My girlfriend/boyfriend is waiting till marriage, but I am not. Any tips?November 12th, 2009 by Mike
First and foremost, you need to understand that your virginal boyfriend/girlfriend is not some pillar of immaculate, unquestioning virtue. They struggle plenty with their decision to wait until marriage, and they need to keep reinforcing it to stay committed. This need for reinforcement can make them hypersensitive to sexual guilt and fear. If they yell at you for crossing some sexual boundary or because they think you were thinking of crossing some sexual boundary…do not take it personally. A lot of that comes from their own internal struggle about waiting.
Also note that if you are not waiting till marriage (or sometimes even if you are), your waiter partner may assume that you are just waiting on them to have sex. They’re trying to tell themselves that waiting is the right thing, and that you’re on board with it now even though you weren’t in the past. If they catch a hint that you’re not on board with waiting (i.e., that you want to have sex), it can set them off.
Even if you reassure them that you’re totally cool with waiting because you want to be with them, it may not be enough — they may want to hear that you’re waiting like they are. They may want to hear that you are waiting for your own sake, not just for theirs, because then they can see you as in it with them. I know that’s not realistic, but it’s what they want to hear from you.
Anything that you can say that’s supportive of waiting in general will earn you millions upon millions of brownie points, and can help you end arguments and re-earn their affections quickly.
Be patient with their internal struggle. It will resolve itself in time and as they get older and establish their boundaries clearly for themselves. The worst thing you can do is try to argue against their decision to wait and exacerbate their struggle. You cannot argue them out of waiting. That will end badly for you.