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The 5 Reactions that Guys Will Have When You Tell Them You’re Waiting

April 5th, 2011 by

You’ve been there before: You meet a guy that you like (or a guy that was persistent), you’re hanging out with him (like on a date), and at some point you feel compelled to bring up the fact that you’re waiting till marriage to have sex. In fact, you want to bring it up because you’re secretly hoping that he’ll be supportive, or worst case at least you want him to know what he’s getting into. In my experience, guys’ reactions all fall within one of these five ranges.

#1. Put off

This look reflects the thought: “urgh, seriously?”

Then he runs a mile away, cuts off all contact, and avoids you like the plague.

You should realise that he really isn’t worth any of your time if you aren’t worth any of his. You can tell from his reaction that he was much more interested in sex than in any kind of emotional connection. This often represents immaturity (and/or shallowness) on his part. You’re not just a body that can be used for his entertainment and pleasure. Some girls might be OK with that, but not you.

You’re a human being who deserves the time and effort to be spoken to and loved for who you are — he is the one who will be missing out on the opportunity to be with someone a lot more special than most others. Of course, he’ll never know it. He’ll run away and find lots of casual sex partners of varying quality, and then one day, when he’s older, he will start craving emotional connection. But that deeper side of him will be so under-developed that he’ll stumble awkwardly through relationships and marriage. When you meet him again ten years from now, you will be very glad he did you the favour of running away.

#2. Scared

You can almost see the rotating cogs in his mind. He is scared of the prospect of being with someone who is going to withhold sex. He’s scared that he will be missing out on something that he’s grown accustomed to, and that the relationship won’t be what he wants it to be.

Often, he will think that he can handle it, and then in a few weeks the realization hits him that this is real and not going to change, and it just can’t work for him. Give him points for trying, but you don’t want to be with someone who isn’t able to connect with you on an emotional level.


#3. Confident

He thinks that your “I’m waiting till marriage” stance is just a phase, or something you have said to play hard to get — nothing his charm and personality can’t alter.

Beware of these guys! He can be tricky to deal with and will hide his motives very well. He may manage to lead you on for a very long time and after a while of getting nowhere, this previously confident fellow will suddenly realise that you were serious and in which case he can, therefore, no longer be bothered with the chase.

The first sign to spotting a fake is the fact that he tends to go along with it too much. For instance, he will tell you everything you want to hear, such things as, “I have even considered it myself” and “I think it is a wonderful idea.”

The thing is, it isn’t just an idea that suddenly came to you in a dream. It is a belief and a strong thing you strive to achieve-it is clear from this that he doesn’t truly understand your own motives.

You are who you are and you should be proud of that.

Don’t feel silly for falling for his charm, it happens to the best of us. You have that experience under your belt and now you will find it easier to recognise guys that are leading you on. Learn from it and grow as a person because of it. It is possible that he has hurt you and made you feel worthless-always remember that you are not worthless.

Some people have bad motives and it is possible that when they meet the right person for them they will be totally kicked into touch because that individual will make them understand everything that they have rejected in the past, such as, love, companionship and emotional attachment. You just weren’t meant to be that person. On the other hand, if it isn’t love from the right person that makes him see the error of his ways, then he will get his comeuppance elsewhere…maybe someone will break his heart or he will simply be run over by a car-who knows?

#4. Confused

This can probably be the best kind because it means he isn’t fully aware of your beliefs but you can explain it to him and he can understand and will most likely respect you for it. He may even stick around because he only likes you for you and you’re worth more to him than sexual pleasures. He may even be willing to wait with you and for you. The only negative is that because he has never come across this belief, there is a chance he could reject it and if he stays with you there is a possibility that he will want another form of release outside of sex.

It is a great opportunity to explain your values to a guy with an open mind who is more willing to understand something you hold dear to you and who will more than likely appreciate you all the more for it. If he does want something outside of sex, that is always a personal decision so never let yourself feel pressured into it or like he deserves it because he is ‘putting up’ with the no sex till marriage. It is still your body, not their toy.

#5. Respect and Agreement

You’re striking gold when you come across this look! Often the guys who give you this look will really respect your decision, wish they had done it themselves or become more attracted to you because you want to wait.

From my experience, the people who give you this look will turn out to be some of your closest friends or the most wonderful boyfriends/girlfriends.

You are more unique and intriguing to that person and stand out from modern society. It is also a very attractive quality so stand by what you believe in and if that person is truly right for you, then they too will stand right beside you and your beliefs!

148 Responses to “The 5 Reactions that Guys Will Have When You Tell Them You’re Waiting”

  1. megan says:

    Great article! I have yet to meet a #5 but there are lot of #1’s and #3’s out there lol. Im kinda losing hope that are guys out there who are like #5 🙁

  2. Anna says:

    Glad you like it! They are hard to find but trust me, they are out there! I live in an area that is full of man whores but have still found really lovely guys who respect me or are like me more because of that characteristic. You just have to move in the right circles and go to the right places I suppose!

    I know it’s hard but don’t lose hope! You will meet a #5 eventually and then everything will be worthwhile 🙂

  3. kira says:

    wow this really helped me a lot. i devoted to myself that i am going to wait until marriage to have sex.but then again im a 17 year old girl in high school surrounded by sex crazed dudes who want you for your easier said then done. but im certian to keep my promise until i marry,and am not ashaed of that.

    right now i am currently “talking” to a guy who i think is now a #3, when i first told him he was pretty much confused and trying to make me reconsider.didnt work of course.and now he seems kinda chill. i dont kn ow what he’s trying to pull, but im not budging ! thanks for the tips, they helped a lot, and wish me luck, cause this girl is waiting until the words “i do!”

  4. Melissa says:

    I loved this article. It is very true too. I have yet to find a number 5 guy, but I know that he is out there somewhere. I decided to wait to have sex until marriage when I was a freshman in high school. This was in 1996. I have kept my promise to myself. I turned 29 1/2 yesterday. It has been hard, especially in today’s society. Everytime you turn around there are shows with sexual content and music videos with the same.

    I know that it is hard especially for young women, like yourself Kira, who are in high school at this time. I was lucky because I grew up in a small town and in a time that innocence was not frowned upon. Hang in there, Kira and other young women who read this post, because you will find your number 5 when you least expect it….

  5. Valerie says:

    My fiance was not only a #5, but when I told him I wanted to wait until marriage, he was completely and totally relieved.

    I’m so glad to see a website like this one.

  6. Malena says:

    To Kira, I felt the same way when I was in high school. Hang in there, when we are ready God will present us with the right person. He knows us better than anyone and you are stronger than you think. Just because a guy wants you doesn’t mean you have to give yourself to him. Our societ teaches that women should feel obligated to have sex with guys, especially if they are paying for our dinners on dates, but that is not true. I don’t care how much a guy spends on me, I am saving myself for my husband…sharing that moment is priceless. I don’t even know the guy God is going to bring into my life but I love him so much and pray for him. Your husband is going to appreciate you!

  7. Anonymous says:

    if you are not ready to support me then you are not read to be with me in future.

  8. Andi says:

    love you for writing this! it been my belief but i like the way you explained it. and i had always felt like cheat for my morels that im not being fair but i like the way you put it “its still your body not his toy” thanks this helped so much!

  9. Anna says:

    I’m so glad you all find this inspirational and that you agree with it! I was pretty nervous that people might disagree or dislike it so it gives me a great feeling to know that I’ve helped you all in some way! Hang in there!

    For all the dodgy guys out there, there will always be a good one hidden, just always make sure you are comfortable in your own beliefs. I’ve decided that I won’t date anyone until I meet a guy who doesn’t make me feel guilty about not sleeping with him and who allows me to feel proud of who I am. A lot of my male friends make me feel proud of myself, I’m just not romantically involved with them but hopefully I’ll meet a guy who I can be romantically involved with who doesn’t make me feel bad about my beliefs! We’ve all just got to hang in there and be confident in ourselves really.

  10. Randi says:

    I’m also yet to meet that #5 guy, but hopefully I will someday. I am 23 and I’ve waited so far and I wouldn’t give up my “all” to anyone till the marriage. My beliefs were never moved by any reason. I hope god send me someone who appreciate me for who I am and respect me for it. Thanks alot this article helped me so much. And for all the girls who are out there waiting, I would say be strong, don’t give in or settle for less. Have faith!

  11. Shelby says:

    Im a younger waiter and I have met a ton of 3s! Great article.

  12. Joe says:

    Yea that shit is bogus it’s 2011 who the he’ll is gonna hold out until marriage? 1 n a million good luck

  13. Mike says:

    @Joe – So I guess that puts you in the category #1?

  14. Anna says:

    @Joe – Waiting until your married is a personal choice and although it seems completely impossible nowadays there are clearly people around who are planning on ‘holding out’ until marriage-as this website clearly proves. It isn’t 1 in a million at all. It is a very achievable thing, although a struggle, and there are people out there who respect this choice and are more than willing to wait too-you are clearly not one of them and you’re pessimistic about it. You shouldn’t be so negative towards other people’s choices just because it isn’t something you would do.

  15. Matt says:

    Dear Ladies:
    I am #5.

  16. D says:

    Okay, even if you think a guy may be a five, at what point in a relationship should you let him know that you’re waiting? It certainly isn’t a first date topic – that’s way too early to discuss something so sensitive, particularly if you have not known him for long. Conversely, waiting weeks or months and then dropping the bomb, perhaps on a romantic night when he makes an approach… That seems wrong, too, and I imagine that he would feel deceived or betrayed on some level. Any advice on how people have approached this situation in the past? How did it turn out?

  17. anonymous says:

    I agree with the previous comment, it is definitely not a first date topic. I’ve just started dating a guy, we’ve been hanging out for a few weeks, im christian and wanna save myself for marriage. The guy im dating is also a christian but as far as i know he’s not a virgin… However im not certain about it because we havent brought up the topic yet. So at what stage do i bring it up? And what would be the best way to let him know about my beliefs? I really want to get a #5 but ive had a #1 and #3 in the past and im scared this one might turn out like that too. And WHAT should i say to him so i dont scare him away?

  18. Anonymous says:

    I’m happy to say I’ve met a #5. It’s been almost 7 months and I told him after about 6 months. I probably should have told him earlier (maybe after 1 month or 2 tops), but I was too nervous. Maybe a good way to break the news is to tell him you like him and why you like him. Then tell him, give your personal reasons for waiting, and be clear about your physical boundaries in the relationship. If he gets scared away, then he isn’t a # 5 and isn’t worth your time. My boyfriend didn’t wait, his ex-girlfriends treated him very poorly and most of them cheated on him. I love him and treat him well. He knows what it is like to date girls who aren’t committed in the relationship and he fully respects my decision.

  19. Anna says:

    I was actually thinking about writing an article about this because we’ve discussed this quite a lot in the forums. It is really hard to know when the right time is. It is a very personal thing to talk about that can be taken badly by the other person or they can be good enough to respect you and carry on.

    I still need to figure this same thing out but I think the best time is probably at the point where you think you are both developing strong enough feelings for each other and you want to make the commitment to be boyfriend and girlfriend. This way, he has a chance to think about whether he wants to get into a relationship without sex and whether he likes you enough to give it a go etc.
    If he asks you to be his girlfriend and you suddenly spring it on him, he might think you’re trying to put him off or just not take it in properly and quickly say ‘that’s fine!’ without even thinking about it.

    Be prepared that he may THINK he can do it but two or three weeks down the line he might just realise it isn’t for him so make sure you are mentally prepared to deal with something that. Advice in a relationship like this, you shouldn’t keep asking him-are you sure you’re okay I’m waiting? Can you deal with not having sex with me? Are you sure you want to stay with me when you could be with someone else and get all the satisfaction you want? I made this mistake and it only reminds them constantly of what they’re missing. Tell someone enough times that they can’t have something will only make them want it more. So it’s best to trust that it is you that they want.

    To be honest, this article is all the reactions that I have had when I have told a guy I’m waiting.

    I’ve been with someone who I told after the first few dates. we dated for about a month and he was very enthusiastic about it all-too enthusiastic-he agreed with me and I thought he was the perfect guy but it turns out he was only dating me for so long because he was testing to see whether I would change my mind. He stayed with me thinking I would be easy to get into bed if I eventually trusted him enough. As the realisation hit him that I was definitely waiting he went and slept with some random girl and cheated on me.

    You definitely shouldn’t just spring it on him because that will scare him or shock him. It should be part of conversation or casually bring it up.
    I agree with the above comment start by telling him you like him and why.
    I really like you, I like where this is going but if we were to get into a relationship I just have to let you know that I have very strong values about sex and I’m trying to save myself for just one person. Preferably after marriage I want to be able to share myself with one person.

    I think you should definitely think about it first before commiting to me. If you like me enough for me then it shouldn’t be a problem but if you feel you’re not ready for something more serious then that’s okay.

    Something like that anyway, good luck! If it is meant to be it will happen.

  20. Michael says:

    I really don’t understand why more people don’t fall in the #5 category. I find that girls who wait are FAR more attractive. It shows honor, self respect, confidence, ambition and a whole list of other qualities that anyone can appreciate. Don’t lose hope! I’m a #5 and proud to be one. Going on 24 years and I’m still holding on strong 😉 Keep your eyes open and remember that you’re not alone. It makes dealing with #’s 1 through 4 so much easier 🙂

  21. Lauren says:

    I haven’t met a 5 yet. I’m a freshman in high school and I’m waiting. But I have yet to find a 5 and that’s what I want. I just hope there are 5s out there.

  22. Bess says:

    I am so glad to have found this! I’m 24, and believe me it’s a trial sometimes, but I respect myself more for my decision.

  23. Jenny says:

    haha well my ex was a virgin too so we both had the reaction number 5 when we started dating. The guy I am dating now had sex before but surprisingly his reaction was also number 5, he told me that he would have liked to have waited but it was hard for him to wait since he was also in a crazy time. My best male friend is 23 years old and he is also a virgin, he has always wanted to have sex but he is not very attractive so in his case he is not strictly waiting,but his reaction was also number 5…In conclusion all the guys I know have had that reaction, but I’ve yet to see if I meet one who has one of the other 4 reactions…

  24. Bella says:

    I may be weird but the thought of telling a guy I’m interested in that I’m a virgin till marriage scares the hell out of me. I always think he will have 1 of 2 reactions: either dump me and move on to greener territory for sex; or become infatuated with the idea of being my first and therefore ignoring my own unique qualities and attributes. Kind of like me liking a guy and then finding out he is a millionaire or royalty or something. Virginity is something akin to that fairytale stuff, the maiden waiting for the knight in shining armour etc… I kind of fantasise sometimes of not telling the man I love until our wedding night and springing it on him as a surprise. At least then I’ll know he married me for me and not for my virginity.

  25. Franchua Sevein says:

    “1s” and “3s” are the most frequent ones I have to deal with… *rolling my eyes* I just shoo them away…now once I meet #5… hahaha.

  26. Katie says:

    My mom raised my older sisters and I to be confident yet non-judgmental about our decisions to wait. I am incredibly lucky that the 3 boys/men that I have dated (and the one that I am currently dating) have all been #5.

    If you’re stuck on #1-3 duds, consider the environment in which you meet a guy or a girl as an indicator of how they might react. Meeting a #5 is much more likely at church, in a class, at the park, et cetera than while out for a night on the town.

    And addressing the “how long should I wait to tell him?” question, I would say that there is no formula. When I was in high school, we were so scared of taking too long to find out the serious stuff that we shared personal secrets VERY early on in the relationship (in the first 3 weeks) – this is not my recommendation, but it didn’t end horribly for us. If you’re looking for a milestone/guide point to share this about yourself, a good time is during the “Define The Relationship” conversation. Your commitment to waiting might be a deal-breaker for them, but you both deserve to know that before you stake too much of your heart on the success of the relationship. Above all, keep yourself calm – your actions and the way you carry yourself have most likely prefaced this declaration.

    Wonderful article! I’m really happy I found this website.

  27. Anonymous says:

    I met a guy over three years ago and I decided that having sex before marriage is not appropriate and that I was going to wait. We had been dating off and on because he was away working and I was going to school. When I told him that he said God will forgive. And that he couldn’t handle me keep telling him no. He got really angry. Before that he wanted me to move in with him; then he said one day we would get married. Than later he suggested that I move on and that it was a mistake that we got back together. Here’s the thing not even a week after he told me to move on he was dating someone else.

  28. Anonymous says:

    I feel that there are a lot of 1s thru 3s out there. There are 5s out there but it takes more respect and so forth on society’s side to find those. My point is that as long as society sees sex before marriage and adultery is ok and other sexual sins are being practiced it outweighs the 5s to some point.

  29. Meghan says:

    I’m one of those upfront people. All of my friends know how I feel, it’s on my facebook profile, etc. So unless I meet a guy on the street, which is unlikely for me (I don’t do that kind of stuff), most guys are going to know how I feel upfront. In a way it’s better for both of us then going into the relationship with false expectations.

  30. Kendra says:

    I myself just encountered a #3 and he made me feel so guilty i almost gave him but after talking to my best friend i decided that i wouldn’t settle for him or anyone else, and if he couldn’t respect my morals then he wouldn’t respect me and no girl needs that.

  31. theyareidiots says:

    Guys who give all these ugly reactions are just plain stupid because 1.They are missing on quality love 2. They are prone to become fathers or infected with random girls they didn’t care about. 3. They are just that part of society that doens’t care and doesn’t want to improve either so all you need to do is walk away.

  32. Jasmine says:

    I am a 19 year old virgin and it is my personal conviction. I’m saving it for marriage. I survived high school effortlessly. The pressure to be “cool” didn’t weigh too heavily on me considering I didn’t party or put myself into compromising situations. In college I met a number 4 who turned into a number 1 by the end of the night. Well, he lost a good girl and I lost, well, nothing at all. The only thing I sort of fear is not being taken seriously when I leave college and go into the work force. That to me is worse sounding than high school. I don’t want people look at me like I am a child because I choose purity over corruption. Not all grown ups have to say they were screw ups to be initiated into adulthood. I turned 18 whether I was a virgin or not and I’ll continue growing into my womanhood regardless. I don’t need sex to be mature. I hope that there’s a man out there who can understand and respect that. When I am mature and ready for marriage, then I’ll do it with the mature man who wasn’t only willing to wait and bare the “torture”, but actually loves me.

  33. Special1J says:

    I turn 23 in few days and i am the type of girl guys are always attracted to. they come close and they love what they see until that whole topic of sex comes up. I dated a guy for some months and i told him from the beginning that i was waiting till marriage but dude was okay, not knowing he had is own intentions to get me along the way. he realized i was not going to give in so we broke off.
    I have met countless guys who really did like me but couldn’t cope with the no sex till marriage concept. I have heard the whole test drive explanation as well as i can’t grow emotionally with someone without having sex.
    Sometimes it becomes overbearing, considering some guys within the same faith and church want relationship with sex from me.
    Reading this i can identify 1 through 4 but not 5 yet.

    I hope to meet the right guy sometime soon 🙂 Keep holding on to your values….seriously, some girls out there are giving it up so easily, it’s making it tough for us to find guys who are willing to challenge themselves and be with us.

  34. Me says:

    I have had a previous relationship where I felt pressured to sleep with a guy. I have now decided I am waiting for marriage, but how can I tell guys yes I have had sex before but I now want to wait? Any ideas?

  35. Blindsided says:

    I am a 27 year old virgin and I’m waiting for marriage. Not trying to be conceited, but I am a beautiful woman, so it really freaks guys out when I tell them I’m a virgin. I’ve had about 5 long-term serious relationships and they’ve all been #5’s. I’m very lucky. But I haven’t dated anyone in 3 years. Now that I’m back on the dating scene almost all of the guys are 1-3’s. I met this guy at a bar (I know that’s not the greatest place to meet someone) I felt great cause a lot of guys were hitting on me, but there was this one particular guy I sorta liked more and we hit it off well. He was really into me and I was into him. He got my number and we even texted for a few days. It was starting to get serious for me. Well he found out I was a virgin and he just stopped contacting me cold turkey! He kept telling me that he’s not trying to get let laid and silly me I actually believed him! So I’m kind of hurt now and I’ve been feeling like a pathetic person because I’m a virgin. I’m so glad I came upon this article. Made me feel better. I won’t be letting my guard down so quickly anymore. I’m definitely going to be measuring guys up between 1 and 5. And if he’s not a 5 then he’s not worth my time.

  36. Christine says:

    I am a Christian (Seventh Day Adventist) a lot of people do not know what that is, but i go to church on Saturdays. I’m 20 years old, and as a devote Adventist I do not believe in premarital sex. There are many things i believe in that some find laughable. This is probably off topic but I’m not allowed to drink, no alcohol, not even social drink and of course having sex. When guys find this out that’s the biggest deal breaker. Based on where I live there aren’t too many religious people. How in the world will i find someone? The first bf I had was when I was 18 years old which is pretty late compared to when girls start dating, but he dated me for two weeks, found out I wasn’t going to have sex and broke up with me. I know I’m young and a lot of people older than me will tell me not to worry. I have no intention of giving in to society and having premarital sex whatsoever. My only concern is that I won’t find a guy willing to stay with me based off of this. Most guys my age are pretty stupid anyway, but I just don’t understand how one day they snap out of it and realize emotional attachment in someone over sex? I’m not sure if anyone else at all feels like me, but this is my main concern I do not want to be single for 8 years, then get married by 30 years of age and then quickly get pregnant because my biological clock will be ticking and I want to avoid a baby with complications. So where’s the bonding time? Like I would love to be with someone for at least 5 years married and have fun before having a child. I just feel like a good guy won’t come around until my 20s are over and everything after that will be rushed. I’m also not up for dating anyone until I graduate college since I need someone older me who’s more mature when it comes to subjects like this. I know I can’t just ask another human being for all the answers to my life problems but I’m just basing it off what I’ve seen in my friends who aren’t religious and who do things I don’t approve of. I feel little odd in this world since 80% of people choose not to wait, and I feel my chances of meeting someone are very low. I just wish I knew that my chances were good, then maybe I would stop considering turning into a nun for the rest of my life.

  37. Alexis says:

    I have my number 5 guy 🙂 Had to go thru a couple 1s and 3s, but they were worth it to get my 5. I couldn’t ask for anyone better, I love him. He’s my gift from God.

  38. Jenna says:

    I’ve been through many,many 1’s and 3’s but my current guy is mostly a 5 with a tad of 4 🙂 we’ve both been with other people but I now how have religious convictions that cause me to make my choice. He says he respects me for it but didn’t understand. It’s a hard choice to make but one that really enables us to get to know each other. Sex will come in due time after marrige with him or another Mr. Right!

  39. claudia says:

    my boyfriend dumped me after two years of dating because i wasnt gonna hav sex with him until we got married.. at first he was okay with the idea because he said he “loved me” but we started toucing and he seduced me into it. i told him i wasnot gonna have sex with hi until he proved me he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with me…
    he didnt even work or go to school and was a mama’s boy…he is 22 and his beliefs changed …he told me he didnt want to be in a boring relationship..he said it was stupid to wait and left me…
    aftr 2 yrs of promises and bullshit that he was never gonna leave me…jerk.

  40. Sarah says:

    I have found a number 4. He is sweet and respectful about my choice to wait till marriage. Now I use to be the girl who wanted love so bad that I would sacrifice my self-respect I learned it has gotten me no where. Waiting is so worth it. Right now me and the guy are friends but he chooses to spend most of his free time with me. Last night he stayed late and was comfortable sleeping in the spare bedroom and was excited to see me when we both woke up. A good man won’t leave because you are waiting, a crappy one will. He has to know he is worth it. It is okay to let him know you are interested in him sexually too, this gives him a confidence boost. The guy I am talking to thought I wasn’t physically attracted to him and I reassured him, he is so amazing.

  41. keondra says:

    I’m no virgin, but as I got closer to God, and got saved and everything I want to do things over the right way…when I tell guys I want to wait they think im trying to live a fairytale lifestyle….but im just want to please God, but I do want kids and marriage before I’m. 30 at least, I’m only 19 now…but I would love to have a God fearing man who honors the word, or at least someone whose willing….I just pray for all of us to not give in and to respect our bodies as it is Gods temple 🙂 we can do it, i know there’s some respectable guys out there, and I believe in true love and im waiting for my husband !

  42. anonymous says:

    Hi, I’m 18 and a proud virgin. I am a Christian and I believe as the Bible says, premarital sex is wrong. Even if I was not a Christian, I still feel like I would wait until I was at least engaged. I’ve had two long relationships. One, in the beginning he didn’t pressure me at all. After a year or so, he suddenly decided that a year was too long for me not to do more than just kiss and hug. I didn’t feel comfortable and politely refused and he broke up with me about a month after that. Now my other relationship, and my most recent relationship, I cared differently about the guy. I was older, but that wasn’t why the temptation was worse. The temptation was worse because he didn’t wait. He had sex with his previous girlfriend, who he dated off and on for two years, twice. When I say off and on, I mean off an on. They broke up so many times because he refused to have sex with her, so she would run off and cheat on him and have sex with other guys. He had really low self esteem at this point in his life, so he gave in to her begging. I understand the situation, but it was TERRIBLE for me. This girl, who didn’t really love him, who had cheated on him with at least 4 other guys HE KNOWS of, had taken everything he had. I on the other hand, who was always completely loyal to him, would never have any sexual firsts with him. It was deeper than jealousy. I was completely discouraged. He was understanding, but every time we would really start kissing, I would think about how exciting it would be for him to make love to me and only me and oh….he ruined it. Though this girl “got around,” it wasn’t my confidence that was really shattered. He honestly does respect sex so I knew I could give him love him in a way this girl never did. What hurt me the most, was knowing I couldn’t look him in the eye one day and know we waited for each other. There are a million songs about there about guys wanting to make their girls feel “wanted.” Well, the only way to truly make me feel wanted is to love me and ONLY me the way God intended. I was disappointed that even this article says “wish they had done it for themselves.” I’ve had temptation but I waited and have kept my purity even better than just not going all the way. I just get really discouraged that no man will ever wait for me. If I don’t ever find someone that has, I honestly think I would rather be alone.

  43. Olivia says:

    I was really glad to see this! Im a 22 year old virgin and Im waiting till marriage to have sex or even “fool around”. Just kissing for me. And ladies- 5s are rare but theyre out there. I know some that are in their 20s and are waiting. And I know of guys who arent vigins but are willing to wait too. I know what its like to be pressured to have sex or fool around. I also know what its like to be told, “you’re good looking but you dont put out.” But doing something you dont wanna do will only make you feel disappointed in yourself.

    And if youre not a virgin- that DOESNT mean you cant decide to wait too. Its NOT too late.

    I also know guys who are friends who support my decision. Remember there are people supporting your decision to wait. Make them and yourself proud!

    And havent you noticed that these people tryn to pressure you to start doing stuff like they did are yet still looking for love? They dont have the answers like they act.

    Beware of those who say theyre lookn for a good girl and want to settle down. In my own experience, they ususally end up being the #3.

    Jesus knows whats best and he knew that sex before marriage would just lead to heartache. I truly believe if you stand strong and wait, he’ll reward you with someone who truly loves you and will wait and you’ll have a happy longlasting marriage together.

    Oh and PS- dont rush into marriage just so you can have sex. Thats just more heartache down the road.


  44. Rodney Falberg says:

    I’m Man and I’m still a Virgin and I’m still waiting for Marriage! Go Virgins!

  45. #5.5 says:

    There is also another sort of #5. The one who not only respects your decision but also is as happy to have found the rare diamond as you are to have found him 😀

  46. Laura M says:

    Thank you for the article. I’m 21 years old and a virgin. I just wanted to tell everyone out there, younger and older than me to keep it up, it may be hard but you’re not alone.

  47. Emma says:

    I’ve seen them all. The funny thing is that most guys don’t fall into one catagory. I’ve known one guys who was a #1, but them promptly turned into a #3. I get a kick out of #2… it’s really sad that the guy needs sex so much he’s worried when he’s face with not having it.

  48. Mary says:

    I’m 22 and have been waiting for marriage. It can be so difficult, especially when beginning a relationship and it ends because of the “I’m waiting” bomb. So glad I found this article…recently I’ve been battling my decision and wondering if I should just ditch it, “does anyone even wait anymore these days?!” I’ve decided I’m telling the guy I’m seeing soon…here’s to the virgins of the world (and hoping my guy is a 5!). So glad for this article and the reassurance I’ve gotten from it!

  49. Lo says:

    I’m 35 and still a virgin. It doesn’t gets better with the men I met so far. Most are still pretty much immature and trying to manipulate me out of it. They got nasty when they couldn’t get any from ‘no man will want to marry a virgin to what’s so great, I can pay for one anywhere to breaking up with me after 6months, blaming everything that goes wrong on me, how hurt he is, how emotionless I am…
    I’m still sad and disappointed by all these remarks. I’m not Christian btw but I believe in this. Sometime it could be funny to see the length a guy will goes to convince you to give it up.
    Its a tough journey and I’m still hopeful. May the universe be with us!

  50. Lisa says:

    Hey all!
    I’m in my second year in college and I recently started seeing a new guy. I was eager to get ‘the talk’ out of the way, because I figure if I kept leading him on and allowing him to think it was a possibility, he’d be really really upset if I waited too long to draw the line. I mean, I could just imagine the conversation and whether or not my mind was exaggerating, I was scared I’d lose something really great.

    Soooo anyways, I told him, and he’s accepting of it, and it’s just… he’s a #4 in terms of these reactions. It’s like he’s asking “well, what can we do?” and I can’t really give him a straight answer right now, because it’s not like I have a universal guideline to follow for every guy. It honestly just depends on how much I care about him and how strong of a connection we have. I made some mistakes with past relationships and I’d like to think that I’ve learned from them… so I’m trying to be better about communicating. Clearly i’m not the best at this :/

    So I’ve made it clear to him that the extent of our physical intimacy depends on the extent of our emotional connection, but I’m not sure he’s completely satisfied with my answer… and I’m nervous that he’s just going to get bored because there’s no guarantee of anything :/ Any advice?? I really really do like him, and I want this to work out…

  51. NeNe says:

    I am a 44 year old virgin and very proud of the decision I have made to wait. I agree that it has not been an easy decision with the stigma attached with making such a personal and moral decision. I am so so glad that I stumbled upon this article because like many of you, it sort of renews my faith in terms of my not being alone and helps me reassert myself and boldly stick to my decision.

    I had always thought that remaining pure would send a message to the man I was with that I wasn’t easy…and that I had qualities which I would hope spoke to my character…moral code. What perplexed me most was when I met men who had no qualms telling me that no one really cared about purity and that in these days there had to be something wrong with me for making such a stupid decision.

    Suffice it to say…I have not had any long lasting relationships because once guys find that I am not going to give in, they soon lose interest or drop completely off my radar.

    I am currently talking to a guy who is of the same faith. I thought with him being a Youth Pastor and Minister of Music, and with him being so involved in service, he was truly committed to doing what was right.

    Right now, we do not live in the same city; during the week, I work in another city and most weekends, I am in town where he lives.

    We mostly would see each other a couple of nights during the weekend when he didn’t have to work. I have been so happy just to get to know him better and to spend time.

    A few weeks ago he threw me totally off guard and told me that being alone with me was very hard for him because he wanted to be more intimate with me and wasn’t too sure how far he could go.

    I was so shocked because his question just sort of came out of nowhere. The most we do is hug each other when we say hello and goodbye and at that point, had only kissed each other (just a peck) on the lips, once.

    We had been talking since August and I was comfortable where things stood; now I am seeing him in a different light and it makes me feel as though he mislead me and I don’t know how to approach the situation.

    During our conversation, he said that he wants to touch me and he just doesn’t want to do anything that would upset me. Hearing him, my Youth Pastor, say something like that to me just seems like he is such a hypocrite…how can he stand before the congregation and advise them against fornication and adultery and yet, unless I am completely reading this wrong, he is seeming to ask me to veer into these same waters.

    I tried my best to answer him, explaining that I wasn’t too sure what he meant by intimacy… because to me, there were different types/levels. I explained that if he wanted our relationship to progress to the point where we were more comfortable in sharing emotional information…past secrets, hopes, dreams, etc. then I was open to it. I told him that in terms of intimate touching…I was open to our continued hugs, hand holding, non-sexual massages, cuddling, etc. as long as we were both very aware that in no way, shape, form or fashion was I interested in having premarital sex.

    He has said that he is okay with what I have said and I want to believe him; I am just having a hard time trying to understand what kind of vibe I was giving off which would even let him assume that soliciting me was something I wanted.

    I guess because I am a Christian and then a Lady, I was even more offended that he didn’t think I would be offended by speaking so frankly.

    I say all of this to make this point…be true to yourself. Stand for what you believe in. Trust in God and His Holy word.

    If it is meant for you to find your Mr. Right, you will.

    Just know that the process isn’t always easy.

    Pray for me as I pray for you and trust that God will keep us in His care.

    Be blessed.

  52. Anna to Lisa says:

    Hey Lisa!
    I’ve been in your predicament a few times before and it’s frustrating because you know that eventually if you care about them enough and trust them then you will probably be comfortable and willing to do other things outside of sex but because they’re pestering you for a guarantee that it will happen you doubt yourself and the relationship.
    It all feels a little rushed and uncertain when they ask you “well, what can we do?”. You don’t want to promise him you will do stuff in case the time never feels right or in case it will be a LONG time until it feels right and lets face it, a lot of guys can’t be doing with a long time!

    I agree entirely with what you say ‘the extent of our physical intimacy depends on the extent of our emotional connection’ but the fact you said ‘I’m not sure he’s completely satisfied with my answer’ isn’t a good sign to me. I think he wants to know it will be a worthwhile relationship and he will be satisfied as long as he knows it’s going to be physical in one way or another.

    Saying that, it depends on how good a judge of character you are! If he is a nice guy who you really like just way up your options. I had a 6 month relationship with a guy who asked me the exact same question before we had even got together and he was very kind and patient about it all. He lasted 5 months before he started to get a little bit tetchy about the fact we hadn’t done any more than kiss because he wanted to express how much he cared about me through more intimate stuff but I still wasn’t ready yet because I just didn’t trust or care for him enough and we broke up a month later for other reasons unrelated to sex!
    So guys can hold out a long time, it just depends on how patient he is and my trick was to build up to everything-light kisses for a few weeks, then kissing more passionately etc. So just as they were getting bored add a new element almost!

    I hope that helps a bit. Just try work out if he is a decent guy and if he seems unperturbed by sex itself I wouldn’t worry too much and go for it. Good Luck!


  53. Sisley says:

    I am 17 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. I might seem strange, but I just feel that I am not ready for any kind of relationship. Still I want to meet the one for me and get married and have children. I just get scared sometimes because I don’t want to get too old.

    I think that I am just scared to try relationships out.

  54. April says:

    I’m so glad that I came across this as I googled “Why is it difficult to find guys who are willing to wait until marriage. I have also read most of the comments and being almost 34, I begin to wonder if anyone comment here that is older than me. To Lo and Nene, I applaud you both. I can’t say this for myself as I fell for a guy in #3 and married him and then had a child. I thought I have learned my lesson, but then fell for guy #4 after knowing him as friends for four years. I have met met who have leadership roles in the church and find them to do more “talking than walking”. I will keep this article handy when dating men for guidance on their character. At times, I wish that I had accountable girlfriends to support me on this. I desire to wait until another marriage more now than I did back when I was married at 22. It’ about building a solid foundation for a future marriage. I now have been taking care of my 10-year-old for the past eight years and have not seen my former husband in that time frame. I don’t believe in divorce but after not seeing him for a year and no support from him, I filed under legal aid. From these experiences, I now understand why it is benifical to wait until marriage for sex. I just want to be a testimony for those in the younger generation to stay firm in this. To those two who comment here older than me, I really admire you for waiting this long. I know as I get older, I find it more difficult to find #5 men and for me to restrain my “needs”.

  55. BROWN says:

    There is a gy,,, he was my bf and at 1st he tn out 2be#5 but later on he than becm a jrkaSS ,, we never sw each othr ,, jst contack and so on,,. but the funny thing is he want to hav SEX with me,,, its been 6mnth,,, and whn i say no 2 him ,,,, he n4er cal or email but, thats ok coz plnty fish in the sea,,,, and i kw il find my nb 5.,,, WISH ME LUCK

  56. Patricia says:

    Iam so happy to have seen this website so thank you so much Anna. Iam a virgin and lam going to college this year l graduated from high school. Iam still holding on to my principle that l will only have sex when lam married. I have met a lot of #1 n 2s bt lam not going back on my principles. This website has made me to see that l am not the only one and hence l still hope to meet #5.thank you

  57. Tanya says:

    Ladies and Gents,

    Hold fast to your beliefs! If anything, people are jealous of you! The men and women who leave you today will one day realize what idiots they were! I can PROMISE you this. The men who rejected me years ago see me now and would be all over me if they had a chance again. Of course, I just look the other way as they repulse me now! One day, you will wonder what you ever saw in them. As they grow older and look at the messes around them, they will think more and more about you and the values you stood by. You will become more valuable as time passes. I can assure you! Those who do not stand for something will fall for anything! I am not a Christian but holding off sex until marraige is good common sense – it means you do not let passion get in the way of wise thinking. Good for you – SO SMART!!! All those who are ruled by their passions will be doing so for a very long time – feel sorry for them – when you run into them years later – you’ll understand why I am saying this. Many are still losers 20 years later. So, wait until marriage and be proud about that as you should be and to the morons who dump bf/gf because they won’t be lured by their passions 0 join the LOSER hall of fame. There are loads there so just climb on board. What idiots!!!

  58. Tanya says:

    And keep in mind – the bf/gf you just dumped may be a virgin but you’re a loser!

    While they are waiting for marriage, you are out ruled by passion and spreading your seed wherever you can.

    HOW SAD!!!!!! MY HEART GOES OUT TO IDIOTS #’s 1-4!!!!

    What a pathetic bunks of IDIOTS pieces of loser crap they are!!! IDIOTS!!!

    KICK ‘EM TO THE CURB!!! Whoppeeee! They deserve it!!!

  59. Tanya says:

    For all those waiting to be married, please read the follwing study – research shows you are making the right choice. Here is the link:

    Here is a quick summary of the study below to show you how smart you are! 🙂

    Individuals were categorized as either having:
    •Early sex (before dating or less than one month after they started dating).
    •Late sex (between one month and two years of dating).
    •And those who waited until after they married.

    Relationships fared better and better the longer a person waited to have sex, up until marriage, with those hitting the sack before a month showing the worst outcomes.

    Compared with those in the early sex group, those who waited until marriage:
    •Rated relationship stability as 22 percent higher
    •Rated relationship satisfaction as 20 percent higher
    •Rated sexual quality as 15 percent better
    •Rated communication as 12 percent better

  60. kayla says:

    he said that he “thought about it himself” like #3, but when i first told him he didnt seem suprised and suspected it&would respect it (like #5) we had been dating a long while and had gone to3rd base countless times. a month later he tried to get me to have sex without asksking.wen i was really upset and cried about it, he tried to not let me see him crie. he saidhe didnt realize it meant so much to me. i suppose he could hav got the wrong impression since we had gine sso far in the past and continued to do so. but wen i told him, it was a seriouse conversation and he was not suprised. do u think hes a three or a four or too hard to read?

  61. To Kayla says:

    Honey, he sounds like a 3 unfortunately. He will hurt you, and I suggest you find a better guy who will treat you right! Don’t let ANYONE force you into doing anything you don’t want to do! That makes him a complete and utter piece of scum for trying to force sex upon you. That’s called attempted rape, dear, and you should definitely report him to the police!

    I wish you good luck and God speed, love. xx

  62. Mike says:

    I’m a guy and honestly I’d rather wait until marriage for sex.

  63. Imelda says:

    Im happy I found this!! So far the guy im with has taken the fact that im a virgin pretty good the only thing is that he is younger than me so im scared he might find someone who will have sex with him or he will eventually get tired of waiting and will leave me. But i have faith that if he really loves me like he says he does than he will sacrifice himself and wait for me until marriage. <3

  64. unknown says:

    A year ago I met a #5 guy. He got killed in a motorcycle accident 2 weeks ago. I’m not sure if I can ever come over it but if I do, u can bet I will wait until marriage

  65. Eric says:

    Lol! This article is ridiculous. Turn off for a guy to want sex in a relationship? Guess what? Opposite for a guy. As in turn off when girls put arbitrary rules on sex (Yeah its a control thing and we don’t like it).

    Get real, be human, have sex or be that 44 year old virgin I read a couple comments above.

  66. Jegsy Scarr says:

    @Eric: Wow, I must say I’m pretty disturbed by your comment. Not only do you call a woman’s decision to wait till marriage to have sex an “arbitrary rule”, but then you call it a “control thing”. Last time I checked, it was a woman’s decision whether or not she wanted to have sex. You may think that a woman wanting to wait till marriage is an arbitrary rule, but that’s for her to decide. The fact that you say guys don’t like when a woman chooses to wait because it’s a control thing…wow, that’s really disturbing. If she says she doesn’t want to have sex, for whatever reason, then a real man will respect that decision. If he feels like he needs to have “control” over her by being able to have sex by his ‘rules’, then there’s a serious problem.


  67. Simon says:

    So I’m a guy.

    Been dating a girl for just over a year.

    We’ve done everything except have sex (handjob, oral, fingering so on..).

    I’ve passed the I love you etc.

    Every time I bring this up she says she isn’t “ready”. “Not the place”. “Another day”. “Real soon”.

    I tell her I respect that etc and we proceed to pleasure one another until orgasm.

    She’s been intimate with her ex (5 years ago). And hasn’t had sex since.

    She has an anxious personality.

    I don’t even bring it up often (maybe I should).

    What gives?

    What the hell should I do?

    Is she using me?

    Is she secretly not in love with me?

    Does she WANT me to break up with her and uses this to do it?



  68. Eric says:

    @Jegsey Ok, I should of clarified and said (with the exception of UBER religious persons).

    @Simon HOLY CRAP! A year?! Ok, if you’re a devote Catholic and you wanna wait til marriage that’s cool, no judgements. If not, ditch that girl! Is her Vagina magical? Made of Gold? Does a relationship with her come with a 401k and medical/dental benefits?

    I know that king of girl. This is what will happen. You will have drunken/clumsy sex once. Then she will cry or feel freaked out and you will wait another year until you get so frustrated you storm out out of the relationship. Then you’ll hear about how she’s boffing some dude 1 month later.

    Whatever her reasons may be guy, you’re the one waiting around while there are 3 billion other women on this planet. Seriously, how much worse could you do being single for a year? Maybe get laid 2-3 times? The %200-%300 improvement!

  69. Nasa says:

    Great article! I’ve def. dealt with #’s 1 & 3. And then if you’re really attractive and a virgin—it’s like a double wammy or double take. For some reason, the more attractive a person is, it’s an automatic assumption that you are having sex or a question of why are’nt you? or You should be. or You’re missing out. And the list goes on. I’m so glad God has delivered me from a man that was # 3 on that list. He came off very confident and charming trying to lure me in. In the end I was left hurt, b/c although I didn’t have sex with that man, we did fool around alot. To be hurt from just fooling around…..I couldn’t imagine having that man enter my most precious part. So this leaves me to believe that women out there giving it up regularly are in the end, extremely heart-broken and bruised!! (which=baggage) But women don’t have to be, if they just choose to not give it up! And moreso, be more confident that yes, a man may not want you b/c of it. But there is a guy out there who will be #5! Keep the faith! I am a proud 27 yr old virgin!

  70. Christina says:

    I’m 18 years old, and still a virgin. Currently i’m fine with it, my circle of friends are all in the same group as I (we’re all Christians). The only fear I have of waiting is that I won’t be taken seriously once I go to University and/or work once my friends aren’t around, or I’ll still end up alone in my 30s/40s because of my decision to wait. This wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t planning on having children in my mid/late twenties :/ It’s a shame society has completely diminished the meaning of sex. I don’t know what to do really :/

  71. NeNe says:

    @Eric…I cannot even fathom why you would even come to this site to share your ignorant and comments. Because you lack decency and are ruled and super-ruled by societal views, your hormones, or possibly, your own lack of intelligence and/or lack of moral fortitude gives you no right to try to bash someone for their choices. If being out of control and one who supports behavior contrary to the will of God is a choice you embrace, then kudos for you…when God calls time and judges you on your behavior, I wonder if then, you will be so blatantly rude and aloof as He deems you unfit to inherit eternal life in peace and casts you into the bottomless pit. So sir, do you and just realize that you will one day most definitely have a God to stand before and if you don’t come up to par, you will be damned for all eternity. I could care less what you think of me and the decisions I make. You truly have some nerve to try to condemn someone when most people are here looking for support in doing what is morally right.

  72. Dutch says:

    This is bullshit ….. this site is perfect for ruining good healthy relationships fuck you and your website

  73. Mike says:

    @Dutch – Thanks for your comment. I have a pure-curiosity question for you: When you say that this site is perfect for ruining healthy relationships, are you speaking theoretically, or do you have personal experience behind your opinion?

    I ask because I’ve seen a lot of good guys blindsided by girlfriends who suddenly want to wait, and I’m wondering if that’s what happened in your case.

  74. B says:

    I’m dating a #5 and he is amazing! We are like two peas in a pod.

  75. hmmm says:

    So what i learn is look like the number 5 guy…act like the number 3 guy…Got it…ill be tricking this ladies with ease….and got nothing but time..temptation is halla of a thing.. 🙂

  76. Mary says:

    And if you also look like guy #5 i’m sold <3 lol

  77. Margaret says:

    I think everything posted made a great deal of sense. But,
    what about this? what if you were to write a awesome headline?
    I am not suggesting your content is not good., but what if you
    added something that grabbed folk’s attention? I mean The 5 Reactions that Guys Will Have When You Tell Them You

  78. maggie says:

    I am 15 and my boyfriend is 18. He is such a dream and I really love him, but I am very frightened because he asked me to have sex three weeks ago and it scared me. I told him no because I want to wait until I am married. He was very caring and understood, and still calls and texts and seems interested. We have even gone to his prom since then and he is so loving and fun and he didn’t seemed turned away by my no response. I feel though that I am a bit more nervous and I am avoiding him a little more since he asked. Is this normal and should I get over my nerves and trust that he understood that I want to wait. And is it normal for him to ask me even though he is 18 and I am 15.

  79. Brandon says:

    I would be a number 5 guy and though I’m not a virgin, I not only respect the decision I encourage it. For a very long time I haven’t even met a girl waiting for marriage let alone a virgin. I find it attractive as a matter of fact and most men who do respect it will love you for it all the more. So why not bring it up right away. Sex is not evrerything and god forbid your woman may catch cancer and you can’t make love anymore. Is she worthless then. You should be able to love someone for more than that. If I find a girl whose waiting, I’d be a very blessed man.

  80. Charity says:

    I found a #5 a few months ago. He has the same values that I do, however, he is not a virgin anymore. He was married before and fooled around a bit in his early years. Now as a man in his early 30’s, he has been very respectful about my decision to wait until marriage. We have had many conversations about this and he said he is totally fine with putting his physical needs on hold until we marry. My boyfriend admits that it is hard to wait but he knows that I value my convictions more than pleasures of the flesh. I understand that men have certain needs and I know waiting is hard on him. Knowing his past history and the sacrifice he is making, to help me remain true to my personal values, shows he has a strength that I find very remarkable. I’m very grateful for him especially when in moments of weakness when I question if I should keep waiting. He uplifts me and I’m amazed that I found such a wonderful man. So ladies, there are #5 men out there. It just takes a little treasure hunting to find these rare gems!

  81. Array439 says:

    You people are all retards. IT’s JUST SEX! Grow up. Sex isn’t some magical experience that I’d to be cherished. It’s pleasure. Dorm times it’s live, sometimes is just lust but its ALWAYs WORK!!! And it is NEVER good or perfect or “magical” the first time. It take PRACTICE to get good.

    So just grow up you sniveling children…

  82. Jegsy Scarr says:

    @Array439: Hey, man! If you think sex is just “pleasure”, that’s fine by us. But it’s okay for other people to have a different opinion from you. That doesn’t make someone a “retard”. They just have a different opinion!

    Also, most people who wait till marriage are very aware that the first time isn’t going to be “perfect” or “magical” in anything except an emotional sense. We know it’ll take practice to get “good” at it. But that’s okay! If you want to go out and have sex with dozens of different people in order to get practice, then that’s up to you. But many people are perfectly happy with marrying someone who’s never had sex, knowing that they have the rest of their married lives to practice together, with someone they love.

    You don’t want to cherish sex? That’s fine by us. Just show some respect for those who have a different opinion.


  83. Anna says:

    @Array439: I completely agree with @Jegsy Scarr but would also just like to add that for some people the first time is perfect because it was with someone they loved and because they had waited for that person.
    If the chemistry, trust and love is there sex can be perfect without practice. When considering how much sexual chemistry will have been built with a partner before marriage there is a high chance of it being amazing.

    There is also no reason to call someone a retard just because their opinions and thoughts differ to your own. Additionally, no one on here is childish for their views. If anything having such a mature approach to sex makes them more of an adult.

    So it may just be sex to you, that’s fine but to others sharing themselves intimately with someone for the first time means much more than just a one off pleasurable experience.

    Have some respect for other people’s opinions and take your own advice-‘GROW UP’

  84. oh you know says:

    Wow, presumptuous *and* smug all just in the first paragraph! Really giving quality life tips with a neutral tone.

    The physical component can’t be ignored in a relationship, so finding a #5 is basically settling for less. Or desperate. Probably both.

  85. Mike says:

    @oh you know – Which part sounded presumptuous/smug? Was there a particular sentence or something? Also: This article is more about validating feelings that girl waiters-till-marriage have felt before than it is about giving serious life tips. Finally, I agree that people shouldn’t ignore the physical component of relationships, but I think it’s a misconception that waiting means that you can’t be physical at all.

  86. Anonymous says:

    I think anger is forgotten on this list. Some people take offence to the fact you won’t sleep with them unless you end up marrying or really DON’T get why someone would wait that they launch a personal attack. This is the worst reaction. You really have to be strong not just to wait, ignore hormones etc but also withstand such personal attacks and not take them personal.

  87. emily says:

    i just got dumped by my ex and i dont why? he brkoe up with me!!!!!!!!

  88. emily says:

    what should i do should i just get back with him or just forget about him?!!!!! 🙁 tell me please

  89. Ben says:

    I like the article for the most part. However it didn’t talk two both genders him/her it was under the assumption that i was a girl… i’m not.

  90. martha says:

    i like this article it teach me alot and i had a boyfriend who accepted to wait bt jus fill that i need to leave him fr a whle to be single is it right?

  91. Anonymous says:

    Every guy I have dated was a number 3. They are apparently very common lol. Glad I read this, I’m not the only one who feels this way about the fakers. I want to find a number 5… But at ASU that is really hard (we are a top 10 playboy party school-that is a problem with finding a good guy.) I am also a Vegan. So finding a guy who is ok with the Vegan thing (people can be real jerks about that too- it’s just lifestyle restricting some food- CHILL!) and ok with the waiting this is hard. It’s like tackling two really hard to look past qualities in one. Vegan men are not common and those that do exist tend to be liberal- more chill about having sex.

    I wish I knew where to look. I want to try church groups- when I’m older, like 20 and hopefully have a car. Any other seeking guy advice other than church groups.

  92. choccy says:

    you guys its not easy trust me…I meet number 3/4 combination,such a great guy…I do have a lot of respect for him…just broke up..the whole thing was frustrating him and he thought I didn’t love him or trust him…odd thing is that I still think hes a good man,just wish the lord would open his eyes and see the truth…he has been really good to me……and m so broken and devastated over our separation….I just don’t know what to do or how m gooig to move on…

  93. leslie says:

    i am waiting till marriage i don’t know how to tell a guy that im waiting or when do i tell him im confused im 24 i made this decision years ago when i was in my sophomore year in high school b/c every one was having sex and getting pregnant and i didn’t wanna do that and plus i didn’t wanna fail god when and how to i tell my future husband someday

  94. Mike says:

    @Leslie – There is no perfect time to tell him, but there are bad times. Don’t tell them on the first date (e.g., “Hi I’m Leslie we can’t have sex.”). That’s too soon. And don’t tell him right in the moment, when things are heated, because that’s like revving the engine then slamming on the breaks (he won’t appreciate it). Wait until things are going well and headed *that* way, and then bring it up.

    As for how to tell people you’re waiting: There’s a whole chapter dedicated to this dilemma in the book, but the short version is: Keep it conversational, be as flexible as you can be (or at least put off that vibe), and make it your priority to understand and listen to his feelings about waiting and waiting with you.

    You may want to also check out our book, The Waiting Till Marriage Survival Guide, Chapter 12: Telling new romantic partners that you’re waiting. 😉

    Sorry, I had to shill the book A LITTLE haha, because it really does address this point in more detail than I could ever put into a comment reply.

  95. coco says:

    @ Mike I was reading through your comments and I really respect you. I am a 17 year old girl who hopes to marry a man who waited. It is really hard to stay virgin because at times it feels like there is no use. The guys who are waiting are so hard to find. My church doesnt have youth so I cant use church….There is also the pressure from guys. Because of this pressure, I have decided not to date until I feel like I am mature emotionally and spiritually. So instead of dating I am taking this time to get closer to God.
    I need some reassuring. Any advice/words of encouragement from any guys out there who are waiting? Thanks and I hope I find a guy like you all.<3
    P.s. Weirdos like Eric and Array just be quiet. Sex is not just sex. Every time you have sex with somone you are become one with that person almost like fused together. So no sex is not just sex. SO SHUT YOU STD INFESTED MOUTH!!! I hope you have a good job so you can pay all your child support for all of your illegitimate children. So crawl back into your little caves now. Kk bye thanks!

  96. Mike says:

    @coco – Try a bigger church! Or, you know, join the community. Dating features are coming soon, and we’ve already had 2 engagements. 🙂

    Also, finding a great guy who’s willing to wait with you (even if he’s not otherwise waiting) is almost as good as finding another waiter. I know another waiter would be ideal, but so many of us end up happily married to non-waiters; don’t turn a guy down on that alone. If you find a guy you love who doesn’t pressure you and is ok with the waiting thing, keep him, whether he was waiting before or not. If you can at least set your expectations to include the idea of loving a non-waiter, it will save you a world of stress in the next few years (it beats constantly looking for other waiters).

  97. coco says:

    O my goodness! I can’t believe you actually responded! Thank you for the advice.I will definitely check out the dating features when they come out. Thank you again!

  98. Zero Monsuta says:

    I don’t agree with waiting until marriage, however I would be happy to wait as long possible for my significant other to get the confidence she needed to go to bed with me. In fact I would be proud of having a high class woman like that to be perfectly honest with you.

  99. Nagol says:

    I gotta critical comment about #1. Why does it have to be that guy wasn’t worth the woman’s time?? Why does he have to receive some type of bashing crucifixion? Why can’t it just be that it wasn’t meant to be or both parties were incompatible through beliefs?? Just because the man didn’t meet your almost impossible holier than thou pedestal standard and isn’t good enough, doesn’t mean he deserves some type of bashing.

    This is what angers me about christians cause I’m one myself. People always try to play the holier than thou better than you card just because they’re christian. Sex before marriage is a sin no doubt. But guess what?? Just because you’re not fornicating doesn’t mean that you’re not a sinner. Their are other sins outside of fornication that God can be frowning you upon from heaven. Not fornicating and being a virgin doesn’t make you any better than people that do have pre-marital sex.

    If you ask me do I respect a celibate woman that’s waiting for marriage?? Of course nothing but respect from me to them!! Why? Because it takes a devout commitment to the Lord. But would I date them?? No! Because that is just my personal belief to test drive the car before I buy philosophy. Sex doesn’t define a relationship but it definitely is one of the most important things in a relationship. I believe a relationship is about the 3 C’s. Communication, Compatibility, and Compromising. If a woman is not willing to compromise in sex before marriage, how would a man know if he’s sexually compatible with her?? Even though theirs different compatibilities outside of sex and all. But if nobody compromises in one of the most important things, chances are the relationship won’t work.

    The reason why most men nowadays won’t date a celibate woman is because even though men respect it, but they’re not going to put up with it. Why is that? Well think about the impression it gives off. When a woman tells a man that she’s waiting for marriage before sex, it kind of gives off a vibe to men like:

    1. A holier than thou attitude
    2. A Godly pedestal type standard
    3. You’re no good unless marriage
    4. Standards too high

    ^^Those are like the top 4 reasons why most men would run away from celibate women. The standard is just way too high. Imagine being a man in a great relationship with a woman that you love and saying to yourself “how am I in a serious relationship with the woman I love, but I can’t even make love and have sex with her.” That’s not good, possible chances are the guy will be running down the street to Shannon to get some sex since his woman won’t do it.

    Also, men love classy women, but no man wants to be with a tight screw that is way too conservative and won’t loosen up for Christ sakes because it gets boring. Nobody is perfect, God will forgive at the end of the day accident or purpose of sin. Just believe and pray. People sin on accident or purpose everyday.

  100. Raphaela says:

    I want to stay a virgin till marriage but temptation always strikes me,i love my bf so much sometimes he acts okay with i but i doubt it but am willing to sacrifice my love just so i can stay a virgin

  101. Steve. says:

    Am 19 year old second year university student. I have a girlfriend with whum Ive stayed a year. I luv her so much nd respect ha. we havent bedded. How du I make her know I need her fo sex only after marriage?

  102. Rohan Dick says:

    I have yet to meet a #5 but there are lot of #1′s and #3′s out there lol. Im kinda losing hope that are guys out there who are like #5

    i’ll say ma’am …There are many guys out there my self-included who will love for yourself not just for physical attraction.

    Me n my Girl are friends since last 14-15 yrs… going strong for 6 yrs now as a couple…now getting engaged next month n married next year.. i did it just to keep her one simple word/request that she wanted it after marriage… I took it as a compliment to her… n felt more in love with her purity & lucky to have a beautiful life partner who respect herself..

    for all guys i’ll say try it its gives you immense pleasure & respect in your partners eyes…

    n for girls out there there is lot to a man… if my angel can find me you can to find the many like me…

  103. Joe says:

    I’m a number 5 guy. Ladies 6 ft 3 in, 195 lbs, from Louisiana and live there. College educated, awesome job, in a career field I love. I ride a Harley and I go to church. I was raised Christian. If you are in the Gulf Coast area and are interested in a serious relationship with another Christian virgin let me know. I’ll be more than happy to meet you. I am ha in a hard time finding women who have met my standards and I’m losing hope. You peoplease need to quit complaining and start hooking up with people with similar values. Life is short and shouldn’t be wasted.

  104. joe R says:

    I find all this “wait till marriage” notion to be quite misplaced. Most men who do wait for marriage usually have something ‘off’ with them. It could be a deep seated fear of sex itself or more deeper issues. Most people past 25 ain’t virgins for any good reasons or principle. BTW waiting doesn’t make the marriage better or guarantee it will work.

    ladies, telling a guy that you will only have sex with him in exchange for marriage will chase him away unless he is a nitwit who knows nothing better than such a raw deal.

  105. Kayley says:

    This article gave me hope, until I read some of the comments. I’m proud to say that I’m waiting for marriage but it seems that #5’s don’t exist in my area, and I’ve yet to meet one anywhere. EVERYONE I tell doesn’t take it seriously, and they act like it’s negotiable, but it’s really not. It’s actually extremely important to me. Are there really #5’s out there?

  106. Rath11 says:

    Sorry for the name above, its a username anyway… i am 13 and on my birthday i fully pledged to remain celibate but um scared. Im a black guy and by that social stereotype i should be gave loads of sex but it feels wrong also in this day and age it will seem unnatural.If you wondered why im doing this just do a swoozie06 marathon and that is my inspiration. I just wanna thank God For giving me life and by doing all he commands.

  107. Luke says:

    As a 23 year old virgin guy, I can’t say what it’s like for a girl, but I think waiting is hard for both men and women in todays hypersexualized society. I’m reluctant to say this for fear of sounding conceited, but I have a strong, solid build and better than average looks and can’t really recall a time since early middle school when there wasn’t at least one girl that I knew liked me. There have been several difficult occasions that arose where I had to be the one to say no to sex to very attractive girls, girls that my buddies would tease me saying things like “you have to be gay to say no to that,” or claim that there is something wrong with me. Luckily I have enough self confidence and am well respected enough that I don’t let their comments get to me. In my experience, this ridicule subsides with age and more people start to respect your decision and your commitment to hold to it. As a teenager, this pressure was much more intense and society has this idea that the more girls a guy can get into bed, the bigger the bull he is. The few guys that I have met that are waiters however, are if the most honorable character and exercise the highest levels of confidence and self control; traits that most women find attractive. For the few lovely ladies out there that have made the commitment to wait or recommit themselves to abstaince, you are holding out for quality over quantity. While finding a guy that is either holding out himself or is willing to respect and admire your decision to wait and wait with you (support and reinforce your decision and not try to pressure you otherwise) is rare, they are in my opinion the best type of man that you can end up with for a husband. Waiting is a difficult commitment and that is why so few hold out, but while I have never been married, I’m sure that marriage is not the easiest of commitments, and is at times difficult.

  108. Luke says:

    Plus most of you girls are young and have many years to find a good man. He may walk into your life tomorrow or 3 years, 181 days and 11 hours from now. Just be patient and honest with a guy and if he walks than he doesn’t have the respect for you that you deserve. You just need that ONE guy that, while hard to find, is out there. You may have 100 guys before him that will leave and you will see holding some other girl next week, but just stay strong and try not to doubt yourself or you decision.!.

  109. Lightpost says:

    Luke, Please stick to your convictions but do make sure YOU find the right girl. Can I offer you some words of caution from an old man with some bitter life experiences in this regard. Some 43 years ago I was you. Not bad looking, college grad and all that. Went through all the college temptations and teasing came out a virgin looking for my virgin bride. Had a great job, great car..the works. Then I met the love of my life on a blind date. She was 17 years old, beautiful, petite, funny, charming, smart everything I wanted in a girl. I fell head over heels in love with her. I could not bear to be away from her for a second. I knew she was the one for me. The one I had saved myself for. This was it. I was all in.

    A few weeks later she dropped the atomic bomb that she was not a virgin and had sex with her boyfriend several times a week. You can read my posts under the “Jealous of your partners previous sex life article” by Jennifer if you want the painful detail.

    I was devastated….after 43 years Luke I still am. I did marry her and I love her as much now as I did then.But staying true to my convictions has been a very very tough ride for me. The decision I had to make – to stay with her or not – tore me to shreds. My heart is broken and I cannot ever repair it. I would not wish making that decision on my worst enemy. In the end I felt I would never find someone like her again and made the decision to stick with her and I have. It has caused depression my entire life…sometimes approaching suicide. I never thought I would be reduced to this state but that is the real long term effects of decisions that really do not fit with who YOU are.

    Please please do not make this mistake. Make sure the girl you marry has no baggage and is still a virgin BEFORE you get too involved. You sound like a good, true young man who will give your future wife everything she wants…particulalry all of you.

    Just make sure that it is a two way street. Mine was a one way passage to mental hell.

    I would ask her on the second maybe third date together and be prepared to drop her like a hot potato if she has given herself away to someone else. It comes with a massive amount of mental baggage for you and for her…but mostly it affects you only. She will know what went on before you. You will be left to imagine it. She WILL remember vividly and forever the first time she had sex …. she will forget the first time she has sex with you. Your marriage night will be a ho hum affair for her.

    So please please do not accept someone elses baggage or like me you will replay videos in your head of them having sex while you are making love.

    At my age that even stops viagra from working.

    Take care Luke. Find your virgin bride – she is out there – love her with all your heart. Never take her for granted. Have fantastic sex on your wedding night. Never cheat on her and your life will be an amazing journey together. Exploring your sexuality together is the best path to marital and sexual happiness.

    Mine has been a train wreck. Please do not marry a non-virgin.

  110. Lightpost says:

    Kayley, Luke here is a #5. They do exist. Please please do not trade you r heartfelt convictions for a moment of pleasure. Sex between two people has been cheapened by the media as a commodity. It is not. It is not a sport. It is not a commodity. It is not5 negotiable and it cannot be traded.

    Please stick to your convictions. It is hard…very hard. Kayley I was a number 5…looking for my number 5. I really thought I had found her and I was cruelly disillusioned because of her decision to have sex before marriage. I found it difficult to find girls who I liked just like you are finding it hard to find boys like you. But do not give your virginity to anyone but the person you want to stay with to old age. You will just create baggage for yourself and for your husband. Make sure HE is a virgin too.; Like Luke there ARE men who feel the same way you do. When you find that man and save both of your first sexual experiences for your wedding night it will be something you will remember forever and bond you together like nothing else can. It is hard I know and you may think you will never find anyone but they ARE out there.

    As I said above, I do love my wife very much but her decision created an elephant in the room that only I can see. It affects me every time we have sex. It affected me when our children were born and it has been mental purgatory for me for over 43 years.

    Please do not subject yourself to that. Keep yourself a virgin until your wedding night. MAke sure he is a virgin on your wedding night and enjoy married life to the fullest.

    You cannot when there are elephants in the room.

  111. Faith says:

    Well I am 34; although I have experienced sex, I have decided to wait until marriage… I told my bf (the guy who I had sex with for the first time) and the guy who I have dated for a decade that I want to wait and he became angry.. He stop calling, visiting, and talking to me. He made me felt guilty for even telling him. I love him so much, he said he needs his space now and he even told me we should think about breaking up… I don’t know what to do.. I want to be married, I’m tired of just dating for years but apparent he doesn’t want the same… Any suggestion?

  112. Faith says:

    Honestly I thought he would respect my decision and discuss marrying me since we have been together for so long, but instead he is finding ways to avoid me all together… I’m feeling hurt 🙁 I feel like I should just give in to him and apologize for saying anything about waiting… But the truth is I want to live a holy life and a closer relationship with God..

  113. Anonymous says:

    I am 48 and divorced. I have chosen to wait about 3 yrs. So far haven’t met a man well ng to wait. They say they want to be sure compatibility is there. I am tired of waiting and being hurt because of this.

  114. Walsh says:

    “I was a little bit skeptical in the beginning and the reason is we’ve tried different marriage counselors already and spell caster and I’ve read numerous books on the subject. There wasn’t anything I could seem to do. However after using Dr. Stanley spell and following the instruction he gave me, I have been seeing significant results with my marriage situation just after two days. And I’m a whole lot happier in my self. My friends and family are very glad to see that I’m back to my husband again! All thanks to”
    –Walsh, Seattle

  115. Ali says:

    I’m currently 14 and I’m heading to high school in august but I’m thinking about hold out till mariage, it not like I’m gonna find a boyfriend, but maybe I’ll find an insecure bf and we can wait together, but I do like the bad boy type and I am Christian although I have a friend whoose pentacostal and she uses vapor cigarettes, but my friends are mostly bad I’m more of a good girl that doesn’t get caught type, but my life is still just starting so I dint know what I’ll find in store

  116. Random Guy #5 says:

    You gals must be fishing in the wrong pond. Most guys are perfectly fine with the “waiting until marriage” type of girl; if he loves you (or has the potential to love you the right way), he will wait, and might even prefer it be that way. If you have told him of your desire to wait until marriage, and he’s put off by it (or has some other negative reaction), then that’s your SIGN girls — he isn’t in love with you and never will be, he just wants a pretty girl to have sex with. You might be frustrated by his reaction, but be relieved that at least you know he is NOT the guy for you.

    A word of caution to you born-again virgins out there — you may need to put forth at least some effort to demonstrate that you actually have made a change in the “having sex with guys” department — if the guy you broke up with last month was getting it on a regular basis, the new guy isn’t quite going to believe your newfound moral standards are legit; probably best to take an extended break from dating anyone, and using that time to re-establish your “good girl” street cred. I remember meeting this gal at a church single’s event. She gave me “I’m waiting until marriage” speech before I even tried to ask her out; then the rest of the story comes out — she already had two kids by two different guys, both conceived out of wedlock, one was 4 years old, the other about six months. I just looked at her as if she was a nut case. And we aren’t talking about teenage mistakes, either — she was 28 at the time we were having that conversation. No, you don’t have to be a virgin to make a decision to wait until marriage (from here on), but when you do start dating that next guy, you need to be demonstrate some evidence that you actually have changed, and you aren’t just stringing him along because he buys you dinner, but you really aren’t that into him (and that’s the real reason you don’t want to have sex with him).

  117. Random Guy #5 says:

    Faith — look at my comment above. The guy has been getting free milk for a long time, and now you try to take it away. His behavior is “classic human” behavior. Once people start getting something for free (welfare is a classic example), they will pitch a fit if you try to take it away from them. They transition quickly from feeling lucky to get it (like your boyfriend felt that day/night you let him have it the first time), to expecting it, to feeling entitled to it. It’s basic human nature; it’s not right, but that’s how we are wired up.

  118. Michelle says:

    I started hanging out with this guy like a week ago and on thursday we hung out with my friends celebrating my early birthday before we went on our summer break, and i was in his car. He asked me to hold his hands and i did.. Due to my religion i cant have sex with him so i texted him after he dropped me off back to my dorm..saying where do u want this to go? He said he likes me nd wants to see if this can be something serious. I told him that i wont b able to have sex before marriage and appexiate the fact that he hasnt tried to be physical with me and he never replied me back!!!! The next day i texted him saying i guess you not replying means you dnt want to continue? And is there a reason why you’re ignoring me?!? He never replied. ! Im so hurt.And it was my birthday today and he knew but hasnt texted me back or anything! Im wondering if he will ever text me back!

  119. Mahlomola says:

    I think this article helped a lot.I’m 21 waiting for the right guy….

  120. ruth says:

    this article helped me a lot im looking for my mr right

  121. Lerato says:

    This article makes me feel so much better 🙂 Thanks

    I’ve met a lot of now 2’s,3’s and 4’s , haha.

  122. unique says:

    This article is interesting to read. People have their own opinions about these things about waiting till marriage. I’m not a virgin anymore, and I’m a woman. I’m not waiting to have sex until marriage, it’s not like you think it is when you have sex, it’s not going to be great the first few times you have sex. Your hymen bleeds, breaks, and hurts. I’ve dated the 1’s and 4’s, not the other numbers. Why would you want to be in your 40s and still be a virgin, you’re kind of pushing it, and your body is aging and you may not be able to have a family like that, because you waited later on, and you are wasting away years too. You had all the other before and you wasted it all away, it kind of gets embarrassing as you age, and you’re still a virgin. This is my opinion.

  123. Jegsy Scarr says:


    “it’s not like you think it is when you have sex, it’s not going to be great the first few times you have sex. Your hymen bleeds, breaks, and hurts.”

    I don’t know if you’ve checked out our Forums, but if you read some of the threads we have on the topic of having sex for the first time, you’ll find that actually, that’s EXACTLY how most people are expecting sex to be. The majority of us (especially the women) aren’t under any illusions that the wedding night is going to be “good” sex, or that it’s even going to be pain-free. We get that having sex the first few times isn’t going to be very pleasurable. There’ll be some exceptions, but generally, the wedding night is only going to be enjoyable in the emotional sense.

  124. Tamia says:

    I am 17 years old and a senior in high school and I started dating my boyfriend as a freshmen. When we first started dating I told him that I wanted to wait until married to have sex and he said that he is doing the same. Now we are talking about getting married. All of my ex boyfriends before him didn’t want to wait so they had to go. But him I can wait and he’ll wait with me.

  125. Sam says:

    I’m 16 and have 2 friends that talk open mind about sex saying they will give there virginity as soon as they mind ‘the guy’ and then there’s me in the background just thinking I shouldn’t have friends like that. I’m still a Virgin and I want to stay that way at till marriage but I feel like the guy I meet will not wait for That, or leave right after marriage, or even play it cool and just see another girl while he goes out with me. I don’t think I will have good luck with something like that and magically get a guy who will wait, seems like all the good guys are taken and all the idiots and jerks are single.

  126. lol says:

    you girls are pathetic, honestly. “waiting” till marriage? for what? a false sense of security? and majority of the time these marriages dont workout and that “security” you held on to is gone. forever. live your life and remove this idiotic idea from your lifestyle. enjoy your body. you’re not doing anything wrong. you’re not going to be punished for enjoying yourself. people like you think they’re pure or innocent when you’re not. save one here take on there you’re back at step one. if you dont get it you’re too young and naiive, just like your decision to keep your virginity.

  127. Ron says:

    I’m a guy that had never considered not being in a relationship and not having sex. I’ve been in sexual relationships previously and it was never something I would have to even think about. I’m 34 and having been single for a good few years (after having someone really hurt me) I had convinced myself I didn’t want to settle down. I was still having casual sex now and then. Early this year, out of nowhere I met someone and we clicked. It’s long distance so we only see each other every couple of months at best. We had sex within a week of meeting but then I had to leave. I knew she was special and wished she lived closer so was gutted to have to leave her. But we stayed in touch and we fell for each other hard without having the physical contact that most couples take for granted in the early days of a relationship. A couple of months after meeting we spent a week together (please bear in mind that we are on opposite sides of the globe so that in itself is no mean feat). We had sex again that week, but more importantly I fell in love with her and she with me. In all truthfulness I already knew I loved her because I had gotten to know her in the intervening months. We have spent two separate weeks together since and again we had more (great) sex. I know this is the woman I want to spend my life with and want to marry (something I had never thought I would do before). We’ve talked about this and it’s something we both want. I am going to move away from my family, friends and job to be with her. It has moved quickly and sounds crazy but I know she is special and is more than worth it. We’ve both had sexual partners before. Then out of the blue she tells me she wants to work on her relationship with God and now wants to stay celibate until we marry. To say this was a shock is an understatement. I think I was a 4 & probably still am. But what I find harder to get my head around more than the celibacy is the suddenness of the decision and the lack of communication beforehand. I have tried explaining this as I feel good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. I have said I will support her as I love and respect her wishes and beliefs. I want some support from her also, to help me understand how and why this will help both of us and our relationship also. I have been reading lots of different viewpoints, advice & opinions on the subject since but it has been difficult to discuss with my gf. Has anyone got any advice on how to speak to her about it and whilst being supportive and seeing the positives, I want to express more than anything that I am finding it difficult that it was a decision made out of the blue without any discussion beforehand. I have to admit it was a huge shock and a bit of a sucker punch at first but I would rather spend x amount of time without sex with my gf so that I can spend the rest of my life with her rather than losing something I truly believe is special. It is however already difficult enough having a long distance relationship with her so really value the intimacy and passion that we have when we do spend time together, and I really value this and feel it is an important part of a relationship. I love her and will support her because I feel lucky to have her in my life, and can see benefits to this but at the moment I have more questions than answers. Any advice greatly appreciated.

  128. Ghost Dog says:

    From what I know is that a lot of women say this crap and then fucked another guy behind your back. this is why when a woman said this I just wished them a nice day and keep it moving. because thanks to the feminists nazis man haters, marriage is to much of a risk to take. Long live MGTOW

  129. Natalie Davis says:

    Where are you girls meeting all these #1 and #3 guys at? Drunks at a bar? Drug rehab centers? Prison? I was a virgin longer than most gals (23) and now, by inference, I’m not one. But EVERY guy I’ve even considered dating, or even entertained an extended conversation with, was a #5. Virgin or not, if a guy is going to bail on you because of your “status,” he’s a total loser. The only reason you would be meeting these types of guys is because you like those types of guys (losers). If you act respectable, guys will respect you. I have zero problem getting dates in college, and had zero problem finding good guys for boyfriend material. I didn’t put out, they knew it wasn’t going to go that far, and they still wanted to date me. Even as a non-virgin, I don’t have any real intent of having sex with a guy when I start dating him; and they know that, and still want to go out with me. If the ONLY reason a guy is wanting to be around you is to get a piece, that says more about you than it does the guy.

  130. Vick Macky says:

    Can someone please help? I have been emailing and leaving messages and nobody is responding. people are not getting the confirmation emails! take a look at when the last new member signed up.

    I would love to join this site but it looks like you’re experiencing some major tech issues.

    Someone please email me back at

  131. Odette says:

    WHY is it that girls can wait for it but guys can’t especially someone who already is accustomed to always getting what they want? If someone doesn’t stay because of sex, drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes because you’re more valuable than that and those types of guys tend to never find the satisfactory relationship they crave after years down the road. If a guy loves you, claims he does and shows it, make him prove it. But you can’t stop someone from leaving or cheating. Yes it will hurt, yes you’ll cry and hate guys from time to time and be afraid to fall in love again in fear that this will happen. But in the end this is how you weed out the bad seeds and keep the goodoned close. This is more for me as a reminder to take a step back and realize that not only am I starting to realize the first time was strange and not as magical and special as I thought it would be is a red flag that is isn’t gonna go anywhere good. Always keep your chin up and don’t be afraid to let S guy in if he wants to get to know you, but never give yourself up for someone who only claims they love you. Make them prove it.

  132. xyz says:

    please leave me alone…………………………………really i dont want to live in this stupid world,,,why should i worry about these stupid dogs,,,,,if u want physical pleasure only please go ahead with your …………….please mess up with good girls in the name of trust and relationshipppppppppppppp……………..i hate this world want to run away from this kind of wortless world i didnt expect these things exist in this world….my trusted friend he is my first trust crush everything he just expect physical pleasure only from me………….its hurting me to know about his worthless thoughts…………..its hurting its hurting its hurting ………….im dying …………….please help me………………God…what should i do ….anyone please advise me……..

  133. xyz says:

    please dont hurt good girls…………………..its hurting lottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

  134. malu says:

    yes..myself also found the same hurting n me….i was selected in precious institute by entrance exam..i didnot want to waste my time….im such a studious girl..but i have courage to speak in front of everyone…my ambition also related with that boldness and courage too…asusual i took participate in evening discussion…in that institute boys and girls lived in same building..after finishing my dinner i started my usual walk..he came and spkoe with me he said he want my no and wanted to be my friend i gave…he gave much importance to me…so i started to give my acknowledgement..after sometimes i thought its an love..but he want only more than friendship..he didnot show it openly…i trusted him to the core..he asked me for physical relationship..i said no…suddenly he left me..i cried cried cried…like a fool…i cldnt clear that exam too..but i was a topper n that institution…after five months of crying & texting he spoke withme…still i was a fool..i thought its a love..but still he saw me as pleasuring object..i found that again i said no..he is not responding me for anything he hurting me..actually i hurt myself by knowingly in the name of affection..he made me like this…im asking only one question “if u want pleasure na y not u go for prostitue y creating trust and hurting innocent girls………….its still hurting..i trusted one person for the first time….its hurting me to the core…………

  135. K says:

    Hi I am also a virgin. I am 20 years old .. 21 next month and ever since I was 13 I made a promise to god that I would waituntil marriage. I am in a long term relationship, with a guy who really does love me I would call him a 4/5 now. Before we were together only 3 months and I was kinda going to give into him he told me he loved me and I love him. I was telling him after a year of being together that I would have sex with him, but then something happened and I returned to wanting to wait and keeping my promise. At first my boyfriend was confused and he didn’t understand why but he respected me, there were a few times where he told me he really wanted me but after a few months to where we are now, he has not asked for some anything to pressure me. I am not calling myself a perfect girl either, we have done everything except sex( next month will be a year together.) He also is not a virgin unlike me and lost it when he was 14, he is a catholic but stopped going to church due to difficult times. Waiting is very difficult especially with being with my boyfriend, but honestly as much as I would love to believe that he is the one I’ll marry.. I don’t know what I might happen in a few years and if he is the one who I marry wonderful, but if god has someone else for me at least I know I made the right decision. I’m so glad I came across this website because now my answer is even stronger!

  136. Christopher faith says:

    Can I chat with someone private please…. Thanks

  137. Robert says:

    I have no problem with it at all. In fact, I prefer to date a gal who is waiting until marriage. I have no idea why the gals posting on here report so much difficulty in finding a guy who is willing (and even happy) to wait with them. I’m a bit too old for those who are still teenagers, but would love meet one of the “older” posters on here (late 20’s, 30’s).

  138. Niamh says:

    I need a relationship advice can I chat with someone in private pls? I can’t post it publicly due to private reasons

  139. Faith p. says:

    Luv d article. As for me ”i’m NO sex b4 marriage person”. bcos wat i hv to ¤honor¤(virginity) nw wil b ¤rewarded¤ somday. @luke,@jegsey nd @mike i appreciate all wat u hv written nd i blive dat sumday i wil find a guy who wil hv such *great* opnions as urs. And all those ladies just lyk me hang in there nd wait for God’s tym bcos its d best no matter wat(whether d age or xo forth). Tanx nd i appreciate all those who comment positively believe strongly in ur beliefs no matter what or who or whom. lol..

  140. Faith p. says:

    @luke,jegsy nd mike. if u guys can reply pls do pls. tanx

  141. Linds says:

    So, I love this article. I consider myself “born again”. I’m 27 with an 8 year old son. I won’t go into detail but after my sons father and I split up, I was pretty broken-hearted. It was a while before I gave love to another man, who in turn was not the man he said he was at ALL. It was yet again a big heartbreak for me. I’d took a look at my patterns and where I’d went wrong and realized I hadn’t ever waited long enough to actually get to REALLY know someone before involving sex, which in turn complicated things. Needless to say I decided I needed firm boundaries and a higher respect for myself. That’s when I decided I was gonna wait, until I knew full and well that it was REAL love. It’s been well over three years since I’ve had any sexual contact. And dating is down right harsh. I haven’t really had the time for a guy in the beginning so it was easy to just distance myself from men all together but about 5 months ago I decided it was about time I got back into the dating world. Most guys RUN which is fine shows me they weren’t worth it. I’ve met Mostly 3s. It stings. The guys who will tell you what you want to hear until they realize you are serious. I’ve been dating a guy not even a month and he’d seemed a perfect gentleman. Tonight however I felt mocked. And I could see noticeable annoyance on his face. I’m pretty sure I just need to throw the towel in on him. But that doesn’t help how much the rejection hurts. especially after he appeared to be such a great catch up until tonight. I was feeling a bit down. And questioning why I was even doing this when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and said, only god knows if he will stick around, but you are who I have to live with. You are a prize, and you are respectable even if he can’t see that. I also got on google and typed in I want to wait but he isn’t willing and low and behold I found this page. Happy to know I’m not alone.

  142. will says:

    y’all bitches crazy good luck

  143. Chris says:

    Good luck finding someone. Sex isn’t everything but its huge part of a relationship.

    Why would a guy enter a relationship and only get like 65% of it, when he can meet a great, nice girl who would also have sex with him. That’s a real relationship, a sexless relationship is a shell of what it could be.

  144. Derek says:

    My girlfriend told me she wants to wait until marriage and I’m okay with it, you can still have a lot of intimacy by doing things like cuddling naked.

  145. Kensiegirl says:

    Plz I need relationship advice… Can’t post it publicly… Thanks

  146. Kensiegirl says:

    Can I chat with someone privately

  147. Barbara says:

    Reading all of these posts and the crass comments men have made and how they care so little about honoring & trusting God makes me sad.

  148. Megan says:

    I’m a 24 year old girl. I chose to wait until marriage. I’ve went out with mainly 4s, and one 5 (but it didn’t work out for different reasons). Recently I’ve been seeing this guy He’s a Christian like myself. We clicked instantly, we have a great connection and we are so much alike. Its been about 2 months of us seeing each other and I’m really starting to like him, so I told him a few days ago that I was waiting until I get married to have sex, why it was important to me and what my boundaries were. He seemed a little caught off guard but overall was understanding. Based on his reaction I think he’s a 4. A little disappointing that he’s hesitant to pursue a relationship like this, but I do appreciate that he’s taking the time to consider if this is something he really wants. Either way, regardless of his decision, at least I know that I’m not going to compromise my values and beliefs to make a relationship work. If a guy wants to be with you, and is worthy of being with you, he will wait.

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