 4 nights out of the week and just can’t get enough of his or her partner so in their opinion it is not enough.

    When you love a person and choose to spend your life with them, you must meet their needs.

    Men: if your wife has a need for romance for you to make her feel save and loved. Then you do it because you love her even if you do not need romance she does.

    Women: if your man has a big need for sex and respect then you do it because you love him even if you do not need as much sex as he does.

    Don’t worry men most women just don’t feel the need for sex until they do it then they enjoy it so persue away…. But you must sometime understand if she nicely and respectfully tells you that she can’t right at that very moment.

    Sex ouside of marriage consequences :
    *cause insecurity: does she/ he compare me with others they have been with?
    *pregnancy outside of marriage: i love you and want to marry you but you must know i have 2 children with 2 different women/men. (Not seeing that going very well)
    *children groing up without a secure home
    * abortion
    *guilt( i read somewhere that guilt also cause problems with sexual performance and grudges have the same effect)
    * people loose respect and trust in one another.

    This is just a few of them.
    Sex inside of marriage consequences:
    *lower chance of disease
    * you will not be compared to anyone so you will be the best! And remember practice, practice…!!!
    *just the children with her/ him.
    *your children will have a great home.
    * no abortion.
    * no guilt
    * respect and trust

    Also just a few named.

    Now you ask how someone that is waiting knows this. Well I have ears and people talk so i just listen.

    I admit that it is not easy but i choose to wait for my husband.
    Sex is more than just sex.

    Think about it:

    If sex is not that important to people, why do people want it so much and why does it hurt people or lift them up if it is not important? If it is not important than cheeting on someone would not be considered as wrong.

    And if it is so important why do people use it as if it is nothing.if it is so important then why can’t people enjoy it when the time is right?

    If you have had sex you can still choose to wait now…

    Jesus loves you and he knows you! He wants the best for you! He made sex to be enjoyed but only in marriage. He did it for a reason!

    I apologize if I sound stuck up. I really don’t mean it like that but if you do not follow the ” rules” you will get hurt. And i am so sick and tired seeing good people hurt because they did not know.

  47. Krissy says:

    I have not a jesus freak at all and I have some very sexually open acquitances. I don’t even wear a purity ring lol. I only pray when I really need it, not everyday…

  48. Lilly-anne says:

    What’s the main reason behind waiting for marriage? I know it’s mentioned in the bible, but what’s the main reason? Do you believe that God will not bless the relationship if someone has sex out of wedlock?

  49. Josh says:

    For me it’s not about anything religious. For me it’s about being with someone who wants to give the gift of themselves to the love of their life. It’s about not having to share the other person. It’s about having a connection of intimacy. But it seems like girls in this area don’t care. They just have sex with whoever. And for me, when I think about a girl that I care about, I instantly think about her being with others. Thus leaving me with this empty feeling, a stomach in knots and a touch of depression because I feel like I’ll never find someone like minded.

  50. Kyle says:

    It’s really reassuring to see that people are waiting for reasons outside of religion as well. I still believe in God and everything, but I’m not that religious, and I’m not one to let my life revolve around my religion (not that I have anything against that, of course! It’s just not for me. Honestly, I’d be open to dating someone who was waiting for religious reasons as well, it’s something I do respect though I don’t practice it regularly myself).

    My reasons for waiting are pretty similar to everyone else’s here. I want the bond between my wife and I to be more than just a physical one. If I have to factor in the sex to measure how well the relationship is going, well, then it’s probably not a great fit. We should truly enjoy each others’ company and have a lot in common, rather than just enjoying animalistic instincts. Those instincts are there for a reason – but let’s not let it replace true romance and intimacy. And honestly, I can’t stand the thought of not waiting. It would make me sick to my stomach if I didn’t, like I was already cheating on my wife, regardless of the fact that I haven’t met her yet. (And consequently, it’d feel like she’d be cheating on me too, if the roles were reversed.) It’s a bond that I want to be shared between only us. Hopefully I find someone else who feels the same way.

    And for those of you who aren’t aware – though I’m sure a lot of you are – there’s lots of statistics indicating that people who wait end up in happier marriages in the end. Lower rates of divorce, higher rates of happiness, and even reporting better sex lives (for all those worrying that you won’t be sexually compatible). No, it doesn’t guarantee it by any means, but hey – better odds to end up happy don’t hurt, do they?

    And for any girls that are out there and waiting, know that there are guys out there that are waiting too. I *really* don’t advertise it, as guys get a lot of shit for it (I’m 23). Regardless, even though I don’t go around advertising it or pushing my beliefs on others, there’s no way I’ll ever change my mind on it. Sometimes it feels pretty bleak even as a guy who’s waiting that I’ll never be able to find a girl that’s both a good fit for me and is waiting until marriage. Can’t imagine how it must feel as a girl at times.

    Side note: if anyone does know of dating websites or something similar to find like-minded partners, let me know. People like us do exist – no doubt – but they’re admittedly difficult to find.

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