What if I feel like I need to have sex to save the relationship?November 12th, 2009 by Mike
If you feel this way, you are in the wrong relationship. I don’t have to tell you this; your heart is probably saying it already. The hard truth of your situation is that having sex will not save the relationship permanently; it will just buy you a little more time…and then it will end anyway. Imagine how you’ll feel then…if you sacrifice your noble mission and lose the relationship…your sacrifice was for nothing. I knew a girl that went through this. When the relationship ended she literally threw up and cried for days.
There is so much deeper compatibility in soulmate-type relationships. Lifelong loves are as much best friends as they are lovers. Think of who your best friend is right now. Do you have sex? No. Ew. Does that prevent you from wanting to hang out with them all the time? Of course not…they’re your best friend: you have fun together doing all kinds of stuff, you love their company and value their opinion on everything. You just need to talk and interact with them to feel fulfilled. That’s much what it’s like for a soul-mate relationship: Sex is just the very delicious icing on the cake.
This foundation of best-friendship is why people who truly love eachother can often stay together even after tragedies like spine injuries that remove sex from their relationship forever…because they still have the close friendship that they’d never dream of leaving. This can seem unlikely or impossible if you’ve never spent time with that type of couple. But once you see it, you get it: there’s a lot more to a great marriage relationship than sex…and if you don’t have that other stuff, sex isn’t going to help you get it…not for real, anyway.
If you feel like sex is the only thing holding your relationship back from being what you truly want, you’re wrong. If you’re honest with yourself you will see other compatibility problems in the relationship too.