The 5 Reactions that Guys Will Have When You Tell Them You’re Waiting
April 5th, 2011 by AnnaYou’ve been there before: You meet a guy that you like (or a guy that was persistent), you’re hanging out with him (like on a date), and at some point you feel compelled to bring up the fact that you’re waiting till marriage to have sex. In fact, you want to bring it up because you’re secretly hoping that he’ll be supportive, or worst case at least you want him to know what he’s getting into. In my experience, guys’ reactions all fall within one of these five ranges.
#1. Put off
This look reflects the thought: “urgh, seriously?”
Then he runs a mile away, cuts off all contact, and avoids you like the plague.
You should realise that he really isn’t worth any of your time if you aren’t worth any of his. You can tell from his reaction that he was much more interested in sex than in any kind of emotional connection. This often represents immaturity (and/or shallowness) on his part. You’re not just a body that can be used for his entertainment and pleasure. Some girls might be OK with that, but not you.
You’re a human being who deserves the time and effort to be spoken to and loved for who you are — he is the one who will be missing out on the opportunity to be with someone a lot more special than most others. Of course, he’ll never know it. He’ll run away and find lots of casual sex partners of varying quality, and then one day, when he’s older, he will start craving emotional connection. But that deeper side of him will be so under-developed that he’ll stumble awkwardly through relationships and marriage. When you meet him again ten years from now, you will be very glad he did you the favour of running away.
#2. Scared
You can almost see the rotating cogs in his mind. He is scared of the prospect of being with someone who is going to withhold sex. He’s scared that he will be missing out on something that he’s grown accustomed to, and that the relationship won’t be what he wants it to be.
Often, he will think that he can handle it, and then in a few weeks the realization hits him that this is real and not going to change, and it just can’t work for him. Give him points for trying, but you don’t want to be with someone who isn’t able to connect with you on an emotional level.
#3. Confident
He thinks that your “I’m waiting till marriage” stance is just a phase, or something you have said to play hard to get — nothing his charm and personality can’t alter.
Beware of these guys! He can be tricky to deal with and will hide his motives very well. He may manage to lead you on for a very long time and after a while of getting nowhere, this previously confident fellow will suddenly realise that you were serious and in which case he can, therefore, no longer be bothered with the chase.
The first sign to spotting a fake is the fact that he tends to go along with it too much. For instance, he will tell you everything you want to hear, such things as, “I have even considered it myself” and “I think it is a wonderful idea.”
The thing is, it isn’t just an idea that suddenly came to you in a dream. It is a belief and a strong thing you strive to achieve-it is clear from this that he doesn’t truly understand your own motives.
You are who you are and you should be proud of that.
Don’t feel silly for falling for his charm, it happens to the best of us. You have that experience under your belt and now you will find it easier to recognise guys that are leading you on. Learn from it and grow as a person because of it. It is possible that he has hurt you and made you feel worthless-always remember that you are not worthless.
Some people have bad motives and it is possible that when they meet the right person for them they will be totally kicked into touch because that individual will make them understand everything that they have rejected in the past, such as, love, companionship and emotional attachment. You just weren’t meant to be that person. On the other hand, if it isn’t love from the right person that makes him see the error of his ways, then he will get his comeuppance elsewhere…maybe someone will break his heart or he will simply be run over by a car-who knows?
#4. Confused
This can probably be the best kind because it means he isn’t fully aware of your beliefs but you can explain it to him and he can understand and will most likely respect you for it. He may even stick around because he only likes you for you and you’re worth more to him than sexual pleasures. He may even be willing to wait with you and for you. The only negative is that because he has never come across this belief, there is a chance he could reject it and if he stays with you there is a possibility that he will want another form of release outside of sex.
It is a great opportunity to explain your values to a guy with an open mind who is more willing to understand something you hold dear to you and who will more than likely appreciate you all the more for it. If he does want something outside of sex, that is always a personal decision so never let yourself feel pressured into it or like he deserves it because he is ‘putting up’ with the no sex till marriage. It is still your body, not their toy.
#5. Respect and Agreement
You’re striking gold when you come across this look! Often the guys who give you this look will really respect your decision, wish they had done it themselves or become more attracted to you because you want to wait.
From my experience, the people who give you this look will turn out to be some of your closest friends or the most wonderful boyfriends/girlfriends.
You are more unique and intriguing to that person and stand out from modern society. It is also a very attractive quality so stand by what you believe in and if that person is truly right for you, then they too will stand right beside you and your beliefs!
Great article! I have yet to meet a #5 but there are lot of #1′s and #3′s out there lol. Im kinda losing hope that are guys out there who are like #5
Glad you like it! They are hard to find but trust me, they are out there! I live in an area that is full of man whores but have still found really lovely guys who respect me or are like me more because of that characteristic. You just have to move in the right circles and go to the right places I suppose!
I know it’s hard but don’t lose hope! You will meet a #5 eventually and then everything will be worthwhile
wow this really helped me a lot. i devoted to myself that i am going to wait until marriage to have sex.but then again im a 17 year old girl in high school surrounded by sex crazed dudes who want you for your body..so easier said then done. but im certian to keep my promise until i marry,and am not ashaed of that.
right now i am currently “talking” to a guy who i think is now a #3, when i first told him he was pretty much confused and trying to make me reconsider.didnt work of course.and now he seems kinda chill. i dont kn ow what he’s trying to pull, but im not budging ! thanks for the tips, they helped a lot, and wish me luck, cause this girl is waiting until the words “i do!”
I loved this article. It is very true too. I have yet to find a number 5 guy, but I know that he is out there somewhere. I decided to wait to have sex until marriage when I was a freshman in high school. This was in 1996. I have kept my promise to myself. I turned 29 1/2 yesterday. It has been hard, especially in today’s society. Everytime you turn around there are shows with sexual content and music videos with the same.
I know that it is hard especially for young women, like yourself Kira, who are in high school at this time. I was lucky because I grew up in a small town and in a time that innocence was not frowned upon. Hang in there, Kira and other young women who read this post, because you will find your number 5 when you least expect it….
My fiance was not only a #5, but when I told him I wanted to wait until marriage, he was completely and totally relieved.
I’m so glad to see a website like this one.
To Kira, I felt the same way when I was in high school. Hang in there, when we are ready God will present us with the right person. He knows us better than anyone and you are stronger than you think. Just because a guy wants you doesn’t mean you have to give yourself to him. Our societ teaches that women should feel obligated to have sex with guys, especially if they are paying for our dinners on dates, but that is not true. I don’t care how much a guy spends on me, I am saving myself for my husband…sharing that moment is priceless. I don’t even know the guy God is going to bring into my life but I love him so much and pray for him. Your husband is going to appreciate you!
if you are not ready to support me then you are not read to be with me in future.
love you for writing this! it been my belief but i like the way you explained it. and i had always felt like cheat for my morels that im not being fair but i like the way you put it “its still your body not his toy” thanks this helped so much!
I’m so glad you all find this inspirational and that you agree with it! I was pretty nervous that people might disagree or dislike it so it gives me a great feeling to know that I’ve helped you all in some way! Hang in there!
For all the dodgy guys out there, there will always be a good one hidden, just always make sure you are comfortable in your own beliefs. I’ve decided that I won’t date anyone until I meet a guy who doesn’t make me feel guilty about not sleeping with him and who allows me to feel proud of who I am. A lot of my male friends make me feel proud of myself, I’m just not romantically involved with them but hopefully I’ll meet a guy who I can be romantically involved with who doesn’t make me feel bad about my beliefs! We’ve all just got to hang in there and be confident in ourselves really.
I’m also yet to meet that #5 guy, but hopefully I will someday. I am 23 and I’ve waited so far and I wouldn’t give up my “all” to anyone till the marriage. My beliefs were never moved by any reason. I hope god send me someone who appreciate me for who I am and respect me for it. Thanks alot this article helped me so much. And for all the girls who are out there waiting, I would say be strong, don’t give in or settle for less. Have faith!
Im a younger waiter and I have met a ton of 3s! Great article.
Yea that shit is bogus it’s 2011 who the he’ll is gonna hold out until marriage? 1 n a million good luck
@Joe – So I guess that puts you in the category #1?
@Joe – Waiting until your married is a personal choice and although it seems completely impossible nowadays there are clearly people around who are planning on ‘holding out’ until marriage-as this website clearly proves. It isn’t 1 in a million at all. It is a very achievable thing, although a struggle, and there are people out there who respect this choice and are more than willing to wait too-you are clearly not one of them and you’re pessimistic about it. You shouldn’t be so negative towards other people’s choices just because it isn’t something you would do.
Dear Ladies:
I am #5.
Okay, even if you think a guy may be a five, at what point in a relationship should you let him know that you’re waiting? It certainly isn’t a first date topic – that’s way too early to discuss something so sensitive, particularly if you have not known him for long. Conversely, waiting weeks or months and then dropping the bomb, perhaps on a romantic night when he makes an approach… That seems wrong, too, and I imagine that he would feel deceived or betrayed on some level. Any advice on how people have approached this situation in the past? How did it turn out?
I agree with the previous comment, it is definitely not a first date topic. I’ve just started dating a guy, we’ve been hanging out for a few weeks, im christian and wanna save myself for marriage. The guy im dating is also a christian but as far as i know he’s not a virgin… However im not certain about it because we havent brought up the topic yet. So at what stage do i bring it up? And what would be the best way to let him know about my beliefs? I really want to get a #5 but ive had a #1 and #3 in the past and im scared this one might turn out like that too. And WHAT should i say to him so i dont scare him away?
I’m happy to say I’ve met a #5. It’s been almost 7 months and I told him after about 6 months. I probably should have told him earlier (maybe after 1 month or 2 tops), but I was too nervous. Maybe a good way to break the news is to tell him you like him and why you like him. Then tell him, give your personal reasons for waiting, and be clear about your physical boundaries in the relationship. If he gets scared away, then he isn’t a # 5 and isn’t worth your time. My boyfriend didn’t wait, his ex-girlfriends treated him very poorly and most of them cheated on him. I love him and treat him well. He knows what it is like to date girls who aren’t committed in the relationship and he fully respects my decision.
I was actually thinking about writing an article about this because we’ve discussed this quite a lot in the forums. It is really hard to know when the right time is. It is a very personal thing to talk about that can be taken badly by the other person or they can be good enough to respect you and carry on.
I still need to figure this same thing out but I think the best time is probably at the point where you think you are both developing strong enough feelings for each other and you want to make the commitment to be boyfriend and girlfriend. This way, he has a chance to think about whether he wants to get into a relationship without sex and whether he likes you enough to give it a go etc.
If he asks you to be his girlfriend and you suddenly spring it on him, he might think you’re trying to put him off or just not take it in properly and quickly say ‘that’s fine!’ without even thinking about it.
Be prepared that he may THINK he can do it but two or three weeks down the line he might just realise it isn’t for him so make sure you are mentally prepared to deal with something that. Advice in a relationship like this, you shouldn’t keep asking him-are you sure you’re okay I’m waiting? Can you deal with not having sex with me? Are you sure you want to stay with me when you could be with someone else and get all the satisfaction you want? I made this mistake and it only reminds them constantly of what they’re missing. Tell someone enough times that they can’t have something will only make them want it more. So it’s best to trust that it is you that they want.
To be honest, this article is all the reactions that I have had when I have told a guy I’m waiting.
I’ve been with someone who I told after the first few dates. we dated for about a month and he was very enthusiastic about it all-too enthusiastic-he agreed with me and I thought he was the perfect guy but it turns out he was only dating me for so long because he was testing to see whether I would change my mind. He stayed with me thinking I would be easy to get into bed if I eventually trusted him enough. As the realisation hit him that I was definitely waiting he went and slept with some random girl and cheated on me.
You definitely shouldn’t just spring it on him because that will scare him or shock him. It should be part of conversation or casually bring it up.
I agree with the above comment start by telling him you like him and why.
I really like you, I like where this is going but if we were to get into a relationship I just have to let you know that I have very strong values about sex and I’m trying to save myself for just one person. Preferably after marriage I want to be able to share myself with one person.
I think you should definitely think about it first before commiting to me. If you like me enough for me then it shouldn’t be a problem but if you feel you’re not ready for something more serious then that’s okay.
Something like that anyway, good luck! If it is meant to be it will happen.
I really don’t understand why more people don’t fall in the #5 category. I find that girls who wait are FAR more attractive. It shows honor, self respect, confidence, ambition and a whole list of other qualities that anyone can appreciate. Don’t lose hope! I’m a #5 and proud to be one. Going on 24 years and I’m still holding on strong
Keep your eyes open and remember that you’re not alone. It makes dealing with #’s 1 through 4 so much easier 
I haven’t met a 5 yet. I’m a freshman in high school and I’m waiting. But I have yet to find a 5 and that’s what I want. I just hope there are 5s out there.
I am so glad to have found this! I’m 24, and believe me it’s a trial sometimes, but I respect myself more for my decision.
haha well my ex was a virgin too so we both had the reaction number 5 when we started dating. The guy I am dating now had sex before but surprisingly his reaction was also number 5, he told me that he would have liked to have waited but it was hard for him to wait since he was also in a crazy time. My best male friend is 23 years old and he is also a virgin, he has always wanted to have sex but he is not very attractive so in his case he is not strictly waiting,but his reaction was also number 5…In conclusion all the guys I know have had that reaction, but I’ve yet to see if I meet one who has one of the other 4 reactions…
I may be weird but the thought of telling a guy I’m interested in that I’m a virgin till marriage scares the hell out of me. I always think he will have 1 of 2 reactions: either dump me and move on to greener territory for sex; or become infatuated with the idea of being my first and therefore ignoring my own unique qualities and attributes. Kind of like me liking a guy and then finding out he is a millionaire or royalty or something. Virginity is something akin to that fairytale stuff, the maiden waiting for the knight in shining armour etc… I kind of fantasise sometimes of not telling the man I love until our wedding night and springing it on him as a surprise. At least then I’ll know he married me for me and not for my virginity.
“1s” and “3s” are the most frequent ones I have to deal with… *rolling my eyes* I just shoo them away…now once I meet #5… hahaha.
My mom raised my older sisters and I to be confident yet non-judgmental about our decisions to wait. I am incredibly lucky that the 3 boys/men that I have dated (and the one that I am currently dating) have all been #5.
If you’re stuck on #1-3 duds, consider the environment in which you meet a guy or a girl as an indicator of how they might react. Meeting a #5 is much more likely at church, in a class, at the park, et cetera than while out for a night on the town.
And addressing the “how long should I wait to tell him?” question, I would say that there is no formula. When I was in high school, we were so scared of taking too long to find out the serious stuff that we shared personal secrets VERY early on in the relationship (in the first 3 weeks) – this is not my recommendation, but it didn’t end horribly for us. If you’re looking for a milestone/guide point to share this about yourself, a good time is during the “Define The Relationship” conversation. Your commitment to waiting might be a deal-breaker for them, but you both deserve to know that before you stake too much of your heart on the success of the relationship. Above all, keep yourself calm – your actions and the way you carry yourself have most likely prefaced this declaration.
Wonderful article! I’m really happy I found this website.
I met a guy over three years ago and I decided that having sex before marriage is not appropriate and that I was going to wait. We had been dating off and on because he was away working and I was going to school. When I told him that he said God will forgive. And that he couldn’t handle me keep telling him no. He got really angry. Before that he wanted me to move in with him; then he said one day we would get married. Than later he suggested that I move on and that it was a mistake that we got back together. Here’s the thing not even a week after he told me to move on he was dating someone else.
I feel that there are a lot of 1s thru 3s out there. There are 5s out there but it takes more respect and so forth on society’s side to find those. My point is that as long as society sees sex before marriage and adultery is ok and other sexual sins are being practiced it outweighs the 5s to some point.
I’m one of those upfront people. All of my friends know how I feel, it’s on my facebook profile, etc. So unless I meet a guy on the street, which is unlikely for me (I don’t do that kind of stuff), most guys are going to know how I feel upfront. In a way it’s better for both of us then going into the relationship with false expectations.
I myself just encountered a #3 and he made me feel so guilty i almost gave him but after talking to my best friend i decided that i wouldn’t settle for him or anyone else, and if he couldn’t respect my morals then he wouldn’t respect me and no girl needs that.
Guys who give all these ugly reactions are just plain stupid because 1.They are missing on quality love 2. They are prone to become fathers or infected with random girls they didn’t care about. 3. They are just that part of society that doens’t care and doesn’t want to improve either so all you need to do is walk away.
I am a 19 year old virgin and it is my personal conviction. I’m saving it for marriage. I survived high school effortlessly. The pressure to be “cool” didn’t weigh too heavily on me considering I didn’t party or put myself into compromising situations. In college I met a number 4 who turned into a number 1 by the end of the night. Well, he lost a good girl and I lost, well, nothing at all. The only thing I sort of fear is not being taken seriously when I leave college and go into the work force. That to me is worse sounding than high school. I don’t want people look at me like I am a child because I choose purity over corruption. Not all grown ups have to say they were screw ups to be initiated into adulthood. I turned 18 whether I was a virgin or not and I’ll continue growing into my womanhood regardless. I don’t need sex to be mature. I hope that there’s a man out there who can understand and respect that. When I am mature and ready for marriage, then I’ll do it with the mature man who wasn’t only willing to wait and bare the “torture”, but actually loves me.
I turn 23 in few days and i am the type of girl guys are always attracted to. they come close and they love what they see until that whole topic of sex comes up. I dated a guy for some months and i told him from the beginning that i was waiting till marriage but dude was okay, not knowing he had is own intentions to get me along the way. he realized i was not going to give in so we broke off.
I have met countless guys who really did like me but couldn’t cope with the no sex till marriage concept. I have heard the whole test drive explanation as well as i can’t grow emotionally with someone without having sex.
Sometimes it becomes overbearing, considering some guys within the same faith and church want relationship with sex from me.
Reading this i can identify 1 through 4 but not 5 yet.
I hope to meet the right guy sometime soon
Keep holding on to your values….seriously, some girls out there are giving it up so easily, it’s making it tough for us to find guys who are willing to challenge themselves and be with us.
I have had a previous relationship where I felt pressured to sleep with a guy. I have now decided I am waiting for marriage, but how can I tell guys yes I have had sex before but I now want to wait? Any ideas?
I am a 27 year old virgin and I’m waiting for marriage. Not trying to be conceited, but I am a beautiful woman, so it really freaks guys out when I tell them I’m a virgin. I’ve had about 5 long-term serious relationships and they’ve all been #5′s. I’m very lucky. But I haven’t dated anyone in 3 years. Now that I’m back on the dating scene almost all of the guys are 1-3′s. I met this guy at a bar (I know that’s not the greatest place to meet someone) I felt great cause a lot of guys were hitting on me, but there was this one particular guy I sorta liked more and we hit it off well. He was really into me and I was into him. He got my number and we even texted for a few days. It was starting to get serious for me. Well he found out I was a virgin and he just stopped contacting me cold turkey! He kept telling me that he’s not trying to get let laid and silly me I actually believed him! So I’m kind of hurt now and I’ve been feeling like a pathetic person because I’m a virgin. I’m so glad I came upon this article. Made me feel better. I won’t be letting my guard down so quickly anymore. I’m definitely going to be measuring guys up between 1 and 5. And if he’s not a 5 then he’s not worth my time.
I am a Christian (Seventh Day Adventist) a lot of people do not know what that is, but i go to church on Saturdays. I’m 20 years old, and as a devote Adventist I do not believe in premarital sex. There are many things i believe in that some find laughable. This is probably off topic but I’m not allowed to drink, no alcohol, not even social drink and of course having sex. When guys find this out that’s the biggest deal breaker. Based on where I live there aren’t too many religious people. How in the world will i find someone? The first bf I had was when I was 18 years old which is pretty late compared to when girls start dating, but he dated me for two weeks, found out I wasn’t going to have sex and broke up with me. I know I’m young and a lot of people older than me will tell me not to worry. I have no intention of giving in to society and having premarital sex whatsoever. My only concern is that I won’t find a guy willing to stay with me based off of this. Most guys my age are pretty stupid anyway, but I just don’t understand how one day they snap out of it and realize emotional attachment in someone over sex? I’m not sure if anyone else at all feels like me, but this is my main concern I do not want to be single for 8 years, then get married by 30 years of age and then quickly get pregnant because my biological clock will be ticking and I want to avoid a baby with complications. So where’s the bonding time? Like I would love to be with someone for at least 5 years married and have fun before having a child. I just feel like a good guy won’t come around until my 20s are over and everything after that will be rushed. I’m also not up for dating anyone until I graduate college since I need someone older me who’s more mature when it comes to subjects like this. I know I can’t just ask another human being for all the answers to my life problems but I’m just basing it off what I’ve seen in my friends who aren’t religious and who do things I don’t approve of. I feel little odd in this world since 80% of people choose not to wait, and I feel my chances of meeting someone are very low. I just wish I knew that my chances were good, then maybe I would stop considering turning into a nun for the rest of my life.
I have my number 5 guy
Had to go thru a couple 1s and 3s, but they were worth it to get my 5. I couldn’t ask for anyone better, I love him. He’s my gift from God.
I’ve been through many,many 1′s and 3′s but my current guy is mostly a 5 with a tad of 4
we’ve both been with other people but I now how have religious convictions that cause me to make my choice. He says he respects me for it but didn’t understand. It’s a hard choice to make but one that really enables us to get to know each other. Sex will come in due time after marrige with him or another Mr. Right!
my boyfriend dumped me after two years of dating because i wasnt gonna hav sex with him until we got married.. at first he was okay with the idea because he said he “loved me” but we started toucing and he seduced me into it. i told him i wasnot gonna have sex with hi until he proved me he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with me…
he didnt even work or go to school and was a mama’s boy…he is 22 and his beliefs changed …he told me he didnt want to be in a boring relationship..he said it was stupid to wait and left me…
aftr 2 yrs of promises and bullshit that he was never gonna leave me…jerk.
I have found a number 4. He is sweet and respectful about my choice to wait till marriage. Now I use to be the girl who wanted love so bad that I would sacrifice my self-respect I learned it has gotten me no where. Waiting is so worth it. Right now me and the guy are friends but he chooses to spend most of his free time with me. Last night he stayed late and was comfortable sleeping in the spare bedroom and was excited to see me when we both woke up. A good man won’t leave because you are waiting, a crappy one will. He has to know he is worth it. It is okay to let him know you are interested in him sexually too, this gives him a confidence boost. The guy I am talking to thought I wasn’t physically attracted to him and I reassured him, he is so amazing.
I’m no virgin, but as I got closer to God, and got saved and everything I want to do things over the right way…when I tell guys I want to wait they think im trying to live a fairytale lifestyle….but im just want to please God, but I do want kids and marriage before I’m. 30 at least, I’m only 19 now…but I would love to have a God fearing man who honors the word, or at least someone whose willing….I just pray for all of us to not give in and to respect our bodies as it is Gods temple
we can do it, i know there’s some respectable guys out there, and I believe in true love and im waiting for my husband !
Hi, I’m 18 and a proud virgin. I am a Christian and I believe as the Bible says, premarital sex is wrong. Even if I was not a Christian, I still feel like I would wait until I was at least engaged. I’ve had two long relationships. One, in the beginning he didn’t pressure me at all. After a year or so, he suddenly decided that a year was too long for me not to do more than just kiss and hug. I didn’t feel comfortable and politely refused and he broke up with me about a month after that. Now my other relationship, and my most recent relationship, I cared differently about the guy. I was older, but that wasn’t why the temptation was worse. The temptation was worse because he didn’t wait. He had sex with his previous girlfriend, who he dated off and on for two years, twice. When I say off and on, I mean off an on. They broke up so many times because he refused to have sex with her, so she would run off and cheat on him and have sex with other guys. He had really low self esteem at this point in his life, so he gave in to her begging. I understand the situation, but it was TERRIBLE for me. This girl, who didn’t really love him, who had cheated on him with at least 4 other guys HE KNOWS of, had taken everything he had. I on the other hand, who was always completely loyal to him, would never have any sexual firsts with him. It was deeper than jealousy. I was completely discouraged. He was understanding, but every time we would really start kissing, I would think about how exciting it would be for him to make love to me and only me and oh….he ruined it. Though this girl “got around,” it wasn’t my confidence that was really shattered. He honestly does respect sex so I knew I could give him love him in a way this girl never did. What hurt me the most, was knowing I couldn’t look him in the eye one day and know we waited for each other. There are a million songs about there about guys wanting to make their girls feel “wanted.” Well, the only way to truly make me feel wanted is to love me and ONLY me the way God intended. I was disappointed that even this article says “wish they had done it for themselves.” I’ve had temptation but I waited and have kept my purity even better than just not going all the way. I just get really discouraged that no man will ever wait for me. If I don’t ever find someone that has, I honestly think I would rather be alone.
I was really glad to see this! Im a 22 year old virgin and Im waiting till marriage to have sex or even “fool around”. Just kissing for me. And ladies- 5s are rare but theyre out there. I know some that are in their 20s and are waiting. And I know of guys who arent vigins but are willing to wait too. I know what its like to be pressured to have sex or fool around. I also know what its like to be told, “you’re good looking but you dont put out.” But doing something you dont wanna do will only make you feel disappointed in yourself.
And if youre not a virgin- that DOESNT mean you cant decide to wait too. Its NOT too late.
I also know guys who are friends who support my decision. Remember there are people supporting your decision to wait. Make them and yourself proud!
And havent you noticed that these people tryn to pressure you to start doing stuff like they did are yet still looking for love? They dont have the answers like they act.
Beware of those who say theyre lookn for a good girl and want to settle down. In my own experience, they ususally end up being the #3.
Jesus knows whats best and he knew that sex before marriage would just lead to heartache. I truly believe if you stand strong and wait, he’ll reward you with someone who truly loves you and will wait and you’ll have a happy longlasting marriage together.
Oh and PS- dont rush into marriage just so you can have sex. Thats just more heartache down the road.
STAY STRONG! <3
I’m Man and I’m still a Virgin and I’m still waiting for Marriage! Go Virgins!
There is also another sort of #5. The one who not only respects your decision but also is as happy to have found the rare diamond as you are to have found him
Thank you for the article. I’m 21 years old and a virgin. I just wanted to tell everyone out there, younger and older than me to keep it up, it may be hard but you’re not alone.
I’ve seen them all. The funny thing is that most guys don’t fall into one catagory. I’ve known one guys who was a #1, but them promptly turned into a #3. I get a kick out of #2… it’s really sad that the guy needs sex so much he’s worried when he’s face with not having it.
I’m 22 and have been waiting for marriage. It can be so difficult, especially when beginning a relationship and it ends because of the “I’m waiting” bomb. So glad I found this article…recently I’ve been battling my decision and wondering if I should just ditch it, “does anyone even wait anymore these days?!” I’ve decided I’m telling the guy I’m seeing soon…here’s to the virgins of the world (and hoping my guy is a 5!). So glad for this article and the reassurance I’ve gotten from it!
I’m 35 and still a virgin. It doesn’t gets better with the men I met so far. Most are still pretty much immature and trying to manipulate me out of it. They got nasty when they couldn’t get any from ‘no man will want to marry a virgin to what’s so great, I can pay for one anywhere to breaking up with me after 6months, blaming everything that goes wrong on me, how hurt he is, how emotionless I am…
I’m still sad and disappointed by all these remarks. I’m not Christian btw but I believe in this. Sometime it could be funny to see the length a guy will goes to convince you to give it up.
Its a tough journey and I’m still hopeful. May the universe be with us!
Hey all!
I’m in my second year in college and I recently started seeing a new guy. I was eager to get ‘the talk’ out of the way, because I figure if I kept leading him on and allowing him to think it was a possibility, he’d be really really upset if I waited too long to draw the line. I mean, I could just imagine the conversation and whether or not my mind was exaggerating, I was scared I’d lose something really great.
Soooo anyways, I told him, and he’s accepting of it, and it’s just… he’s a #4 in terms of these reactions. It’s like he’s asking “well, what can we do?” and I can’t really give him a straight answer right now, because it’s not like I have a universal guideline to follow for every guy. It honestly just depends on how much I care about him and how strong of a connection we have. I made some mistakes with past relationships and I’d like to think that I’ve learned from them… so I’m trying to be better about communicating. Clearly i’m not the best at this :/
So I’ve made it clear to him that the extent of our physical intimacy depends on the extent of our emotional connection, but I’m not sure he’s completely satisfied with my answer… and I’m nervous that he’s just going to get bored because there’s no guarantee of anything :/ Any advice?? I really really do like him, and I want this to work out…
I am a 44 year old virgin and very proud of the decision I have made to wait. I agree that it has not been an easy decision with the stigma attached with making such a personal and moral decision. I am so so glad that I stumbled upon this article because like many of you, it sort of renews my faith in terms of my not being alone and helps me reassert myself and boldly stick to my decision.
I had always thought that remaining pure would send a message to the man I was with that I wasn’t easy…and that I had qualities which I would hope spoke to my character…moral code. What perplexed me most was when I met men who had no qualms telling me that no one really cared about purity and that in these days there had to be something wrong with me for making such a stupid decision.
Suffice it to say…I have not had any long lasting relationships because once guys find that I am not going to give in, they soon lose interest or drop completely off my radar.
I am currently talking to a guy who is of the same faith. I thought with him being a Youth Pastor and Minister of Music, and with him being so involved in service, he was truly committed to doing what was right.
Right now, we do not live in the same city; during the week, I work in another city and most weekends, I am in town where he lives.
We mostly would see each other a couple of nights during the weekend when he didn’t have to work. I have been so happy just to get to know him better and to spend time.
A few weeks ago he threw me totally off guard and told me that being alone with me was very hard for him because he wanted to be more intimate with me and wasn’t too sure how far he could go.
I was so shocked because his question just sort of came out of nowhere. The most we do is hug each other when we say hello and goodbye and at that point, had only kissed each other (just a peck) on the lips, once.
We had been talking since August and I was comfortable where things stood; now I am seeing him in a different light and it makes me feel as though he mislead me and I don’t know how to approach the situation.
During our conversation, he said that he wants to touch me and he just doesn’t want to do anything that would upset me. Hearing him, my Youth Pastor, say something like that to me just seems like he is such a hypocrite…how can he stand before the congregation and advise them against fornication and adultery and yet, unless I am completely reading this wrong, he is seeming to ask me to veer into these same waters.
I tried my best to answer him, explaining that I wasn’t too sure what he meant by intimacy… because to me, there were different types/levels. I explained that if he wanted our relationship to progress to the point where we were more comfortable in sharing emotional information…past secrets, hopes, dreams, etc. then I was open to it. I told him that in terms of intimate touching…I was open to our continued hugs, hand holding, non-sexual massages, cuddling, etc. as long as we were both very aware that in no way, shape, form or fashion was I interested in having premarital sex.
He has said that he is okay with what I have said and I want to believe him; I am just having a hard time trying to understand what kind of vibe I was giving off which would even let him assume that soliciting me was something I wanted.
I guess because I am a Christian and then a Lady, I was even more offended that he didn’t think I would be offended by speaking so frankly.
I say all of this to make this point…be true to yourself. Stand for what you believe in. Trust in God and His Holy word.
If it is meant for you to find your Mr. Right, you will.
Just know that the process isn’t always easy.
Pray for me as I pray for you and trust that God will keep us in His care.
Be blessed.
Hey Lisa!
I’ve been in your predicament a few times before and it’s frustrating because you know that eventually if you care about them enough and trust them then you will probably be comfortable and willing to do other things outside of sex but because they’re pestering you for a guarantee that it will happen you doubt yourself and the relationship.
It all feels a little rushed and uncertain when they ask you “well, what can we do?”. You don’t want to promise him you will do stuff in case the time never feels right or in case it will be a LONG time until it feels right and lets face it, a lot of guys can’t be doing with a long time!
I agree entirely with what you say ‘the extent of our physical intimacy depends on the extent of our emotional connection’ but the fact you said ‘I’m not sure he’s completely satisfied with my answer’ isn’t a good sign to me. I think he wants to know it will be a worthwhile relationship and he will be satisfied as long as he knows it’s going to be physical in one way or another.
Saying that, it depends on how good a judge of character you are! If he is a nice guy who you really like just way up your options. I had a 6 month relationship with a guy who asked me the exact same question before we had even got together and he was very kind and patient about it all. He lasted 5 months before he started to get a little bit tetchy about the fact we hadn’t done any more than kiss because he wanted to express how much he cared about me through more intimate stuff but I still wasn’t ready yet because I just didn’t trust or care for him enough and we broke up a month later for other reasons unrelated to sex!
So guys can hold out a long time, it just depends on how patient he is and my trick was to build up to everything-light kisses for a few weeks, then kissing more passionately etc. So just as they were getting bored add a new element almost!
I hope that helps a bit. Just try work out if he is a decent guy and if he seems unperturbed by sex itself I wouldn’t worry too much and go for it. Good Luck!
Anna.
I am 17 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. I might seem strange, but I just feel that I am not ready for any kind of relationship. Still I want to meet the one for me and get married and have children. I just get scared sometimes because I don’t want to get too old.
I think that I am just scared to try relationships out.
I’m so glad that I came across this as I googled “Why is it difficult to find guys who are willing to wait until marriage. I have also read most of the comments and being almost 34, I begin to wonder if anyone comment here that is older than me. To Lo and Nene, I applaud you both. I can’t say this for myself as I fell for a guy in #3 and married him and then had a child. I thought I have learned my lesson, but then fell for guy #4 after knowing him as friends for four years. I have met met who have leadership roles in the church and find them to do more “talking than walking”. I will keep this article handy when dating men for guidance on their character. At times, I wish that I had accountable girlfriends to support me on this. I desire to wait until another marriage more now than I did back when I was married at 22. It’ about building a solid foundation for a future marriage. I now have been taking care of my 10-year-old for the past eight years and have not seen my former husband in that time frame. I don’t believe in divorce but after not seeing him for a year and no support from him, I filed under legal aid. From these experiences, I now understand why it is benifical to wait until marriage for sex. I just want to be a testimony for those in the younger generation to stay firm in this. To those two who comment here older than me, I really admire you for waiting this long. I know as I get older, I find it more difficult to find #5 men and for me to restrain my “needs”.
There is a gy,,, he was my bf and at 1st he tn out 2be#5 but later on he than becm a jrkaSS ,, we never sw each othr ,, jst contack and so on,,. but the funny thing is he want to hav SEX with me,,, its been 6mnth,,, and whn i say no 2 him ,,,, he n4er cal or email but, thats ok coz plnty fish in the sea,,,, and i kw il find my nb 5.,,, WISH ME LUCK
Iam so happy to have seen this website so thank you so much Anna. Iam a virgin and lam going to college this year l graduated from high school. Iam still holding on to my principle that l will only have sex when lam married. I have met a lot of #1 n 2s bt lam not going back on my principles. This website has made me to see that l am not the only one and hence l still hope to meet #5.thank you
Ladies and Gents,
Hold fast to your beliefs! If anything, people are jealous of you! The men and women who leave you today will one day realize what idiots they were! I can PROMISE you this. The men who rejected me years ago see me now and would be all over me if they had a chance again. Of course, I just look the other way as they repulse me now! One day, you will wonder what you ever saw in them. As they grow older and look at the messes around them, they will think more and more about you and the values you stood by. You will become more valuable as time passes. I can assure you! Those who do not stand for something will fall for anything! I am not a Christian but holding off sex until marraige is good common sense – it means you do not let passion get in the way of wise thinking. Good for you – SO SMART!!! All those who are ruled by their passions will be doing so for a very long time – feel sorry for them – when you run into them years later – you’ll understand why I am saying this. Many are still losers 20 years later. So, wait until marriage and be proud about that as you should be and to the morons who dump bf/gf because they won’t be lured by their passions 0 join the LOSER hall of fame. There are loads there so just climb on board. What idiots!!!
And keep in mind – the bf/gf you just dumped may be a virgin but you’re a loser!
While they are waiting for marriage, you are out ruled by passion and spreading your seed wherever you can.
HOW SAD!!!!!! MY HEART GOES OUT TO IDIOTS #’s 1-4!!!!
What a pathetic bunks of IDIOTS pieces of loser crap they are!!! IDIOTS!!!
KICK ‘EM TO THE CURB!!! Whoppeeee! They deserve it!!!
For all those waiting to be married, please read the follwing study – research shows you are making the right choice. Here is the link: http://www.livescience.com/10935-delaying-sex-relationships-study-finds.html
Here is a quick summary of the study below to show you how smart you are!
Individuals were categorized as either having:
•Early sex (before dating or less than one month after they started dating).
•Late sex (between one month and two years of dating).
•And those who waited until after they married.
Relationships fared better and better the longer a person waited to have sex, up until marriage, with those hitting the sack before a month showing the worst outcomes.
Compared with those in the early sex group, those who waited until marriage:
•Rated relationship stability as 22 percent higher
•Rated relationship satisfaction as 20 percent higher
•Rated sexual quality as 15 percent better
•Rated communication as 12 percent better
he said that he “thought about it himself” like #3, but when i first told him he didnt seem suprised and suspected it&would respect it (like #5) we had been dating a long while and had gone to3rd base countless times. a month later he tried to get me to have sex without asksking.wen i was really upset and cried about it, he tried to not let me see him crie. he saidhe didnt realize it meant so much to me. i suppose he could hav got the wrong impression since we had gine sso far in the past and continued to do so. but wen i told him, it was a seriouse conversation and he was not suprised. do u think hes a three or a four or too hard to read?
Honey, he sounds like a 3 unfortunately. He will hurt you, and I suggest you find a better guy who will treat you right! Don’t let ANYONE force you into doing anything you don’t want to do! That makes him a complete and utter piece of scum for trying to force sex upon you. That’s called attempted rape, dear, and you should definitely report him to the police!
I wish you good luck and God speed, love. xx
I’m a guy and honestly I’d rather wait until marriage for sex.
Im happy I found this!! So far the guy im with has taken the fact that im a virgin pretty good the only thing is that he is younger than me so im scared he might find someone who will have sex with him or he will eventually get tired of waiting and will leave me. But i have faith that if he really loves me like he says he does than he will sacrifice himself and wait for me until marriage. <3
A year ago I met a #5 guy. He got killed in a motorcycle accident 2 weeks ago. I’m not sure if I can ever come over it but if I do, u can bet I will wait until marriage
Lol! This article is ridiculous. Turn off for a guy to want sex in a relationship? Guess what? Opposite for a guy. As in turn off when girls put arbitrary rules on sex (Yeah its a control thing and we don’t like it).
Get real, be human, have sex or be that 44 year old virgin I read a couple comments above.
@Eric: Wow, I must say I’m pretty disturbed by your comment. Not only do you call a woman’s decision to wait till marriage to have sex an “arbitrary rule”, but then you call it a “control thing”. Last time I checked, it was a woman’s decision whether or not she wanted to have sex. You may think that a woman wanting to wait till marriage is an arbitrary rule, but that’s for her to decide. The fact that you say guys don’t like when a woman chooses to wait because it’s a control thing…wow, that’s really disturbing. If she says she doesn’t want to have sex, for whatever reason, then a real man will respect that decision. If he feels like he needs to have “control” over her by being able to have sex by his ‘rules’, then there’s a serious problem.
xxx
So I’m a guy.
Been dating a girl for just over a year.
We’ve done everything except have sex (handjob, oral, fingering so on..).
I’ve passed the I love you etc.
Every time I bring this up she says she isn’t “ready”. “Not the place”. “Another day”. “Real soon”.
I tell her I respect that etc and we proceed to pleasure one another until orgasm.
She’s been intimate with her ex (5 years ago). And hasn’t had sex since.
She has an anxious personality.
I don’t even bring it up often (maybe I should).
What gives?
What the hell should I do?
Is she using me?
Is she secretly not in love with me?
Does she WANT me to break up with her and uses this to do it?
Thanks..
-Confused..
@Jegsey Ok, I should of clarified and said (with the exception of UBER religious persons).
@Simon HOLY CRAP! A year?! Ok, if you’re a devote Catholic and you wanna wait til marriage that’s cool, no judgements. If not, ditch that girl! Is her Vagina magical? Made of Gold? Does a relationship with her come with a 401k and medical/dental benefits?
I know that king of girl. This is what will happen. You will have drunken/clumsy sex once. Then she will cry or feel freaked out and you will wait another year until you get so frustrated you storm out out of the relationship. Then you’ll hear about how she’s boffing some dude 1 month later.
Whatever her reasons may be guy, you’re the one waiting around while there are 3 billion other women on this planet. Seriously, how much worse could you do being single for a year? Maybe get laid 2-3 times? The %200-%300 improvement!
Great article! I’ve def. dealt with #’s 1 & 3. And then if you’re really attractive and a virgin—it’s like a double wammy or double take. For some reason, the more attractive a person is, it’s an automatic assumption that you are having sex or a question of why are’nt you? or You should be. or You’re missing out. And the list goes on. I’m so glad God has delivered me from a man that was # 3 on that list. He came off very confident and charming trying to lure me in. In the end I was left hurt, b/c although I didn’t have sex with that man, we did fool around alot. To be hurt from just fooling around…..I couldn’t imagine having that man enter my most precious part. So this leaves me to believe that women out there giving it up regularly are in the end, extremely heart-broken and bruised!! (which=baggage) But women don’t have to be, if they just choose to not give it up! And moreso, be more confident that yes, a man may not want you b/c of it. But there is a guy out there who will be #5! Keep the faith! I am a proud 27 yr old virgin!
I’m 18 years old, and still a virgin. Currently i’m fine with it, my circle of friends are all in the same group as I (we’re all Christians). The only fear I have of waiting is that I won’t be taken seriously once I go to University and/or work once my friends aren’t around, or I’ll still end up alone in my 30s/40s because of my decision to wait. This wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t planning on having children in my mid/late twenties :/ It’s a shame society has completely diminished the meaning of sex. I don’t know what to do really :/
@Eric…I cannot even fathom why you would even come to this site to share your ignorant and comments. Because you lack decency and are ruled and super-ruled by societal views, your hormones, or possibly, your own lack of intelligence and/or lack of moral fortitude gives you no right to try to bash someone for their choices. If being out of control and one who supports behavior contrary to the will of God is a choice you embrace, then kudos for you…when God calls time and judges you on your behavior, I wonder if then, you will be so blatantly rude and aloof as He deems you unfit to inherit eternal life in peace and casts you into the bottomless pit. So sir, do you and just realize that you will one day most definitely have a God to stand before and if you don’t come up to par, you will be damned for all eternity. I could care less what you think of me and the decisions I make. You truly have some nerve to try to condemn someone when most people are here looking for support in doing what is morally right.