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Episode 4: Acceptance

December 8th, 2013 by

Sexless and the City: Season 2 by Selina

I never thought I’d be someone who would care about acceptance. I’m known as a pretty headstrong, confident person. For God’s sake – I tutor kids and mentor them to believe in their own beliefs, and not worry if they don’t fit the norm.

But then why am I here? I’m here because the biggest reason why I reached out, wasn’t because waiting until marriage was impossible physically. Most of us joined this site because of our silent worries of what society, or the people close to us would think – if they knew the truth… if they knew we were going to wait, until 25, 27, 30, 32 if necessary. Would they think we were strange, weird… abnormal?

Personally, I didn’t care about society’s acceptance… but I did worry that the person who I’d be with in the future, wouldn’t accept me. And that’s why I was a 25 year old who hadn’t dated for two years. I told everyone it was because I had different priorities, because I was career minded – and that’s totally true. But the biggest secret reason why I turned guys down, was that, I wasn’t sure any guy would be able to accept me for my beliefs. And societal acceptance may not have mattered as much…. but acceptance from the guy who I could potentially fall in love with, really mattered. So why fall in love in the first place?

What happened to me, is a classic example of what happens to people when they don’t interact with enough people about their true beliefs. I thought I was different… that nobody else thought the way I did. I was proud of my beliefs, but I thought that they would effectively put a hold on my dating life. And I didn’t mind… that much. I had forgotten the dream that I would find someone, so I was getting used to thinking that I’d spend my life alone.

Until I found someone even more innocent than I am.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls – I’m in a relationship. I have a boyfriend who is even more passionate about waiting for marriage than I am. It’s strange to be the more ‘experienced’ one, but I feel so happy that I can open up about the things that I’m really passionate about – and not worry that I won’t be accepted. In fact, the weirdest thing is, that all of those qualities that I thought would make me into a ‘bad’ girlfriend… waiting until marriage, wanting to dedicate my life to helping global society, wanting to continue studying and learning for the rest of my life, wanting to really dedicate myself to my faith… are things that he really appreciates and values about me.

What was I thinking? How could I have been so cynical?

The thing is, because virginity is seen as such a taboo topic in Western culture, anyone who really does want to wait until marriage never advertises their beliefs. As a result, we all feel ‘lonely’ and different, and we all feel like nobody will really understand what we’re going through. Oh, there will be people who won’t understand you at all. But this website, and my own life… proves that there are actually some people who think the same way as we do, and we really don’t need to worry about not being accepted by loved ones. This site proves that we can find people who do identify with us about our most secret topics… if we only take that risk to reach out to them.

So to all of you WTMers out there, please continue to live your own life of happiness. And whether you are single and not looking, or single and looking, know that there are other people, potential friends, who would believe in you, and who would value you….. if you just let them get to know you.



Author: Selina

Selina is a self-described "happy-go-lucky 25 year old Muslim city girl/prankster who likes to serve the world with a big mischievous grin." She's also a full-time Canadian pharmacist who is very passionate about healthcare.

When she's not researching therapeutic breakthroughs, she's a singer, lyricist, ice hockey enthusiast, Glee fan, and Bollywood addict, who loves to dress up, and strap on a pair of heels. Selina is focused on following her own chosen lifestyle, but is also a huge champion of pluralism and accepting diversity of belief.

7 Responses to “Episode 4: Acceptance”

  1. Julie says:

    I love this article! Only a few in my life know that I’m waiting till marriage. I come to this site because I do feel alone in my waiting. This article was dead on! I didn’t date for the longest time because I was afraid of getting rejected for my beliefs. But, now, I’ve been going on dates and it’s been fun! Thanks for the article of encouragement!

  2. guest says:

    Thx 4 the article :)
    no one in my life knows about my decision… But I am still a teenager.

    And this article reminds me of this picture
    I saw this or a similar one on tumblr long time ago.

  3. Jayy says:

    I’m glad I read this, because I have a lot of the same worries that you had.. I remember being in grade ten and telling my friends that I wanted to wait, and they told me the idea was stupid and that nobody would be willing to wait.
    I always figured that if my friends had that opinion, then the rest of the world would to, so I’ve turned down every guy that’s ever asked me out for fear of what my friends told me.

  4. Jenn says:

    I can definitely relate to this article. I’m a 32 year old virgin who’s actively dating and I’m very nervous about telling guys I’m a virgin WTM. I know that if a guy rejects me because of that, he wasn’t the right one anyway. It won’t stop me from getting upset though. I will stick to my guns because I don’t believe in compromising on something like this. I just know that I’m probably going to get those guys who will think, “Okay, but we can still do ‘everything but’, right?” Wrong! That’s kind of cheating, and not at all what I’m after. I want my relationship and marriage to resemble the traditional courtship model I read about in books and see in old movies. You date, you get engaged, you get married and THEN you have sex (and later, kids). I guess I’m just a silly romantic because to me, there’s no gift more precious that I can give my husband than my body and soul, pure and whole (and only for him!).

  5. Claude says:

    This article is a blessing. Im a 38 year old virgin and even though a few know it I can’t talk to anyone I feel. But this site is also a blessing and is very helpful if anyone has any advise out the my e-mail is Please write. Thank you.

  6. NtaoLee says:

    Wow, I so can relate with this article. It only just proves to me that, it is ok to wait and stand firm on ur beliefs. At times we worry that other people won’t understand or even make fun of ur choices, but it really isn’t about them. As one who makes the decision to wait, if it makes sense to u, then that’s all that matters. It’s also great to know that there are people out there who really understand. Thank u much

  7. Bekki says:

    Hit the nail on the head again with this one. “Felt you found my letters and read each one out loud” but in a good way (not like ‘killing me softly’ song makes me wanna cry lol)
    I had stared to resign myself that I’d grow old and die alone.

    However on the other end of the spectrum I I think what if I find and fall in love with a guy who appears to have the same view but then turns out he just doesn’t want sex at all or just much less aroused then I. Like still in love but not as sexual. I think about it cause there’s lots of things I want to explore when I find and marry my special man but people tend to think if you’re a virgin and you’re not actively pursuing a sexual relationship then you are “frigged” or not able to get aroused or something.

    While from my perspective I don’t get how people can go around sleeping with people they previously or later describe as unattractive while I sit her horny as anything yet not wanting to throw myself at anything that moves lol

    Like I’ve had convos like this
    M)if your not in love with them and/or they don’t score tops on your scale of attractiveness why you sleept with them.
    A) I’m horny /gotta get some/ beggars can’t be choosers etc
    Me) I get horny too But I’m waiting. But even if I wasn’t WTM I wouldn’t lower my standards for the sake of a quick release.

    Not really on topic but I just type as I think.

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