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Episode 3: The Virgin and The Porn Star

July 22nd, 2013 by

Sexless and the City: Season 2 by Selina

I love Bollywood movies. They remind me of my childhood and of the idealism associated with first love. I remember dancing around the house to various Bollywood item songs, pretending that I was on stage with a cheering audience. So you can imagine my surprise when I found out that Bollywood’s newest item girl was a Canadian porn star – Sunny Leone.

Now, before I start being called judgmental, I have to say that I would have no problem with the concept of porn, so long as it just affected the people watching it. I mean, if it makes you happy, then it’s not harming anyone right? Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s the case. If I marry someone who watches a lot of porn, for example, I would be worried that I might look sexy to myself – but I would know that I’d never look or behave as sexy as the girls on those videos.

Side note: I remember traveling away from home and meeting a bunch of international students who assumed that because I was Canadian I was much more liberalized sexually. When I explained my beliefs about waiting till marriage, I always got the response: ‘But you’re Canadian’!

Anyways. Back to the porn star. If I had been a child watching a family movie, and if I knew that the movie was getting so much attention because the actress was also a “porn star,” I would have thought that a ‘’porn star’’ was something that society valued highly enough to celebrate and shower with fame. Actresses have always been role models. I have no problem with porn stars, but I do have a problem with porn stars being referred to as role models.

I also have a small issue with the phrase “adult entertainment.” I’m glad that this sort of entertainment is reserved for adults. I’m glad that many children aren’t seeing this material (although I I’m sure it’s difficult for modern parents to keep their tech-savvy kids away from it). But by labelling certain concepts as “’adult,” it implies that one can’t be an adult or fully grown up without undergoing those experiences.

Why do people feel pressured to lose their virginity so quickly? Is it because they feel extremely horny? Possibly. But I think that the main pressure comes from society, from society’s assumption that adulthood must include experimentation with sexual behaviour. People feel ashamed of being virgins, not because the idea of virginity isn’t a valuable one, but because society tells them that they do not belong to a pre-set norm.

But is it possible for us to look beyond accepted norms? Is it possible to look behind the expectation that every Hanna Montana will turn into a ‘new-and-improved’ Miley Cyrus once she is ‘grown up’?

Does having sex before marriage really lead to more happiness? I think if we look at our grandparents, statistics have concluded that they weren’t necessarily less happy than we are. So, are we really moving forward in our thinking, or are we just swapping one prescribed way of thinking for another? Are we being “open minded,” or is society moving from preaching religion to preaching a different ideology? What does it really mean to be open minded?

What does growing up mean in the first place? Does it mean the obligation of experiencing everything that we have a right to experience, or does it mean choosing a particular lifestyle carefully, instead of doing something because ‘everyone is doing it’? Is there really anything wrong with deciding to have sex with only one person in your life, or is that just the media talking?

Strangely enough, I love to think of myself as a rebel against a highly sexuallized culture. I’m a rebel, in the sense that I will accept and respect everyone, but I will choose what lifestyle I want to live out, which is the lifestyle that makes me happy.

Author: Selina

Selina is a self-described "happy-go-lucky 25 year old Muslim city girl/prankster who likes to serve the world with a big mischievous grin." She's also a full-time Canadian pharmacist who is very passionate about healthcare.

When she's not researching therapeutic breakthroughs, she's a singer, lyricist, ice hockey enthusiast, Glee fan, and Bollywood addict, who loves to dress up, and strap on a pair of heels. Selina is focused on following her own chosen lifestyle, but is also a huge champion of pluralism and accepting diversity of belief.

8 Responses to “Episode 3: The Virgin and The Porn Star”

  1. felix says:

    i love sex o

  2. NickeyNick says:

    I like the way you have put it ” I love to think of myself as a
    rebel against a highly sexuallized culture.”….hehehe I am a rebel :-)

  3. Sophie says:

    I’m Canadian too. :p

  4. Vie says:

    Good article! Thanks for sharing! :)

  5. Amelie says:

    Fantastic article! Love the rebel angle.

    I can remember being a 19 year old college student in America wondering if there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t ” hooking up” and didn’t want to.

    Even now 10 years later I sometimes feel like an outsider

    Bottom line people have a hard time dealing with something different in our culture that is choosing to be a virgin. I get that and try not let it bother me.

  6. J says:

    If deciding to have sex is an adult decision, then deciding not to have sex till marriage is an adult decision also. Maturity means making decisions that are sometimes difficult. It takes a certain amount of strength to fight one’s sex drive and on top of that knowing society by and large does not respect your decision. This culture has much more respect for people who decide not to give into the pressure to drink or do drugs than those who choose to wait. If anything, waiters should be respected for having the courage to go against the flow. When someone who isn’t waiting pressures us, if we take a second to think about it and there is a good chance that individual had or sired an unwanted pregnancy, has 1 or more STD’s, or experienced heartbreak that could have been avoided or lessened if they had waited. I’m not trying to put people down who aren’t waiting and I know many people who frequent this site decided to wait after the fact. However, waiting can prevent some serious negative consequences, things that can permanently affect you or even take your life!!!

  7. Vick Macky says:

    Can someone please help? I have been emailing and leaving messages and nobody is responding. people are not getting the confirmation emails! take a look at when the last new member signed up.

    I would love to join this site but it looks like you’re experiencing some major tech issues.

    Someone please email me back at vick.macky@mail.com

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